12 day's of Christmas - this is pretty funny

Monty - the one and only

It's Christmas time ......

My Dearest Darling John, 14th December

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a
pear tree. What a delightful gift, thank you darling for the lovely
thought.

With deep love and affection, always,
Your loving,
Mary

My Dearest John, 15th December

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift, two turtledoves. I
am delighted. They are adorable.

All my love,
Your ever loving,
Mary

Dearest John, 16th December

Oh! How extravagant you are! I really must protest. I don't
deserve such generosity. Three French hens! I insist you are too
kind.

Your loving,
Mary

Dear John, 17th December

What can I say? Four beautiful calling birds arrived with the postman
this morning. Your kindness is really too much.

Love,
Mary

My Dearest John, 18th December

What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five gold rings, one for
every finger. You really are impossible, but I love you. Frankly,
though, all the birds are beginning to squawk and get on my nerves.

Your ever loving,
Mary

Dear John, 19th December

When I opened the door this morning there were actually six bloody
great geese, laying eggs all over the front step. What on earth do you
think I can do with them all? The neighbours are beginning to complain
of the smell, and I cant sleep. Please stop.

Cordially yours,
Mary

John, 20th December

What is it with you and these fvcking birds? Now I get seven swans.
Is it some sort of joke? The house is full of bird sh!t, and its not
funny any more. Stop sending bloody birds.
Yours,
Mary

OK Buster, 21st December

I think I prefer the birds. What am I going to do with eight
maids-a-milking? Its enough with all those birds. Now I have eight
cows Sh!tting all over the house and mooing all night.

Lay off,
Mary

Look P!sshead, 22nd December

What are you, some kind of nutcase? Now I have nine pipers
playing,and Christ, do they play! When they're not playing their
stupid pipes, they keep chasing the maids through the cow
sh!t, and the
cows keep mooing and treading all over the bloody birds. The
neighbours have contacted the police, and are trying to get me evicted.

Get stuffed,
Mary

You Rotten ars3hol3, 23rd December

Now we have ten ladies dancing. How on earth anyone can call these
whores 'ladies' is beyond me. They're pulling the pipers all night
long. The cows can't sleep and have diarrhea. My living room is a sea
of sh!t. The council has just declared the building unfit for
habitation.

fu(k off,
Mary

Listen sh!thead, 24th December

What, with eleven Lords-a-leaping all over the maids, and we shall
never walk again. The pipers are fighting the Lords for the women and
committing bestiality with the cows. The birds are dead and are
rotting - having been trampled while taking part in the orgy. I hope
you are satisfied, you swine!

Your sworn enemy,
Mary

You Stinking Lousy sh!t, 25th December

The twelve drummers drumming you sent around have teamed up with the
pipers in making one hell of a fvcking din. Both lots of which have
been buggering the Lords, as well as the cows. Goodness knows what
happened to the milkmaids. They've probably drowned in the cow sh!t by
now.

The only way I saved myself from getting screwed to death, is by
hiding in the sodding pear tree, which is so well fertilised it has
grown through the roof.

Stick Christmas up your ars3 ,
Mary


[This message has been edited by Monty - the one and only (edited 21-12-1999).]

[This message has been edited by Monty - the one and only (edited 21-12-1999).]

Monty - the one and only

grr, damn cencorship

[This message has been edited by Monty - the one and only (edited 22-12-1999).]

nlgbbbblth

when are the 12 days?

Dec 25
Dec 26
Dec 27
Dec 28
Dec 29
Dec 30
Dec 31
Jan 1
Jan 2
Jan 3
Jan 4
Jan 5
Jan 6

that's 13 !!!!

Rabies

Original post 21-12-1999, your post 17-03-2004

Were you in hibernation for the past 4 years

DEmeant0r

lol

Monty - the one and only

....

Dont dig up old posts.....a couple of weeks is fine but over 4 years...:rolleyes:



and for those who are curious...this used to be the humor board a long, long time ago, before boards.ie.