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Fantasy Football as Croke Park stages European Cup Final

  • 22-09-2002 4:43pm
    #1
    Pigman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,092 ✭✭✭


    Anonymous article from yesterdays Irish Independent.

    THE UEFA inspectors have been and gone after a flying visit to Dublin to see a stadium which isn't built and one in which soccer isn't allowed.

    Whatever about the merits of the 2008 Euro bid, Croke Park impressed and, if the GAA open their doors to the `garrison game' in due course, UEFA would soon come knocking with a Champions' League final. Let's look ahead to May, 2006, and imagine the final of the most prestigious club competition in the sport is scheduled for `Croker', complete with floodlights and 80,000 seats. As a plus, it features Real Madrid and Manchester United.

    To ensure everything runs smoothly, the GAA authorities have written to both finalists, and UEFA, detailing what criteria they've put in place to ensure everything runs like clockwork.

    Manchester United are informed that Nike gear is not permitted in Crake Park and they must wear an O’Neill's kit. The nearest the GAA can come up with is an old Derry strip from the 90s with `Sperrin Metals' across the front. Likewise, Adidas gear is a no-no for the GAA so Real Madrid are given a Kildare set of jerseys with the `Pitman Moore' logo.

    The teams are also requested to supply a list of names `as Gaeilge' for the match programme at least four days in advance of the final. Roy O Cathain, playing his final game for the club, is easy enough, as is Labhras de Faoite, the 41-year-old libero, but others, such as Zinedine Zidane, are not so straightforward.

    The teams are informed that they may not walk out in orderly fashion behind the referee and match officials. Instead, they are to charge from the dressing rooms like demented rhinos.

    They are reminded that it's custom and practice for one team to be five minutes
    early, and the other five minutes late.

    Enrico Iglesias and Mick Hucknall had been suggested by the clubs to provide the pre-match entertainment but the GAA opt instead for Foster and Allen.

    The UEFA pre-match jingle is also scrapped for the final. Instead, the Artane Brass Band will do a rendition of `Viva Espana' and the theme from Coronation Street.

    Substitutes are not allowed warm-up on the pitch at half-time as Cumann na mBunscoil are using it for their U-9 finals, but both managers may patrol the length of the pitch as there are no technical area restrictions.

    The winning captain must begin his victory speech with the words: "Ta an-áthas orm an corn seo a glacadh, ar son ... " and must finish with three cheers for the losers – hip, hip …

    If either Real or United have a problem and wish to protest they must put it in writing & on Irish watermark paper, accompanied by a cheque signed as Gaeilge.


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