Post your text message jokes here...

cournioni

I'm nearly clean outta them... I've only got this one...
d titanic is about 2 sink,
a priest shouts out women + children first!
a man says "fu<k d children"
and d priest replies...
"we don't have time!"

Shoddy I know... thats why I'm looking for some... please reply if you got any.

conZ

funny sh?t

eddhorse

this is a drunken message i got from my mate one night
it goes as follows, if some drunks can translate it would be appreciated

"TWISTED-onlionkx wmering imsound. im suagrting to beile8e in the hybe. not to bad urself im gnin back to galmay mopow.hmgla1.!,,?yea know whap ya mean deadly bu"

flyz

Two dicks walk into a bank screaming HANDS UP THIS IS A STICKUP,
next minute a vibrator walks in,
and the one dick says to the other,
OH FÚCK!! ITS ROBOCOCK!!

cournioni

Nice one! Please keep em coming!

leeroybrown

Not really a Txt joke but it was a spoof text request a friend of mine sent to Galway Bay FM:

(Syntax may not be 100% exact but its pretty close)

"Best wishes to Mike Hunt who'll be meeting Richard and Johnny for a big night out in the GPO Nightclub tonight!"

(It was read out on air)

cournioni

Originally posted by leeroybrown
Not really a Txt joke but it was a spoof text request a friend of mine sent to Galway Bay FM:

(Syntax may not be 100% exact but its pretty close)

"Best wishes to Mike Hunt who'll be meeting Richard and Johnny for a big night out in the GPO Nightclub tonight!"

(It was read out on air)

LOL! Jeez I bet that Dj will feel like a right gob****e when someone tells him what he has done!! :P

C`mon there has to be more people on this bloody thing with mobile phones and more importantly... jokes.

Neil3030

"NEWS FLASH: Snowhite was kicked out of Disneyland after being caught in the woodshop, sitting on Pinnochio's face screaming LIE YOU LITTLE BASTARD, LIE!!

Lucifer

Hello! This is your mobile. Just wanted to get out of your pocket! The smell next to your balls was unbearable! I think your díck is dead!


Flowers €25
Dinner €70
Movie €10
Drinks €50
but the look on her face when i stick my cock up her arse..
*PRICELESS*


I had a wet dream about you last nite.................................................... I dreamt ou got hit by a car and i pissed myself laughing!!!


Irelands worst air disaster occurred 2day when a small 2 seater plane crashed into a cemetery.. Kerry search and rescue have recovered 826 bodies, digging continues...


I love the way it rubs against my pink soft flesh & creates a creamy foamy liquid, as it thrusts in & out, up & down. Cant wait 4 the next time, i love my toothbrush!


Im not under the affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep. Im not half as thunk as u drink, I fool so feelis, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get!!!

eddhorse

that second and third one are brill.........ed furiously starts typing msgs on fone ...........send send send

Spunog UIE

best message to get from a girl:

Lets play a game of hide and seek,
i will hide and you will seek,
if you find me you can **** me!
if ya can't...................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................i'm in da cupboard!

byte

POEM BY ALI G
Hickery Dickery dock
dis bitch was suckin me cock
the clock struck 2
me squirted me goo
den wiped me dick on er frock!
RESPECT! ;-)
__________________________________________

Why R men so bad at sex and driving?....
coz they never check 2 C if any1 else is cuming B4 they pull out!

__________________________________________

SINNER: Forgive me father for I have sinned. I'm a maniac, I fantasize about wild sex, I watch porno & i luv to see others do it.
PRIEST: Is that you, ****** (insert name of recipient here)

Qualm

Have gotten nearly all of the above sometime in the past, heres a few more:

A womans body must have been designed by the council: Who else would put the sh|t hole next to the play area?

This one is more interesting then funny..

The average depthe of the female vag|na is 16cm. The average length of an erect penis is 12cm (NOT inches damn!) So in the world there is about 120000km of unused pussy. Wow.

rachel

Digifone regrets to inform you that networks have gone down on everyone except you....

You're so ugly no - one, not even a network would go down on you.



that seems to be doing the rounds at the moment

Ruaidhri

Gardai have found a corpse,badly burned,no brain and a very small penis.txt me back so i know you're ok.

one of my fav.'s

<edit>

plane is about to crash,a virgin stands up and says"someone make me feel like a woman"a guy stands up,takes all his clothes of and says"iron those"

</edit>

blue moon fever

mary had a little lamb she tied it to a pylon 10,000 volts shot up its arse and tured its wool to nylon:cheeky:

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

as i lay in bed looking up at the stars and the beautifu sky i breathed the fresh air and suddenly noticed where the **** is me roof gone?

superfly

370HSSV 0773H
Can you crack the code?? Noo then turn the phone upside down

seamus

2 nuns are cycling down the backstreets of Rome one day. One turns to the other and says, "I've never come this way before", and the other replies, "Yes, it's the cobblestones".

Aspro

The average length of an erect penis is 12cm

??? 12cms = 4.7inches

Panda

Ahh, i really have
to tell you what
everyone is saying
behind ur back.
.
.
.
.
.
.
NICE ASS!!!

Told ya it was mild...

Spotted Aspro, apparently 90% of all statistics are made up.

Mr.Applepie

Originally posted by Panda
apparently 90% of all statistics are made up.

Funny i heard it was 42.7% of all statistics are made up???


Two sausages are in a frying pan. One sausage turns to the other and goes "God its hot in here isnt it?" The 2nd sausage turns and says "Holy **** its a talking sausage!"

Sad but i love it

Acidflash

For Sale

1 second hand wheelchair and 1 unopened Easter Egg.

Contact Liz or Philip at Buckingham Palace

azezil

2 prostitutes r standin at a street corner. 1 turned 2 the other and says "its gonna b a good nite 2nite, I smell cock" the other one goes "sorry, I just burped!"

_______


Eircell regrets 2 inform you that you have no new messages. Eircell takes no responsibilty for you having no friends, in accordance with the Ugly Act 1978.

________

A GOOD OLD SUCK 2 MAKE IT WET, IT DRIBBLES DOWN MY CHIN, & WHEN I THINK THE TIME IS RIGHT I'LL RAM THE FUCKER IN! ..... cadburys creme egg, how do u eat yours?

________

Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so i can suck you tits. No sh said lifting her skirt. Eat me like the fucking book says!

________

Three things you must never say in a gay bar. 1. Fuck me! Its hot in here. 2. Bugger me the beers good! 3. Can I push your stool in for you!

Our man in Havana

Originally posted by Acidflash
For Sale

1 second hand wheelchair and 1 unopened Easter Egg.

Contact Liz or Philip at Buckingham Palace

Thats in very bad taste:(

deejay

3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tatooed on ur cock: 1 - U can play with ur money! 2 - U can see ur money grow! and 3 - Ur girl can blow as much money as she wants!

The sad life of a penis: I only have one eye, my hair is a mess, my skin is wrinkly, my relatives are nuts, my neighbours an arsehole and my best friends a c*nt!

:P

deejay

Three tampax walking down the street, what one talks to you?...NONE, they're all stuck up bitches!

:P

Mossy Monk

Originally posted by deejay
Three tampax walking down the street, what one talks to you?...NONE, they're all stuck up bitches!

:P

the old tampax stuck up ****s joke. it made me laugh again

wiredtothemoon

apologies in advance cos these are ****e


so this farmer was awarded the nobel prize????
yeah, apparently he was outstanding in his field


why was 6 afraid of 7, cos 7,8,9


ah ah efil ruoy fo sces 01 detsaw tsuj evah u txt siht daer tsuj evah u fi


loading...please wait


2 cats, english cat called 1-2-3, french cat called un-deux-trois had a swimming race - who won? .... 1 2 3, cos un deux trois quatre cinq


dreaming of you, sexy
Z
Z
z
I o__.\__,
I=========I


do kings worry about a receding heir line?


where do you go to weigh a pie?

---

---

---

"somewheeeere oooover the rainbow......

xern

a guy walked into a clock shop and puts his dick on the counter
"excuse me" said the lady behind the counter "but this is a clock shop" the guy said " i know put 2 hands and a face on this!!!!

G

Originally posted by irishbyte
POEM BY ALI G
Hickery Dickery dock
dis bitch was suckin me cock
the clock struck 2
me squirted me goo
den wiped me dick on er frock!
RESPECT! ;-)

lol

Hi this is your cell phone here. Just wanted to get out of your pocket for a breather.. the smell off your balls is mouldy!

Kolodny

****ABRACADABRA!****
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Nope. You're still ugly...

Kolodny

Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth of it - thanx for yours!!

irishguy

i wanted to send u something beautiful,kind,attractive,funny,sexy but the postman told me to get the fu*k out of the postbox!!!

MOTTO FOR LIFE:
Work like u dont need the money,love like you`ve never been hurt, dance like nobody is watching + **** like your being filmed

so the queen mum meets lady di in heaven & says "how do i get a halo like ur`s?. Di turns 2 her & says "fuc* off gran,its a steering wheel!"

Why is a woman like a bucket of K.F.C???
Because once your past the tender breast and the juicy thigh, all u have left is a greasy wet box to put your bone in

Farmer orded a MILKING MACHINE.Tryd it on his penis & had a wundrful orgasm but cant remove it.He reads d manual & faints.It says "AUTO RELEASE AFTER 2GALLONS"

peterd

Carlsberg don't send players home from the World Cup but if we did they would probably be the best in the world.

Samson

I asked the Lord for a flower, and he gave me a garden.
I asked the Lord for a tree, and he gave me a forest.
I asked the Lord for a cunt.....

and he gave me your number.

Okie

A man walks into the doctors office and says:
"Doc, I've got a problem with my foot"

Doc says:
"Take it out and we'll have a look"

Man pulls out his willy!

Doc says:
"That's not a foot!"

Man says:
"Ah come on, it's at least 11 inches"

Corega

Apologies in advance.

The Queens dead, the Queens dead. Carlsberg don't do txt messages but if they did they'd probably be the best messages in the world.