Problem(long)

glass onion

I have a problem that I would like to share with you, and get some feedback on...thanks.

Over the past 18 months or so, me and group of the people I work with have become really good friends, we socialise together after work and generally have a good laugh in work together.

The make up of this group is as follows:

Couple(together before I started working there)M25 F24
Couple where the male is the brother of the male in the first couple(got together from meeting in work)M 21 F18
Girl with bf outside of work, who she won't let us meet.F 20
Guy single and never to my knowledge has had a gf. M 22
Me Had gf but now single. M 22

Last Xmas the girl form the first couple told me she fancied me, but I did the "proper" thing and told her I couldn't do anything behind my friends(her bf) back, she understood this, and it wasn't mentioned again. I was single at the time.

One night a couple of weeks later, we were in the pub, the lot of us, when her bf got a call to go to the Hosp, his sis's bf had cut his wrists. That meant that he and his bro had to leave, and because his gf had no money on her, he left his wallet with her. It ended up that the rest of the group went home, and this left me with the girl who fancied me, me and her bf's wallet. We continued drinking, and I ran out of money, so we started spending his between us.

anyway, we ended up going dancing, and when I dropped her home in a taxi, she jumped on me and started kissing me...I kissed her back.

It happened a few more times, until we were all out together dancing again, and he "caught" us kissing at the bar. He said he saw nothing, but I had a feeling at the time that he saw more than he said he did, anyway, because of this me and the girl decided to cool things, and not to get involved any more.

We stayed friends, in fact we are probably closer friends because of it. We don't talk about what happened, we just know it did.

Over the past week or so she ahs been texting me saying things like "Do you remember our nights?"....and things like this....it is like she is reminding me of what happened...

Why is she doing this?.....what should I do...I did have feelings for her before she told me she liked me, but never acted on them out of loyalty to my friend, but when push came to shove I couldn't resist. I still have feelings for her, but after seeing how "Cheating" can destroy someone, I dont want to get involved with her again.

Please Help...

LegacyUser

danger will robinson, danger!!
come on GO, me thinks you know the answer already.

she has a boyfriend..
the boyfriend is your friend..
if she can do this to him, she would do it to you..
it will all end in tears..
she wants her cake and eat it..
keep away from her and tell her to drop it..

I'd suggest not going out with them socially for a while until things cool down, this is really something you do not want to get into, especially if you intend to stay working in the company.

Seraphina

complicated.
i wouldn't get involved anyway, but the fact that this girls boyfriend is your friend makes it even worse. stay away. like beruthiel said, if she did it to him, she'll do it to you.

off topic
i never got that phrase, what the fvck is the point of having cake if you're not going to eat it?!

SheroN

What's the story with rooting through his wallet and spending his money after his brother had slit his wrists?...bit mean, no?

LegacyUser

cake if you're not going to eat it?!

if you've already had (eaten) the cake then you can't eat it again!

Kraken

varity is the spice of life so they say.

if you've already had (eaten) the cake then you can't eat it again!

New flavours being exceptions of course.

The Sweeper

/me hauls this thread's ass back on topic

If she's txting you 'remember our nights' it's because she does want you to remember them. Perhaps things aren't going well for herself and the boyfriend at the moment.

Something that you need to be aware of is that there is a startling number of people out there, (men and women alike although I think women are worse for this), who won't dump a present partner unless they've a sure thing waiting in the wings.

Once someone has been in a relationship for more than six months, that sort of security and sharing can be difficult to let go of - hence I personally know a lot of people who go out with their other halves simply because something better never came along. There are many people out there who wont give up what they have with their partner, even if it's crap, just because 'something is better than nothing'.

I have a suspicion that this girl might be testing the water with you before she gives her boyfriend his marching orders. What happened last time sounds as though it had a lot to do with drink the first time round - and once the first time round has happened, the second and third time are all too easy. This time round, she's setting herself up well in advance, not a pint in sight, to get into the same situation with you - and I doubt she'd do that if she really wanted to be with her current bloke.

As for you, decide what you want.

Do you want her to split with him for you?
Can you accept that he'll probably never speak to you again?
Are you prepared to take on a girl with immediate relationship baggage because she's moved on to you when her ex's side of the bed isn't even cold yet?

What do you really want?

LegacyUser

Originally posted by glass onion
Over the past week or so she ahs been texting me saying things like "Do you remember our nights?"....and things like this....it is like she is reminding me of what happened...

Beware text messages, are you sure it's her?

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Unregistered
Beware text messages, are you sure it's her?

Indeed. There's no proof that it's her and not the bf who wants his suspitions confirmed.

Beyond that everything else that's been mooted here also points to the same "don't go there" solution.

Too likely that you'll get caught... oh, and it's morally wrong too...

thegills

This girl is no good for you or her boyfriend. If he's a good friend tell him what his g/f is up to. He'll be p*ssed off but some day he'll understand why you told him and thank you. Girl's come and go but your mates don't. If he thinks you are bull****ting him arrange a date with her and ask him to do a James Bond on your evening - that'll sort it out.
Do you really want to go out with a girl who is capable of doing the dirt on a bloke with his best mate....?

How much of his money did you spend BTW - Taxi, Clubbing, Booze, surely he suspected something when he got his wallet back!

WhiteWashMan

why cant you get yourself a girlfriend instead of playing away with someone elses girlfriend?

koneko

"Why is she doing this"

Oh God it's all her fault isn't it. You're kissing your friend's girl, and it's all her fault? Take some friggin responsibillity and take your paws of his girl. Tell her if she doesn't want to be with him, she should leave him, not cheat on him.

You're both ****ing him over, and it's wrong. Either she should dump him, or stay well clear of you. I have no sympathy for you. You knew what you were doing.

logic1

Do what any real man would do, try to set this other chick up with your girlfriend then watch as the fun unfolds.

.logic.

Venom

The girl in question is nothing but trouble. Apart from causing a massive row with your mate,she will just as quicky cheat on you the same way as she is cheating on him.

You talk about this guy as a mate but is he someone you really consider a good friend or just someone you work with who you get on with really well? The reasion I ask is you have no problem playing away with his girlfirend behind his back and drinking and clubing you way though his wallet. These just dont seem like the actions of a friend to me. The whole business of you and her being caught kissing at the bar by the guy enforces this view as you dont seem to give a rats ass about him, as you seem to have no problem rubbing his nose in it.

Your facts just dont add up with the way you have carried on while claming to be his mate. Just have a ball with this chick and to hell with him as you dont really give a monkeys about him. I wouldnt bother telling him about all this as if he is going to be pissed off at you at least get to play with his girl some more Just remember she was quick to cheat on him and will be quick to cheat on you at a later date so dont bother posting here at a later date when it happens as you will be laughed off the board.

On second thoughts do post, E/N treads are always a good laugh.

seamus

Originally posted by glass onion
One night a couple of weeks later, we were in the pub, the lot of us, when her bf got a call to go to the Hosp, his sis's bf had cut his wrists. That meant that he and his bro had to leave, and because his gf had no money on her, he left his wallet with her. It ended up that the rest of the group went home, and this left me with the girl who fancied me, me and her bf's wallet. We continued drinking, and I ran out of money, so we started spending his between us.

anyway, we ended up going dancing, and when I dropped her home in a taxi, she jumped on me and started kissing me...I kissed her back.

OK....so while his sister was probably in bits, and for all she new his sis's bf could be dead, she stayed out, wasted all his money and got wasted, and cheated on him.
Classy bird.......:rolleyes:

This girl respects no-one, so she's worthy of no-one's respect. She is scum. Stay well away from her, and consider yourself lucky.

As MAJD said, if you accept her approaches, she'll dump him, take you, string you along, treat you like sh1t, and waste your money, until someone younger and better looking starts working in your office.

Stay away from other people's gf's and just ignore from now on.