Translating English!

Mr.Applepie

Well i dunno if its been posted before but hopefully this will help some of ye out i know its helped me!

TRANSLATING WOMEN@S ENGLISH:
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
You're so.. manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about??
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game On TV
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really Not going to like


TRANSLATING MEN'S ENGLISH:
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let's have sex now
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
What's wrong = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with You
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with You in the next ten minutes
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep Person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I am gay

Pugsley

teeheeeheee,good stuff

Baz_

rofl, heard some of them before but not all of them, its the funniest thing ive read on humour board in a while, ta.

sceptre

Like it LOL

MelKor

thats some good squishy!! but you forgot 2 (or else im the only one who thinks these)

(both are male translations)

youre lace is untied, here ill do it = im going to give you a blowjob now

youre lace is untied, you'd better tie it = well i better not say as im new...use your imagination