I'm in Love with two women

LegacyUser

Posting unregistered for obvious reasons.

Here's my problem:

I have been/am in a long term relationship for the past ten years, we have had our ups and down as most couples do, but have been generally very happy.
We do not live together.

Where things get complicated is with the introduction of woman number two, who I have known (over the phone) for about four years and have always been very friendly with, as far as one can be in a business relationship.
Anyway, just before Christmas last woman number two and I met in person for the first time, from then things have gotten progressively more friendly (started off with meeting for lunch) to the point where we are now quite a serious item (her spending weekends with me and vice versa, going away for a few days holiday together).

How did I manage this without woman number one finding out?
Well, about six weeks ago I made a major fuck up which precipitated a major row.
We have not spoken/seen each other since aforementioned row.
Now, this suits fine as it means I can freely spend time with woman number two (who thinks I split from woman number one long ago).
But the problem is, I am still in love with woman number one and don't want to lose her (we have had long "incommunicado" periods before) yet I think I love woman number two as well.

What the fuck am I to do?

thegills

You love No. 1 but you only think you love No. 2. No. 1 has been on the scene for 10 years on and off and you still love her.
I can't undertand why ye haven't shacked up yet though.
No. 2 is obviously on your wavelength in terms of career, level of intelligence etc. so would be naturally appealing in the short term only !!
My advice - Dump No. 2 and go back to No. 1 unless of course as the aptly named 'Venom' commented, No. 1 is cutter and has a better body.

Venom

Seriously after 10 years togeather in what ever form you wish to call it and not living togeather and no mention of a strong comitmnet like engagement or possable marrage I stand by the cuter/most fun to be with answer.

After all if #1 chick ment so much why get involved with #2?

Yoda

Originally posted by Unregistered

What the fuck am I to do?

You are to make a choice.

After ten years, why aren't you living with woman No. 1? I think your choice is to either do that, or go on your way with woman No. 2 (and others that may follow).

The fact that No. 2 thinks you dumped No. 1 long ago is not good. You will get caught. And lose both of them. So make a choice. You can't have you cake and eat it too. Or not, usually, for long.

Wolf

The answer is quiet simple realy.

You have to make a choice!

Pick one girl that you feel the strongest about and dont look back. I know you dont want to make a choice but its realy that simple

Typedef

<Advice>

Umm what goes around comes around man, & having been a real prick to women when I was younger it invariably came back to bite me in the ass, so I would advise not to prick around on either of the chicks and to clearly and unambiguously make a decision on one of them.

Oh and above all don't lie to either of them. For what it's worth I'd say take the chance with number 2, because if after ten years you still havn't made a commitment to chick number 1, and now you are fooling around on her, it would seem quite unlikely to me that you and she will ever really get closer.... umm if closer is the right word.

Par example.

I was seeing this French chick, who had a 'contract' with this fella in France such that the two of them were 'sort of married', but not actually married, and yada yada yada the chick assured me before returning to France that she would leave said Frog.

Needless to say this didn't happen. Anyhoo, between the jigs and the reals, I don't speak to this French chick anymore... as of yesterday in fact, ostensibly because of a situation quite similar to the one you are describing, so umm the moral of the story I derive from this is, don't burn the candle at both ends.

I used to burn it at both ends when I was younger and of course I paid the price, and so will you unless you do the right thing and make a choice.

EOF baby.
</Dr Ruth>

leeroybrown

You'll just have to sit down and decide who you really want to be with.

Woman No. 1 you've been with for 10 years havn't talked to in 6 weeks. Will she talk to you again??? Do you have a chance of getting back together with her???

Woman No. 2 you've met recently and are still with. Will this relationship last??? Will you be able to stay with her in the long term??? DO YOU REALLY LOVE HER???

Either way you won't feel great after you've made the decision. In fact you'll probably feel like shít.

po0k

arrange to meet them, and cuningly tell em each to meet you at the same place on the same day.
Let them scrap it out and fight over you until they're all hot and sweaty and their tops are clinging to their...<cut>you get the picture</cut>.
Then ask em if they'd fancy a threesome.
It'd be worth the risk of a smack(box) in the face/temporary castration/slow painful death if they went for it

leeroybrown

temporary castration

And how would this be managed??

Also, Syxer actually forgot to add one last line to the post:

"Can I watch"

The Corinthian

Your relationship with #1 has not apparently progressed in ten years - there is no commitment of any type (legal, social or even cohabitation) present, so calling a spade a spade it’s hardly a close relationship. How often do you see #1 (during the ‘good’ times)? Every day? Once a week? Every few weeks? I suspect she may be more of a fsck buddy than a true relationship.

You’re not ready to settle down. That much is certain, regardless of whether you’re fourteen or forty. Your romance with #2 will most probably burn out also, but I don’t think returning to #1 is going to do you any good in the long run.

Play it by ear. My guess is that whatever you may be advised here, you’re going to have to improvise anyway when at some stage or other in the future, between these two.

The Sweeper

Dear original unregistered poster

Allow me to correct you - you think you are in love with two women and actually you are in love with only one person.

Yourself.

As Corinthian rightly points out, you have a ten year relationship where there has been no serious commitment. I'm not surprised you feel that you are not ready to lose your 'woman number one' - if you get regular sex on tap without any of the complications of serious commitent sure why would you want to see the back of her. Handy, ain't she.

Woman number two is better off without you, you philandering commitment-phobic selfish brat.

Cop on.

Lose both women - you're lying to both for nothing but your own benefit. Although even as I type that I know you're not going to do 'the right thing' by anyone's definition but your own. Not once in your original post did you say 'I really want woman number one back so I'm going to dump this second woman because I'm not serious about her and really want my first girlfriend and no-one but her.

So what the fúck are you to do?

Dump them both and join a swingers club. Then you'll get the sex on tap that you appear to want, and you'll have some time on your own to plumb those hidden depths of yours, because I'm assuming that no-one can really be as shallow as you seem.





...splish.

LegacyUser

Originally posted by Minesajackdaniels
you philandering commitment-phobic selfish brat.

I think it's time to fill in the blanks, I did not really want to give so much detail but it appears that my original post has backfired somewhat and people are getting the wrong impression of me(thanks MAJD).

I am not commitment-phobic.
I am not a serial philanderer.

As you have all realised, ten years is a long time to be in a relationship without shacking up or any other traditional sign of commitment.

Well the truth is, she is married and is almost ten years older than I (I'm in my early thirties), she has never been prepared to leave her husband (even though no proper marriage has existed for at least the last six years) we have a great time when together and I do love her.
We see each other almost every day and do almost all the normal stuff couples do (with restrictions).
She is not just a fuck buddy.
Although, to be honest, this relationship did start off as an affair.

However, for the past few years I have been thinking about the long term implications and have been unable to reconcile the present long-term relationship with my future.

And then, female number two comes along (closer to my age, just as attractive, fun to be with etc.) and for the first time I'm beginning to picture the future (kids, dogs, large house with white picket fence etc.).
Sounds good, but...
I love female number one.

Venom

Number 1 is a waste of time. If it aint happened after 10 years it aint gonna happen ever.

Go with number 2 as you have a possable future with her.

Lemming

I'm going with Venom on this one.

#1 is wasted energy. Do you /really/ want to spend the rest of your life like this?

#2 gives you a /chance/ of having some semblance of a future.

Yeah, you love #1 .. but does she really love you? She is unwilling to leave an allegedly dead marriage. Why oh why? Perhaps its not quite so dead after all?

Beruthiel

I would have to agree with Venom and Lemming, you are going no where with no. 1 - why won't she leave her husband? is he disabled in someway now and she feels she must stay? Is it because of some religious thing? I get it if she feels she has to take care of him, anything else is just her way of keeping you at arms length.
I don't think it's cool to keep two women going at the same time, I would not be impressed if I was in that situation! You allowed yourself to be in the position of seeing someone else, it gave you a buzz, you did that because you were not completely happy with what you had and so you allowed it to go further.
You have to sit down and ask yourself what exactly it is you want from life, if the having a happy home with kids is what you need then you have no choice but to go with number 2, who btw, will give you the boot as soon as she finds out number 1 is still in the picture, and she'd be right to.
Either way, you have to sort yourself out now, write up a list if that helps, do it before you loose both of them.
I will point out once again, you would not have started anything with no. 2 if you really loved no 1.

The Corinthian

#2 as with Venom, Lemming and Beruthiel.

I take back what I assumed earlier, but you did give that (rather poor) impression in fairness.

Seraphina

a 10 year relationship that obviously isn't going anywhere, in exchange for new possibilites.... doesn't seem like much of a choice for me.
but its you we're talking about it, and you're gonna havta make a choice yourself.

Typedef

Originally posted by Unregistered

Well the truth is, she is married and is almost ten years older than I (I'm in my early thirties), she has never been prepared to leave her husband (even though no proper marriage has existed for at least the last six years) we have a great time when together and I do love her.

Now.

Originally posted by moi
Par example.

I was seeing this French chick, who had a 'contract' with this fella in France such that the two of them were 'sort of married', but not actually married, and yada yada yada the chick assured me before returning to France that she would leave said Frog.

Needless to say this didn't happen.

And guess what buddy, you have already waited on chick #1 for ten years in vain, so from where I sit, it seems to me, you need to shake loose from her anyway irrespective of whether you have 'someone else'. Why?

Self respect, under no circumstance should you save yourself exclusively for chick #1 if said chick is not prepaired to do the same for you.

Quid pro quo agent Starling, quid pro quo.

cournioni

OK... this will NOT work, but you can always dream...

Go up to the two of them if they are ever together and ask them for a threesome.

Sorry, with a topic like this I just couldn't resist...

Jak

Originally posted by Minesajackdaniels
Dear original unregistered poster

Allow me to correct you - you think you are in love with two women and actually you are in love with only one person.

Yourself.

As Corinthian rightly points out, you have a ten year relationship where there has been no serious commitment. I'm not surprised you feel that you are not ready to lose your 'woman number one' - if you get regular sex on tap without any of the complications of serious commitent sure why would you want to see the back of her. Handy, ain't she.

Woman number two is better off without you, you philandering commitment-phobic selfish brat.

Cop on.

For the love of god relax.

It is quite possible to fall in love with 2 people and in the full explanation of the story (where number 1 never became fully available) it is quite likely to happen.

Why do you assume the man is a selfish shallow bastard? Where did you draw the conclusion that all he ever took from the relationship was sex? Are women just saps who come and go as men call them or might there be just a small chance they are taking something from the relationships too?

And when did ten years of a relationship become a 'waste of time' if you don't make an honest woman of her :rolleyes:

Relationships are not just a one track road leading to marriage - they can be enjoyed for what they are at the time as well.

Anyhows - for the poster:

Personally I think you should see how things pan out with number 2 as number 1 is possibly just a "philandering commitment-phobic selfish bitch".

JAK.

Sandi

Hey. Having read all the above posts, I have to agree with Venom and co. about losing the married woman and going with #2. As most people have said before, the relationship hasn't gone anywhere in 10 years and that's a hell of a long time to have wasted. And also, you said she's not prepared to leave her husband. The solution is fairly simple but as feelings are involved it's not going to be easy.

Go with number 2 as you have a possable future with her.

You said it Venom.

Zanza

but I would tell you to chose the one that you think you can spend the rest of your life with. I may not be a specialist in these things, but from what I hear, that a relation ship with a [chick!] is not that successful.

Follow your heart

Venom

Ok change chick to broad.

Happy now?