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The real meaning

  • 16-02-2000 2:30pm
    Registered Users Posts: 16,413 ✭✭✭✭

    **"Competitive Salary"
    We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.

    **"Join our fast-paced company"
    We have no time to train you.

    **"Casual work atmosphere"
    We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up; a couple of
    > > the
    > > > real
    daring guys wear dungarees.

    **"Must be deadline oriented"
    You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.

    **"Some overtime required"
    Some every night and some every weekend.

    **"Duties will vary"
    Anyone in the office can boss you around.

    **"Must have an eye for detail"
    We have no quality assurance.

    Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

    **"Apply in person"
    If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told that the position has
    > > been

    **"No phone calls please"
    We've already filled the job; our call for a resume is just a legal

    **"Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience"
    You'll need it to replace the three people who just quit.

    **"Problem-solving skills a must"
    You're walking into perpetual chaos.

    **"Requires team leadership skills"
    You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or

    **"Good communication skills"
    Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and
    do it.

    Phrases for you to use in an interview:

    **"I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organization"
    I've used Microsoft Office.

    **"I'm honest, hard-working and dependable"
    I pilfer office supplies.

    **"I take pride in my work"
    I blame others for any mistakes.

    **"I'm personable"
    I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

    **"I am very adaptable"
    I've changed jobs a lot.

    **"I am on the go"
    I'm never at my desk.

    **"I'm highly motivated to succeed"
    The minute I find a better job, I'm outta here.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,643 ✭✭✭Jak


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,488 ✭✭✭SantaHoe

    So True...

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,660 ✭✭✭Baz_

    I've used that highly motivated to succeed one before but I used the other veresion doh!!!

    Just kidding

    bye for now

  • Registered Users Posts: 21,264 ✭✭✭✭Hobbes

    Reads just like my Job description. Spooky.