Could you marry someone of a different faith?

Sleepy

I met an ex for dinner and a few drinks last night and over the course of the night she said that one of the reasons she knew we could never have married me was because I'm agnostic. Now, I could understand this if it was about marrying someone of the same religion as herself but she wouldn't have a problem marrying someone of another faith, just so long as they had one.

This is something I found quite strange as faith isn't something that would influence me in choosing a partner in any way (fundamentalists or extremists aside) so I'm curious to find out where other people stand on this...

Riamfada

Shouldnt matter but to some Catholic extremeists ( relics of the 30-60's ) It does unfortunatly.

mathie

My girlfriend is a practising Catholic and I'm an Atheist and we both accept the fact that we've different beleifs. It doesn't change the person that you are fundamentally We usually don't discuss religion though sufficed to say that we know we're not (nor would want to) convert the other to the 'correct' belief.

Having faith or not doesn't matter to me. To be a humanist is my prime concern.

M

Hobbes

Agnostic means you believe in a god.

You should of told her you have become a pastafarian.

MorningStar

It is a lot easier to relate to somebody who at least has a belief. The big issue is at moments of stress and general trouble, belief systems give support. If your partner doesn't have any belif in a purpose to it all it can be very hard to relate. Generally different religions are about differnt rituals and prayer. All intentend to give good rules to live by too.
Jewdism, Christianity and Muslim all also believe in the same god anyway. I think most other religuions after that are very compasionate and generally about do no harm.

Hobbes

Actually Athesists and Agnostics both are belief systems.

Certainly in the case of Agnostics they believe in God, just not in the church or whatever institution claiming to represent God.

mise_me_fein

I would want the kids to be brought up in the same religion as myself.

Sleepy

Eh, no, an agnostic is someone who doubts the existence of a God but doesn't *believe* that there is none. Essentially, being agnostic means you have no beliefs.

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=agnostic

koneko

I voted "I need another agnostic/atheist"

When you're dating, and just don't discuss religion, it's one thing. But for the future, and important decisions? I imagine a religious person would like to get married in a church, and have their kids baptised and raised with religious beliefs in mind, and those are things I would never do.

Dave

It doesn't matter to me in the slightest, as long as they don't try and force their beliefs onto me. (I'm atheist)

MorningStar

Hobbes wrote:

Actually Athesists and Agnostics both are belief systems.

Certainly in the case of Agnostics they believe in God, just not in the church or whatever institution claiming to represent God.

No they aren't! They maybe beliefs but there is no system to it. Belief is generally meant to mean believe in something without proof. Atheism or agnostic are relying on proof to form their opinion of god or gods. When people say belief system it is a matter of having a faith in something not really the lack of belief in one.
Agnostic does not believe or disbelive in god but doubts his existence
http://www.allwords.com/query.php?SearchType=0&Keyword=Agnostic&goquery=Find+it%21&Language=ENG&NLD=1&FRA=1&DEU=1&ITA=1&ESP=1&v=62576620
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=Agnostic

stevenmu

It wouldn't matter to me in principle. In practise though there are many belief systems where people blindly believe in various things for no apparent reason and let those beliefs dictate how they live various parts of their lives. In some cases I'd have a hard time respecting the intelligence of someone like that and I can't see myself marrying someone in those circumstances.

Sleepy

koneko wrote:

I voted "I need another agnostic/atheist"

When you're dating, and just don't discuss religion, it's one thing. But for the future, and important decisions? I imagine a religious person would like to get married in a church, and have their kids baptised and raised with religious beliefs in mind, and those are things I would never do.

Funnily enough, for someone who so strongly discounts the notion of a god (I have trouble with anything illogical) I wouldn't mind if any future partner wanted to bring up our kids in their faith so long as they were able to allow the kids make up their own minds about that faith (which presumably wouldn't cause a problem if they were married to an agnostic).

Similarly, I'd have no problems marrying in their place of worship so long as it was understood that the vows I was taking were to her and before our friends and family rather than her deity.

adonis

oh what difference does it make? it makes none.

Dades

Let the record show I concur with MorningStar.

Except I thought an agnostic simply says - "we cannot say whether or not there is a god."

Whether or not you can have a mixed religion/belief marriage depends on if one or both of you will try to convert the other. If you're not comfortable with your partners creed, then you'll have problems.

I voted "no to certain faiths" as I couldn't live with a hardline theist.

orangerooster

Faith wouldnt really be that much of an issue for me, I'd obviously prefer another atheist to avoid the questions of raising children in a religon or to marry in a church, but unless they were total hardcore into whatever religon it was I dont think faith would really be all that much of an issue for me.

pickarooney

I think I'm agnostic (the 'meh' of spiritualism), and could probably cohabit fine with someone religious, bhe one thing I can't stand are fundamentalist atheists. You know the ones, can't allow anyone to believe in God, constantly wielding their non-belief as some sort of sceptre of superiority...

county

love should be stronger than religion,i would marry someone of a different faith,that is no problem and i think to most people would too, but ,and there is a but the whole issue of kids, education and the in-laws crops up into the equation,if my gf was a different religion to me[she is not] and she wished to bring the kids up in her faith fine by me but i know for fact if it was the other way around she would not bring the kids up in any faith except for her own

Sleepy

adonis wrote:

oh what difference does it make? it makes none.

Well, quite obviously it matters a lot to some people.

orangerooster, I wouldn't have meant the question in terms of any "hardcore" or extremist faith (as quite obviously an extremist is never going to date, never mind marry, outside of their faith).

Dades

pickarooney wrote:

bhe one thing I can't stand are fundamentalist atheists. You know the ones, can't allow anyone to believe in God, constantly wielding their non-belief as some sort of sceptre of superiority...

Just battle them with your shield of indecision...

MorningStar

It is all well and fine to say it doesn't matter but the reality is it does. It might not be a terrible thing but relationshiops are work one way or the other. Adding another difficulty is not a great idea if can be avoided. Generally people figure it out as part of their realtionship prior to marriage. I know people who go to mass due to their partner and a good example to the kids. Lying about your religion doesn't sound like a good example to me.

Hobbes

adonis wrote:

oh what difference does it make? it makes none.

try getting your kid into a local school who isn't baptised/catholic.

the Guru

who cares do any of you actually go to mass or whatever your religions thing to do on a sunday is , if you love the person and religion is an issue get married in vegas ... there you go problem sorted ...

Sifo

It shouldnt matter, but i guess some people can't look past it... Personally being the type of person i am, i do look for a belief in something!! Otherwise i see only emptiness in them to a certain regard... strange i know..

ambro25

Depends what you mean/define by 'faith'? Do you mean 'religion', i.e. Christian v Islam, or 'system', i.e. Monotheist vs Multitheist (e.g. Occidental v Oriental (Buddhism et al.)), or 'church', i.e. Catholic v Protestant, or...?

I'm Catholic (not by choice). My wife is C of E (not by choice). Been married 9 years, and never a bother. Little one is none (C/C of E) - and that is a choice.

But note that we only differed in 'church' (not that it bothered us in the least), and differences can much more fundamental, depending upon the response to the above. For instance, imagine the situation of an Atheist or run-of-the-mill Catholic coupled with a Muslim raised under the fully-enforced Chariah, or with a traditional Hindu - such difference I see as a lot more extreme and conductive of a lot more more problems, potentially: only to the extent that beliefs have shaped (or not shaped) a general attitude to life and its components that can be pretty far removed from yours or mine.

Sleepy

I think I'd be looking at this more as a case of having the same morals and outlook on life in general (i.e. compatible enough for a relationship to exist) yet differing in opinion on the existence of God(s) and/or their worship...

I'm perplexed by the fact that some person could rule out someone as a potential life partner because of differing views on religion if they were compatible in all other ways (morality etc.). For me, if someone is a "good" person that I enjoy spending time with and that I love, their religious beliefs and/or practices wouldn't factor into my decision regarding the future of that relationship...

I'm not saying that my opinion is necessarily right, I'm just struggling to understand the concept and trying to gain some insight into it...

Rb

Hobbes wrote:

try getting your kid into a local school who isn't baptised/catholic.

Yeah my parents had that problem when trying to get me into school as a kid, looking back I'm pretty glad I didn't get in (it was a single sex school, ended up going to a co-ed)

I'd marry someone of a different faith/religion as long as they didn't try to force it on me or the kids. My parents (moms a catholic, dad's a protestant) chose not to have me baptized so I could chose my own faith when I grew up...well, turns out I'm agnostic. I've never had religion forced on me by either of my parents and I hope that when the time comes my own kid can say the same. I'm gonna give my own kids the choices I got so will only marry someone who agrees with that.
Would love to have a jewish wedding though, they look soo fun.

Dades

ambro25 wrote:

I'm Catholic (not by choice). My wife is C of E (not by choice).

What does that mean exactly?

Unless you mean (which I doubt) that any real belief is not a matter of choice.
That would be true IMO.

Ann Elk

I used to be agnostic, but now i'm not sure.

I chose that i could marry certain faiths - for me a good faith is one where you realise that others have a right to their own belief system. All but the most hardcore extremist religions preach tolerance of others - if you can abide by this you should always be able to reach a compromise and get on with your fellow humans - isn't this what all religions really want to accomplish - harmonious societies?

It's onlt when the ears close and the blinkers go on that things become unresolveable - that's when we get the crusades, jihads, west-bank etc. If we were all to really follow the teachings of mainstream religions we wouln't be bothered with these issues.

Nightwish

my mother is Catholic and Dad is Protestant, so faith isn't an issue with me. I personally wouldn't mind what faith a person has and I believe mixed faith mariages can work. I would not tolerate my partner trying to impose their beliefs on me, though. But since we're both agnostics, thats not a problem

ferdi

it makes **** all difference.

all you need is love, love is all you need etc.

Lex_Diamonds

I chose the last option.

As long as they aren't scientologist/other mental belief, im grand.

Nimrod's Son

Someone's beliefs wouldn't make a lick of difference as to whether I married them or not. Except if they were a Satanist or something weird like that.

Simple Simon

Dave wrote:

It doesn't matter to me in the slightest, as long as they don't try and force their beliefs onto me. (I'm atheist)

What about your kids?

stevemu wrote:

It wouldn't matter to me in principle. In practise though there are many belief systems where people blindly believe in various things for no apparent reason and let those beliefs dictate how they live various parts of their lives. In some cases I'd have a hard time respecting the intelligence of someone like that and I can't see myself marrying someone in those circumstances.

Yeah I'm somewhat similar...

I don't think I could live with someone who's very religious, and I definitely couldn't bring my kids up as religious(I'm agnostic, btw). It's up to them to make up their mind if or when they decide to give it some thought. I'm not gonna have them read the Bible every day 'just in case' they decide that they're gonna be Christian.

nesf

Sleepy wrote:

Eh, no, an agnostic is someone who doubts the existence of a God but doesn't *believe* that there is none. Essentially, being agnostic means you have no beliefs.

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=agnostic

An agnostic doesn't necessarily doubt the existence of a god. They just believe that we can't prove the existence of one. Taken from your definition.

An agnostic may have beliefs but will recognise that they aren't necessarily true.

It's more a question of acceptance in my mind. An agnostic could never accept the existence of a god because it's inherently unprovable logically. But they may wish or like their to be a god. They could subscribe to a belief system, or part of one.

For instance, an agnostic could be someone who chooses to live a christian life but not be able to believe in God's existence. That doesn't mean they don't have beliefs. They just don't have certainty or conviction regards to God's existence. Though, importantly, they don't deny the possibility of the existence of a God either. That is the realm of an atheist really.

In essence what Hobbes said is true. An agnostic holds the belief that we cannot know, with any certainty, the existence of a god. That in itself is as much a belief as having faith.


And to the original question, I'd have no issue with a person of a different faith, so long as they didn't try to convert me to it and they could respect my own beliefs.

monument

I think I too quickly jumped to "Faith isn't an issue for me". But "I need another agnostic/atheist" would too far the other way. I'm open to the idea of marrying someone from another faith system as long as they were not anyway extremist... yea, but "another agnostic/atheist" would be a hell of a lot safer when/if it ever came down to having children.

nesf wrote:

An agnostic doesn't necessarily doubt the existence of a god. They just believe that we can't prove the existence of one. Taken from your definition.

The rest of your post is well said, but just on short definitions, Cambridge says it slightly better...

agnostic
noun [C]
someone who does not know, or believes that it is impossible to know, whether a god exists

http://dictionary.cambridge.org/define.asp?key=1676&dict=CALD

Capt'n Midnight

Dave wrote:

It doesn't matter to me in the slightest, as long as they don't try and force their beliefs onto me. (I'm atheist)

Do you mean you are an atheist or are you a theist ?

nesf

I prefer the oxford one.

A. noun. A person who holds the view that nothing can be known of the existence of God or of anything beyond material phenomena.

It's a little more rounded. The whole material phenomena part is important. Since to hold the belief that we can know nothing of the existence of God, we must also hold the belief that we can know nothing of anything involving "faith".

It's an interesting point. It's not disbelief or doubt in the existence of God, but a refusal to "take things on faith" and believe them to be true. It doesn't say that faith is wrong. It just indicates an inability to accept things on faith.

It is not an easy or comforting position to hold and believe in, imho.

cil_aine

of course i could, as long as they didn't force their religion/faith upon me, which i doubt they would if they married me. my uncle is a catholic (quite religious, but not OTT) and his wife comes from a family of presbeteryans, they have no problems at all. she is less religious, ie doesnt go to church but stands by most of her protestant principles. she does go to mass now and again, purely because of the practicality, but just chooses not to take communion etc. it can work, but as other people pointd out, cultures can often be intertwined with religion, and when cultures clash then (sometimes) it doesn't turn out too well.

Sleepy

nesf wrote:

It is not an easy or comforting position to hold and believe in, imho.

You can sing that!

CathyMoran

Beyond extremists I would not care. I am a liberal practicing RC but I have dated people from other christian groups and would not care if someone was buddist or agnostic. In the end if you get on, respect one anothers views and have similar moral values who cares? I was brought up in a household where we were very aware of the diversity of our religious past (protestant, catholic and jewish). I have one aunt who is an ex-nun but whose daugher is marrying a jewish man. It might be easier if someone was of the same faith as me but it would not be a reason to stop marrying someone (extremists excluded as above).

NoDayBut2Day

Faith is a big issue for me. I've tried dating people of a different faith and there was just too many conflicts. It's always better to be like-minded.

larryone

My girlfriend is a muslim. The closest descriptor that I've found that vaguely describes my faith is pagan, but taken in as general an interpretation as possible.

If we ger married (which we probably will) I will still eat pork, and drink beer.

Alot of our views on god are very similar, which does help.

Jimi-Spandex

To be honest, it wouldn't really matter to me whether she was christian or jewish or whatever, as long as she at least had put some sort of thought into what she believed or didn't believe in.

if she believes in something(christianity/judaisim/islam/budhism/whatever) or not as long as she's at least put some serious consideration into it that's fine by me. I'd have trouble with some one who had dismissed it all out of hand though. That to me would seem ignorant or stupid or childish

wes

This is an interesting one. If I were to be that picky and stick with just Muslim girls, I would be reducing the old dating pool. As for marriage I don't know, I would not like my children to be brough up in a different faith than me so that would probably be an issue if the wife was another religion.

So um undecided I guess.

fade2black

An ex of mine was very religous and we both knew it would be the biggest obstacle of all, bigger than the fact that she was from the north and me from Waterford. They were born again Christians and really, a little bit dillusional. I went to one of their "churches" once, (in a mobile home), and there were drums and guitars etc and it was great fun but also pretty scary...people speaking in tongues and falling on the floor etc, people who I'd met before and thought to be pretty normal. Also they all believed that Noah did in fact collect one of everything and sail to safety and Adam and Eve did in fact exist and start mankind (although they're a bit heitant to talk about the next siblings. Gays are evil and also if there's a heaven, well only born again christians are getting in.

These are a lot of things to stomach, no matter how much you hold the belief that "all you need is love"...this to me is very naieve and idealistic...We loved each other but now don't speak...this is because she got married a couple of years ago (at 21) and ya see the guy she married is of a similar fundamentalist faith and like her, didn't believe in sex before marriage, however, unlike her he probably stuck by that little rule....