Lyrics..

Dooom

Friend wants to give this business a go, he's mad into music and hip hop and the like. Anywho, I showed these to a few people, and they seemed to think it was alright/pretty good. So I thought I'd throw it at ya'll to see what you think.

I'm getting the beats for him, so I'm trying to think of what'd could go well with this. So far, I'm leaning towards something like Nas's Got Yourself A Gun, or maybe something by Canibus.

Anyway, comments welcome.

LegacyUser

Who is he trying to be? kanye west or 50 cent? He is there all mellow one bit saying he is from the emerald isle or whatever and then bang i stabbed him and kicked his teeth out...

He needs to rap about what is actually going on in his mind instead of just trying to fit stereotypes.

Apart from that, I think it is crap...

Makaveli

The line about not trying to be black is cringeworthy.
Like cheesedude said the whole bit about kicking his teeth out is out of place.
Industrial adhesive is glue, why would that bleach their hair?
The second verse is a lot better than the first and then the third is a bit hit and miss again.
Does he actually talk like he raps? "I aint no", "muthf**as", it doesn't really add anything to it.
Oh, and I would lose the chorus.

Pretty decent effort otherwise.

me and the biz

getting ethical and ethnic mixed up..... just makes him look moronic and the line completely loses meaning. i hate to be negative but its pretty terrible all round

Dooom

Thanks for the input, keep 'em coming. I'll pass the comments along when I get over this cursed jet-lag.

b3n

Not that i would do any better but over all playin it over in my head to any beat, i cringed. It's a bit too gritty, something any white young male wouldn't just come out with.

But these things sound better against a beat to get the full effect! Keep it up!

Dragan

It's terrible.

Plain and simple, it so faux American it nearly made me puke.

If your mate wants to see some unsigned talent, and what it takes to be a rapper tell him go here.

www.rapbattles.com