Rough sex - Need independant view points

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I have recently started seeing a girl, im 25 and she is 28 and we have moved in together.

Over the last few nights we have been moving towards less tender and gentle sex into a more rough kind.

It started with some spanking and hair pulling but has gone as far as holding each other down while struggling and actual penetrative sex.

In additon to this vocalisations have been included too such as "stop" and "no"

All of this was consentual and done with a kind of safty word but I do feel a little sickened with myself for enjoying this so much.

Does anyone have a mature or more experienced opinion on this matter as I am a little confused by the whole thing.

Thanks

Victor

I will have to defer to others for their experiences, but I would say that if you don't like it, slow down or stop.

Note the difference between "pain" and "hurt", pain is current, hurt is ongoing.

Do something kinky tonight like "soft & gentle".

Pigman II

If you enjoy it and she enjoys and you're not hurting anyone then theres really no problem. If you're feeling guilty then go to confession. I'm sure the priest will enjoy hearing all about it.

Miguel_Sanchez

I say that as long as you are both enjoying it and neither of you are crossing any lines that the other has set then you have nothing to worry about.

You're probably feeling confused because rough sex is general portrayed as a bit depraved. Don't worry about it. You're not hurting anybody (except for the bit of pain that you enjoy!) and shouldn't feel bad for indulging in something that you are both getting pleasure from.

Just always bear in mind that you should both be enjoying it and neither of you should be made do anything they're not comfortable with.

Silverfish

Seconding what Pigman said......seems healthy enough to me - you're both enjoying it, no-ones getting hurt.

I wouldn't feel sickened if I were you, there really isn't any need. Or confused, sound like you are just following a natural progression in sexual exploration as a couple. Perfectly normal.

gonker

Its a good idea to have a code word for "NO" and "STOP" so you both know when to really stop so you can use the word stop and no as a part of the sex act. Perfectly normal as long as its both consentual and you are both enjoying it not just one of you

Mr.Nice Guy

Why not explain this to your girlfriend? She probably knows what you're going through.

Riamfada

lots of people do it. just dont pulicise their sexual practises.

sobberandclean

what ever feels good in bed for the both of you is just fine. you should come together and talk about your fantasies mabye?
play games and mabye some role playing.
go with what feels good and natural within reason .
pulling hair i had a girl who was in to that before taught it was a bit mad at first .but she got her kicks.
and as long as she didnt dig the head of me i was fine with what she did in bed lol..........

jonny68

as long as you don't do a Lee Chapman and smack your bird around and put it down to as being rough sex :rolleyes:

ferdi

you lucky so n' so! nothing better than being battered round the bedroom

The Corinthian

I’ve upon occasion recounted an anecdote of when I was in my early twenties and was in the throws of passion with my then girlfriend who, out for the blue, cried out that I should hurt her. It was the first time that anything of this sort had ever been asked of me, and in my (relative) innocence I had no idea what she meant.

So I told her that she’d put on weight.

The point of this anecdote, other than a cheap laugh from the back seats, is that this type of rough, sado-masochistic sexual behaviour does not come naturally to everyone. Personally I find it quite uncomfortable to do - that’s not to say I don’t like a bit of rough and tumble like anyone else, but being asked to specifically cause pain is another matter.

However, if you’re in a relationship, you often do end up compromising and doing things that you might find uncomfortable or distasteful (such as going to see a Tom Hanks movie with her). So, ultimately, if she’s worth it and it’s not too uncomfortable for you, fake it. No doubt she’ll reciprocate in kind.

The Troll

Nothing wrong at all with a bitta rough. Bondage and spanking etc doesnt really float my boat, but i do like to grab onto various body parts, hair included. Rough passionate sex is always nice

LegacyUser

Had lots of fun with an ex like this... but then things got a bit confusing when she wanted tender and I wanted rough. She didn't exactly cry rape but she made me feel like crap for a long time. This girl was particularily unbalanced due to a nasty childhood, which only emerged after we started the rough stuff. It was very confusing and all ended badly. What seemed kinky to me turned out to be a manifestation of deep seated self-hate due to her past.. I think. Anyway it stopped being fun and because I wasn't into it anymore, it added to our break-up. Weird-city.

I know it's extreme, but it's just something to bear in mind.

ven0m

Just be careful that's all I'll say mate... I had a girl who liked being choked during sex & liked being made gag while giving head not to mention being restrained amongst other things (which I will not go into because frankly, they even gross me out now!!!!) ... breaking point for me was she wanted to be hit during sex :eek: .... no way in hell was I going down that road.... maybe you should discuss it with her, & find out what her boundries are & maybe let her know the things you're not/are comfortable with.......


::: ven0mous :::

LegacyUser

gonker wrote:

Its a good idea to have a code word for "NO" and "STOP" so you both know when to really stop so you can use the word stop and no as a part of the sex act. Perfectly normal as long as its both consentual and you are both enjoying it not just one of you

Brilliant advice. If you're both enjoying it great but if things potentially go a step too far you know when no actually means no.

Sifo

Confused sex wrote:

Hi there,

I have recently started seeing a girl, im 25 and she is 28 and we have moved in together.

Over the last few nights we have been moving towards less tender and gentle sex into a more rough kind.

It started with some spanking and hair pulling but has gone as far as holding each other down while struggling and actual penetrative sex.

In additon to this vocalisations have been included too such as "stop" and "no"

All of this was consentual and done with a kind of safty word but I do feel a little sickened with myself for enjoying this so much.

Does anyone have a mature or more experienced opinion on this matter as I am a little confused by the whole thing.

Thanks

Savage, enjoy it...

Why wouldnt you like it?

neither of you are causing each other psychological damage so it's all harmless!!
try talking dirty if your not already!!

AARRRGH

I had an ex who wanted me to have sex with her like I was raping her. I thought it was sick so didn't.

Turns out she was raped a few years previous (bizarrely, she never admitted it, I only discovered this one night she had taken a lot of drugs and seemed to act out some kind of childhood rape reaction.) She had obviously completely blocked it out.

I'm not at all suggesting your girlfriend has some weird issues, I'm saying I'm very glad I didn't do the "rape sex" with her, now that I know what it was really about...

If you know what I mean.

Lemming

Remember this abbreviation when doing anything you would consider to be 'kink': "SSC"

"Safe Sane Consensual"

That above phrase is the mantra of the D/s* community and it equally applies to those who just fancy some sh*ts and giggles out of curiosity etc.

Once you're both in agreement on an activity then there should be no feelings of guilt. If you're unsure about something voice your concern. Only you will be to decide if you then want to continue based on what is said, and also I would think, the other party's reaction to your concern.

I'll leave definitions of what 'kink' entails to the individual since it does quite obviously vary - quite wildly so (no pun intended)


* D/s: Domination/submission (alias 'BDSM')

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies,

We used a safty word and it was all consentual.

Im glad to see that other people have indulged and that its not as bad as what I thought.

Yes I did think it was going towards the rape fantasy and also felt a bit sick for thinking along these lines and enjoying the experience in the context of this.

We have decided that its ok once in a while so long as its done while sober / clean and as part of other sexual acts. Sometimes gentle and sometimes rough.

Also the context of saying no and struggling might be because in a fantasy someone could be late for something or at risk of being caught rather than always a forced sex act.

Thanks for the mature replies it means a lot.

Laguna

LOL, the concept of the "safety word" always give me a laugh!

Sure, I understand what the connotation of a safety word/phrase is, but could you imagine if the safety phrase for your GF was for her to shout "I pity the foo' who does drugs" in a Mr T voice, lol, now that'd be some weird **** alright.

WhiteWashMan

Confused sex wrote:

Hi there,

I have recently started seeing a girl, im 25 and she is 28 and we have moved in together.

Over the last few nights we have been moving towards less tender and gentle sex into a more rough kind.

It started with some spanking and hair pulling but has gone as far as holding each other down while struggling and actual penetrative sex.

In additon to this vocalisations have been included too such as "stop" and "no"

All of this was consentual and done with a kind of safty word but I do feel a little sickened with myself for enjoying this so much.

Does anyone have a mature or more experienced opinion on this matter as I am a little confused by the whole thing.

Thanks

its all good if its what you both want/

although, i dont understand why you would feel sickened. its not bad to enjoy yourself. now, if you started slicing each other with razor blades, then i would worry....