Universal Truths

Nala

Found these on a website and thought I'd share them...

Peter Kay's Universal Truths...........
1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a
calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a
fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your
teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the
first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way
through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got
your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their
arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an
upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a
fruit salad.

Rhyme

Magnificent... all true, i think. Something for the fridge methinks.

Pigman II

37) Peter Kay will always be an fat overexposed unfunny twat.

Tar.Aldarion

they all are quite accurate tbh,entertaining list,for the girl crying one i kept going through my head 'oh there was this time..oh wait...or..when...oh'

electric69

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

He obviously hasnt lived with a student in quite a while...

Linoge

Pigman II wrote:

37) Peter Kay will always be an fat overexposed unfunny twat.

The most true by far.

Apart from that, Peter Kay didn't come up with them, they've been around a long while. I hope he's not sad enough (I mean more sad) to claim them as his own.

scuba steve

Peter Kay is a funny bastard (not based on these)

electric69

Peter kay rules!
Phoniex nights is brill.

Dinner

Pigman II wrote:

37) Peter Kay will always be an fat overexposed unfunny twat.

Definitely the best of the lot.

fred funk }{

Very good but old at this stage.

Hagar

38) Velcro panty-liners make women cranky.

Mr.Nice Guy

39) It's when you're looking your worst that you run into someone you fancy.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

Rabies

That list have been floating around for a few years.

county

:d

johnny_ultimate

The first one is the most inaccurate of the lot. Triangular better then square??? Yeah right! Down the triangle, up the square /rectangle!

doctor evil

"At the end of every party there is always a girl crying"

PMSL, so true!.

CrimE

Very good

38. Everyone reading the above list focuses very hard to try and remember if any of the universal truths happened to them.

39. Everyone will try to add to the list

Lump

Funny cause they're true.

John