All the lies that they told us

Pighead

Do you remember when you were a kid and your folks used to tell you ridiculous things that you fully believed simply because you were an innocent wee brat.My folks were particularly bad.I've recently accused them of making a fool of me and have threatened to sue them for making Pighead look stupid but they've denied everything and have challenged me to prove it.

Back in 85 my dad told me he discovered Dublin while out driving his motorbike.Of course I told my teacher who just said"Really,what a great fella he must be".Looking back she must have thought I was a spanner.My dad has never even owned a motorbike

Everytime i lied my mother used to tell me that my tongue would get blacker and blacker and eventually fall off.I was a pretty truthful kid.

You can go to a music concert next year Pighead.1989-1993.
LIARS.:mad:

jezza

Lol...poor pighead!

Endurance Man

Yes, how traumatized you must be pighead...

Royale with Cheese

I remember back in school, around senior infants or 1st class my teacher told me that if you lie a big hole will open up in the ground and swallow you. I was only about 5 at the time but I remember thinking what a retard she was.

xzanti

My mother used to try and convince me that the "Nuns" where coming to take me away when ever I was bold... I was soooo terrified that it made me behave mysef (most of the time) not quite as far fetched as Pigheads but there ya go.. Spose it worked in a way...

Pighead

Endurance Man wrote:

Yes, how traumatized you must be pighead...

Ah i'm not too badly scarred buddy,you know how it is.Sure your mother lied to you as well didn't she.Remember that time she told you that you were going to make nothing out of your life and end up on the scrapheap.Oh wait hang on a minute,that one wasn't a lie... oops a daisy

Remember when we were kids Endurance man and our respectrive mothers used to say that on christmas night, if we heard something in our rooms we were to keep our eyes closed. under no circumstances were we to open them. if we did, santa would vanish,gone forever! and we'd be left with a lump of dogs poo. we cried ourselves to sleep every christmas night for years out of fear for catching santa delivering us our presents.

Stompbox

Dr J wrote:

I remember back in school, around senior infants or 1st class my teacher told me that if you lie a big hole will open up in the ground and swallow you. I was only about 5 at the time but I remember thinking what a retard she was.

BEST....POST....EVER

Dimitri

Sweet wrote:

BEST....POST....EVER

You haven't seen a lot of good posts have you?:)

My parents used to tell me that they bought me in the pound shop for 70p and that there was a 2 for a pound offer but they were glad they didn't take it!

The General

Sweet wrote:

BEST....POST....EVER

:rolleyes: some life you must have

curliq

hehehehe, anyone else here about this book "great lies to tell small kids" ? its by your man who wrote the bunny suicides books

saw some of the things it, funneh stuff.

all of the lies in it have cartoons to go with them, these are some of the lies, couldn't get pictures

'Every ant you meet must be named'
'It takes the beaks of seven penguins to make a Penguin biscuit'
'All wind is made by wind farms'
'Wine makes mummy clever'
'Ronald McDonald is dead!'


it was in the Observer a couple of weeks ago, the cartoon ones were really good.

Dave

I remember watching this add on tv against drink driving, where this guy rushes into the bathroom to wash blood off his hands, but it never came off. Anytime I got a bloody nose or fell and cut my knee, I was afraid to touch the blood with my hands, just in case it never came off!

Not really a lie told to me by my parents, but funny none the less.

Dimitri

Santa: now there is a lie my parents had me going for a good long while with....... i was devestated when they told me the truth last year!

Endurance Man

Pighead wrote:

Ah i'm not too badly scarred buddy,you know how it is.Sure your mother lied to you as well didn't she.Remember that time she told you that you were going to make nothing out of your life and end up on the scrapheap.Oh wait hang on a minute,that one wasn't a lie... oops a daisy

Remember when we were kids Endurance man and our respectrive mothers used to say that on christmas night, if we heard something in our rooms we were to keep our eyes closed. under no circumstances were we to open them. if we did, santa would vanish,gone forever! and we'd be left with a lump of dogs poo. we cried ourselves to sleep every christmas night for years out of fear for catching santa delivering us our presents.

To be completely honest i cant remember any of the lies my mom probably told me. Im sure there where many lies told about various circumstances, but i dont think badly of my parents because of it.
Im kinda confused as to what the thread is trying to say, are you angry at your folks for the white lies they told you when you where 6??

qz

I use to be absolutely certain that I could see better in the dark if I'd eaten carrots.

Lying bastids.

N_Raid

That my dog was going down to stay on a farm in Kildare.

oh yeah and just like Dave i was afraid to get blood on me in case I couldn't wash it off ala the drink driving ad.

Binomate

Santa Clause...

dundalk cailin

our teacher used to threaten to wash our mouths out with soap if she caught us swearing. my parents fed me the one bout santa as well :eek:

Pighead

Endurance Man wrote:

To be completely honest i cant remember any of the lies my mom probably told me. Im sure there where many lies told about various circumstances, but i dont think badly of my parents because of it.
Im kinda confused as to what the thread is trying to say, are you angry at your folks for the white lies they told you when you where 6??

Angry?I'm bloody livid.I don't use those angry smilies lightly you know.

Parents are the most important role models us kids have. When we lie, parents usually take some time to have a serious talk and discuss:

* the difference between make believe and reality, lying and telling the truth,
* the importance of honesty at home and in the community, and
* alternatives to lying.

If Pighead lies, then professional help will be sent for. I get evaluated by a psychiatrist who helps my folks understand the lying behavior and provide recommendations for the future.
If mammy and daddy lie,ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.Oh you were so gullible Pighead.What a little spanner you were.
My point is its not fair.Once again may i say :mad:

Pighead

Binomate wrote:

Santa Clause...

Silly Binomate!Did you not realise that was a lie when you learnt all about the space-time continuum theory in 3rd class?

Binomate

Pighead wrote:

Angry?I'm bloody livid.I don't use those angry smilies lightly you know.

Parents are the most important role models us kids have. When we lie, parents usually take some time to have a serious talk and discuss:

* the difference between make believe and reality, lying and telling the truth,
* the importance of honesty at home and in the community, and
* alternatives to lying.

If Pighead lies, then professional help will be sent for. I get evaluated by a psychiatrist who helps my folks understand the lying behavior and provide recommendations for the future.
If mammy and daddy lie,ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.Oh you were so gullible Pighead.What a little spanner you were.
My point is its not fair.Once again may i say :mad:

I supose nursery rhymes were ooks of lies too. The story about your Dad discovering Dublin on his motorbike is not a lie, its a childhood story. My parents used to tell me that howth head was America. It feeds the imagination.

Franky Boy

Pighead wrote:

Everytime i lied my mother used to tell me that my tongue would get blacker and blacker and eventually fall off.I was a pretty truthful kid.

Me too.I thought it was only my mum.

dundalk cailin

think most mother's use that one to control the swearing!

Le Rack

I used to think if you ate the seeds of apples, etc. a tree of that fruit would grow inside you....

dundalk cailin

aw yea or if u planted the seeds u could grow an apple tree

sceptre

dundalk cailin wrote:

aw yea or if u planted the seeds u could grow an apple tree

Mmm, what a wacky idea that'd be.

/me strokes apple tree grown in a kitchen cupboard for a while. Soon, soon my precious.

dundalk cailin

sceptre wrote:

Mmm, what a wacky idea that'd be.

/me strokes apple tree grown in a kitchen cupboard for a while. Soon, soon my precious.

:rolleyes:

stormkeeper

sceptre wrote:

Mmm, what a wacky idea that'd be.

/me strokes apple tree grown in a kitchen cupboard for a while. Soon, soon my precious.

LOL!

BoozyBabe

I'm traumatized for life, thus the name!!!!!

My mother used to tell me that there was a big green monster under the bed (we had one of those high beds with the big long iron legs on it) If I got out of bed at night the big monster would reach out his arm, grab my ankle & pull me under the bed. Can you imagine how terrified that'd make a 4 yr old!

Also, around the same time my brothers used to tell me this:
(I come from a large family so bath time was like a sheep dip!!!!)
Myself & 2 brothers are close in age so we used to get bathed together. I used to see their willies & wonder why I didn't have one.
They told me I used to have one but it fell off one day so my mother was now bringing me up as a girl!!! (I cried for about 3 days over my lost willie!!!!)

joejoem

Once that they had to pay santa (is leave money out for him) for the toys so they couldnt afford a bike for me that year.

That they swapped a fridge for me with a man they met one day and thats how I arrived in the family.


Those are the two I remember most

Stephen

I remember all the threats of being sent away to some distant, mysterious, unnamed boarding school where beatings are the norm that I used to get when acting the little bollix

I was genuinely scared of that one.

Then there was all the usual bull5hit ones like santa and the tooth fairy.

Deadwing

"If you keep doing that it'll fall off"

SexeeAussie

Oh the seed thing was big here too!!

I was told that the apple tree would grow out my ears if I ate the seeds...
That my nose would grow like Pinnochio if I told fibs (or I'd get my mouth washed out with soap...It only ever happened once, I spewed all over the floor!!!! Ewwwwwwwwww)

I was told that if I dug holes in the backyard I would end up in China (Chinese people scared me when I was little!)

I was told that if I drew on my arm in pen I would die of ink poisoning.

And all those starving kids in Africa that I ate all my food on my plate for ( turned me into a bulimic!!!!!!!!!)

LMAO

Pompey Magnus

SexeeAussie wrote:

I was told that if I dug holes in the backyard I would end up in China (Chinese people scared me when I was little!)

Me too, except I was told I'd end up in Australia, so you might have got lucky and missed China and finished up in Ireland instead .

ciaran76

Not sure if this was just us but my Mam used to say that a man with a "black bag" would take us away if we went into the park at night !!!!

If we ever saw a man with a black bag we used to ask our Mam is that him !!!

I suppose it was her way of telling us there was perverts in the park

SexeeAussie

Depeche_Mode wrote:

Me too, except I was told I'd end up in Australia, so you might have got lucky and missed China and finished up in Ireland instead .

Do you think if I get a big enough shovel it would work now as an adult?

lol:o

stormkeeper

SexeeAussie wrote:

Do you think if I get a big enough shovel it would work now as an adult?

lol:o

If you dig holes at the rate I dig myself holes when in trouble with people, then I don't see why not :P

Pompey Magnus

SexeeAussie wrote:

Do you think if I get a big enough shovel it would work now as an adult?

lol:o

There's only one way of finding out so I'll meet you half way...now I can't say fairer than that.

deedee lepoopoo

Well it made me stop picking my nose as a chisler - my mam told me that snots are dead worms and flies :eek:

Oh yeah, the more you get your hair cut the faster (and therefore longer) it grows. I looked like a little boy until I was 12 with a crooked bowlo haircut. oh, the trauma!

SexeeAussie

Depeche_Mode wrote:

There's only one way of finding out so I'll meet you half way...now I can't say fairer than that.

Sounds reasonable....but with the time difference one of us is going to have to start in the dark....

Shall we do rock, paper, scissors to sort that out????

Dimitri

SexeeAussie wrote:

Sounds reasonable....but with the time difference one of us is going to have to start in the dark....

Shall we do rock, paper, scissors to sort that out????

Heard on the radio somone won the world championships in rock paper scissors held in canada last night!

Ya i had threats of the boarding school aswell!

keevita

joejoem wrote:

Once that they had to pay santa (is leave money out for him) for the toys so they couldnt afford a bike for me that year.

That they swapped a fridge for me with a man they met one day and thats how I arrived in the family.


Those are the two I remember most

haha, did u come in a fridge box?? i went thru a vegitarian phase when i was about 5 or 6, so mom told me sausages grew on trees!

joejoem

keevita wrote:

haha, did u come in a fridge box?? i went thru a vegitarian phase when i was about 5 or 6, so mom told me sausages grew on trees!

No, They told me the man didnt want me but needed a fridge. It was a joke that was a little ott. Apperantly I pretended not to belive them but later when I was on the back carrier of my mothers bike I asked her if it was true. I think I actually remember that moment.

mr.sparkle

@pighead.

Why worry? Who cares? Why post this topic?

I seen people on here get insulted over far less stupid posts?
Plus I think everyone should just not reply to your topics if they are in third person! Thats a bit unusual. Why do you do that?

Pighead

mr.sparkle wrote:

@pighead.

Why worry? Who cares? Why post this topic?

I seen people on here get insulted over far less stupid posts?
Plus I think everyone should just not reply to your topics if they are in third person! Thats a bit unusual. Why do you do that?

@mr.sparkle
Why worry? Pigheads life is grand at the moment,everthings rosie.This means that the trivial things in life take on more importance.
Who cares? Nobody.
Why post this topic? Passed a few hours at work
Now your turn
Why were u arsed posting your silly billy post?
Why don't you press ignore Pighead button.
Why don't you start a fantastic thread to get the good folk of boards juices running.
Pighead will be watching your future posts with the utmost interest.As Mary Decker Slaney said back in 84,I may forgive you for that horrible post but I shall never forget.

Cormic

When I was about 5 my mother told me that Ice Cream was made with Seaweed. I was not really bothered.

Scraggs

My dad used to tell me that they 'got' me and my sister in an orphange in limerick [they used to point out an old building i think might have been the library]. They thought we were boys because we were so dirty and wore rags and looked like the boys in Oliver Twist they gave me a boys name 'Dan'. Then of course when they brought us home and washed us, dressed us in new clothes etc. etc. they realised we were actually girls!
I was traumatised at this story [still kinda am] occasionally he'd threaten with sending us back if we were bold coz they were able to get a refund and get a pair of nice well behaved boys! [by the way I only used to believe it coz i'd heard all the stories from aunties that my parents were expecting a boy docs said so etc.and then i turned out to be a girl!]

I was also told the digging thing endin up in austrailia...i think they were just usin us as cheap manual labourers!

I was always told that if u lied a black line would be on your tongue and you couldnt see it coz you were the liar but everybody else could.

Oh yes and the classic...the guards will get ya if you're bold [actually once my uncle said the IRA would get me lol!!]

netwhizkid

I was told that I was brought to earth by helicopter and for years i tried to flag down passing choppers for a brother (I don't have one), Then when i was ten i discovered my sister's first year science book and learned about human anatomy:rolleyes: Helicopters

Piste

Jebus, you all have horrible parents!


Everytime we would drive past the hospital in which I was born my dad would say that once I turned 10 he couldn't return me to the Hospital.

He also told me he had a magic book that could change form into any other book and was always running away on him and I was afraid that a book I gave to my cousin for her birthday was my dad's Magic book.

He also told me that red food dye was bats' blood.

Incidently I spent many a happy hour out in the garded making 'potions' with rainwater, vinegar and ''bats' blood''

*sigh* I miss being five...

Pighead

My mother used to tell me that if i didnt let her buy my christmas jumpers for me all the reindeers would die and christmas would be cancelled.

mr.sparkle

You can watch my sad posts if u want. ActuallY I never knew there was an ignore button I think i will use it on you pighead!

RainyDay

"If you ever hit your mother, when I die, my hand will stick up out of my grave and you'll have to hit, hit, hit it for ever to try to get it down"