Life

Lisaq

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still *have* monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the *bad* girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as *ghosts* but as *mattresses*?
8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and
there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?
10. If someone with *multiple personalities* threatens to kill
himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11. Is there another word for synonym?
12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?
13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
14. What do you do when you see an endangered *animal* eating an endangered *plant*?
15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will *clean* them?
18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
22. Why do they put Braille on the *drive-through* bank machines?
23. How do *blind* people know when they are done wiping?
24. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
25. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste
funny?
26. What was the best thing *BeFoRe* sliced bread?
27. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other
people
28. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
29. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
30. How is it possible to have a civil war?
31. If *one* synchronized swimmer drowns, do *the rest* drown too?
32. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
33. If you try to *fail*, and *succeed*, which have you done?
34. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in
it?
35. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
36. Why is it called "tourist season" if we can't shoot at them?
37. Why is the alphabet in *that* order? Is it because of that
stupid song?
38. *Where* are we going? And what's *with* this handbasket? 39. If the "blackbox" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash,why isn't the whole darn airplane made out of that stuff?
40. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
41. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, doeshe become disoriented?


Yeah well...

freakofnature

teeheehee.... i get jokes

dogfood

why are all good looking men gay??

Kurdt

you've been spending too much time looking in the george...

look elsewhere