Quotes

po0k

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a

headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin"

and "Keep away from children" --Author Unknown



"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support

group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."

--Drew Carey



"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I

don't like and just give her a house," --Rod Stewart



"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a

desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun

with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong

house." --Jeff Foxworthy



"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and

only enough blood to run one at a time." --Robin Williams



"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving

an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without

even considering if there is a man on base." --Dave Barry



"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on

them?" --Marilyn Pittman



"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should

treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave

you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be

severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to

find you a temp." --Bob Ettinger



"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her

out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they

weren't trying to teach you how to swim."

--Paula Poundstone !



"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better

verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that

study: "Duh." --Conan O'Brien



"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway

through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be

eating a slow learner." --Lynda Montgomery



"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New

York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it

just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" --Richard Jeni



"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators

would be dead." --Johnny Carson



"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."

--Paul Rodriguez



"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty,

and that's the law." --Jerry Seinfeld



"Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of

fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest

to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn

slower?" --Warren Hutcherson



"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At

least they can find Afghanistan." --A. Whitney Brown



"Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a

man's genitals through his wallet." --Robin Williams



"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

--Billy Crystal



"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a

look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of

that!'" --Dave Barry



Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because " Mad Cow Disease"

was taken. --Unknown, presumed dead.

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a

headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin"

and "Keep away from children" --Author Unknown



"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support

group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."

--Drew Carey



"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I

don't like and just give her a house," --Rod Stewart



"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a

desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun

with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong

house." --Jeff Foxworthy



"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and

only enough blood to run one at a time." --Robin Williams



"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving

an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without

even considering if there is a man on base." --Dave Barry



"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on

them?" --Marilyn Pittman



"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should

treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave

you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be

severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to

find you a temp." --Bob Ettinger



"My Mom said she learn ed how to swim when someone took her

out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they

weren't trying to teach you how to swim."

--Paula Poundstone !



"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better

verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that

study: "Duh." --Conan O'Brien



"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway

through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be

eating a slow learner." --Lynda Montgomery



"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New

York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it

just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" --Richard Jeni



"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators

would be dead." --Johnny Carson



"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."

--Paul Rodriguez



"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty,

and that's the law." --Jerry Seinfeld



"Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of

fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest

to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn

slower?" --Warren Hutcherson



"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At

least they can find Afghanistan." --A. Whitney Brown



"Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a

man's ge nitals through his wallet." --Robin Williams



"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

--Billy Crystal



"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a

look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of

that!'" --Dave Barry



Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because " Mad Cow Disease"

was taken. --Unknown, presumed dead.

Wossack

Very good

oh think you pressed ctrl+v twice by accident....

Pep

Great Stuff