Mystical Beer Scooter - LMAO

mfield

How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night of
drinking and thought 'How did I get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot
piece together your return journey from the pub to your home. The answer to
this puzzle is that you used a beer scooter.

The beer scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased out to
the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has branched out since
the decrease in the worship of the Roman pantheon and bought a large batch
of these magical devices. The beer scooter works in the following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring
gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many
subcontractors detects the pheromone and sends down a winged beer scooter.
The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a
trans-dimensional portal. It is not cheap to run a beer scooter franchise,
so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment.
This generates the second question after a night out 'How did I spend so
much money?'

Beer scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible
for 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries). An undocumented feature
of the beer scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip.

The nature of trans-dimensional portals dictates that time will be lost,
seemingly unaccounted for. This generates the third question after a night
out 'What happened?' With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the EMIT
(Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in
descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one
person's EMIT is not necessarily the EMIT of another and quite often lost
time is regained over a suitable period. Independent studies have also shown
that Beer Goggles cause the scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus
sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom often with horrific consequences.

With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a
scooter drive-thru chain specializing in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts.
Another question answered!!

For the family man, beer scooters come equipped with flowers picked from
other people's garden and Thump-A- Lot Boots. These boots are designed in
such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe, you are sure to wake up
your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into
every wall and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the
ring marked shins.

The final add-in Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is TAS
(Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get
through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.

PS: Don't forget the onboard heater which allows you to get home from the
bar in subzero temperatures wearing just a T-shirt.

Thanx 4 The Fish

Saw this here a couple of weeks ago, still deserves a Rofl though.

mfield

Ooops I'm sorry if this was posted before - my mistake!



mfield

BKtje

its come up a couple of time but imo it makes perfect sense.
There is NO way i spent that much and i never can remember the part after leaving the pub and openign the front door :x

OLDYELLAR

my beer scooter hits the fridge every time!