Being Gay

lazer

when i came to Boards at first, i suggested that they have a gay board, i got some not so nice feedback..

i think its great that there is a place that everyone can open out, and tell there problems/issues, unlike after hours, where ur prob going to get just abuse..which i have to problem with by the way, and support 100% lol, anything for a laugh eh?

being gay, is a big part of my life, i feel that coming out has opend my mind to new ideas, and a totaly different way of thinking.

i dont know why i opened this thread, but maybe some people might throw some of there thoughts up?

Jpaulik

I don't know is being gay a whole different way of thinking. It is when you're checking out guys and thinking about anything related to sex.

When I realised I was attracted to the same sex I didn't start thinking too differently. My taste in music and clothes and books didn't change. I still dislike Abba and the Village people.

lazer

but i bet u are more intouch with your own self?

Jpaulik

Ah yeah. I do feel guilty though as not many people know I'm gay. I don't let on to people including my family what my inclination is. I suppose its almost dishonest really and since I don't class my homosexuality as a big thing I shouldn't really be hiding the fact, but I do.

lazer

all good then

Jpaulik

Well, almost, see above re-edited post.

Dustaz

ok, ive always wanted to know this. Why do gay men feel the need to do the gay voice thing?
I realise thats a sweeping generalisation, but lets face it for the most part , gay men sound like Big Gay Al.

Is it to mark themselves out as being gay? if so, WHY do they need to be marked out as being gay.

Same question applies to lesbians and Shaven hair and Dungarees

amp

Originally posted by lazer
but i bet u are more intouch with your own self?

If I was any more in touch with my own self I'd need a labrador.

Jpaulik

I don't have the stereotypical "gay voice thing" and since I don't hang around with an awful amount of gay people I can't really comment knowledgeably.

Its probably just the herd mentality, you know where people in a group will slowly start turning into clones. Use the same phrases and actions. Having the same "superior" fashion sense.

I do think too that it is to mark yourself out as being gay. Think about how easy it is for heterosexuals. Me man, you woman. Begin attempts at flirting.

Now try and pick the gay guys out of a pack of men in a pub. Mark out which ones are your type, begin flirting. Its time consuming at the very least. Having some identifiers, like a big gay al brogue and wearing pink is more efficient. The accent is probably acquired by some, but its natural in others.

Dustaz

Id always kinda assumed it was because of that - The practicalities of 'pulling'.

smiles

Well, i have a few gay/bi friends and i know that for a majority of them being comfortable with the fact that they are of a different sexual orinatation means that they are a lot more comfortable with themselves and with their environment.

I haven't seen any of them change radically, they are still the exact same people, the most that has changed is some of them experiencing problems with accepting/analysing what they are feeling and figuring out how to react to it.

<< Fio >>

shotamoose

Originally posted by Jpaulik
Ah yeah. I do feel guilty though as not many people know I'm gay. I don't let on to people including my family what my inclination is. I suppose its almost dishonest really and since I don't class my homosexuality as a big thing I shouldn't really be hiding the fact, but I do.

I know exactly what you mean. I don't "act gay", whatever that is, and it seems to upset some people when they find out that I am (well I'm bi acshully), which annoys me but makes me even less willing to live up or down to their stereotypes.

But at the same time I don't tell my family, but that may be because I don't tell my family anything if I don't have to. I just don't get on with them alright. Most of my good friends know, except for the ones I think couldn't handle it very well.

I find the whole 'gay scene' thing quite frustrating, in that what is ostensibly a celebration of freedom and individuality seems to always become just another fashion to follow, just another behaviour to conform to if you want to fit in. I was so disappointed to realise that gay nightclubs are just as boring as straight ones, and that it's just as hard to meet someone you like. I've met more gay people I like in class-rooms, at anti-war marches and in newspaper offices than I have or ever will in a club.

Thanks for starting the thread, lazer

Uphamizer

I was just wondering, how did you actually find out you are gay, what age did you find that out at, did you find females attractive before you became gay (If it works like that, I'm not gay so I wouldn't know).
Do you not get alot of people slagging you off?

Khynareth

Originally posted by shotamoose

But at the same time I don't tell my family, but that may be because I don't tell my family anything if I don't have to.

I don't know about being gay. I tried a girl, didn't like it (something missing) so I stick to guys. Glad I tried because at least I know what it is and that I don't miss on anything.

What I think about the whole thing of not telling (the family), is that when you don't say, it does not exist (for them), so there is no problem (because if they knew that would probably become a problem when it is not if they don't know.

It's just like when somebody is very sick (I see that with a friend who has a cancer), her family, her friends do as if it did not exist, they don't talk about it, if you mention it they quickly change subject. To them, it does no exist. But in the end, it will make it evenmore painful.

I'm for honesty, all the way. When I think something, I say, if I want something I say it, If I am something, I show it, and I expect people to do the same with me. Things are much more simple that way.

LegacyUser

every person is some way inclined to be with the same sex....

i bet everyone here thought about it??

azezil

Originally posted by Unregistered
every person is some way inclined to be with the same sex....

i bet everyone here thought about it??

I used to think that until recently, but apparently there is some physical difference in the brain/? might be total tripe but that's what i heard.

As for thinking about it, i suppose there's always a degree of curiosity about that, that is different to us. Dreams of a homosexual nature do not necessarily mean one is gay, it can be an expression of dominance or control.

LegacyUser

i think everyone is inclinded towards at least one person of the same sex at some stage in their life. tried girls, tried boys, never got freaked out, never got tooo curious. both are fun. i wouldnt consider myself gay or bi cause i tend to be with guys more.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

azezil

Originally posted by Unregistered
i think everyone is inclinded towards at least one person of the same sex at some stage in their life. tried girls, tried boys, never got freaked out, never got tooo curious. both are fun. i wouldnt consider myself gay or bi cause i tend to be with guys more.

very open minded of you, i for one could never be with a member of the same sex, i feel physically ill and or terrified by it!! i have totally over reacted to people messing around in the past i don't know why but when i guy makes an advance on me i totally freak out



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p.s. i going to assume when you said girls and boys you're not some old pervert and they were of around the same age

Dustaz

bit of a strong reaction there azzaaleleleilaaazzzlzlaialalll? Compensation perhaps?

Were all Human, therefore man,woman, gay or straight weve all considered every possibility. Some people experiment, some dont.

I never experimented at all because its just not something that would appeal to me, once i realised that the whole 'hmm, could i be gay?' thought process kinda stopped in its tracks:)

Oeneus

Half the time I can't really understand why one man can be attracted to another. Primarily due to the fact that men are scum! (I am male by the way) If women ruled the world it'd probably be a much better place (women like kittens and flowers where's men like killing kittens and shagging women (or men)).
I saw this from looking at my Father and Step-Father.:D:D:D

But as it turns out homosexuals(both men and women) generally tend to be much nicer people! Less slobbery, um...less slobbery. But the annoying thing is if I start hanging around with homosexuals, people assume I'm gay aswell, decreasing chances of me getting near any chicks !

Dustaz

Originally posted by Oeneus
If women ruled the world it'd probably be a much better place

I thought Maggie Thatcher laid this argument to rest once and for all ?:)

But as it turns out homosexuals(both men and women) generally tend to be much nicer people!

Bull**** Gays can be assholes (and bitches) as much as straight people.

Oeneus

Yes but Maggie Thatcher was as skank as an ape's arse so she doesn't count!:D

Rephrase: If pretty women ruled the world it'd probably be a much better place

And gays would generally be nicer because they're not prejedice against straight people where's many straight ppl are homophobic!

Victor

Originally posted by Dustaz
gay men sound like Big Gay Al.

Not that i want an introduction but who is 'big gay Al'.

Originally posted by Jpaulik
Think about how easy it is for heterosexuals. Me man, you woman. Begin attempts at flirting.

All this does is whittle down the targets to straight women. There are still a million reasons to feel awkward / insecure / whatever in engaging with those targets. On the flip side, women tend to be 'protective' of themselves and it isn't that easy to get 'in there'.

I think most men can accept their friends being 'differently' orientated, however, there is a large minority of mostly men (of all orientations) who act in a predatory way which prejudices opinions to different orientations.

Gordon

You should watch south Park Victor!

Jpaulik

Originally posted by Uphamizer
I was just wondering, how did you actually find out you are gay,

When I admited to myself that I found males attractive.

what age did you find that out at

Well I had always noticed something since an early age, like even before puberty. I may have been 14 or 15 when I consciously realised I liked guys.

did you find females attractive before you became gay

Yes, I had a girlfriends. For a while I thought I might be bisexual, best of both worlds etc. But as time progressed I felt more inclined to guys.

Do you not get alot of people slagging you off?

Not really as I'm not open. But I do see a lot of people slagging off openly gay people. I just put it down to ignorance and fear. People will always highlight differences in people. Its amazing really that people get so upset about somebody being gay. Its not a huge deal.

Jpaulik

Originally posted by Oeneus
Half the time I can't really understand why one man can be attracted to another.

Scientists have been looking into that for years.. can you understand why a man can be attracted to a woman ? Same thing really.

Primarily due to the fact that men are scum! (I am male by the way) If women ruled the world it'd probably be a much better place

Women ruling the world ? Maggie T, Eve, Eva Peron, Imelda Marcos didn't do good jobs. The world would be a better place if it was run and populated with enlightened people.


But as it turns out homosexuals(both men and women) generally tend to be much nicer people!

Nope, not true. We just have better pr.


Less slobbery, um...less slobbery.

Stereotype, but not for me.

But the annoying thing is if I start hanging around with homosexuals, people assume I'm gay aswell, decreasing chances of me getting near any chicks

In a gay bar maybe.

logic1

Originally posted by Jpaulik


Scientists have been looking into that for years.. can you understand why a man can be attracted to a woman ? Same thing really.

Well it's not the same thing at all. All creatures are attracted to the opposite sex due to a natural desire to reproduce. It's not a concious decision but generally taken as granted that natural attraction exists between opposite sexes stemming from a need to procreate.

Gay relationships break the rules of nature in that gay attractions really don't stem from a need to reproduce.

But there's exceptions to every rule.

.logic.

Nexus

to each their own.

Dustaz

Originally posted by logic1


Gay relationships break the rules of nature in that gay attractions really don't stem from a need to reproduce.

DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!! DANGER!!!

bombidol

this thread is ready to explode, everyone is waiting for someone to post something even remotly "anti-gay" so they can all reaffirm their "open mindness" and bash them.
For me, it really makes no difference, my uncle is gay and lives with his boyfriend and my other uncle (His brother) so i have been exposed to it for a long while now, Strangly most of my girlfriends mates are gays and lesbians. Gays, lesbians, bi it really doesnt bother me, but i must be honest and say that if i was in a club and there were two guys kissing or something i would get the shivers.
The one major gripe i have with gay men is the Camp thing, i really dont get it it actually annoys me to the point that i feel like screaming, i get that its like a siren to alert other gays in the vicinity, but wouldnt a tight tshirt do the same thing? (joke)

BomB

swiss

Hmm,

It is true to say that some men (and women) do have innate problems with homosexuality. I think that a lot of the overt abuse/slagging which gays receive stems from paranoia (i.e not wanting to be deemed 'bent') and/or insecurity about one's own sexuality. Most of my friends are straight, and I would *ahem* usually never think about making advances on them (well, not unless I was really drunk). Don't worry azezil, you're relatively safe from unwanted attention

I do have some gay friends as well, and although my relationship with them is different on some levels, particularly since they are from different walks of life, I find that in many respects I view them as I do my 'normal' friends. I'm afraid that the 'big gay al' stereotype does ring true in some cases, and whenever I go out to a gay niteclub, the twin elements of 'butch' and 'camp' are very much in evidence.

Gay culture can become a restictive culture and society unto itself, where people are expected to conform (to an extent) to certain ways of acting. Just as a person can pick up an accent by going abroad on holiday, one can pick up overtly camp tendencies by socialising with gay people. I remember I went out one night, and the next day I started referring to objects as 'fabulous' before I caught myself .

As for lazer's request for a board, I did think that it was a good idea at the time. It was rejected because ultimately it was felt that by isolating the gay community onto one board a 'ghetto' culture could emerge, and it was also felt that the demand would be insufficient for such a board. I don't feel that the second argument stands up to scrutiny, given the interest in this thread. I think a private board would be a good idea, and I think I'll present it to the admin board later. It would at least allow greater scope for privacy, and would help to avoid the muppets spamming the boards with comments like 'j00 f4gs'. Yes, if we pester them enough they'll give in and give us what we want

azezil

Originally posted by swiss
Don't worry azezil, you're relatively safe from unwanted attention

you sayin i'm not sexy! god dammit, next lan i'm wearing spandex


Meanwhile on the issue of spamming etc. i can assure you noone will flame or spam my forum! (except me )

SheroN

what about me can i not spam? :eek:

azezil

Originally posted by SheroN
what about me can i not spam? :eek:

hell no, now back on topic you!

swiss

Well, in case ye haven't noticed a similar topic has appeared in admin.

It's there if ye want it, sign yourselves up for a private gay board.

Don't feel too bad azezil, if it makes you feel better I think there's a gay man out there just ready to make advances towards you . All you have to do is meet that 'special somebody'.

Volvagia

well alls i know is that if i was homophobic i'd have no friends! coz most o my friends are gay/bi. there just my friends and even though a few of them have a slight case the "Big Gay Al" voice but there just my friends and they can do what ever they want there still my friends. ohh and they can be assholes sometimes just like straight people can be sometimes too!

MagicBusDriver

To be honest, I can't stand gays.. For one thing they speak like B@rd and their opinions aren't far off.
This 'we're all the same' arguement is a load of pants. Gay people *generally* talk like knobs, and I don't talk to knobs never mind listen to them. Not that im homophobic..

Someone had to do it..

DeVore

To be fair, from a logical point of view, if you identify "Gay Men" as the ones with "Big Gay Al" voices (which a lot of people do)... then you can hardly complain when all the gay people you've ever met sounded like Big Gay Al...

Self fulfilling prophesy really...

DeV.

Jpaulik

Very brave posting from a brand new account.

[edit] Mea culpa, not a brand new account. I respect the fact you are allowed to air your opinions. I myself can't stand Man Utd fans.

Yurmasyurda

Originally posted by MagicBusDriver
To be honest, I can't stand gays.. For one thing they speak like B@rd and their opinions aren't far off.
This 'we're all the same' arguement is a load of pants. Gay people *generally* talk like knobs, and I don't talk to knobs never mind listen to them. Not that im homophobic..

Someone had to do it..

That's a very broad statement, I know people that are gay and you would not be able to tell unless they told you! Everyone is different so you can't just say you hate all gays when your best friend could be gay. More open mindedness is needed in this closed off world, it's getting there though

meglome

Originally posted by MagicBusDriver
To be honest, I can't stand gays.. For one thing they speak like B@rd and their opinions aren't far off.
This 'we're all the same' arguement is a load of pants. Gay people *generally* talk like knobs, and I don't talk to knobs never mind listen to them. Not that im homophobic..

Someone had to do it..

This is obviously coming from someone who doesn't actually know any gay people. It's like saying you don't like trees, they come in all shapes and sizes and colours. One of the only things gay people have in common in my experience is that they like people of the same sex. Saying gays talk like nobs is the worst crap I have ever heard, they talk just the same rubbish as straight people. This is not a 'right on' opinion it's just the facts so take your head out your arse.

Lolo

I think what he's traying to say is that he's irritated by the mannerisms of camp gay men - he's just not aware that he knows any other kind (but you probably do). I know plenty of gay guys who are also extremely irritated by the Big Gay Al type. Poor old Al, he's become a symbol on these boards for all that is annoying about camp blokes! (I think Mr Humphreys from Are You Being Served is a better example). Personally I find clichéd, text-book limp-wristed gay men very endearing, espcially the older kindly-gay-uncle type.

goose

the problem with gay clubs and culture in ireland, is that all gay people are grouped together, purely because of thier sexual orientation.

we are as diverse as, its just we tend to get catagorised.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Theres two types of gays -

Gays - ones who be themselves, ones you would rarely notice unless they're flirting with another gay for example.

F@ggots - Ones who talk in a camp voice, starve themselves so womens clothes are too big for them, behave superior to any other man who doesn't have homosexual tendancies, are ready to shout "homophobe!" at every oppertunity, act as if straight men are rapists by nature and only caring gays can save women from them.

Gays are fine by my reckoning, know some and get on pretty well.

F@ggots are untrustworthy little fúcks who use information they gain from girls to improve their gossip image. Even though I avoid them like the plague I still know a lot of things I shouldn't about certain trusting girls in my year!(go to a mixed school)

Until f@ggots get they're act together society won't accept gays in general.
Theres no equivelent(not even opposite equivelents) of lesbian f@ggots.

Anyone know why?

meglome

Originally posted by Ahamah
Imagine lots of poo talk here

As I've said already gay people come in all shapes and sizes and types. And sure enough I have met gay people who annoyed the **** out of me just as I have met straight people who annoy me. Some of the lesbians I now know don't like the butch dyke types just as some of the gay guys don't like very camp gays. i.e. all types and ways.

Generalising when you don't have the facts is pointless and makes you look stupid.

woosaysdan

i think people should be allowed do wat they want not interfere with other people!!! unless ye are lesbians then thats different ye can do it in public all ye like!!! i dnt mind really please go ahead pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

Flemmish Flame

I actually don't mind people who are homosexual or lesbien I wish them all the best in a society which luckely now a days is much more liberal,although sometimes I wonder about that, then it used to be.
However sometimes it seems that the acceptance by society of the Homosexual/Lesbienne is a cultural dependant phenomenon
some societies are tolerant some are not. Some people take everything said about gay/lesbian even bi sexual people a bit to personal!

Volvagia

That ****e u posted MagicBusDriver is the biggest load of Bollox i have ever seen. Mrthinks you should mabye like see a real gay person for once not just the ones u see in south park! then hopefully u'll learn!

MagicBusDriver

Ok, so maybe i'm referring to 'f@ggots'.. but to be honest I know of quite a few gays and have yet to come in contact with one who does not show any signs of f@ggotry, even subtle ones.
Volvagia, r u gay? (just a question) because using phrases like 'you should mabye like see' kinda makes u out to be one. And maybe that's my point proven *cough* fag.. (sorry)

MagicBusDriver

AngryBadger

A few tenant of life that I find work pretty well, and maybe you may find them useful
1)What's the big deal? gay, straight pig-****er, who give a **** really?
2)You don't know jack about other people, even the ones you think you know. odds are we all know a small number of people it's safe to say we know virtually everything about, and who we understand, and appreciate every aspect of. The rest of the people in the world are strangers to you, you do not know them, you do not understand them. because social life os often more about politics and deceit than honesty, and sincerity we all tend to lie to each other in various ways, so to my original point YOU DO NOT KNOW PEOPLE, THUS YOU ARE INSUFFICIENTLY EQUIPED TO JUDGE THEM BY ANY SYSTEM OF ASSESSMENT.
3) relax



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If you have a problem with another posters comments send a private message to the forum moderator, i'm not just singleing out you here, it goes for everyone. - azezil