Ever notice that.....

Neil3030

OK, so "ever notice that...." probably isn't the most suitable title for some of these but read on cos this is absolute class....





Black holes are where God divided by zero.

All those who believe in psychokinesis,
raise my hand.

Early bird gets the worm, but the second
mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she
left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you run out of
invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well, you
have obviously overlooked
something.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture
some people have.

Depression is merely anger without
enthusiasm.

When everything's coming your way, you're
in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having
enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness
pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some
don't have film.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the
dark.

Many people quit looking for work when they
find a job.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

Join the Army, meet interesting people,
kill them.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to
buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get
sucked into jet engines.

If I worked as much as others, I would do
as little as they.

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case...
coincidence?

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a
horizontal desire.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind
gets pretty crowded.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

Who is General Failure and why is he
reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to
death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains
kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made
your horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your
name?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all
evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, then
skydiving definitely isn't for you.

A conclusion is the place where you got
tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until
just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and
opposite criticism.

No one is listening until you make a
mistake.

Success always occurs in
private, and failure in full view.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of
your body is required on it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional
to the softness of the
bread.

The severity of the itch is proportional to
the reach.

To steal ideas from one person is
plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

You never really learn to swear until you
learn to drive.

The problem with the gene pool is that
there is no lifeguard.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of
your life.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time
you'll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a
bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick
the one you've never tried
before.

Change is inevitable... except from
vending machines.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

If you think nobody cares about you, try
missing a couple of payments.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least
it's the scenic route.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the
speed of checks.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't
expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad
name.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your
other parts feel so good.

Lenny

lol, good on Neil, recieved that yesterday in inbox

Neil3030

Just thinking, it could supply around 60 people with quality sigs!

LoBo

the early bird/second mouse one has been the signature on one of my email addresses for about 6 years

lots of good sig-padding there though .. good stuff

Colm