Some Jokes

Mr E

An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks once more for old times sake.
He hires a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He’s going at it as best as he can for a guy his age.
He asks, “How am I doing?”
The prostitute replies, “Well sailor, you’re doing about three knots.”
“Three knots?” he replies, “What’s that supposed to mean?” She says, “You’re knot hard, you’re knot in, and you’re knot getting your money back.



While most men would love a huge cock poor Dave had a 20 inch monster that no woman could handle. Fed up with no sex life he resorts to visiting a witch who tells him that if he asks the Frog In The Forest to marry him his dick will shrink 4 inches. Our hero decides to give it a go and sets out into the woods.
A little later he comes across a big pond in a clearing in the woods and calls out "Oh Frog In The Forest! WIll you marry me?"
"No" comes back the reply and to our guy's astonishment his dick shrinks 4 inches! He looks down and thinks it's still a bit too big so again he calls "Oh Frog In The Forest will you marry me?"
"No" comes the reply and our guys looks down with excitment to see that his dick is now an impressive, but smaller, 12 inches. He still thinks it may be a bit much for most women so one last time he calls out "Frog In The Forest! Will you marry me?"
"No, No, NO!" calls back the the frog "are you deaf or something?"



When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife.
But after several weeks his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches.
Ralph became quite concerned. He was having problems dressing and even walking, so he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist.
After an initial examination, the Doctor explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be fixed through corrective surgery.
"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously.
"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.
"Well," said the wife coldly, "you're planning on lengthening Ralph's legs, aren't you?"



Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?' . . . and, she always acts like she's sound asleep!"

Rabies

"No, No, NO!" calls back the the frog "are you deaf or something?"

LOL,
nice one.
heard the rest before but still good

Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway,

i hope your not promoting the evil of DRINK DRIVING !!!! :eek: :eek:

Mr E

HEY... don't shoot the messenger, buddy !!
I didn't write the darn thing!

Drink driving bad, 'mmmkay ?

(So is looking around the forest for talking frogs, but you didn't complain about THAT, did you ??? DID YOU ???)

- Dave.

Thanx 4 The Fish

There isn't any law against looking for talking frogs though...;)