How to help fat friend

spooiirt!!

Ive got this teammate, hes a huge guy, Bouncer type guy. Well hes a bit tubby, and hes real shy because of it. We used to work out together, but he just sorta messed around at the Gym, never really worked hard. Hes messed up because of it, hes depressed cos he cant get a girlfriend.
Ive tried to tell him about a 100 times that all hes gotta do is work hard at the gym and eat less junk food etc. It doesnt get through to him. Hes developed an inferiority complex ( or whatever its called). Ive managed to loosen him up a bit, it took me about one year of going outon the weekend to get his ass on the dancefloor. He seems fairly depressed, hides it well though.

So how do i get through to him? Hes stopped lifting weights altogether, cos he cant pay for the gym anymore. So now all he does is eat and play computer games in his spare time. Hes not ugly, and if he lost only a tiny bit of weight hed actually do quite well with girls. Hes just impossible to motivate for long periods of time.

The_Goose

They re are other ways of losing weight other than the gym. Runing, sit ups, chin up pusch up s etc. But losing weight is only part of it by the sounds of it. He blames his weight for hes depression so eats more gains more weight and so on. Confidence is what your mate needs. Get him slightly drunk and go on the pull. once his inhabitions are gone he ll be flyin. B

xzanti

Thats a tough one alright... Has he been to the doctor?, maybe if hes faced with the health risks he is posing for himself it might be more of a motivation to lose weight other than bad luck with the ladies... Would he consider a carb free diet?? I know the atkins is kind of frowned upon now but if he cut out white bread and spuds and some alchololic drinks that would make a differnece to him however slight... Also Iv heard of this new thing whereby a tiny implant is inserted behind the ear and it somehow stops the urge to over eat (dont know how effective this is but might be worth a look) Best of luck with it anyway

koneko

You can't make him get up an exercise, or force the burger out of his hand. You can give him the facts, and information, that he can use to help himself, offer your help when he needs it and that you'll be there. His choice at the end of the day whether he wants to do something about it or not, there's no way to force him.

Meadows

first your going to have to tell him hes fat. (stay with me here)

your going to have to drag him to the gym with you and do the same exercises along his side (which will make you compete).
when he notices how good he feels afterwards he may get into it.

in relation to food, when ever you see him eating greasy food your going to have to point it out and point out how you can feel the grease on your face afterwards and how it only feels good when its going it and you feel sick when its eaten. (You cant eat crap infront of him either, get him to eat deli sandwich if your out on the piss and need something to eat afterwards). Tell him the supermarket trick, "if you dont buy it, you wont be able to eat it." Which basicaly means if hes restrained at the supermarket for just a few minutes when hes there, then he wont have any bad food to eat in the first place. Magic!!!!!!

Get him to find a cerial which he really likes and whenever hes hungry just eat that with low fat milk.

If you can get him to do this for a while tell him "you dont really eat fatty foods anymore do you" this will renforce this rule in his head. try it again when somebody else is around. This will set expectations for the other person which your friend will try to meet.

The final stage is complementing him.
Complments work wounders, after a short while of working out he will look and feel different. thats when its time to point out that he looks better. if you get a girl to do this then its effect will multiply ten fold. This is in relation to telling him hes fat in the first place. Basically when he does bad, point it out and when he does good complement him.

i dont think a lucky night out on the town is going to benifit anyone weight wise. if anything if he finds that his weight will not effect girl pulling power then it may get worse.

by the way is the computer game he plays "world of warcraft" if so then god rest his poor soul and there is no hope for him. Suggest killing himself. I was going good till the end there, wasnt I. The last bit was a joke by the way. please dont suggest that.

The Troll

Save up and pay for him to get gastric bypass surgery.

Vikings

Ah leave him alone spooiirt ... we linemen need our food. But back to the topic at hand, I was like that before, always stayed home playing computer and eating ... it took my friend to show me that losing weight could be done. He lost a shed load of weight over the course of about 2 years. So I decided i'd give it a try, I cut out all the junk food and fizzy drinks, didnt go to the gym but started to walk a bit more and then just work my ass off in training every sunday. In the past year i've lost 3 stone, all of that came down to cutting out the junk food and fizzy drinks, I still eat take aways and that but its so easy to drop a few stone ... I always thought it would be hard but its not really. I find I have more confidence now aswell and I go out twice a week now as opposed to never going out before I lost the weight.

AARRRGH

It's his life. Only he is responsible for his actions. And he is somehow managing to negatively affect your life as well. Let him be...

spooiirt!!

Bulk, im a lineman too... But im tall and skinny. (O.T. BTW)


Meadows, i tell him hes fat quite often. I actually call him "Fatty". He ignores that. Ive told him that if he lost a bit of weight hed, look pretty good, be happier, and get to play different positions. etc

The problem is his whole family is big. They eat fairly huge meals.

When i talk to him about it, i get the impression he understands what i mean. He often agrees with me. But i dont see him often enough to control what he eats. ( im in college, he works full time). But i might meet up with him tommorow, ill talk to him again. ill try and spend more time with him, ive been avoiding him cos all we do together is get drunk, and im sorta bored of that at the mo.

nobodythere

Here are a few things that helped me lose 3 stone a few years ago (I was just turning 15, been fat as long as I can remember).

The first thing is knowledge. Know about calories, protein, carbs etc etc. It's not actually that complicated when you get down to it and I recommend reading all of the things on http://howstuffworks.com, then look for the Navy Seals Training Guide off Limewire . Keep a general calorie count of what you eat in your head or just write the numbers on your hand. I'm of the disposition that if you have to put too much effort into calorie counting (big A4 pages etc) you won't bother doing it for long.

Staying off crap is a big thing. Food is addictive, like cigarrettes, and one cigarette when you're trying to quit usually turns into 20. If he can stay off chocolate/carbonated drinks etc for a while the cravings will go away. This makes everything SO much easier. Plus months later when he goes back on them he'll realise that soft drinks taste like utter crap. It's the first leap that's the hardest.

The thing that really helped me was knowing why I was doing this. There was a girl I knew only on the net at the time and knew I'd be meeting her in a few months and had to lose weight so every time I had a craving I'd think of why I wanted to lose weight. I'd set myself reminders on the phone for around the time I usually binged on crap, and write things on my hand etc etc so when I'd reach for food I'd see it.

There's one thing I did recently and that was go on Limewire and get some hypnosis suggestion MP3's to lower your appetite. Listen to in bed. I found my appetite freefall and the only time I buy chocolate now is out of habit.

He sounds like he's really suffering from low self esteem too, which is never good when you're trying to eat less. Impulsive feelings to eat are very difficult to describe to those who do not have such strong compulsions, and I've found that not many people really understand if I try to explain it to them. It's like all of the brains systems just switch off and the only thing that's important is eating. It's often out of his control and it's a horrible feeling to be confronted with such self-loathing and guilt afterwards. I'm a big fan of Timothy Leary's theory on this, it might give you some sort of basis of understanding the feeling:

http://www.totse.com/en/fringe/dreams_auras_astral_projection/8circuit.html
1st circuit: Survival/security. Things are okay or they're not, or somewhere in between. This is connected to the first source of these things: nursing at Mom's nipple. People who take an imprint that things aren't safe all the time may compensate by eating, especially sweet things, pudding, 'nursery food' that makes them feel better for a while. This imprint is taken very early, in nursing. It's what's known in developmental psychology as 'oral'. Putting things in your mouth is always fun!

Best of luck to your friend. And MY GOD stop ****ing calling him fatty! Be nice to the guy, positive comments give him encouragement, negative ones just make him want to crawl back into a hole. It's not as simple as logic, because believe me, it gets thrown out the window the second food comes into question. This is not to say lie to him... Acknowledge the fact that he's overweight but don't taunt him about it.


Take it from the fatass himself

njo

nice post. i'd rep you but that's oldskool

nobodythere

Lol I miss the repping days Oldskool muthaf*cka.

Meadows

grasshopa wrote:

And MY GOD stop ****ing calling him fatty! Be nice to the guy, positive comments give him encouragement, negative ones just make him want to crawl back into a hole. It's not as simple as logic, because believe me, it gets thrown out the window the second food comes into question. This is not to say lie to him... Acknowledge the fact that he's overweight but don't taunt him about it.

I dunno now, I got a bit pudgy there about 2 years ago and my friends taunted me about it (doing thier job as friends, bless em). Which made me lose it because I didnt want to be taunted anymore. The system works. Depends on your friends personallity, I generally very open and dont have many no go areas so i could take it, nor am I likely to burst in to tears from a pinch. If hes similar then he can take it too. By not taunting him then there is no punishment for being that way and it will appear as if there is no problem.

Nevyn

Please stay on topic,
Do read the charter
and have a nice day.
Thaedydal

nesf

spooiirt!! wrote:

Meadows, i tell him hes fat quite often. I actually call him "Fatty".

What are you? 12?

If the guy is heavy live with it. It's up to him to decide whether or not to lose weight. If he chooses not to, that's his business and you should respect that. You should approach this constructively and offer support to him regardless of which decision he makes.

Cajoling and mocking him will not help matters and could just make him feel worse about himself. That isn't going to help him. It will just dig his heels in more and make things worse.

Don't worry about getting him into a gym and getting him to work extremely hard. The first thing you should do is encourage him to walk. Just getting him to take a walk each day could get him started in losing weight. It's also a lot less intimidating than going to a gym. If he's depressed or feeling very self-concious then a gym could be a bad place for him to start with.

You also have to remember that gyms aren't for everyone and that for some people they just don't work and you need to look for an alternative.

Meadows

i think the gym is a great place for everybody. its not just bodybuilders and athletes that go there you know. Its for all shapes, sizes and ages. The one by my house is full of 50+ men and women. The gym shouldnt be feared by anybody. I have a lot of respect for people who go to the gym, no matter who they are and what they look like.

nesf clearly isnt the type who would like to be called names, thats ok too, its not for everybody.

nobodythere

Meadows, I guess it's a very individual thing. Personally I think not denying it is enough for most people. They say 'I wanna lose weight' you don't say 'oh you're not that fat at all'... that NEVER helps - and you're not a good friend unless you do that. Though some people just like fishing for compliments

spooiirt!!

"What are you? 12?

If the guy is heavy live with it. It's up to him to decide whether or not to lose weight. If he chooses not to, that's his business and you should respect that. You should approach this constructively and offer support to him regardless of which decision he makes. "



Well.... no. Im the only person he talks to about his weight, im the only person he tells how much he wants a girlfriend when hes drunk, im also the only guy on our whole self centred team who cares about his situation.
Ive tried and tried to get him to do something about it. Sometimes i get through to him, but when i see him a few days later, hes already returned to his old habits.



"And MY GOD stop ****ing calling him fatty! Be nice to the guy, positive comments give him encouragement, negative ones just make him want to crawl back into a hole. It's not as simple as logic, because believe me, it gets thrown out the window the second food comes into question. This is not to say lie to him... Acknowledge the fact that he's overweight but don't taunt him about it."

I tell him hes actually good looking, if he lost weight hed look better. and i tell him its grand to go on the dance floor cos no ones actually looking at him. It took a lot of boring nights out to actually loosen him up to go near the dance floor.

nesf

Meadows wrote:

nesf clearly isnt the type who would like to be called names, thats ok too, its not for everybody.

Tbh, I don't care myself. Like most people in this country I grew up in a circle of friends who have always taken the piss out of each other. But if the guy is depressed about his weight then calling him names about it is not exactly constructive now is it?

nesf

spooiirt!! wrote:

Well.... no. Im the only person he talks to about his weight, im the only person he tells how much he wants a girlfriend when hes drunk, im also the only guy on our whole self centred team who cares about his situation.
Ive tried and tried to get him to do something about it. Sometimes i get through to him, but when i see him a few days later, hes already returned to his old habits.

The thing is, any change will have to come from himself. Otherwise it won't last. The best thing you can do is offer to help him get into shape and offer him support. Beyond that, there isn't a lot you can do to be honest.

deisemum

I agree with nesf, calling him fatty and taunting him is not nice and hasn't worked so let that go. You're not being asked to lie to him about his size but you can be tactful and encouraging if he asks.

I think it's dreadful if you start pulling him up in front of others if he's eating something thats not the healthiest. If you do start saying things in front of others this could make matters worse and he may start eating in secret, also to others it might give the impression that you're a bully even if you have his best interests at heart.

It might be worth suggesting (next time he mentions his weight) he go to Weight Watchers or Unislim, there are men only classes in a lot of areas if he didn't want to go to a mixed class, remember the first time he goes (if he goes) could be the hardest step for him but believe me everyone would make him feel very welcome and everyone encourages each other.
They give very good information and support.

Remember you can give information but he has to be ready to accept it.
Stop the taunting, it's not working is it?

the_syco

Find a sport he see's as "fun". Personally, cycling and swimming are "fun" for me, and thus I do it if I can, and loose a pound (weight wise) from doing a 40 minute cycle, or an hour long swim. THus, if he has a sport which he thinks is fun, doing it may help him loose weight, but not for him to see it as loosing weight.

Also, if its fun, there's more of a chance he'll keep doing it, and keep it up.