A cure for a bad day...

Hobbes

Cure for a bad day

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!
Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying,
"Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin
Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that
anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her.
She had transposed the last two digits.
After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying
there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person answered, I
yelled "You're a jackass!" and hung up.
Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my
desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a
really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!"
It would always cheer me up.
Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a
real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then
one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello."
I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone
company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID
program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said,
"That's because you're a jackass!"
The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how,
if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about
it.
Just dial 823-4863.
[Keep reading, it gets better.]
The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the
parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to
move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a little
more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally
leaving. Suddenly this black Camero came flying up the parking aisle in the
wrong direction and pulled into her space. I started honking my horn and
yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy. I was here first!"
The guy climbed out of his Camero completely ignoring me. He walked
toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guy's a
jackass. There sure a lot of jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a "For
Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number.
Then I hunted for another place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just
gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're jackass!" (It's
really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I
noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camero lying on my desk and
thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple of rings someone answered
the phone and said, "Hello."
I said, "Is this the man with the black Camero for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the
car's parked right out front." I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes,"
"Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.
After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.
For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a
problem I had two jackasses to call. Then, after several months of calling the
jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution:
First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying,
"Hello."
I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.
The jackass said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
He said "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camero's
parked out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your
prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.
Then I called Jackass #2.
He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, Jackass!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your butt."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!"
And I hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was
at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as
he got home.
Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W.
34th Street.
After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to
watch the whole thing.
Glorious!
Watching two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other in front of
6 squad cars and a police helicopter was one of the greatest experiences of my
life!

Name withheld to protect the guilty.

Smurfy

Nice one ..well done!

Paladin

/me doubts it true, but its still funny

Lump

Good Stuff

John

Stephen

LOL Fabolous!

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- Munch
- Visit The Fortress

Monty - the one and only

ROFL!
nice one Hobbes

SantaHoe

Deadly stuff Hobbes!