German Law-Marriage Separation advice

easylife

Hi,
My brother is living in Germany and is going through a hard time at the moment with his Marriage. They have one child 18 months old. He is working but she is not. She is having an affair and to cut a long story short they both just want to separate.
At the moment the term "Separate" means them staying living together while she continues to have the affair, and he keeps the family going financially(including her personal life). He is not pushing the boat too far regarding legal path to separation as every second day she will be "nicer than nice" and this somehow makes it all go away for him (I guess he is trying to make the most of a bad situation for his childs sake).
Anyway - he is coming home to Ireland this week and I really want to do something constructive for him. I Dont want to tell him all he should do and I also dont want to not offer advise or do nothing.
I'm affraid my parents will just bombard him with advise, but I feel I can do something more constructive as he does really listen to me.

I was thinking I would like him to start by knowing his rights by meeting a legal person, but there is noone here in Ireland that can advise on German family law(I am presuming). He will not go to a solicitor in Germany as he cannot afford it (even though the offer of support is there from his family).

I'm interested in good solid advise on the best way forward for him (legally/personaly). I only have one day with him on my own so I want to do the best I can constructively.
THANKS for your help in advance!!

pickarooney

There's bound to be an office offering an hour's free legal aid in every German city.
I don't know what it's called, but the Dutch equivalent is the Rechtshulpbureau.
One hour isn't much, but it can be a very good orientation point from someone who know s the law.

Beruthiel

pickarooney wrote:

There's bound to be an office offering an hour's free legal aid in every German city..

agreed
a country like germany is bound to have free legal aid,
I would recommend he go find his rights out from a solicitor there.

Sangre

Options would be divorce, separation agreement or judicial separation agreement(incl custody). Hmm, although Germany is civil law not common so it could be different.
Depends on what he wants etc., there are many options out there.

easylife

Thanks!
I guess I just need to bring him around to the idea of it.
Maybe the best thing is to just get him to that Orienation point you spoke about and let him go from there.
My only problem is that I dont think he will do that on his own when he is Germany and his predicument will just go from day to day until it will eventually be too late left on the long finger and their child will eventually become old enough to comprehend the situation - and things will get harder to sort out between them then.
I spoke with someone who has been in the exact situation and left it on the long finger and they ended up waiting until the children were 18+ and tehy have some story to tell.
That is why I was hoping there was someone in Ireland I could say to him that I know of this place that you could go to just chat for advise on your situation (while he is away from Germany) - but that would be hard I guess as it is German family law.

Beruthiel

I speak from experience here when I say, even if he is on good terms with the mother of his child, he should absolutely get it all written down in a legally binding contract. None of us can predict the future and how it will turn out, if he wishes to continue to see his child, get that sorted. It's a must.
Further down the line, he may be living back in ireland, it would be nice if his child could come visit, he must think of the future.

easylife

I spoke with him today-he is just home. he can speak freely.
He said his life has been pure hell that past month and that she has already taken the step of going to a solicitor. Does this mean that she has taken a "Case" against him? he has not gotten legal advise yet, but is now ready to do so-so at least "orientation" has been forced upon him.
would good advise be to sit down and do out a full history of their marriage, financials etc... before approaching a solicitor? someone else told me that he should take a diary of events from henceforth.

Beruthiel

easylife wrote:

I she has already taken the step of going to a solicitor. Does this mean that she has taken a "Case" against him?

highly possible

would good advise be to sit down and do out a full history of their marriage, financials etc... before approaching a solicitor?

do both at the same time, his solicitor with help him out with that, he should get one asap

someone else told me that he should take a diary of events from henceforth

a good idea considering the circumstances.

Victor

Yes, write down all the financials and events, is there somewhere he can keep this away from home? Work? Safety deposit box?

I suspect divorce law in Germany may vary from state to state.

I'll drop a line to a German friend, but I suspect any free legal advice he gets will be in German. Will his German be good enough to understand?

easylife

Thanks Victor, that would be just great. He is fluent German having lived there for 13 years.
He is home now and we are going to go through the process of recording financials and events. Thanks again!

maybelline

easylife wrote:

At the moment the term "Separate" means them staying living together

In Germany you have to live at least one year separated before you can get divorced - they won't accept a separation when they still live together as if nothing happened.

I'm in a hurry right now, sorry - will write more tomorrow.

Slaygal

There's a German Lawyer's office on Parliament Street in Dublin 2, why don't you give them a call and they should be able to give telephone numbers or a website that your Brother could use.

Nevyn

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