Few Paddy Jokes (good ones)

Spunog UIE

A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he
looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer.

After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and
asks for another beer. This happens about another seven times
before the bartender asks him, "Why do you keep looking in your
pocket?"

The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in there. When she
looks good enough, I'll go home."

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Paddy the Irishman died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly so
the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best
friends, Seamus and Sean (also Irishmen), were sent for.

Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus
said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over".

So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it
ain't Paddy".

The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought
Sean in to identify the body. Sean took a look at him and said,
"Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over".

The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said,"No,
it ain't Paddy".

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two a*seholes."

"What, he had two a*seholes???" said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into
town, folks would say, "Here comes Paddy with them two
a*seholes...."

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Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, "You are
charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You b*stard!"

The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your
daughter to death with a spanner."

Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You
f***ing b*stard!!!"

The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom,
and said, "Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at
this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from
you or I shall charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?"

Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, "For
fifteen years I lived next door to that b*stard. And every time I
asked to borrow a f***ing spanner, he said he didn't have one!"

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LoBo

last one: hilarious

Carbiens

ya the last one was better

another-

paddy and murphy were walking through a minefield, paddy stood on one and got blown apart from the waist down,
so he calls out to murphy,
"murphy, murphy, ive lost me legs"

and murphy replies,
"no ye havent, their over there"

old but i like it:p

Spunog UIE

always leave the best ones to last!

paddy and murphy were walking through a minefield, paddy stood on one and got blown apart from the waist down,
so he calls out to murphy,
"murphy, murphy, ive lost me legs"

and murphy replies,
"no ye havent, their over there"

heh heh

reminds me of another, will post it later gotta catch a bus.

Acidflash

like the third one