Rock and a hard place

LegacyUser

Well first off, I know this problem is a very old one. The quick story is that somewhere along the way I’ve totally fallen for my friend. Now it’s the whole tell her or not situation. Many of you now are probably copying and pasting your replies from the standard PI answer book and in some sense I can guess what they will be. But for those of you want a read here goes:

I’m 21 and have known this girl since I was just into the teenage years. Always felt close to her even though there was many times we’ve fallen out and haven’t been speaking, usually over something small – generally involving drink and “what I really think” arguments. I guess that was part of growing up and we’re both quite different people now than when we first met. Yet despite that we’ve remained very close and in the last few months have spent a lot of time together. We’ve never gone beyond the friend stage, nor have we ever discussed it. When we go out (we both have the same friends) we end up as thick as thieves, so that anyone looking in would assume we were bf/gf. The amount of times I’ve been asked if we are together is really quite ironic considering.

Sounds good right?
But unfortunately I just don’t think she’s interested in going beyond where we are. She has had a lot of bad relationships in the past and has no real interest in getting into another with anyone at the moment (her words). I also don’t think I’m her type, as she tends towards pretty guys and I haven’t been blessed in that department. I do know she feels for me in some way and that I am important in her life.

I guess that’s the crux of the problem. I feel telling her how I really feel is selfish because no matter what happens after, our friendship will have changed in some way. I would lose the wonderful closeness I have with her at the moment. The stakes are so high in my eyes. But to remain where I am isn’t going to help my mental health. Because we always go out together and give off such a bf/gf vibe my chances of getting with someone else and moving on are pretty low, not that I’ve got any real desire to do so when I’m out with her. Expressing this sort of thing to anyone is very difficult for me.

So what to do:
1. Tell her, guessing nothing will come of it except the loss of a good friendship for reasons I see as selfish. That would really cause a lot of social pain as well (same friends remember). But on the upside I get peace of mind and a chance to move on.
2. Do nothing. If we continue on the way we are at the moment at some stage I will probably explode. Then again in a few months things could change again as I’ve recently changed direction in life (new job etc.)
3. Any other ideas/suggestions/comments/ridicule? It’s all welcome.

Thanks for reading

ferdi

it'll torture you till you say something unfortunatly. if your honest with her at least you'll have it off your back.

nobodythere

Can I ask, has she been going out with lads while you had feelings for her? And how did that make you feel? I know, personally, that jealousy makes me go insane, but you're older than I am and maybe you've learned to deal with it (or possibly that the nature of your friendship is different to the one I'm speaking about).

funk-you

tbh man its gonna kill you if you dont say anything but if you feel you cant why not just bring up the "what if?" conversation sometime. dont explode telling her you love her or anything but just tip-toe around the idea with her in conversation sometime. at least you'll be able to gauge her reactions without making things awkward for the future. good luck with it and i hope you get the girl, its about time someone other than a cheezy chick-flick male lead got lucky.