Brazil V England

Rabies

A man on his way home from work comes to a dead halt in traffic and thinks to himself, this traffic seems worse than usual. He notices a guard walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window.

"Guard what's the hold up?"

The guard replies: "It's an English fan, he's just so depressed About losing to the Brazilians - who only played with ten men, being knocked out of the world cup, and the prospect of winning f***k all after gobbing off all year about how his team were going to win again just like in '66, he's threatening to douse himself in petrol and set himself on fire.

I'm walking around taking a collection for him."

Really?" says the executive, reaching for his pockets, "How much have you
collected?"

So far," replies the guard, "only half a gallon, but a lot of people are still siphoning."

DapperGent

An Englishman and an Irishman are driving down an isolated stretch of road when they have a headon collision. Both cars fly into the ditch and are completely totalled. Miraculously both men climb out with hardly a scratch.

Having introduced themsleves the Englishman notes that perhaps their unlikely escape is a sign that they should put aside their traditional emnity and become friends. The Irishman agrees and thinks that they should toasts their newfound friendship. He fishes out a bottle of whisky which has also had a lucky escape and offers it to the Englishman who drains half of it and offers it back. The Irishman refuses and starts rummaging in his pockets.

"What are you doing?" asks the Englishman.

"Phoning the police."

-RaY-

LOL nice onedappergent:D