Heads Up with Jesus (Not Ferguson)

Happy Camper

Lets say you're at the Heads Up at a multi-table tournament, and you're playing Jesus. Somehow, you're even in chips, with each player having 40 BB.

Now, JESUS OWNS YOUR SOUL, and as a consequence of this, he'll know exactly what your hole cards are, the moment you do. So the obvious strategy would be to go All-In blind, every hand.

What hands should Jesus call you with (these would change, as you steal more and more chips)? How often will he win using the optimal strategy?

Ste05

Where did this guy come from???

Some crazy posts!!!!!

Imposter

Ste05 wrote:

Where did this guy come from???

Some crazy posts!!!!!

I think it must be Des's daytime nick for when he is drunk!

ianmc38

Well this question is better than his earlier one. I've actually had this discusison before, but we had Derren Brown in the place of Jesus. Tough to answer though.

RoundTower

I am doing a very mathsy answer to this. I know you said move in blind in the OP. Does this mean Jesus does not know your hole cards?

This doesn't make any real difference to the way you solve the problem, but it makes a big difference to the answer.

Happy Camper

RoundTower wrote:

I am doing a very mathsy answer to this. I know you said move in blind in the OP. Does this mean Jesus does not know your hole cards?

This doesn't make any real difference to the way you solve the problem, but it makes a big difference to the answer.

Jesus would only know your hand if you did (so no, he doesn't)

Lafortezza

jtsuited

Indeed a bit of a mad post but i have a few questions.

Why does Jesus own your soul? Surely that would be contradictory to the intrinsically free nature of a 'soul', thus nullifying the existence of such an entity.
And i thought poker was for people who were lacking in such an entity anyway.

But on a more serious note, I've had a bit of experience with Jesus, and nine-handed he's very weak passive. His shorthanded play is a bit peculiar and is liable to raise in late position with any picture card. He'll always raise on a draw, but has will fold if you make him commit his entire stack.

Happy Camper

jtsuited wrote:

Indeed a bit of a mad post but i have a few questions.

Why does Jesus own your soul? Surely that would be contradictory to the intrinsically free nature of a 'soul', thus nullifying the existence of such an entity.
And i thought poker was for people who were lacking in such an entity anyway.

But on a more serious note, I've had a bit of experience with Jesus, and nine-handed he's very weak passive. His shorthanded play is a bit peculiar and is liable to raise in late position with any picture card. He'll always raise on a draw, but has will fold if you make him commit his entire stack.

Jesus died for you sins and in addition to the $10,000 cash (for getting into heaven), he owns your soul. This doesn't contradict the apparent "free nature" rule, because he leases it to you (and thus, he can afford to play high stakes poker like a maniac).

jtsuited

Happy Camper wrote:

Jesus died for you sins and in addition to the $10,000 cash (for getting into heaven), he owns your soul. This doesn't contradict the apparent "free nature" rule, because he leases it to you (and thus, he can afford to play high stakes poker like a maniac).

ok. Now i get you. forgot about that!

PPP-Pit Boss

But Jesus spent the majority of his youth indulging in all sorts of shenanigans with his 12 mates undoubtedly he was up for a few games of cards. Jesus shortstacked would simply do a lazarus so I think it is clear what would happen if your were to try and steal his blinds.

RoundTower

Happy Camper wrote:

(and thus, he can afford to play high stakes poker like a maniac).

Says the man who raises all in on the blind every hand.

Fatboydim

So the sermon on the mount was really the wsop of it's day... and the loaves and fishes were clearly terms for poker players. Matthew, Luke and John were clearly fish. Noahs Ark was obviously a full House or Boat. The Holy Trinity is trips. A Lazarus is when you're down to a chip and a chair and you come back from the dead.

PPP-Pit Boss

Yes and a number of the apostles were ubdoubtedly queens.

Fatboydim

I'm seeing the Bible in a whole new light - When Job was between a Rock and A Hard Place he was obviously at a poker table sat next to a rock under the gun with AQ suited.

Happy Camper

Fatboydim wrote:

So the sermon on the mount was really the wsop of it's day... and the loaves and fishes were clearly terms for poker players. Matthew, Luke and John were clearly fish. Noahs Ark was obviously a full House or Boat. The Holy Trinity is trips. A Lazarus is when you're down to a chip and a chair and you come back from the dead.

And the immaculate conception was God going All-In.

PPP-Pit Boss

Happy Camper wrote:

And the immaculate conception was God going All-In.

And Jesus who was the son of a lowly carpenter who made rather attractive poker tables...

Lafortezza

And then the moderator came along and smited them all with unholy justice.

Off to the bin.

boo!!!

ecksor

If you find yourself in this situation very often then surely you should consider finding a better game.

Mark J

lafortezza wrote:

Off to the bin.

and back from the recycling plant as good as new!

kincsem

Just a thought -
You didn't say if Jesus is to your left or right on the table. If He is to your right just wait until he acts first then look at your hand. To confuse Him you could look at one card only. And as it a multi-table tournament you can wait it out amd then do a deal when it is heads-up.
Let me know how you get on.

Happy Camper

kincsem wrote:

Just a thought -
You didn't say if Jesus is to your left or right on the table. If He is to your right just wait until he acts first then look at your hand. To confuse Him you could look at one card only. And as it a multi-table tournament you can wait it out amd then do a deal when it is heads-up.
Let me know how you get on.

In the hypothetical situation that I outlined, it's already heads up.

frodi

Look up Chris De Burgh's "Spanish Train" He sums up Jesus's playing style in poker!