sick true story

Monty - the one and only

Is there such a thing as safe sex?? Here's a late entry for the Darwin Awards - an award generally given out posthumously for the most stupid way to die -if there is such a thing.

A pre-med student from the University of Arizona was looking to score big
with his date on a Friday night.
Determined to put the girl in the mood, he drove her up to a spot on Mount
Lemmon which overlooked the
city of Tucson. They walked to an open knoll where they could see the
city lights. Overcome by the
romantic locale, she succumbed to his pleas and they stripped down, made a
bed of their clothes, and
passionately began making love.

The heavy storm clouds rolling overhead and the low rumble of thunder
inside them excited the lovers even more. At the first few flashes of
lightning, they never looked up to see the charred remains of once great
trees.
Their idyllic clearing was a hotbed of electrical activity during the warm
desert nights. With a blinding light, a
bolt of lightning struck the high point on the knoll, which happened to be
the pre-med student's ass, and sought
the path of least resistance --- straight down!

Incredibly, he survived, but was in excruciating pain. The heat of the
lightning had fused together flesh and latex
so that the lovers were now stuck together like a pair of dogs. The girl,
unfortunately, did NOT survive the lightning strike! When the student looked down into the vacant eyes of his
girlfriend and realised she was dead, his
immediate repulsion caused him to jerk away from her, which of course, he
couldn't! A wave of pain and nausea made him vomit into the girl's face
and open mouth!
Heaving only caused more pain and repeated vomiting until he finally
passed out.
Attracted by the smell of "food,"
a bear found its way to the Siamese lovers and began to lick semi-digested
pizza and buffalo wings from the dead
girl's face. The student came to, but when he saw the bear, there was
little he could do but lay there silently in fear.
To his horror, the bear became dissatisfied with just a lick and started
to eat the girl, loudly crunching her facial bones only inches from his ear. The bear also tasted the student, scraping the
back of his skull with its teeth, before moving on.
Around mid-morning a group of junior girl scouts, up for a fun weekend
camp-out,
arrived at the campsite where the
pre-med student's car was parked. It was only a matter of minutes before
three screaming girls discovered the student,
who had regained consciousness several times in the night and had managed
to drag himself and the partially-eaten girl about 20-feet.
Doctors managed to "successfully" separate the student from the corpse,
but Mr. Happy looked like a small piece of
cauliflower in its flaccid state. The first hint of arousal resulted in so
much pain, that the student was unable---and
unwilling---to achieve an erection. Future surgeries may produce a
reasonably functioning penis, but the student's family
jewels, referred to by the doctors as the "scrotum mass," are irreparable.

Although most Darwin Awards are supposed to be won posthumously, we think
this guy deserves consideration since
he successfully removed himself from the gene pool

---

"Respect my Authoratai"

www.firstones.com




[This message has been edited by Monty - the one and only (edited 31-01-2000).]

TwoShedsJackson

hmmm, true, eh yeah, sounds very much like an urban legend to me.

Shinji

Hmm

I have a much sicker one than that, which I'll just post a URL to because I really think that you guys need warning before reading this... It is genuinely nasuea-inducing stuff.

http://www.iol.ie/~robertf/sick.txt

Enjoy... although I don't think "enjoy" is the right word to use

WhiteWashMan

that is disgusting

pat kenny

Im not going to read all that
give me the big print version.

SheroN

Hahaha......thats the funniest thing I've heard in a while.

Stephen

Eurgh....

*pukes*

Jesus that is *sickening*

SHADOW

Monty m8
u're a sick puppy
I tell ya...
Sick Puppy!

Monty - the one and only

Shinji, I was going to post that one aswell but I thought that it was just a little to sick....

Raffaela

I was nearly sick over the mud shrimps one. Heres another...sorry about the way it's set out I cut and pasted it from an e-mail.


Bizarre 'Sex Accidents' Suffered by Pervy Blokes...
>>
>>
>>
>> When a 40-year old man turned up at a hospital asking to see a doctor
>>
>> specialising in men's troubles,
>>
>> he was shown into a cubicle, where he gingerly unwrapped three yards of
>>
>> foul smelling stained gauze from
>>
>> around his scrotum, which had swollen to twice the size of a
grapefruit.
>>
>>
>>
>> On further inspection, it was discovered that his left testicle was
>>
>> missing completely, and, embedded within the
>>
>> swollen, tender and weeping wound, were a number of dark objects which
the
>> patient confessed were one inch staple
>>
>> nails from an industrial staple gun. It transpired that the man spent
his
>>
>> lunch times alone in his workshop,
>>
>> where he regularly enjoyed the sexual thrill of placing his penis on
the
>>
>> moving canvas fan-belt of a piece of
>>
>> machinery. One day, the excitement had caused him to lose his
>>
>> concentration, and the fan-belt had
>>
>> snatched his scrotum into the fly-wheel, throwing him several feet
across
>>
>> the floor tearing off his left nut.
>>
>> Rather than go to the hospital, he performed first-aid on himself with
>>
>> stapling gun, then went back to work when
>>
>> his colleagues returned.
>>
>>
>> It was two weeks before he got around to visiting the hospital.
>>
>>
>>

---

>>

---

>>
>>
>> A man turned up at a hospital wearing an overcoat, and with blood
dripping
>>
>> down his leg. When he removed
>>
>> the coat, the doctor saw he had a geranium inserted in his penis. The
man
>>
>> had got the flower in
>>
>> without any difficulty, but when he tried to remove it, the hairs on
the
>>
>> stem of the flower had dug into the
>>
>> urethra and ripped it to shreds.
>>

---

>>

---

>>
>>
>>
>> A policeman in Staffordshire returned home from a night shift to his
wife
>>
>> preparing breakfast. For some
>>
>> unknown reason, he wrapped a slice of bread around his penis, at which
>> point
>> the dog lept up,
>>
>> and took a bite out of it. The man needed cosmetic surgery to restore
the
>>
>> damage.
>>

---

>>

---

>>
>>
>> A 34-year old New Yorker injected a cocaine solution into his penis to
>>
>> heighten his sexual pleasure. After
>>
>> enjoying intercourse with his girlfriend on not one but two occasions
he
>>
>> noticed that his erection was
>>
>> still at its full glory. Having struggled to sleep through the night he
>>
>> woke up to find his boner still
>>
>> standing proud, and, due to him worrying about the police finding out
>>
>> about his possession and indeed
>>
>> the use of an illegal substance he decided against visiting his doctor.
>>
>> However after three days of
>>
>> enduring headaches and nausea caused by the constant trouser swelling,
he
>>
>> went to the hospital in search of help.
>>
>> He was admitted immediately and referred to a specialist who diagnosed
>>
>> lack of oxygen to vital bloodstream's in
>>
>> his body as the cause of his sickness. He was given numerous drugs and
>>
>> antibiotics to combat the swelling,
>>
>> but shortly afterwards, developed blood clots in various parts of his
body
>>
>> and gangrene set in.
>>
>>
>> As a result he lost both legs, nine fingers and his penis.
>>
>>
>>

---

>>

---

>>
>>
>>
>> You may want to grit your teeth before you read this !! This is
*really*
>>
>> gruesome...
>>
>>
>>
>> When a mate was studying in Ireland (He got this from an Irish student
at
>>
>> the uni), he took up rugby.
>>
>> As his first season wore on the lads and him were eventually scheduled
to
>> play a
>> team which
>>
>> had a reputation for violent play. Considering that they weren't the
most
>>
>> talented outfit to have ever
>>
>> taken the field, they decided to accept the challenge with a "do or
die"
>>
>> attitude , hoping things would eventually
>>
>> swing their way. They didn't and to make matters worse their star
player
>>
>> dislocated his hip after a particularly
>>
>> ferocious tackle. He was clearly in a lot of pain, so they all stood
>>
>> back to allow the medic to, in one swift
>>
>> movement, slot the hip back into its socket. Then Alan began a long
blood
>>
>> curdling scream. To their horror,
>>
>> they realised that one of his testicles had also been jammed into the
socket and was now firmly held in
the place by the hip.
Incidentally, Alan managed to rip a vocal chord with his screaming.

Stephen

OWWWWW that rugby one sounds painful
LOL at yer man with the coke in his c0ck

---

- Munch
- Visit The Fortress

[This message has been edited by Stephen (edited 03-02-2000).]

Asuka

OUCH!!!!

not much else to say...

Monty - the one and only

Ouuuuccchhhh!, thats sounds painful