Sex+Religion

LegacyUser

Hello,

Im from a religious background and I have good faith. I have had sex with a girl a few times but I have never really enjoyed it. At the time, I could not understand why I didnt enjoy it but looking back now I think it was because in a way morally I think its wrong. Im not the strongest person though and I would like to wait till marriage before having it again. But it will be very difficult, I think. I suppose there will be alot of pressure and alot of people wont understand. I do not want people to go around thinking im frigid or even gay, though some people might say this. How will I remain stong in this? Will people understand?

Thanks.

Sarky

Pfft, suit yourself. It's completely up to you whether you do or not. What anyone thinks of your decisions is their own affair. If you believe waiting until marriage is the right thing to do, go for it. If someone doesn't respect or understand that, that's their problem.

Staying the course is also up to you. Even if you don't manage to hold out, the important thing is you tried, right?

Alternatively, you could switch religions.

WhiteWashMan

anon1267 wrote:

Hello,

Im from a religious background and I have good faith. I have had sex with a girl a few times but I have never really enjoyed it. At the time, I could not understand why I didnt enjoy it but looking back now I think it was because in a way morally I think its wrong. Im not the strongest person though and I would like to wait till marriage before having it again. But it will be very difficult, I think. I suppose there will be alot of pressure and alot of people wont understand. I do not want people to go around thinking im frigid or even gay, though some people might say this. How will I remain stong in this? Will people understand?

Thanks.

well, theres an issue, but you cant please all of the people all of the time.
some people will understand if you want to wait unti lyou are married, others will belittle you for it.
theres not an awful lot you can do unless you argue until you are blue in the face with ever fool you meet.
so you may be blue in the face for some time.

if thats the way you feel, then be happy with your decision. its you feel something else, then do it.
you should always do what you want in your life that makes you happiest. dont try and live up to other peoples expectations or codes of conducts. you may not suit them, and they may not suit you.
an you will just end up being miserable, and confused because you feel you should be doing something else all the time.

Talliesin

anon1267 wrote:

I suppose there will be alot of pressure and alot of people wont understand.

A lot of people? How many people do you find yourself not sleeping with purely because of your religion?

It's between you, your god(s) and your partner. With anyone else it's none of their business.

anon1267 wrote:

I do not want people to go around thinking im frigid or even gay

"frigid" is too supid a label to worry about at all. Being gay sure as hell does not mean you don't have sex (doesn't necessarily mean you do, alas, but that's another matter). I suggest you stop worrying about the opinions of anyone so stupid to think either.

anon1267 wrote:

How will I remain stong in this?

I'm guessing the religion in question is an organised one with priests, rabbis, teachers, elders or something like that you can talk to. I would suggest that you do so, since they would have an understanding of the nature of celibacy within your actual religion.

simu

Join some group where you could meet more people who share your faith and have faced the same problem. No need to struggle alone.

Vangelis

I'd just like to add that..

There is nothing wrong with principles. As long as they are heartfelt and not forced upon one.

kleefarr

May be a naughty nun would help? :rolleyes:

Sorry, taxi!!

I remember a few years ago, a girl that used hang around with us lot at home got mad into religion.
She was born again and used go away on retreats.
We all thought it was hilarious untill she brought her friends out one night with us.
One of them was well to put it mildly a model in terms of beauty.

I remember when they left the room one of the lads was first to say what everyone else was thinking,he said" I'm getting out my bible tonight lads!! ":D

Anecdote over and onto the advice:

To the OP don't be so hard on yourself.
Remember Bishop Éamon Casey was at it like a rabbit as was the late and great Fr Michael Cleary and as far as I can remember neither were defrocked.
So like, it's not the biggest sin in the world and certainly in this day and age nothing to get a conscience over.
If it was, you're going to have plenty of company in Hell. Indeed if I get there before you, is there any particular dietery requirements you'd like me to tell the chef about? so as you can feel at home when you get there?
Ach no need, it won't happen

Talliesin

Earthman wrote:

Remember Bishop Éamon Casey was at it like a rabbit as was the late and great Fr Michael Cleary and as far as I can remember neither were defrocked.

I'm not sure "Oi! He did it too!" counts as a justification as far as Catholicism goes, and the OP didn't say he was Catholic anyway, so maybe the extent to which Casey is or is not comparable to a rabbit means little to him.

Talliesin

Talliesin wrote:

I'm not sure "Oi! He did it too!" counts as a justification as far as Catholicism goes,

Oh I know that but it does reinforce the opinion that it cant be all that bad when they sweep it under the carpet.The recent documentary I saw on RTÉ on Casey suggested that the reason he was moved from Kerry to Galway was because they knew of his affair.They defacto promoted him.

and the OP didn't say he was Catholic anyway, so maybe the extent to which Casey is or is not comparable to a rabbit means little to him.

True but theres plenty of evidence of senior members of other churches managing to work around what they should strictly speaking be calling moral improbrieties.
And of course theres the rumoured antics of Prince philip not to mention the proven antics of the future head of the church of England

bellend

sexytime is awesome...

i would never let religion choose how im going to live my life....

u gotta hit that **** ya know what im saying...

28064212

Earthman wrote:

Oh I know that but it does reinforce the opinion that it cant be all that bad when they sweep it under the carpet

They also swept the child molestation cases under the carpet, as well as the rape cases in Africa, does that mean they're not that bad either? Besides, you don't look to the church for what to do and how to act, you follow your faith's teachings. It's up to you how you interpret them and whether or not you feel they're right.

LegacyUser

God obviously doesn't exist so don't let an obsolete and ignorant viewpoint of humanity preculde you from having a good time.

We are put on the earth for one reason only - to ****.

Its evolution baby, the transmission of genese from one generation to the next.

I suggest you try reading some books - who knows, you may even educate yourself.

Never feel guilty about having a good time

Talliesin

I'm not sure any of this is relevant.

I can't relate to the OP much, our sexual ethics are very different, but surely this is about him trying to live his path. I don't think the failure of a bishop in what may or may not be the same faith makes much difference, except perhaps in showing that it isn't always easy to stick by your faith (that it isn't always easy to keep on any path I can relate to), but the threads here don't seem to be saying "hey, celibacy isn't easy, don't be hard on yourself if you're finding it difficult" so much as "hey, celibacy isn't easy, why not go out and get laid instead".

Now, if the OP were in a position of questioning his sexual ethics and asking for opinions of that, I'd say he should just forget about pre-marital celibacy, and let relationships get sexual if that is where they are heading. This isn't what he's asking though, so our opinions on his faith's position on sexuality aren't relevant to his issue.

I thought the ops problem was his guilt over sex arising out of his religous feelings.
He wasnt born with his religion,he was taught it somehow.
What I'm merely saying is the basis on which he has been taught the guilt is flawed as those interpreting religion in that way ignore the rules when it suits them.
Ergo theres no need for guilt as theres grounding to say they are probably misinterpreting the rules of religion or more acurately making them up as they go along.

Why fret then in that case ? why let old men and old women who are gone past the point of attractiveness them selves set the boundaries for your morals/feelings ? I'd think it more important to examine their right to make you feel that way before I'd be feeling bad about it.

Talliesin

Earthman wrote:

I thought the ops problem was his guilt over sex arising out of his religous feelings.

What he said was:

anon1267 wrote:

I would like to wait till marriage before having it again.

anon1267 wrote:

How will I remain stong in this?

yes Talliesin but before that he says that because of his religion he thinks the reason he didnt enjoy it was because it was morally wrong.

Thats a guilt thing brought on by the religion.

Im from a religious background and I have good faith.

At the time, I could not understand why I didnt enjoy it but looking back now I think it was because in a way morally I think its wrong.

*edit* I now see what you are getting at Talliesin
You're simply suggesting that I shouldn't be giving the advice that I gave because the poster was asking a different question ie how to remain strong and remain celibate untill marriage where as I was addressing what I see as the underlying problem.

At least I think thats where you are coming from.

I don't see any harm though in some lateral thinking in relation to the posters problem.

28064212

Shari-Vari wrote:

God obviously doesn't exist so don't let an obsolete and ignorant viewpoint of humanity preculde you from having a good time.

Prove it. He's perfectly entitled to his opinion, and you could end up looking like a right twat on Judgement Day. Of course you look like an right twat now because you posted anonymously purely to tell someone that they're wrong and you're right.

OP, tbh you're either strong enough or you aren't. Aside from avoiding obvious situations like going to an orgy just "to look" or spending a night in Copper Face Jacks, it's basically your faith versus how much you want to have sex. Peer pressure is over-hyped, and if you let that over-whelm your faith, you're not as devout as you thought you were

Talliesin

28064212 wrote:

Peer pressure is over-hyped, and if you let that over-whelm your faith, you're not as devout as you thought you were

?
Trying to do what you think is right isn't always easy, failure to do so doesn't necessarily mean your intention was less than entirely sincere.

28064212

Talliesin wrote:

?
Trying to do what you think is right isn't always easy, failure to do so doesn't necessarily mean your intention was less than entirely sincere.

I didn't mean it was easy. If it's something difficult, your faith obviously has to be stronger. I wasn't commenting on his sincerity, just pointing out that your level of commitment decides whether you succeed

katiegordon

hey ive been brought up in a pretty strict catholic family, ive always been encouraged not to have sex before marriage.right now the idea doesnt really bother me cuz im not pushed about havin sex.but maybe i will want to wen i get older or in a serious relationship anyway i dunno.......
i can see it bein a lot of hassle if i decide to wait but i kinda feel obliged to...
but then again is anyone who doesnt respect my views worth it???
im confused.........so yea im no help to the op

kleefarr

katiegordon wrote:

hey ive been brought up in a pretty strict catholic family, ive always been encouraged not to have sex before marriage.right now the idea doesnt really bother me cuz im not pushed about havin sex.but maybe i will want to wen i get older or in a serious relationship anyway i dunno.......
i can see it bein a lot of hassle if i decide to wait but i kinda feel obliged to...
but then again is anyone who doesnt respect my views worth it???
im confused.........so yea im no help to the op

Good for you!

I respect anybodies views or opinions, it's not up to me or anybody else to say what other people should do. As long as people are courteous and respectful then that's fine by me. Green, yellow, blue, white, black, brown or whatever religion your view, opinion is your own and your free to do what you think is best for you. Most people would respect that.

DublinWriter

anon1267 wrote:

Hello,

Im from a religious background and I have good faith. I have had sex with a girl a few times but I have never really enjoyed it. At the time, I could not understand why I didnt enjoy it but looking back now I think it was because in a way morally I think its wrong. Im not the strongest person though and I would like to wait till marriage before having it again. Thanks.

I think if the problem of non-enjoyment was based on a moral assumption then you would have known it before doing the deed.

For example, I could take this brick and throw it through someone's window. I'd know pretty much before I did it that it would be morally wrong.

The kicker for you would be getting married and finding that you still don't enjoy it.

LegacyUser

After posting this original post it has got me thinking alot more about it.
I think though Dublinwriter that you are correct in a way. I always have had faith but for a period in my life it was left to the side. I was young when I was with this girl. (I still am young). But in more recent times my faith has become alot more important to me and my Catholic upbringing. So at the time I think I didnt enjoy it because I was shy etc., first few times etc. self-concious etc. but now in retrospect I think I would like to wait for the one so its something special and its correct with my upbringing. Its going to be difficult. Im going to look into those support groups etc. I would be interested in meeting other people with the same beliefs, especially women! :-)

LegacyUser

I am too in this same situation as you, I was brought up in a VERY strict catholic family, I am deeply religious (but not in a freaky way) and I believe that sex before marraige is wrong...... however I was in a long term relationship and ended up losing my virginity (26) to my then bf we have spilt up since and I havent slept with any1 else (3 years) because I know its wrong... (I DONT WANT TO GO TO HELL!) I regretted losing my virginity to this guy and wish it never happened.... I am now seeing someone who I really like, he knows how moral I am but good god its VERY hard to abstain from going to far..... Its almost impossible and again I need to stay strong but dont know how

Talliesin

You didn't say what your path was in the first post or I would have suggested this earlier, but perhaps it might be worth posting about this in the Christianity forum where the focus of the group is more geared towards the views of Christians and that people in a similar position may be more likely to frequent.

Vangelis

Shari-Vari wrote:

God obviously doesn't exist so don't let an obsolete and ignorant viewpoint of humanity preculde you from having a good time.

We are put on the earth for one reason only - to ****.

Its evolution baby, the transmission of genese from one generation to the next.

I suggest you try reading some books - who knows, you may even educate yourself.

Never feel guilty about having a good time

Respect people's religion. And cut the crap. *puts finger in mouth and makes vomit noise*

DapperGent

Vangelis wrote:

Respect people's religion.

Why should someone respect something they consider stupid?


As for the original poster you've elected to choose not only a minority lifestyle but one in which you're attempting to frustrate one of your most primal biological impluses. I can't say that I consider that to be particularily clever or that I think you'll have an easy time of it.

I don't know how you'd stay strong but then I don't know why you'd even want to, I guess your faith would have to the answer there. I also don't think you'll find many people who would understand you'll find lots of people who say they do and you'll find a good few who might even praise your noble spirit.

Most of them will be thinking that you're slightly crazy though, they'd probably be right by most rationales of insanity.

Genghis

DapperGent wrote:

Why should someone respect something they consider stupid?

Its a question of respecting another persons right to think differently than you might. Fairly basic tenet of civilisation.

katiegordon

DapperGent wrote:

Why should someone respect something they consider stupid?


.

maybe your opinion is considered stupid by some people.but im sure theyll still give you the respect to voice it......

Vangelis

DapperGent wrote:

Most of them will be thinking that you're slightly crazy though, they'd probably be right by most rationales of insanity.

"Most people" will think the guy is crazy because it isn't a common ideal in the West to abstain from sexual intercourse outside of marriage. You live in this civilisation, you see others with the eyes of this civilisation. Perfect example of "a product of nature and nurture". It's not insanity to have a different principle than the general ideal in our society. And either way, you are not qualified to determine if anybody is insane.

My boyfriend understands my principles, DapperGent, and I'm sure the original poster can find someone who understands him.

xtrac

Folks,

I can't respect anything I consider stupid, that would just be well.... stupid

What I can respect is peoples right to believe in (or do) said stupid things. Thats 2 different things, and I think DapperGent was saying the same thing, Dapper, jump in here if I got you all wrong

To OP, if you wanna do it, do it, if you dont, dont. if your finding it difficult, speak to people you respect and who advocate whatever your trying to do. Hopefully they can help you in a meaningful way.

-Roy

Note, in my view, not respecting something is not the same as disrespecting something. and in the same vein stupid != wrong. (have I covered myself enough here? )

Victor

DapperGent wrote:

Why should someone respect something they consider stupid?

One could at least tolerate other people.

GuestCatholic wrote:

I believe that sex before marraige is wrong.

That might be a very judgemental position to take. While some people consider sex before marraige not to be ideal, it is perhaps harsh to use the word "wrong". Not everything is black and white, there are shades of grey.

DapperGent

Genghis wrote:

Its a question of respecting another persons right to think differently than you might. Fairly basic tenet of civilisation.

At what point did I question someone's right to hold beliefs differing from mine? I just don't understand why I'm required to respect opinions I consider stupid. Explain to me when thinking that an opinion is stupid and seeking to take away someone's right to hold it became the same thing.

katiegordon wrote:

maybe your opinion is considered stupid by some people.but im sure theyll still give you the respect to voice it......

Explain to me exactly what is stupid about having a lack of respect for something you consider to be without intellectual merit.

Vangelis wrote:

"Most people" will think the guy is crazy because it isn't a common ideal in the West to abstain from sexual intercourse outside of marriage. You live in this civilisation, you see others with the eyes of this civilisation. Perfect example of "a product of nature and nurture". It's not insanity to have a different principle than the general ideal in our society.

It's more a matter of biology. Previously there have been societal or civilisational imperatives (coupled with religion) to abstain from premarital sex and promiscuity, that is to say there was real world rather than notional (sin, damnation etc.) consequences of following your natural biological tendency towards sex. While that particular societal pressure has been removed there are still many reasons why some people don't want to have sex or want to wait until they have some form of ceremony before doing so. If the only reason they're waiting around and disobeying their natural inclanations is becuase they believe they have some form of big daddy in the sky who will be most displeased them if they do and they believe that becuase they read it in a book this one time then I'd consider them to be a bit insane. Don't be overly offended. There are lots of people out there who believe in all kinds of fairytales and myths and such, I think they're insane too.

Vangelis wrote:

And either way, you are not qualified to determine if anybody is insane.

Not clinically no. Though I can arrive at my own judgement. You could refer to this judgement as my opinion.

Vangelis wrote:

My boyfriend understands my principles, DapperGent, and I'm sure the original poster can find someone who understands him.

Unless he actuals shares them then I sincerely doubt he does. In any case they're not principles, they're tenets or morals or something. Principles are something people arrive at themselves, they are not rooted in didactic doctrine and are open to debate and revision, and therefore are far more useful and worthwhile.

xtrac wrote:

I can't respect anything I consider stupid, that would just be well.... stupid

What I can respect is peoples right to believe in (or do) said stupid things. Thats 2 different things, and I think DapperGent was saying the same thing, Dapper, jump in here if I got you all wrong

Yay! Thanks for actually reading!

Victor wrote:

One could at least tolerate other people.

I find this bewildering. Where exactly is my lack of tolerence? There is a difference between having no respect for something and being intolerent of it. I am perfectly tolerent of religion. What you're really trying to say is that I should be more diplomatic and not use words like stupid, instead of this you've decided to paint me as intolerent for reasons best know to yourself. Though in fairness if you'd asked me to be polite I probably would have told you to go fúck yourself.

MojoMaker

You do come across as a bit of an intolerant character. Tolerance and respect are linked, despite what you wish to believe. Not the same thing, but linked.

OfflerCrocGod

Victor wrote:

One could at least tolerate other people.

Don't be ridiculous. Do you tolerate stupidity in your goverment or in people around you or in every day life in random remarks made by people? No you don't, if something you see is simply obviously stupid you point it out/ you complain/ comment on it/ you try and fix it; you don't tolerate it and ignore it! Just because this idiocy has it's roots in YAIR (Yet Another Intolerant Religion) we should handle it differently? I'm sorry but I don't think so, whatever the reason for stupid decisions they should be attacked/undermined/fixed/changed not just blindly accepted! These people are feeling GUILTY over something which is TOTALLY NORMAL and NATURAL.

Some of the things all authoritarian regimes fear are things like humour and sexual freedom (esp female) and that's why they try to crush them/control them; in doing so they control their people. Look at the Middle East with it's "Honor Killings" or China with its crusade againts porn. It is simply a form of people control and no I don't feel the need to tolerate such Machiavellian manipulation and most definitely not in 21st Century Western-Europe. PC-ness gone mad.

Nevyn

Well we are all human and do things we should not.
For those of us that are christain they do have thier pastors to turn to
and for those that are catholic there is the confessional.
Many churches have support groups for those wishing to live a celebate life,
if that is thier choice.

Any further rants on this topic should be took to christianty or humanities.