Non-drinkers and socialising

LegacyUser

I am a 25 year old guy. My problem is - I don't drink at all (never touched a drop in my entire life) I am not into pubs, nightclubs, drinking culture and so on. I feel very uncomfortable in pubs and clubs and at parties.

I don't really know why I'm like this. Could be to do with the fact that my parents were never into the pub scene and don't drink except for wine at meals.

Because I don't drink I've had accusations of
-being a weirdo, oddball etc.
-being gay (I don't see the logic here)
-being a Dry S***e, having no sense of humour

Also, people assume that because I'm not going out getting drunk, I must be at home working or studying, which is not the case. In school, I was labelled "swot" and "teacher's pet" just because I wasn't going out getting plastered every weekend.

Funnily enough, when I'm with a group of people where *no-one* is drinking, I am very sociable. And I know I'm considered intelligent, witty, good sense of humour, friendly and so on.

But once the drinking starts, I become very uncomfortable. I feel completely out of place. I can't talk to someone if they've been drinking. I cannot mingle with people in a crowded pub. I cannot make smalltalk or talk bulls**t.

I used to try to make the effort to be social. I would go to the pub and try to enjoy myself in spite of being the only sober person there. But I'm fed up of it at this stage and I generally avoid setting foot inside a pub now.

It's obvious that 99% of the socialising in Ireland revolves around drinking/getting drunk/pub culture. Because I don't do this, I don't meet many new people. I don't have many friends. I have never come close to having a girlfriend and am a virgin. I spend every Saturday night at home watching TV and am extremely lonely.

Drinking seems to be an essential part of life in his country. It pervades everything. Every activity seems to involve drinking at some stage.

For example:
Let's say I meet up with friends during the day
We hang out for a while and chat.
We have lunch.
We might do something such as go-karting in the afternoon.
In the evening, we go to the cinema. So far, I've really enjoyed myself as has everyone else. We're having a great laugh.
After the cinema, everyone is mad to to go to a pub/nightclub. I'm invited but don't go so I go home. They stay out all night getting plastered, scoring with women and so on. The next day, they have great stories about what they got up to the night before. I feel useless and left out.

I have tried taking up some hobbies and joining clubs with the intention of meeting new people. This works up to a point. I get to meet new people, but I never get to know them well because I don't go to the inevitable "nights out".

It seems to me that I must start drinking, or else I have a very miserable and lonely life ahead of me. I don't want to drink. I can do without all the stuff associated with drinking e.g hangovers, puking up, behaving like an idiot, losing control of yourself, health problems and so on.

I've never been drunk so I don't know what it's like, but I think I have a good idea. It's the losing control part that I have the biggest problem with. I like to be in control of myself and my emotions and be completely aware of what I'm doing at all times.

Does anyone at all know where I'm coming from with this? Are there any other non-drinkers reading this message board? Has anyone any suggestions/advice for me?

Thanks for reading,
Dave

LegacyUser

I know how you feel there dave. Im only 17 so ive had an excuse to avoid going out most of the time so far. Dont get me wrong i dont mind a drink every now and then but i have no intention of ever getting so drunk i cant control what im doing. There have been times when ive had a drink or two and when im offered more i say no and i get called similar names to you. Unfortunately i dont think theres much that can be done about it. drink is an essetial part of Irish social life and if you dont drink in excess quantites your seen as strange or gay. Im lucky in that i have one or two good friends who are in the same situation so we can usually go out and have a great night without drink. I only hope that you find ppl of similar reasoning and can start to go out again.

Sry i couldnt offer more helpful advice but its something i cant see an easy soloution too.

DrummerBoy

Dave, I totally know where your coming from on this one. I'm just going to through in my two cents on this one.
First of all I'm 23 and I don't drink at all, never have (not even wine at meals). Like yourself I have no reason for this. Or maybe it's no real desire for it, either way you get the picture.

Because I don't drink I've had accusations of
-being a weirdo, oddball etc.
-being gay (I don't see the logic here)
-being a Dry S***e, having no sense of humour

This part I find really strange!! The reactions I've had from pretty much everyone I've ever met that found out I didn't drink has been very positive! Of course the very first thing is they don't believe you. But they usually end up with the "fair play to ya" statement. But I have no problem going out to pubs clubs etc but again just like you I hate it when people totally loose control, as in TOTALLY loose it. But I have no problem being out with my friends when they are having a drink and getting merry I just join in, minus the drink! I just don't really have to much time for the people who can barely stand on thir own two feet. But if it's my close friends thats a whole different story.

Anyway it late and I'm off........

fisty

possibly people feel guilty that they're drinking so much and you're not so they justify it by saying your wierd/gay/whatever...
90% of people don't actually get drunk when they go out for a few beers, i think you should try to get out into the pub scene more - all the pubs sell soft drinks mate! otherwise you'll be waiting a while before you find a nice woman.

Kali

two things:

- it sounds like your friends are a bunch of assholes...

I've gone out plenty of times and not touched a drop (if i had the car etc.), and have never got stick from my mates, and they usually get me a drink and don't let me buy a round (regardless of the fact that non-alchoholic drinks aint much cheaper). Even when introduced to new people on such nights I can get along alright.. i mean its something you can instantly talk about and bring up in a conversation, (i know two people who are allergic to yeast & malt ruling out pretty much everything bar vodka) as long as you make it sound like you're doing something good/worthwhile and not missing out on all the fun, which is my next point:

- you are way too self-conscious.
don't analyze yourself when you're out, don't think to yourself "if i say this, if i say that, how will people react", every conversation in a pub isn't about the last time they were drunk, lighten up a bit, joke around, don't go ott tho, i've known a few non-drinkers who when out, acted (!) drunk and done totally stupid things, losing a lot of respect for themselves (as with those who drink way too much),
If you can converse and have confidence in yourself (as you say you do have) then there should be no problem whatsoever with being accepted as a non-drinker, and people will like to have you around (if not, see point 1).

bombidol

To be completly honest i dont trust anyone who doesnt drink or smoke, dont know why, i knew a few lads who didnt do either and they were just boring people, i know that sounds like a generalisation.
I HATE going to the pub when theres a person or two who's not drinking, part of the pub thing is kinda getting lost in the moment and when theres someone there who will remember it all in 20/20 in the morning justs puts a dampner on things, even if you intend on just havinga few social beers.
im not a big drinker myself and id probably be locked after about 5 pints but if there was someone there who wasnt drinking or at least smoking id feel dodgey, its like you are waiting for the night to end.
i guess i just dont trust anyone without a social vice, dunno, theres just something human about killing yourself slowly.

LegacyUser

Have a couple of bacardi breezers or something. Don't get drunk, just get a feel for alcohol.

BigDaddyKone

definetly agree with unreg here. You don't have to be drunk if you drink. I have been drinking for years but over the last few years i decided i didnt like getting plastered. If you drink slowly or interspace your drinks with water you can stay sober and still feel part of the buzz. Would you be completly adverse to drink? or is it just the losing control bit?

Jimi-Spandex

You don't have to get drunk if you drink.
You don't have to lose control.


**** Peer Pressure. Be your own person. If you don't want to drink, then dont. Just understand that you can go to pub/club without getting paraletic and surfing busstops on the way home. I drink what would be considered fairly substantial amounts (14 drinks or more on an average night).

My friends and people I go out with claim that they have never or rarely seen me drunk(Dave being one of the privelaged few), I get called a dry balls due to this. This is because I never lose control. If you are looking for approval from the lout brigade, don't bother. its not worth it. All you will be left with is 1) Some mental stories 2) ****ty hangovers 3)A big hole in your bank a/c. I'm sure you can enjoy pubs/clubs without the stuff

Mr E

I agree with Jimi .... peer pressure can push you into doing something that you don't want to do, and its not worth it.

For what its worth, I'm 28, don't drink (never have), but I still go out to the pub with my mates. I go clubbing afterwards (although not as much as I used to - clubs in Limerick have gone to sh1t!), and I'm usually still there when lights come up at 3am.

The people who have accused you of being a weirdo/gay/dry sh1te, I say f*ck em. I hope they aren't your friends. If they are, you could do better.

My friends accept that I don't drink. They don't try to force it on me, and we still go out and have a great time.

Bottom line... don't feel you have to drink to be accepted. Pubs sell soft drinks for a reason - there are ALOT of non-drinkers out there who still enjoy the social aspect of going to pubs. You don't need to get plastered to have a good time.

- Dave.

seamus

Originally posted by Dave25
Because I don't drink I've had accusations of
-being a weirdo, oddball etc.
-being gay (I don't see the logic here)
-being a Dry S***e, having no sense of humour

I find it strange, that at 25 people say this to you. If it's people your own age, then they're just immature cúnts. TBH, at the end you sounded like you were attempting to justify your not wanting to drink - you don't have to. I don't smoke. I've tried it, numerous times, and hated it (plus it ruins my gorgeous singing voice ). You not drinking can be treated pretty much the same. Even in a room full of smokers, I don't feel left out, in fact, I've found that they're more willing to keep a window open, or blow smoke in one direction when there's a non-smoker in the room. There was a guy in school with me who never drank. Every Saturday, he was the one who drove us in and out, and for it, he had free coke all night, and his car parking paid for. And he seemed to enjoy himself. He laughed at drunk people and had no problems going onto the dancefloor for a boogie with us or chatting to some random girls.

I think you just need to relax when people start drinking. Having a coke/7up or something in your hand may help you 'fit in', but don't worry, no-one's looking at what you're drinking, ever. No-one cares. Just because other people are drinking, it shouldn't really be any different from when they're not, just chat and have a laugh like you always do.

I do think I know what you're talking about though. Personally I cannot spend more than 1 hour in a pub without drinking. I just find everyone gets a bit boring when they're drunk (myself included no doubt), and because I do drink it's just the way it is. If I never drank, I'd imagine I'd just have to get stuck in and join the conversations.

Jak

I think you are just unlucky mate. I have two pioneer friends and although we give them a little joking abuse and all, there is absolutely no malice between any of us. As already said it is just plain immature to start calling someone a fag for not drinking ..

It is perfectly acceptable however if the individual is drinking Breezers ...

Originally posted by Unregistered
Have a couple of bacardi breezers or something. Don't get drunk, just get a feel for alcohol.

Seriously though I reckon either you are being overly sensitive to the issue or they are just not the best pals in the world. If you do plan to start drinking maybe do so with a new crowd of people.

Silent Grape

hey, yeh, i feel for you but its not the end of the world, there's no need for you to be sitting at home lonely. ive got deppression, and if i dont force myself to go out, i wont go and ill end up lonely at home. its really not that big a deal not to be a drinker. i dont drink all that much, purely because i have a car and i cant affort taxis etc. sometimes i feel a little out of it, but u just have to try to change your own image of what a non-drinker is like (ie, boring etc) maybe these things u mentioned, like being no fun etc are really just in your own head. like what some other person said, generally it is admired if a person doesnt drink. however, if u do feel so strongly about it, DRINK! i know its hard, but try to disinhibit yourself a tiny bit, i know how difficult it can be. maybe ur just picking up slightly negative attitudes from ur friends, and ur translating them into 'they obviously think im no fun/boring etc' as someone else said, u dont have to get drunk or lose control, peer pressure come from within, in my opinion. just having a random soft drink in your hand might help. maybe its your socialising circle u really need to change, not Irish people's attitide to drinking. u gotta do some work yourself, push yourself, not to adapt to other people's expectations, but to create your own life, needs, culture etc etc etc. sorry for talking so much utter crap. mia xxx

LegacyUser

I am a 24 male and have been drinking for 8 years now.
I have a very good social life and when I go out, I usually have about 4 or 5 pints. This does me fine. I can have the craic too.

Just start drinking in moderation and keep it that way. You will feel a lot more relaxed and remember this - You don't have to get drunk or lose control!.

WhiteWashMan

if you dont want to drink, then dont.

and dont worry about it either.

just because you dot fit into sociaeties conformaties there is no problem (unless youre a kiddie fiddler or an axe murderer), so relax, sit back, and enjoy a long tall glass of water

LegacyUser

Thanks for the comments everyone, they are much appreciated. I'd like to respond to some of the points raised.

The weird/drysh1te type accusations came when I was a teenager. These accusations were made to my face. Nobody has said anything like this for several years. However, I get the impression that when I meet new people, they are *thinking* this about me. I may be be wrong. But drinking is the norm, and even adults are very judgemental and suspicious about those who don't conform.

Friends: I am no longer friends with anyone I went to school with. My friends now are people I went to college with. I have 3 or 4 friends, that's all. They're really great guys. I don't socialise with them in pubs and clubs yet we are still great friends in non-drinking situations. They seem to accept that I'm just not into pub culture. However, it's very very difficult to meet new people if you're like me.

As for the whole "you can drink without getting drunk" argument, I tend to disagree with this. It depends on what your definition of drunk is. If your definition is falling over, passing out and waking up in hospital, yes, of course it's true. You don't have to drink yourself into oblivion like this.

The thing is - I would probably consider a person drunk when most other people would consider them only merry.
Examples of the behaviour I'm talking about:
-people being loud
-singing (badly)
-people talking absolute sh1te
-stupid meaningless smalltalk
-laughing at things which aren't funny
-shifting someone and regretting it afterwards
-guys who are too shy to speak to a woman when sober who think they're big macho studs once they have some drink in them.
-drunk women who lap up the total bullsh*t that guys feed them

I probably sound like a boring b**tard, but I just can't stand this sort of stuff. To sum up, I like people when they're sober, but don't like the changes in behaviour that occur after drinking even a smallish quantity of alcohol.

BTW not drinking because you don't want to or are afraid to (as I am) is not the same as not drinking because you can't afford it or are a designated driver or because of a medical condition etc. I don't know how to explain this difference but I'm sure there is one.

As for the people who *do* enjoy themselves when they're sober and everyone around them is drinking. I envy these people and wish I could be like them.

Thanks again for the reponses. It seems to me that the only solution for me is to start drinking, otherwise I'll always be a social misfit. It seems to be a case of "if you can't beat 'em............

Dave

Stephen

Originally posted by bombidol
To be completly honest i dont trust anyone who doesnt drink or smoke, dont know why, i knew a few lads who didnt do either and they were just boring people, i know that sounds like a generalisation.
I HATE going to the pub when theres a person or two who's not drinking, part of the pub thing is kinda getting lost in the moment and when theres someone there who will remember it all in 20/20 in the morning justs puts a dampner on things, even if you intend on just havinga few social beers.

You are a complete idiot.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Winters

Originally posted by Stephen


You are a complete idiot.

I totally agree.

Why do most Irish people have a view where by socialising revolves around drinking? This view has lead to underage drinking which is a major overlooked problem.

To say that you "dont trust anyone who doesnt drink or smoke" is amazing and shoking. Would i gather that if you met soeone and they didnt drink or somoke you wouldnt go out with them? Trust is not made by what drugs you take weather its alcohol or tobacco it is by the type of person you are.

To have fun and socialise you do not have to go out and drink.










Remember that

bombidol

Originally posted by Stephen


You are a complete idiot.

lol, tis amazing when a person cant give his opinion on somthing, where did i say everyone that doesnt drink is a loser or whatever?
You good sir are the idiot, a ****ing ignorant idiot

Meh

Originally posted by bombidol
lol, tis amazing when a person cant give his opinion on somthing

Stephen did give his opinion. And I second it.

smiles

Ok, you're all idiots!!!!

Now thats out of the way please stop getting personal.

<< Fio >>

Gordon

Originally posted by Dave25
.. It seems to me that the only solution for me is to start drinking, otherwise I'll always be a social misfit. It seems to be a case of "if you can't beat 'em............

If you can't beat 'em ignore 'em!

Don't drink because of others, wait until you are ready, if ever. There's nothing wrong with not drinking, to be honest drinking is a bit silly really. We can enjoy life the same way without it, it's just a bit easier to have these drugs manufactured for us cos we're lazy shítes and can't be arsed having to work up a good humour ourselves without help. How many nights have I drunk myself silly and probably had a great time but for the life of me can't remember it, at least for sure I couldn't remember the subtle beautiful little nuances of the night that brought me slowly to a high. What good is having a high if you can't remember it.

Don't be scared of alcohol though, if anything be scared of conforming.

Maybe I missed what you wrote but can you not go out to a pub and drink coke? or water? I know lots of people that don't drink and still have a great time. I don't see what the problem is.

bombidol

Sorry bout that, but that ****e annoys me. i used to know a few heads that didnt drink but they smoked, and ive know a couple of people that didnt drink or smoke or anything, all they did was jog and talk about tennis and that to me sums up boring. they used to go out with the rest of us and drink seven up but as they night went on our conversation gradually went down to a level unknown to cavemen and they'd sit there like tools for the night.
but anyway, theres no room for an opinion other than "Its their fault, not yours" on this thread so it doesnt matter. sad really:(

Mr E

I can imagine you and your buddies at 'caveman level'. "Jeeebus... did you see what the Rock did to Kurt Angle last night.... wow!". Thrilling.

In all seriousness, Bombidol, your original comment was directed at all non-drinkers, and thats unfair. And in trying to deal with Dave25's problem, your comments are entirely unhelpful. If you can't say something useful (and what you said WAS NOT useful), then STFU.

- Dave.

davros

Dave25, you sound entirely reasonable to me.

I don't get the Saturday night pub scene either. I can't have any sort of interesting conversation when I'm screaming in someone's ear. Can't imagine meeting someone there either. And then there's the smell of stale smoke the next day. Thoroughly unpleasant.

That said, a local pub on a Thursday night can be relaxing and ideal for a good discussion (I drink very little, myself, by the way).

My theory is that Ireland's "drink culture" really began as a "conversation culture" and the pub became the venue for this in the same way other countries use cafes and restaurants. Quite recently we have been missing the point entirely [Does every city centre pub play obnoxiously loud music these days?]

I've been steering my friends towards late night coffee shops where we all get to sit down and chat. I think they enjoy it. Sure, sometimes I don't succeed and I end up in the pub. If you don't fancy cultivating an interest in fine whiskies then stick to the Lucozade and don't pay attention to what anyone else thinks.

Be very glad you are not "one of the crowd". What a horrible thing to be!

And if all else fails, leave the country for a couple of years. In many foreign parts (non-English speaking parts, anyway), they positively appreciate sober, articulate, reasoned discussion. You would flourish there, Dave25.

kamobe

3/4 Good friends of mine dont drink, but they have no problem going out. They'd normally drink o/j or coke or something, but would be more lively than i would be after 5 or 6 pints.

I think the next time someone asks ya out you should go. It's only an issue because you've built it up to be. If you're not having fun, just leave early, and try again!

Pepe LeFrits

Going off on a slight tangent, but i agree with pretty much everything davros said there.

On irish pubs - they are pretty awful when it comes to loud music etc. I ended up with a septic throat and having to go on antibiotics after the boards beer due to having to constantly shout in Viva for anyone to hear me. Now, as it was the boards beer, it was still a great laugh getting to meet everyone etc. However, had it just been myself and a few mates on our own in Viva i would have said the next day that it was an absolute bollox night.

IMO, quiet evenings in the pub with a few mates, a few pints and a bit of ambience music in the background on a weekday are infinitely better to the usual 'get pissed and shout shite at eachother in some overcrowded pub' that seems to be the problem. You don't *have* to drink at these occasions either to enjoy yourself. Just choose the right times to go out with your mates.

Stephen

Originally posted by bombidol


lol, tis amazing when a person cant give his opinion on somthing, where did i say everyone that doesnt drink is a loser or whatever?
You good sir are the idiot, a ****ing ignorant idiot

You gave your opinion, and in my opionion (and clearly that of some others here) it is completely idiotic. I stand by my statement.

bombidol

Aha, you said i your original post that I am an idiot not that my POST was idiotic, two completly different things, you cannot make one little post and make yourself out to be the right one in this.
maybe you should go back and edit your original post to say that that comment was stupid, to stay in line with the rest of your posts here.

Childish Rant Ends;)

Saruman

Dave25 you sound a little like me.. only im 23 and did drink at one stage.. only started at 18 and then very rarely.. i was tipsy once and completely lost control once where i have no idea what happened over a matter of seconds but drink got splashed around and i think it was me.. as far as i can make out my friend poured wine in my shirt pocket than slapped it and it went all over me.. then i sprayed the wine over him but missed and got a table of his relatives!! tee hee.. anyway after that i gave up.. i dont like not being in control of my life.

So i understand where you come from.. i hate being in pubs.. its not the fact everyone is drinking so much as everyone is smoking and i cant stand being in a room of smokers.. i litterally feel sick so i avoid them. Other than that i do socialise at work or of we go out for a game of football (i suck but its good fun!).

Dont start drinking just to fit in... i dont and im certainly not miserable or lonely.. i may seem it by not having a gang of friends but im not at all and im very happy with my life.. so dont change yours to suit others... AS you can see there are other non drinkers in this country (shock horror) and i reckon you might meet some and go do non drinking stuff.. like coffee bars or something!

By the way i never get stick over it aside from the odd jape in goog humour but usually people are impressed after then figure im serious and not taking the piss.. (wow a sober Irishman.. no way!!).

Mr E

I agree with you about the smoking, Saruman..... I've yet to visit a pub with half decent air conditioning.

There is nothing worse than REEKING of smoke at the end of a night out.

I was at a party over the weekend, and the subject of smoking came up. We were surprised to discover that out of the 16 or so people there, not one person smoked. It was nice (for a change) to come away from a night out not smelling like an ashtray.

- Dave.

LegacyUser

Hi Dave,

Here's my 2c

I'm currently in college, where believe me things really do revolve around drinking yet I have quite a number of friends who don't drink. Usually there'd be at least one person on a night out who doesn't and sometimes as many as 3 or 4 ina group of 10 which is unusual to say the least.

None of us have a problem with it. They have a good time, we have a good time. A lot of them are often the loudest people in the group and the ones still dancing at the end of the night.

I agree I don't like going out when all my friends are hammered if you're sober but that just means you need to find a middle ground. It's entirely possible to enjoy a night out without drinking and it's definately worth the hassle. I'd suggest going out with your friends next time they're going to a quiet pub for a drink. You'll probably enjoy that chatty atmosphere a lot more than a drunken night club.

Also, always remember that there's going to be other non-drinkers in every pub & club. So if you go out with yout mates and they start getting drunk then you can go off and try find the cute sober girlies. (o:

Good Luck!

- Kevin

Moriarty

Originally posted by TmB
It was nice (for a change) to come away from a night out not smelling like an ashtray.

What a novelty. It's a real pity that it's not the other way around

Kali

Originally posted by Moriarty

What a novelty. It's a real pity that it's not the other way around

what to come away from an ashtray not smelling like a night out?

ho ho ho

Mr E

Ba-dumm....... tsssssh !!

Please tip the waitress on your way out. Take my wife.... please. etc. etc.

- Dave.

Dave

But, from my own experience, I drive, and most of my friends drive, so it could end up that 3/4 of us are driving the one night. It doesn't stop us from having a laugh. Last week for example I was out at a pub/club, pulled, had a great night all without the use of alcohol.

leeroybrown

I wouldn't let anyone pressure you into drinking when you don't want to.

I drink reasonably regularly and occasionally I go on those all out alcoholic binges but I can still enjoy a night out without alcohol. The only reason that I don't do it more often is that when I'm in the pub and I've got no real reason not to drink then I might as well have a pint.

I've got no problem spending a night in the pub with my friends while I'm off the drink (Driving duty, etc.). It does tend to get a little more awkward later on when they've had a load of pints but its still good craic if you're in the mood. You might feel a bit different because you're not a drinker but you shouldn't let it alienate you.

You shouldn't feel too awkward about being the non drinker. Of course your mates might wind you up a bit about it but its 99.999999% certain they don't mean anything by it.

Hopefully you'll find some social outlet to make you feel a bit better.

Kappar

I have never drank in my life just because I never wanted to. I though am a mad man I have often been mistaken for being a 'Drunk' because i am a little crazy and have a sense of humour to match.:)

I do love an 'aul Karaoke and have sungs song from Jonney B. Goode to Red Red Wine (the less said about Red Red Wine the better:D ) What i do find hard to do is Dance I am cráp. But what i do is wait 'till everyone gets geeeyed than let rip .

What i LOVE to do is when everyone hgets Liquid i take in what they all do them give 'em a post mortom in the morrow
Animal Craic:D

Everyone i know respects the fact that I don't drink alot admire it strangely.

RopeDrink

Well - While people are quite content with criticising others for not drinking / smoking, the non-drinkers and non-smokers are a lot better off than the smokers / drinkers themselves...

You do not need to drink or smoke to have a good time, wether it's in a pub, nightclub or anywhere else to be quite honest, and at the end of the day they're far better off seeing as they don't end up with empty wallets and/or black lungs...

I can't see how a non-smoker/drinker is elegible to be critisiced or ridiculed, and to say that being a non-smoker/drinker is odd, well, that is plain ridiculous. They could say the exact same about people who DO smoke and drink (Confused yet?)

Basically, wether you drink/smoke or not, don't let that stop you from going out and enjoying YOURSELF - You do not go out for anyone else bar yourself, and if you're uncomfortable with that, then there are plenty other methods of socialising.

Bomb - I'm a chain smoker and frequent alcohol consumer... I would love to be neither of those things. Does that mean I'd immediately convert into a boring tennis fanatic if I did!?
Like you said, you are indeed entitled to your opinion, but in MY opinion, yours is ridiculous.

LegacyUser

My friend summed them up well "i dont trust people who dont drink because they're the only ones who remember what you did last night".

Caesar_Bojangle

^
twas me


If your friends are dissin your street cred for not drinking they are a bunch of fly boys who need a cap bust in their ass.

I know plenty of people who dont drink. Nothing wrong with that.

The reason most drinkers look down upon non drinkers is the fact that is hard to hold a conversation with someone sober when you are bojangled and all you want to do is break dance fight and see life through beers goggles.

CHRISTYG

Dave,you DO NOT HAVE to drink to have a really good night out. For myself, I am a 35 year old man, and although I drink a bit (I'm in a choir, and after a show, I always drink a few glasses of wine, but that's mainly because I'm on a post-performance "high") I know when to stop! I'm one of those (to some people) irritating people-namely a born-again Christian. Yes, I do go to places-bars, restaraunts etc, where people are drinking. But in the main, the fact that I see others getting drunk dosen't tempt me. Besides, I usually have the best of company (my WONDERFUL girl who I LOVE so much) so what need do I have of alcohol??:D

deimos

The groups of freinds I have selected over the years would not be drinkers or clubbers or alike. Most of my freinds would be pretty normal, most of us actually smoke, but I do not think there is one of us that actually would drink, I honestly cant remember the last time I had a drink...

For our Friday/Saturday night entertainment we would'nt go clubbing or on a piss-up, we would go to the cinema and they maybe sit in for the rest of the night messing around with the guitars or alike. I can not stick a pub atmosphere. I have never found this to affect my love life, the girls and alike I would go out with would be more or less the same as me, and enjoy the same things.
For some people I think going down to the pub and getting pissed is sort of like a way of showing off(I do understand some people work **** hard and need to get pissed once a week).

My Mother and Father are not heavy drinkers, but they would be down in the pub per usual of a Sunday afternoon.

But as yer man once said "Different strokes for different folk's":p

Mr E

Originally posted by Unregistered
My friend summed them up well "i dont trust people who dont drink because they're the only ones who remember what you did last night".

People like that are, thankfully, in the minority (as you can see since wrestling-boy posted that comment).

If you have friends like that, then you are very very unlucky.

Just get out there, get a coke or rock shandy or something and get stuck in. It might be a bit more effort, but its worth it. And you will find that the VAST majority of people will respect you for your decision not to drink.

Regards,
Dave.

Yoda

I sort of want to ask our friend if it's not just the drinking/smoking he dislikes, but the fact that so much revolves around pubs in this country. Myself I hate loud pubs and discos pretty much, and I hate standing in crowded pubs. Probably I used to hate pubs but there is, sometimes, little alternative as many people have only that one destination in mind for a night's merrymaking.

chernobyl

The problem with Ireland is that the magority of ppl have their social scene revolve around the pub.
Personally i hate smoke and its not so long ago that "smokers" were a dislike too.

....places like America will accomodate all ppl and their interests, even in the rural areas there is generally a much better provision of activities for ppl who dont like dark/noisy/smelly clubs (all these negatives needs drink/nicotine to become non-issues).

If you want to socalise in the "i want to meet someone" sense you will have to go to clubs and thats just it.
The meeting and hooking up with someone during daylight hours only happen when you are 40+.(maybe 30)

You could go move to LA where you cannot smoke in pubs...but you cannot take your drink outside to smoke either.

LegacyUser

Re: smoking. Let's forget about the health implications for a minute. I don't have a problem with people smoking despite being a non-smoker myself. In fact, I like being in the company of people who are smoking *but not* drinking. Smoking seems to make for a laid-back, relaxed atmosphere. I can have an interesting, meaningful conversation with a smoker e.g. sitting in a restaurant where people are drinking coffee and smoking.

However, in Ireland, smoking, pubs and drinking go together. You don't find too many smokers in pubs who aren't drinking as well.

Its hard to know whether I have a problem with alcohol itself or just with drinking in pubs. I suspect the latter. I have heard that in the US it is common for guys to stay at home drinking cans with a few mates watching sport on TV. I think I'd enjoy that. It's the whole Irish pub culture thing that I hate. As some of you guys have described it's the crowds, the noise, people being loud/obnoxious/rude, stupid behaviour, bad singing, people acting like idiots, people talking complete sh1te etc. Not to mention the drunken fighting, pissing and vomiting on the street afterwards.

If you want to socalise in the "i want to meet someone" sense you will have to go to clubs and thats just it.
The meeting and hooking up with someone during daylight hours only happen when you are 40+.(maybe 30)

Unfortunately, you're probably correct. 99% of socialising occurs in pubs/clubs after dark. I avoid this scene so my social interation is severely limited. I don't enjoy being in a crowded pub if I'm sober. Therefore, if I don't start drinking and going to pubs and clubs, its almost inevitable that I'll be alone all my life.

As I said in an earlier post, I've never come close to having a girlfriend. I've had no experience with dating. When you reach 25 years old and are in this situation, it becomes a very major issue for you. I might start another thread on this topic.

Dave

lordsippa

Gotta agree with Dave on this one... I find the pub scene to be a little bit intimidating. I'm a wee bit shy an' all, especially when I'm surrounded by strangers. But that's the thing - there ARE alternatives to the pub. Especially for those interested in "intellectual" conversations. Pubs are one thing for a fairly special occasion <like the boards bash which i regret missing a lot> but on other occasions they aren't the be all and end all of socialising...

And yeah... the cafe idea sounds really good. It's a bit more private, and yet offers a nice social setting where you can meet fun people.

So don't drink if you don't want to. I don't and trust me I'm not some boring ol' knob. Heh... supposedly Ireland has <percentage wise> the highest rate of teetotalers in Europe.

LegacyUser

Hi Dave,

I've had a lot of alcohol in my life. I've lost a good amount from it, and I can't think of much that I've gained from it. Consequently, I don't think you are missing anything substantial in life from not drinking.

To the heart of the matter, however, I suspect that you have ascribed a false cause to your problem of feeling isolated. Though most people in their mid-twenties do socialize with alcohol, this is not true of everyone. If you have difficulty meeting people with whom you are comfortable, the difficulty may not reside in the simple explanation that you are the only person in Ireland who does not drink. What may be needed is not for you to start consuming alcohol, but to consider if you have difficulty in achieving intimacy for other, deeper reasons.

Of course, I don't know you and could be way off. It has been my experience that for many people with problems with over-consumption of alcohol the problem is not really alcohol at all. Perhaps the same could be true in reverse.

Just a thought. Discard it if unhelpful.

TouchingVirus

Wow...thread necromancy much?