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I resign

  • 10-10-2001 12:18pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,414 ✭✭✭✭


    Mr Baker,

    As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
    basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an
    intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
    consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the
    commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
    true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to
    explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to
    stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of
    precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were
    apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who
    watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste"
    for the hundredth time.

    You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as
    binary still gives you too many options.

    You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try
    and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as
    effective as telling you what an IP is.

    Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
    You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in
    others.
    You have a sharp dressed, useless look about you that may have worked for
    your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it
    off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring
    ineptitude.

    In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that
    everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the
    Dilbert principle.

    Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full
    frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I
    have a few parting thoughts.

    1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to
    give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer
    not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next
    couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to
    do it on your own.

    2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know
    every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get
    cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently
    saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that
    terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the
    administration.

    3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers
    b/day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of
    yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
    techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd
    acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied
    and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
    recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct
    your mistakes.)

    Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my
    desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your
    little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.
    Never fuck with your systems administrators, because they know what you
    do with all your free time.


    Sincerely,

    Ted Brewer


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