A common dilemma maybe...

crackity_jones

but none the easier for it.

The only thing harder than breaking up with someone you no longer like is
breaking up with someone you still have feelings for.

I have been seeing this particular girl for close to 8 months now and I have come to
the conclusion that there is no future in this relationship for me. We have have had
some great fun and I doubt there was single argument. However as day passes I
find it harder and harder to do the things that were taken for granted by me some
time ago. Text messages and phone calls are "put off" for later, dates and
meetings seem to drag and I've started to hanker for the time and freedom I had
when I was single.

So why not just finish it and move on, you ask? Well, as I have alluded to above, I
still have feelings for this girl. Feelings which have become increasingly platonic
over the recent weeks but strong feelings none the less. I am terrified of hurting
her and maybe ending the possibility of any kind of friendship in the future.

The problem is that I suspect she has rather strong feelings for me and she does
see a future for us and seems to making little plans which are by no means scary
but do point to a intention to take things a little further at some stage down the line.

Then again I might just be reading too much into these supposed signs and for all
I know she is very casual and laid back about the whole thing. But I doubt it.

You see, if I do decide to finish it it will almost surely come as a shock to her as
I don't believe my behaviour has changed at all lately. I still enjoy her company.
We have a lot in common and when we just talk and "shoot the breeze" it's really
great. Perhaps if I acted like a bit of a dick from time to time it might make things
a little easier. Yes, I'm kidding. You're a sad case if you need to resort to those
tactics.

I'm not entirely sure why I'm even telling you this as it's quite obvious what I need
to do. And do it soon. Most of the personal experiences posted here on boards.ie
come from the perspective of the person who hasn't ended the relationship. I
guess I'd just like to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation and
perhaps a little assurance that it need not be that terrible. I would love to remain
friends with her. But then that's not really my decision, is it?

jcoote

i've had to do this in the past and being honest too many people nowadays pussy foot around their partners...i always make sure i am 100% happy in a relationship by speaking my mind if i feel the way u do i will finish so as not to fall into a slump and to not lead the girl on anymore than necessary...in saying that i will work as hard as i can to help the girl do treat me in a way that she will be happy so i'm not just bein a self centered muppet...i think u should tell her out straight and if she cares about u she will accept your opinion and try and either be friends or fight to fix whatever it is that is making your feelings only platonic...

ziggy

This post has been deleted.

WhiteWashMan

i have done it after nearly 4 years of a relationship. i broke it off because i saw that it wasnt going to work.
i didnt want to waste my time, and i really didnt want to her time.

its incredibly difficult, and you really have to be strong about it. and the hardest thing to do is to break it off, because you feel it will hurt her too much.

well dont. the longer you string her along, the longer you draw out the break up, the harder it will be.
you make a quick clean cut, keep your distance, cut out the 'i miss you' and i still love you, even though we are just friends' crap.
in fact, there is no being friends. get closure, and move on.

oh, and i did it 2 weeks after she had quite her job and moved country to be with me. now that, was hard to do.

Nala

WhiteWashMan wrote:

i did it 2 weeks after she had quite her job and moved country to be with me. now that, was hard to do.

Hard to do for you? What about her? That was completely unneccessary. Surely you could have done it BEFORE she'd turned her whole life upside down for you.
That was no accident, you deliberately sat back and watched her quit her job, emigrate etc knowing full well you'd be dumping her anytime soon.

Reminds me of my first boyfriend. He watched me for weeks, making plans for the summer, and how much fun we'd have after the exams were over, and acted all excited, every time I suggested going somewhere or doing something it was "wait for the summer". He then ignored me for half the exams and broke up with me a couple of days after they were finished. His thoughts on the whole thing?

"Don't cry, I feel really bad".