Girlfriends

Riamfada

Okay My Mates Offer me advice but its Kinda Vauge cause they dont know my girlfriend at all but I know her inside out.
Right The thing is She is a major Flirt, zum Beispiel when we are out, even just the two of us I go to the Bar for drinks, when I get back There is always a guy trying to chat her up. The Thing Is she likes it and dosn't say,"heres my boyfriend" its up to me to push the drunk git away. Another thing is shes telling me she met up with an old frien,a guy and she want to hang around with them in the car at home where she lives (Mullingar and Im from Dublin). She dosnt seem to have alot of time for me anymore.
Here is the reason Im posting this. She is away In gran canaria at the moment with her sister and her friend. I lasted three days before I started to freak out, and I mean Really Freak Out.
Am I just being Over Paranoid or do I have a basis for my craze

oq4v3ht0u76kf2

I think you do have a basis for your concern, but I firmly believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt. Sure, it's bitten me in the ass before but the feeling of satisfaction when you're right about someone and everyone else is wrong is pretty damn cool. Anyway, enough about me. I think you should just talk to her, voice your concerns and tell her that you aren't too pleased with the way she's acting. Don't come on heavy or anything, just voice your concern and see what she says.

Okay My Mates Offer me advice but its Kinda Vauge cause they dont know my girlfriend at all but I know her inside out.

I'd be willing to bet my house that whilst they don't know her as well as you, they know her a hell of a lot better than most of Boards.ie but sometimes objective unbiased advice is good. Although, the only reason I can see this being relevant is that your mates are telling you to dump her and you don't want to so you're saying they don't know her and you do. That might be true, just pointing it out.

A couple of things that might be relevant, how old are you both and how long have you been together?

Riamfada

Eh, I know were Young. Im 18 and she Is 17 and we are going on 5 months or somthing, Well close Enough

The Corinthian

Cheat on her. It'll cure you of any jealousy and dampen of the sting you'll feel should she be unfaithful.

Given that it'll open a completely different Pandora's box of issues, but that's another thread...

Jak

There is no harm in flirting - especially when young and at the stage where you are just getting into pubs and clubs properly and meeting absolute strangers. Both myself and my girlfriend flirt with people - but to this point we have never let it go to far - if or when we do - well it is maybe just time to let the relationship go or just leave it as friends. Relationships should always be open enough that if one party is no longer happy - they should be able to walk away.

I despise (as mentioned in other threads - and I am trying to get clear on my exact point of view as it happens) the defensive property notion of relationships. Can't people chat to other people freely if both are happy to without the significant other feeling undermined and threatened? Can you not trust your other half to say when is enough? I understand there is a need for a level of commitment - but I think there many different types of relationship one can have - and as long as both parties know the score, they all can work for people at different times in their life. Your present situation seems to be off balance.,,

If you aren't sure you trust her and if she has never made it clear that she only wants to be with you - going on the current description of your situation, I would say yes .. she probably is playing about a bit on Holiday.

Riamfada

Yeah, eh Lets not even go there on the Dirt thing Sister, Must Fight Satan !

Keno2

You say she flirts with people right in front of you and doesnt seem in any rush to point out the fact that you're her boyfriend. Thats a bit strange alright.

What would happen if you werent to push the drunk git away? What do you think would happen? How far would she let things go with the situation? Talk is cheap after all...at the end of a flirty chat if a move is made she might be the one turning around and saying "sorry no but I have a boyfriend." I wouldnt go cheating on her to make yourself feel better until all the facts are in. Sounds to me like you need more information on the situation. And you'll get the best information from her, not anybody here.


No answers for you, just questions to ask yourself.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by The Corinthian
Cheat on her. It'll cure you of any jealousy and dampen of the sting you'll feel should she be unfaithful.

lol - great advice there Corinthian!

tbh Grimes, I would have to admit to being a bit of a flirt myself, my b/f knows this and is ok with it, but that's because with me it's all in good fun and I'm not to be taken seriously! - I would not and never have brought it any further than that - the fact that she does it in front of you means that perhaps you have nothing to worry about because if she was really up to something she would only do it behind your back, she may just be enjoying the attention. Of course, you are both quite young yet and I could be completely wrong. Have you not talked to her about it?? if not, you should.

The Sweeper

If she does anything really outrageous, point out to her that such behaviour hurts your feelings and you wish she wouldn't do it. If she's just flirting, you have to take a deep breath and see how secure you are in yourself.

Personally, I'd feel like an awful eejit if I got chatted up in a pub while my other half was at the bar, and as soon as he got back I announced to the chatter upper "my boyfriend's here, you have to go away". I far rather telling people to go away because I don't want to talk to them, not because of some "my boyfriend's here now so I'm not allowed to speak to you" idea.

Anyone who knows me knows I'd start a conversation with anything from a down-and-out to a tree when I've a few beers on me. It doesn't mean I'm about to elope with said down-and-out / tree.

It is definitely something that each couple needs to sort out for themselves though. Everyone has different levels of what they think is 'acceptable' in a relationship. The most important thing for you is to find a like-minded partner, or you truly will be miserable.

G

I'll go with the Corinthian, you're only 18, while she's away you should be running offside. Your friends don't even know her so there's not much chance she'll find out.

Anyway, why do you think she's in Gran Canaria without you?

EvilGeorge

Hmmm but maybe your the problem, you are the obsessive stalker who keeps seen her with other blokes and she does not acknowledge your existence!

LegacyUser

Hmm ... she has you right where she wants you mate.

I urge the pre-emptive strike.... dump her on her ass so fast she bounces, because if she really loved you, man she wouldn't be letting other men near her and FFS if she can't keep the flies off of her in a bar while you are there.... what are the chances that while on holiday in Spain(or wherever) she won't ... umm... take advantage of the situation?

Bless my suspicious soul.

Enygma

Cheat on her. It'll cure you of any jealousy and dampen of the sting you'll feel should she be unfaithful

Yup, cheat on her. You're only young and it's great fun, feels all naughty and stuff

The Sweeper

Originally posted by Unregistered
because if she really loved you, man she wouldn't be letting other men near her

[ RANT ]

WHAT SORT OF A LOAD OF BOLLÓX is THAT???????

fúck that for a bare foot and chained to the sink mentality!!

Everyone should be allowed to speak to who they want, when they want. Just because a girl doesn't throw a drink over some geezer who's chancing his arm in a bar and run to her boyfriend shreiking 'RAPE! RAPE!' that doesn't make her a tart!!

Jesus Unregi what age are you????? Have you got a girlfriend???? Do you let her out on her own or do you keep her in a box with a padlock on it????

Well I have to congratulate you if you're so Goddamned fascinating that your girlfriend would never want to have a conversation with another human being! I suggest you bottle whatever you've got and sell it under the "scintillating'r'us" brand name!

Once you've made millions selling your attracta-hormone I recommend you pay for one of those courses that teaches you some self confidence. Cop on - going out with someone doesn't automatically bestow ownership of that person upon you. The fact that your girlfriend interacts with another bloke doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Man you need to get a life, and I need to calm down, I haven't read anything that's set me off this badly in YEARS.

[ /RANT ]


Last edited by MAJD to reduce vehemence of rant

seamus

Hehe I don't think I've ever seen troll bait work so effectively.....:D Shhhhh MAJD...ease the calm....ease the calm...ease the calm

Personally I wouldn't give too much thought to it. My gf's a tad naive, so when men start talking to her, she thinks that they're only being friendly (of course, me being male nows different). She's not stupid though and doesn't get sucked in by any of them. I'm just too precious to risk...:D. No seriously, I'm the same, if women come up and chat to me, I'll chat away, and there's no other motive in my mind so nothings gonna happen. Anyway, most people don't even know when they're flirting, so your gf mightn't even be intending to appear flirty.

For a girl to say 'oh, and this is my boyfriend' is quite rare anyway. It's equivalent to 'I know you're trying to chat me up, and I think you're about as interesting as a dishcloth, so fúck off!'. My girlfriend will introduce me to said predator, and either he will feck off, or he'll spend the next half hour chatting to me (I tend to emit an air of fearsomeness when nothing could be further from the truth). It's a tad unfair to expect her to 'get rid of them'. After all, if some random girl started talking to you at a bar, would you go 'oh, I have a girlfriend, will you go away please?'

Naturally you're going to be a tad paranoid, and the fact that you're so possessive means you're probably mad about her, but keep it in check. Remember that even if some guy is chatting up your woman, it's unlikely that she's willing to just dump on the spot and stroll off with him. She's out for a laugh and just wants to be friendly. In fact, the idea of 'this man could be a good boyfriend' is the last thing on her mind. Trust her. If she cheats on you, then she wasn't worth it anyway.

Gone the canaries? Does the sister like you, even slightly? Then you've nothing to worry about......

G

I think thats a bit too complacent for him seamus.

- she's hanging around with "an old friend"
- she doesn't have any time for him anymore.
- she's in a resort with her best m8.

play the field if you can Grimes. do things for yourself. man you're only 18... if she's not giving you any joy then it's time to have a sniff elsewhere me thinks. Are you in college yet? Freshers week is only a few weeks away :cool:

...keep her in a box with a padlock on it

mmm, now there's an idea...

LegacyUser

personally, i can totally see ur point. but she is only 17 and u r only 18. this time in yer lives ye sud b out having fun n not worrying about crap like that. why dont you, the next time you out, let it happen and if she does do anything......drop her. your young....move on....dont sink 2 her level.

i also think you should let her no what your thinking aswell!(if all else fails)

LegacyUser

Bah.

Dump her on her ass man, she is playing you and you know it. You can tell she is loosing interest, better the pre-emptive strike then to get a 'Dear John' letter from her one day.

"Dear John.
Umm I had a really nice time on our date, but, umm.... it's not that I don't love you.... it's just that I'm not in love with you.
But we can still be friends.
"

mumble.

Women are poison, never ever give them the advantage, they are the enemy.... so long as you approach your relationship with the ulterior motive of playing her, before she plays you... you can't loose.

Missy

ummm, not all women are poison, some of us do hav hearts!!

LegacyUser

Originally posted by Missy
ummm, not all women are poison, some of us do have hearts!!

Lies.

That's what they all say, but they're just really heartless liars.

So just like the sheep,the cow and the pig, it is better to get them before they get you, because if the roles were reversed, a sheep would kill you and your whole family.

Deep down I'm a very shallow person.' Charles Haughey.

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Missy
ummm, not all women are poison, some of us do hav hearts!!

Indeed. Old Chinese proverb: "Fragile objects dropped from great heights make interesting noises".

Missy

i admit there is yound ones out there that would fit yer discription.

WhiteWashMan

i dunno, i tend to smile if a bloke chats to my girlfriend coz i know that shes not stupid or silly, and shes not going to dump me for some romeo.
its all about trust.
if you cant trust your partner (be that actual or paranoid distrust) then theres an issue, and you have to figure it out.

i'd say, until she says shes with other people, then you have nothing to worry about. if you are worried, talk to her. if she doesnt want to talk, you havent even got a relationship, end it, and walk away and stop with all the worrying.

its a lovely day outside, go for a walk

smiles

Hmmmm.... right well firstly there is nothing wrong with some harmless flirting! I'm a natural flirt and i dont think I could stop even if I wanted to.

Talk to her and tell her if it makes you uncomfortable, but don't expect her to stop.

In all honesty it is you who has the problem with how she is, has she ever gone off with *any* of the guys who chat her up when you are there? Don't worry about it.

As for the other guy issue. One of my best friends hangs around constantly with her ex-boyfriend and they go off on drives together, etc. She's got a new boyfriend and they're just mates, it's as simple as that.

Dont get all paranoid and accusing at her or else you'll push her away.

<< Fio >>

Thomas from Presence

If she cheats on you then thank **** it didn't happen when you were married or going out for 5 years. There no point in worrying about it cos you can't be there all the time.

Your young and young relationships are the most dangerous because people change faster over shorter periods of time when their young. If it goes kaput you'll write dark poetry for a few weeks and meet someone else (maybe this cycle will repeat fo a few years)

If you can't relax and have fun with her when your out remember she's not the only woman alive so if she's not worth it then drop her like a hot toad (talk to her first though, very important, failing that then bring in the dropping).

I know I sound cold & callous but thats the way I'm seein it at the mo' brother!

SOL

Originally posted by smiles
Hmmmm.... right well firstly there is nothing wrong with some harmless flirting! I'm a natural flirt and i dont think I could stop even if I wanted to.
<< Fio >>

ROFL

Typedef

Originally posted by Thomas from Presence
If she cheats on you then thank **** it didn't happen when you were married or going out for 5 years. There no point in worrying about it cos you can't be there all the time.

Your young and young relationships are the most dangerous because people change faster over shorter periods of time when their young. If it goes kaput you'll write dark poetry for a few weeks and meet someone else (maybe this cycle will repeat fo a few years)

Yeah umm.

Been there, done that, spent weeks saying

"Hey baby, just leave your husband in France, the fact that your father likes him is much too Freudian, anyway we should be together you and me against the world baby..... it can work baby... me and you .... you bitch".

"I was in Bang Gang, Sang Gong... I was all over that place man".

</Eddie Murphy>

Aspro

Originally posted by smiles
As for the other guy issue. One of my best friends hangs around constantly with her ex-boyfriend and they go off on drives together, etc. She's got a new boyfriend and they're just mates, it's as simple as that.

I dunno smiles. I'm the new boyfriend in the same situation and I can't say I'm not paranoid about this set-up. They were going out for four years, he wants to get back together, she doesn't. She tells me she's no interest in him (that she in fact can't stand him anymore) yet still hangs out with him (a group of mutual friends between them). I can't tell her who to see and who not to see - that's got to be her decision. If I pressure her about it I'm just going to push her away.

I don't think the word "simple" ever equates with relationships.

Am I being a sucker here, just waiting to get fúcked over?

Advice please, folks.

Venom

Cheat on her. It'll cure you of any jealousy and dampen of the sting you'll feel should she be unfaithful.

I am intrigued by your line of thought and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.



Grimes - You may be worring about nothing but if she dosent tell people who are chatting her up/flirting with her that you are her BF,then that is something you may need to address as it would be common curtesy to explain who you are to the guys in question.If she has a problem with telling her fans she is with you,then I would suggest dumping her as it would appear she is just an attention seeking bint.

Unreg - stop torment Gemma.Good troll tho

Gemma - stop letting the trolls torment you.Shame on you as you should know better

Aspro - is your chick hanging out with the ex bf alone or is she just having to be around him due to other people they both happen to know?

If she is chilling with him alone then what she is telling you about having no interest in him is bollocks and you should be weary of her.

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Venom
I am intrigued by your line of thought and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

Despair. Mistrust. Suffering. My work here is done...

LegacyUser

Originally posted by Aspro


I dunno smiles. I'm the new boyfriend in the same situation and I can't say I'm not paranoid about this set-up. They were going out for four years, he wants to get back together, she doesn't. She tells me she's no interest in him (that she in fact can't stand him anymore) yet still hangs out with him (a group of mutual friends between them). I can't tell her who to see and who not to see - that's got to be her decision. If I pressure her about it I'm just going to push her away.

I don't think the word "simple" ever equates with relationships.

Am I being a sucker here, just waiting to get fúcked over?

Advice please, folks.

Let me say from experience.

Sucker.

Oh lala.

Sposs

Yea Aspro,your gf has the best of both worlds,two guys wanting her.its obvious they both still have feelings for each other or they wouldnt still be hanging around together.

Cheat on her,do it now before its too late.

Riamfada

Thanks for the Advice guys it was very helpful. Ill let you know when she gets Back this Saturday.

irishguy

i am the same age as u and i would agree with the cheat on her option.cus if u find out she has cheated on u wont feal as bad and ur only young its not like ur going to spend the rest of ur lives togeater have fun while ur young u should have loads of girlfriends + its fun

LegacyUser

'aw ****, yer cant just leave it on that cliffhanger like that, seamus has the coolest reply, good luck, know how you feel, still dont know if we are supposed to be ug man apes, repelling away adversaries with stenchy odours and presence and eye contact,**** off vibes, to be feared by man, but maybe also the woman, or whether we stay as peaceful beings and either be walked on by the man, or the opposite, but perhaps respected more by the woman,or the opposite who are the other men anyhows? are they just interesting geezers or confident assertive geezers who know how to get a woman easily. i know of some blokes who could get almost any chick with a few crafty words in the right places id have to stand my ground with them i reckons, they can get a shag anywheres, they dont give a **** who it is. anyways i dont know its all such a swirl. does she love you, do you love her, does it all really matter anyways? we're just a bunch of monkeys and a bag of worries wot need untangling. just go and sit in a tree with yer bottle of wine and howl at the moon. I dont know much about love, but hope to find it truly and deeply if it truly exists, it had better do or ill...ill... complain to the management arrgh! and kick heavenly arse! anyhows whatever love peace magic, assertiveness, confidence, wit and whatever! lifes too short.'

po0k

You're 18.


Play the field, damn the consequences.

Chinafoot

He's 23 now

Marksie

BUMP and a half
Ah_padstow: you are unregistered but be aware about bumping threads, particulalrly ones that are nearly 5 YEARS old, is not allowed