Dublin Bus - Latest News

Shiminay

As the bus drivers dispute causes nationwide havoc, an emergency
government proposal, which would have meant a three hundred percent
pay increase over the course of five year was rejected by John Hayes,
head of the Dublin Bus Workers Union.

John claims that while the proposal, was adequate it could not be
taken seriously by himself or any of the other SIPTU members due
to the use of too many multi-syllabic words.

Irelands fledgling porn industry has also quit production in
sympathy with the strike. Mr. John Broderick, spoke person for
Porn Ireland, says that production will resume as soon as an
reasonable and equitable agreement is found for their key demographic.

The government continues to flounder as popular opinion turns
against them. In light of recent events University College Dublin has
introduced a new Degree course, Bus Driving 101. This four year course will
cover all aspects of the Bus driving profession. Course options will
include Banter, World Weary Cynicism, Acceleration, Deceleration, and Wheel
Turning. A Post graduate course is also on the cards, this would
have advanced topics such as Personal Grooming, and Pram Folding, and
also a course in Litigation, to maximise Compo Claims. The Registrar
Coroline Hussey said that 'Today was a great day for Bus Drivers, for
Ireland, and for UCD.' 'Now with this course, the Bus Driving Profession will
get the respect it truly warrents and deserves.' When asked how students
would actually get to College if the current action continues, Caroline is
replied 'No Comment'. The CAO are expecting points to start at 515.

In an impromptu interview this morning, Ian Paisley has described
the Southern Irish Bus and Rail strike as 'symptomatic of the
nationalist ethos.' He claimed that no agreement should or could be made with a
nation who could not control their internal affairs. John Hume has
said that while he thought that Paisleys remarks were deliberately
imflammatory, he could understand the sentiment. Hume is now
expected to back UUP proposals for quitting the Good Friday Agreement.

Owners of Stalls in Moore Street have claimed that the strike
action has hit them badly. They say business is down 80% without any bus
drivers to buy their cheap Knock-off Ray Bans. Runners and other light
footwear however have been selling like hot cakes. Dubarry is said to have
doubled production in its Kilkenny plant. James Tyrrell spokesperson for
the group is quoted as saying ' That while I hope the Strike Action does
not continue, I hope the strike action will continue.'

News just in, talks at Dublin Bus Headquaters, O'Connell Street,
have ceased after just three minutes after an ill timed remark about the
'illegitimacy' of the action by the the minister for Transport Mary
Harney. Union leaders have said it is a dig at the proud tradition
of *******ism in their workforce.

So, it now seems inevitable that dubliners will have to get used to
the walking and the traffic chaos in Dublin, as there seems no chance of
any reconciliation to the dispute in the near future.

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All the best,

Dav
@B^)
http://homepage.eircom.net/~davitt

amp

haha excellent, nice one

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Lunacy Abounds! Play GLminesweeper!

Wyverne

as an ever constant worshipper of the underused, underexploited genre of classic, sarcastic, and mildly inflamatory comic writing; i hereby bow before thee o great one.

1,000 kow tows,
2,000 kow tows,

all in literal genuinity.

a real day brightener. u should post that to dublinbus.ie