No social life

LegacyUser

Im a 21yr old female in 3rd year of college. These should be the best days of my life but i just feel like im wasting them!!

Since starting college iv met some really nice people,i feel really comfortable with them&theyre probably my best friends. The only problem is we never really go on nights out together,to pubs,clubs or whatever(anytime we do go anywhere,say to a gig,or cinema,its always the last bus,or earlier, home). My friends arent really big drinkers so its as if they see this as a reason to not socialise at all(like to drink is the only reason people go out at night!)

So every weekend i end up staying at home, bored as hell.
Im still good friends with others i went to school with but i dont see them that often. Theyve all made lots of other friends since starting college & i dont really wanna go phoning them every weekend & tagging along with them on nights out. Any time we do go out,i always have a really good time. I think they all just assume i actually have a social life!

I suppose im just wondering is there anyone out there who's been in this position,or anyone who can give me some advice? I feel like im going mad.

Thanks

katiegordon

hey i cant really help as im probably too young too have been in this situation.I do know what its like though to have borin' friends.Just try meet other new people join societies etc.!i dunno sorry im no help!xXx

Xylophonic

OP I'm just like you except I'm 4 years younger and I have'nt much of a scoial life at all, bearly any friends either but I cope

LegacyUser

Hey Kia,

Have you tried joining a few of the societies? Are your college friends ones in your lectures etc?

Societies would go away for weekends etc and you would get to know more people .. possibly those who have more of an interest in staying out late.

Thing is about college, many people go home to their folks at the weekend etc.

B

P.S - now is the time to join the socs - beginning of the year .. loads of new faces and lots of people feeling just as uncomfortable as you and looking for people to socialize with.

Sangre

Make new friends who go out.

You're not going to change what people want to do so become friends with people with a common interest in not being dry.

Laguna

Well Kia, I'm 22 and have just finished college and to tell the truth, there wasn't much of a college social life in my quarters either, partly being to the fact that I didnt embrace the drinking culture that my college has (the only culture). This culture is a UK/Irish thing so it's pretty unavoidable and you end up feeling left out like I did if you don't go in for it, which is no reason to feel like a reject or anything, it's just not your scene.

You said you were in 3rd year right?, you're probably nearly finished college anyway at which point you can go travelling or get a job, whatever takes your fancy. I'm of the belief the people who you go to school/college with tend to fade into the distance as you get older and realise you don't really have that much in common with them anymore, the real place you can make a nice group of friends is in an environment in which you share a common interest, e.g. a book club/amateur drama/cookery class.. whatever.

In my opinion, you sound like one of the sensible types who realise destroying your liver on a weekly basis isn't the best grounding for the rest of your life. By all means, go out on the social drink, keep up with your friends and college mates, but don't feel guilty because you don't feel the biological need to drink copious amounts of alcohol to have a good time like so many others.

Take it easy dude.

chern0byl

Laguna wrote:

but don't feel guilty because you don't feel the biological need to drink copious amounts of alcohol

The fact of the matter is this: being social in Ireland involves a pub because we dont have a climate for anything else really. You can choose to oppose this but going to the pub doesnt mean you have to drink. The pub is wonderful but you dont have to be another drunk to be there.

Unstable

your lucky enough to still be in college, join those college society's NOW god damn it cause once you start working it gets A LOT MORE difficult to make friends.

Trust me its a whole different ball game when your working and trying to make brand new friends, its so much more difficult. Some people will think your a leech or weird .... so now is the time you should be doing stuff

the_syco

What do your mates do if they don't drink? Join them at what they do. Maybe fun (some society, maybe).

Also, there's usually an "Alcohol Apprication Society" in college's, so join that if you want to get a drinking buddy.

As for those "old friends", if they're good friends, they won't mind, but if it were a large loose bunch of mates from secondry school, don't bother.

LegacyUser

bubby wrote:

He wants drinking buddies .. not the last bus home at night

Here's me so busy telling Laguna the above .. and to read the original post.
Laguna .. you can get me back!! I should have read it meself! The OP is female, not male!! ha ha

nobodythere

I'm a little like your friends, and I know that if one of my friends explained that they feel like you, I wouldn't be hurt at all that they don't go out with them all of the time.

Also, same with your old friends. Tell them that your friends don't go out and you were wondering if you could come out with them. It's worth a try

Laguna

bubby wrote:

He wants drinking buddies .. not the last bus home at night

Well surely if it's drinking buddies this person wants, it won't be too hard to find numerous amounts of people who fit this bill in college.

panda100

Kinda know how u feel-am doing a really hard course in college so i have great,really nice friends in my course but there not great for going out and i looove going out!In my second year in college i helped out in loads of societys in uni and got involved with the student union and met loads of going out likeminded people there.Also if your college has a forum here why dont you post a thread bout if anyone wants to meet up for a social-someone did that in ucd lots of boards people met up in stu bar and we had a wicked nite out!

0utshined

Kia wrote:

Im a 21yr old female in 3rd year of college. These should be the best days of my life but i just feel like im wasting them!!

Since starting college iv met some really nice people,i feel really comfortable with them&theyre probably my best friends. The only problem is we never really go on nights out together,to pubs,clubs or whatever(anytime we do go anywhere,say to a gig,or cinema,its always the last bus,or earlier, home). My friends arent really big drinkers so its as if they see this as a reason to not socialise at all(like to drink is the only reason people go out at night!)

So every weekend i end up staying at home, bored as hell.
Im still good friends with others i went to school with but i dont see them that often. Theyve all made lots of other friends since starting college & i dont really wanna go phoning them every weekend & tagging along with them on nights out. Any time we do go out,i always have a really good time. I think they all just assume i actually have a social life!

I suppose im just wondering is there anyone out there who's been in this position,or anyone who can give me some advice? I feel like im going mad.

Thanks

When I was in college we didn't all start going out as a class until 3rd year either. One of our lecturers was giving us a class on his own time to help us with another subject we were taking. It was on from 6-7 and one of the guys in the course sent out a mail suggesting we should bring him out for a few beers to show our gratitude and it snowballed from there.

In another course I took it was two guys who decided the class should go on a pub crawl and sent a mail out with a map and a timeline.

What I'm saying is, all it takes a reason. Make up a reason if one doesn't exist and don't ask your classmates, tell them.

Also, Don't feel bad about hanging out with your schoolfriends. If they're going out with college friends and invite you then go along. If they thought there ould be any problem with bringing you along then, as your friend, they wouldn't.

Rozie

Kia wrote:

Im a 21yr old female in 3rd year of college. These should be the best days of my life but i just feel like im wasting them!!

Since starting college iv met some really nice people,i feel really comfortable with them&theyre probably my best friends. The only problem is we never really go on nights out together,to pubs,clubs or whatever(anytime we do go anywhere,say to a gig,or cinema,its always the last bus,or earlier, home). My friends arent really big drinkers so its as if they see this as a reason to not socialise at all(like to drink is the only reason people go out at night!)

So every weekend i end up staying at home, bored as hell.
Im still good friends with others i went to school with but i dont see them that often. Theyve all made lots of other friends since starting college & i dont really wanna go phoning them every weekend & tagging along with them on nights out. Any time we do go out,i always have a really good time. I think they all just assume i actually have a social life!

I suppose im just wondering is there anyone out there who's been in this position,or anyone who can give me some advice? I feel like im going mad.

Thanks

You poor thing! I'm in a very similiar situation, in 3rd year of college in UL and going through the same, scattered friends, never do much with them, bored at weekends.

What college do you go to? Do you have clubs and socs to join? What are your room-mates like? Have you thought about trying to find people in your area rather than just that go to your college?

Jonny Arson

I'm in a bit of a similar situation regards to my college social life or lack of college social life. Started in UCD a year ago and a year on, apart from friends who I knew before college, I haven't even made one new friend. It's painful and it killed me last year strolling around campus all my own having hardly anyone to chat to. This year I don't give too much of a damn as my education is my no.1 priority and I'm better of on my own if people don't want to make friends with me. I've joined new societies and clubs but I don't have much hope of meeting even a couple of friends. Even with some of my current mates they aren't what I'd call people who love to go for a drink and have the craic so I don't go out to places, gigs or events as often as I'd wish which bugs me alot. Just like the OP It's like I want to break free but I'm being restrained.

LegacyUser

First off, thanks a lot to everyone who replied,i appreciate the advice.
I suppose what a lot of you have said about trying to meet new people is right,although easier said than done. Im quite a shy person,which i really hate,& im never really confident around new people. Think i have become a lot better in the past few years though & i guess ill just have to try harder.

As for my schoolfriends, i still dunno whether to say anything to them about it,i dont see them that often,mainly talk to them every so often by text,ill probably just let them get on with their lives.
(Sorry havnt figured out how to put quotes from more than one person in my reply!)
the_syco:well basically my friends dont really do anything(haha seriously)so i cant really join them!

Rozie:im in college in dublin & unfortunately i live at home so i dont have roommates.Not much goin on in my area either.

Zane:I know what u mean,its so frustrating,especially when i see family members goin out every weekend,i feel like im missing out on so much. Maybe in a few years time we'll be able to look back and laugh about it all:)

massimo

Hey Kia im 21 also living and going to college in Dub and I am in exactly the same situation as you. I know how u feel its ****!

cooker3

Hey Kia,

I know how you feel, I was pretty much the same as you when I started in many ways I am still similar as both go to college in dublin(DCU in my my case)both shy but I have improved a lot and I am just going to say what everybody else has said, join societies and also go to them, I know its hard but it is so well worth it. Apart from people in my class everyone I know in college is because of the clubs and socs, they are great and not all of them are excuses to get drunk. I hope things go well for you soon.