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A puzzle for you all...
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31-03-2000 10:50am#1
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It's obvious, the man was in the bogs on a plane and decided to light his own fart with a match. Of course when he did the air pressure increased drastically and he was sucked through the toilet to his death.
Oh and tct, seek medical help
Lunacy Abounds! Play GLminesweeper!0 -
He was walking along on O'Connel street when the french multinationals decided that they needed a ?scapegoat? for their baby eating operation. They picked him up in a cab and then the cab sprouted wings and it flew to the top of the mountain. They cut off all their feet to prevent the footprints being seen and dragged him to the top. While there they realised that he had a baby in his womb. They cut him open, ate the baby and sewed him up using the match. They then discarded the match and left.....leaving the man to take the blame!!!!!!1
I'm a fuppin' genius!!!!!!
tct
And with that I stand down as leader of this ancient and very sacred society. I just hope you will treat your new leader with as much love and respect as you have shown me. I bid thee farewell.
thank you0 -
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not that i could ever compare myself to u tct, but....
One day long ago, in a land far far away....
A man was running along the main street of a
german town in the russian quarter of
germany(i could tell u the name of the town
but then i'd have to kill u). The german
mafia, GDB(God-Damn Bunnies); an offshoot of
the more well known KGB(Kill all God-damn
Bunnies) was after him and he had to act
quickly.
He turned a corner and slipped into a side-alley. He stopped running, the rain would
now mask his footsteps.
Breathlessly he made his way towards a blue
neon light (the kind of blue neon light that
always seems to be present in suspect side
alleyways in the bad end of every town).
upon reaching the doorway he noticed the sign
"The Blue Whore".. paused briefly; and against all his heightened instincts he
walked in.
The first thing to hit him was the strong
stench of ugly pu55y, the kind of smell u
only get from german whore houses, still, it was better than the rain. he let his
senses by-pass all the outside turbulence
and take in tha new scene. there was a few men sitting on old decrepid looking chairs
with 'women' hanging on to them. there was a
doorman who was not on the door, though who
was now making his way towards him...
"u got money"
"i just want a drink" he replied making sure
not to lose eye contact and maintain the
air of superiority.
the bouncer merely jerked his head in the
direction of the bar and turned back to
the whore that he has just left...muttering
"dont stay long if u ain't going to use
the facilities"
the man made his way to the bar, to where
there was a young lady serving, perhaps too
goodlooking to be working in a place like
this; but he was never one to question
others' choices.
"Vodka-Redbull, Stirred; not shaken" he said,
again holding eye contact.
she served him the drink, also maintaining
eye contact; which impressed him. She did not ask him if
he needed 'anything else' so he assumed that
she wasn't one of the crackwhores.
he took the drink with a grateful nod and
sat back. he didn't relax, though; not here.
Moments later he noticed that the doorman has
been joined by a friend and both are now
looking in his direction, while trying not
to make it noticeable. he chuckled inwardly,
and made no notice that his hands were now
no longer empty.
He left his drink vitually untouched and
stood up to leave. The girl from behind the
bar followed him and took his arm.
"would sir like anything else"?
Quickly replacing the weapon, he looked
towards the door; there were now three men
blocking his way out, one of whom, he
recognised...he now knew he wasn't getting
out the front
way so he agreed to the girls demands
and followed her towards the back.
his mind raced, what connection was there
between this place and his pursuers?,
once inside the back room, he deftly moved behind the girl and jerked her neck.
making sure to check she was still breathing
before leaving, he then made his way to the only escape option: the skylight in the roof
about 22 feet up he gauged.
He closed his eyes and jumped, just as the
two doormen walked into the room. he grasped
the handles of the skylight, opened it and
pulled himself through, looking back to
make sure the girl was safe.
She was..
He left.
Using the rooftops he ran for about four
blocks or so before returning to ground
level. he had to get back to the safe-house and get his family out of germany as soon as
possible. they were too close to risk
staying any longer....
....."What do u mean they were taken", blind
rage now replaced his heretofore calm
exterior. i will not accept this, he turned
and put his fist through the wall. the
woman he was shouting at returned to
dealing with the injuries of a middle-aged
man obviously shaken.
"calm down Jerod", the man on the couch
had waited until now to speak. "we know where
they've been taken....."
......dispite bad visibility, Jerod could see
his family through the windows of the old
warehouse where they had been taken to.
they were
surrounded by at least 15 men that Jerod
could see and countless others that he
couldn't see, probably lying in wait amidst
the numerous carts and boxes outlying the
center area containing his family.
only now did Jerod realise how badly they
wanted to capture him and take him back to
the lab. if they even suspected that his son
-- now tied to a chair beside his mother --
possessed even more heightened senses
including better motor control, stronger
muscle tissue and faster
reflexes; he would not be here but also back
in a lab, like a rat.
he opened the window and sneaked in quietly.
two men occupied the area underneath the
window. dropping lithely, jerod broke both
their necks in a swift move, and broke his
fall using their bodies. he was still too far from his family to risk attempting a
running re-capture.
quietly circling through the open space where his
family was, he slowly removed every threat
that was lying in wait for the anticipated
rescue effort they knew he would attempt.
he had just finished dealing with the last
of the men lying in wait and was about to
make a try for his family...
"Jerod we know u are already here" the man
in the leather shouted out.
"u can go home we no longer want u" he
shouted picking the boy up and putting him
in the back of tha van waiting beside the
vehicle access tunnel.
realising to late that he was wrong Jerod ran
-- making a vain attempt to reach his wife
and child in time.
still 10 metres short Jerod watched as the
man in leather put four bullets into his
wife from the window of the van as it drove off.
the van was long gone when he reached his
wife. she was dead; no mistaking that, but
revenge would be his, and that was beyond
all doubt.
in the back of the van, jerods son
familiarised himself with the many calming
techniques his father had shown him over the
years. knowing himself not to be in any real
danger, he visualised the petrol tank in his
mind and slowly, carefully, opened a hole in
the tank.
the petrol started to pour out fast.
before long the car came to a halt on the
side of the road, both men in the front
not even suspecting the child of tampering
got out.
they had not gone far enough for them not to be weary of Jerod, whom they knew would still be after his kid.....
Jerod now in the back of a car, saw the men
in front, standing to the side of the van.
he watched as they hailed a car from the
highway and got in. mentally connecting with
the driver of the car he was in, he again
told him to follow the new car
they followed them to the airport, where
jerod got out and again followed the men to
a distant runway where there was a plane
waiting.
after watching them board the plane jerod
jumps on the wheels and lets himself in
through the small hatch-way.
a quick scout, showed him that there was no one on board except the two men and the pilots.....
the two men entered the plane and sat down,
each smiling to themselves, a job well done
they both felt. the boy captured, and now on
their way towards switzerland to deliver him
to the people in charge, the plane took off
and began to increase to cruising altitude.
some minutes into the flight, neither man
saw Jerod sneak up behind them
and break the neck of the man to the left
of the man in leather who had killed his
wife.
after killing the first man, jerod turned to
the man in leather whos back was still
turned, as he was lighting a joint, believing
himself to have triumphed
jerods son again calmed his mind and focused
on the door of the plane after much effort
he forced it open. jerod then ran
forward and pushed the man out of the door
before he had time to react.
the man in leather had time to take two
puffs from his joint before he crashed dead
to the ground on the top of the snow covered
alps with the joint in his mouth and the
match beside him.
jerod walked over to his son and untied the
ropes. then he walked into the pilots ****pit
and mantally ordered them to change course
to Ireland, the land of nice people, where
he could rest and relax for the rest of his days
THE END
and yes i do have nothing else to do
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.....do you think so??????
tctc
And with that I stand down as leader of this ancient and very sacred society. I just hope you will treat your new leader with as much love and respect as you have shown me. I bid thee farewell.
thank you0 -
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Good Christ man, try to get out more. Get drunk, get laid, get in a fight, something! Altho if that's your own work, get a fuppin agent
It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.
clanludo0 -
Wyv.....Again u demonstrate the skill of prose quite imaculately....fair play to ya..you shud rite a book m8
But two little technicalities:
1) His wife did not in fact die. She survived the four bullets, however her unborn child was killed in her womb.
The wife in fact died a half an hour l8r when the plane turned round to head to ireland. It flew over her head and her son was at that moment on the crapper taking a dump. His giant highly sensitised turd was ejected from the plane by the flusher and hit her in the head dealing her her fatal blow as the plane flew overhead. Just a technicality but it was in fact a near super sonic turd that killed her!
2) I think that if you look back you'll see that the neon sign actually read "Die Blauen Frau" seeing as it was in Germay and all.
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THAT SUCKS!!!!!
My answer was perfestly valid!!!! There's no right or wrong answer!!!! Were you there or something?????? I am correct to the maximus!!!!
that is all.
tct
And with that I stand down as leader of this ancient and very sacred society. I just hope you will treat your new leader with as much love and respect as you have shown me. I bid thee farewell.
thank you0 -
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