Breakup from man with kids - advise please

lazydaisy

I'm not sure what thread this should be under as I am not technically a parent. But I would appreciate any feedback.

I lived with a man for five years who had three children from a previous marriage. During that time I developed a relationship with those children.

I left him several months ago and I never had a chance to say good bye to his kids who did not live with us but who regularly visited and stayed with us. I also have no idea what his official story is regarding the breakup or what he has told them.

I'm sure they are loyal to him and would not want to do anything that might upset their father, who I loved very much for several years. He has not said anything to me about whether or not it is ok to contact them. We dont speak at all.

Should I send them something to formally say goodbye? To tell them that it was really nice having them in my life for that time and that I wish them the best and will miss them? I understand that I wont have a relationship with them but it seems very cold to just not acknowledge this parting.

mountainyman

lazydaisy wrote:

I lived with a man for five years who had three children from a previous marriage. During that time I developed a relationship with those children.

Contact him and ask him if you could meet them to say goodbye and tell them that you care about them. If he says no than what can you do? I would also write down now a note or longish letter to each of them talking about how you cared about them. If you meet them again in the future give it to them and if there is any residual negative emotion over your 'abandonment' [1] this will help dispell it.

[1] From the child's point of view.

Cabaal

I believe mountainyman's suggestion hits the nail on the head perfectly,
Depending on their age you could give them the letter anyway, something to remember you by maybe...?

Victor

That sounds kinda morbid. "Goodbye".

Perhaps, if you are in contact with him, ask how the children are.