Need some advice-guy at work!

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

Well I've been in my summer job for a couple of months now. This guy has been staring at me all that time but we never spoke until the other day. He was talking to my friend and I butted in and he's since told me he likes me.
I like him too, he's seriously, seriously hot.
Couple of small problems:

1) He does drugs (hash, cocaine, etc) and I don't. I don't even smoke! I'm not sure I want to go near anyone who does something that I disagree wth so much.

2)He self-harms big time, I've seen huge cuts all over his arms and they are very definitely his own doing, unless he's been wrestling with lions. He obviously has serious problems and I'm not sure I want to take this on. Am I being shallow? I used to self-harm myself when I was about 15 so I'm definitely a bit hypocritical. But I've moved on from all that stuff and really don't want to go back there. I'd want him to stop the drugs and stop the self-harming and there'd probably be a lot of rows over this.

3) All my previous relationships have ended badly and I'm not pushed about wanting another one.

May I add he is very, very sexy!

If anyone can offer me some advice I'd appreciate it.
I probably sound really stupid.

Thanks

Girl101

WhiteWashMan

plenty of sexy guys out there.
if you just want to have sex, then enjoy, but if you dont want the baggage of dealing with a junkie, then dont get involved.

simu

Sounds like too much hassle tbh. Even if you just use him for sex, he might get obsessed with you and it would be hard to avoid him at work.

Victor

While someone might be troubled and engage in self-harm, I would be in some way forgiving as the problem isn't usually one they brought upon themself.

Cocaine usage is a whole different matter. While you might be attracted to his bad-boy, soft-underneath image, I don't think it would be a good idea. Cocaine usage is bringing trouble on yourself.

vorbis

Girl101 wrote:

Couple of small problems:

Thats saying something! I do some hash myself but would view coke as a whole other level. That stuff could really mess someone up. Don't know anything about self harm. I'd guess that it would signify a fairly ****ed up head (him). I'd say it would be too messy. As simu said, if things went badly, work would turn really awful.

RosConor

Cocaine is a big no-no. Drugs can have veeeerrrrryyy bad effects on relationships so I'd say thread carefully.

ARGINITE

Am I being shallow

No.
To much trouble, last thing you want is to have to deal with his problems to.

20 Times 20 Times

The problem with cocaine now adays is that it is coming socially acceptable which is very disappointing , when you go into the toilets of bars / clubs and people are in the cubes , you know when they come out that they were taking coke , i think society is to blame for the over ususage of coke ,

but back to the OP

if he was a heroine user you wouldnt even post this thread it would be a no no coke is just as dangerous , but hell its your choice

Nevyn

Cocaine is considered in medical terms to be THE most chemical addictive of all illegal drugs.
Yes it is far to glamorised and not seen as a horror show like heroin.

OP this guy has big issues with himself.
People who stuff themselves with chemicals like that or self harms in such a fashion,
are doing so not deal with themselves, thier issues,
Thier past and what they will need to do to be sober and take a good hard
Honest look at them and make the changes they need to make.
They have to do it all by themselves and until they do they are broken inside
And there is nothing you can do to fix him, or ease his suffering.
He has already chosen ways to numb himself to this life and all that is in it
And that includes any relationships.
He can be as sexy as fúck but do you really want to go there ?
Or go back there ?

Sounds like you have worked hard to get were you are today and
you wanted better for yourself and are on your way.
How much of a step back would this be for you ?
would it be worth it ?
I sure as hell would not.

Sounds like you want to help and him being easy on the eyes complicates matters in this case
you can't even attempt to be his friend and help him for his sake cos really that would not be your motive.
He will never see himslef as you do and you can't make him.

20 Times 20 Times

the fact is that if you ever start dating him etc your going to try and change everything that attracted you too him , the whole bad boy image ,

WhiteWashMan

Sarge wrote:

i think society is to blame for the over ususage of coke ,

i have yet to see society hold a shotgun to someones head and force them to take cocaine...

Beruthiel

keep away from anyone who does coke
he sounds like waaay more trouble than it's worth

Victor

PS. You work with a coke head. How do you feel about this?

dramaqueen

If you haven't even started dating him yet and you already know about these problems, can you imagine what other ones you will discover as you get to know him!!!
Run like the wind...

LundiMardi

i'd stay well away, you're letting yourself in for a world of trouble and it wouldn't be anyone elses fault but your own.

Evil Phil

dramaqueen wrote:

If you haven't even started dating him yet and you already know about these problems, can you imagine what other ones you will discover as you get to know him!!!
Run like the wind...

Yep, run screaming into the hills my girl. His problems are not yours and its not for you to sort out, sexy or no sexy.

pickarooney

How can anyone possibly claim to know anything about this guy and any possible addictions or psychological problems he may have?

FFS, he talked to the OP once and she's already psychonalysed him, made a list of his faults and wonders if their relationship will work out (ooh, but he's so seexxy!).
I would have to say 'no', given the general level of openmindedness.
It's almost enough to warrant a rolleyes.

sutty

pickarooney wrote:

How can anyone possibly claim to know anything about this guy and any possible addictions or psychological problems he may have?

FFS, he talked to the OP once and she's already psychonalysed him, made a list of his faults and wonders if their relationship will work out (ooh, but he's so seexxy!).
I would have to say 'no', given the general level of openmindedness.
It's almost enough to warrant a rolleyes.

I have to fully agree. You say he self harms, Are you sure of this? Did he tell you this? Are they fresh cuts?
You say he uses Drugs, did he tell you this or is this something you have heard from people in work? How often does he use said druggs? Would he be a junkie if he uses 1 a month or less?
For someone that has only talked to him once, you seem to know an auful lot of personal infomation about the lad. Is this all from 3rd parties or from him?

Eolyn

Ok forget about his problems. I just dont think you should ever go near anyone from work! Iv done it...twice(i need to learn things the hard way) both times it ****ed up my social life at work and out alot of strain on me. The first time he broke up with me and it killed me to see him at work the whole time. Second time i broke up with him and it was just as bad.

So just dont..AND if he does have all these problems then the is no option. Why make things hard for yourself?

BizzyC

Steer well clear.

If he's a regular coke user, he probably hangs around with a few people you dont want to meet.

He'll be nothing but trouble.

Gilgamesh

tbh OP, it really does just sound like you want a one nighter with this guy because, and I quote 'is so Seexxy' unquote

it's up to you, but I wouldn't say you are in this for a relationship, which I wouldn't recommend btw.

good luck

deimos

Girl101 wrote:

1) He does drugs (hash, cocaine, etc) and I don't. I don't even smoke! I'm not sure I want to go near anyone who does something that I disagree wth so much.

As mentioned earlier if you're only listening to others saying he does this stuff then I would not instantly jump the gun. I have heard stories with just a tad of circulation growing arms and legs... There may be some truth to it, he could have done it at an office party, but he may not be a regular user of it.

In terms of stuff like hash, yes it is something to consider, but I would not worry about it unless he is a complete stoner...


After saying that though he actually may be a complete coke head, and if so, stay clear... even buy a wedding ring and let on your married

LegacyUser

To pickarooney:

1)He told me himself he does coke, and complained about how expensive it is. He wonders why I don't do it.

2)I've seen myself the cuts all over his arms, there was about 10 of them and as an ex-self harmer I recognised them instantly as being deliberate. "It takes one to know one". They were fresh and very bad-I was standing at least 3 yards away at the time and I could see them very clearly.

Chucky the tree

Girl101 wrote:

Girl101

steer clear of him. He will be delighted if you do.



Your whinging nagging would get to much for him. I would say your paranoia(sp) would get him well pissed off aswell.

pickarooney

Must be an interesting place to work.

"Howya, I'm Dermot, I work in accounts and have been glaring at you for months because I'm permanently off my tits on charlie and it's the only ting that distracts me from slitting my wrists. Want to get busy in the lift?"
"Oh cool, normally that would make me run shrieking to the hills, but for some reason your flippy hair makes me want to succumb to your crazy self-loathing charm. Hang on a tick while I ask random internet punters what to do."

WTFF?

Pepe LeFrits

That's a pretty good summation pickarooney. From the description OP has given, the guy might aswell carry around a big "STAY AWAY FROM ME, I'M MESSED UP" sign. Who tells people at work that they do cocaine?

I'd be more concerned with the self-harming, serious issues tbh. If he's a total cokehead then obviously he'll be totally ****ed up, if we're talking dabbling the odd time then he's probably alright. It's plainly obvious he isn't though.

Son_of_Belial

I'd steer clear....

Collumbo

To the original poster, Girl101 - here's a friendly bit of advice: Don't even go there.

dramaqueen

Anyway, maybe he doesn't fancy you!

roberteboot

Girl101 wrote:

To pickarooney:

1)He told me himself he does coke, and complained about how expensive it is. He wonders why I don't do it.

2)I've seen myself the cuts all over his arms, there was about 10 of them and as an ex-self harmer I recognised them instantly as being deliberate. "It takes one to know one". They were fresh and very bad-I was standing at least 3 yards away at the time and I could see them very clearly.

Steer clear.You said yourself you dont touch the stuff.Ive seen this kind of situation before where a girl gets with some joker and ends up just as messed up as him.Its a disaster waiting to happen.

dramaqueen

Isn't it funny the way you have gone from a girl who fancies a guy to a girl with a drug-addict boyfriend who cuts himself and drags you down into his hell-hole. Who knows next week you might be out on the pavement picking up customers to feed your crack problem.
ha

Kinetic^

Back away, not today (or ever)

LundiMardi

Keyser Soze 69 wrote:

Back away, not today......

........ Disco lady

OP, if you're even considering bumpin and grinding with this guy then you deserve everything you get to be honest.

WhiteWashMan

and for the first time ever on boards.ie, everyone was in total agreement.

this could be the makings of a comeback cartoon by gary larsen methinks...

LegacyUser

pickarooney wrote:

Must be an interesting place to work.

"Howya, I'm Dermot, I work in accounts and have been glaring at you for months because I'm permanently off my tits on charlie and it's the only ting that distracts me from slitting my wrists. Want to get busy in the lift?"
"Oh cool, normally that would make me run shrieking to the hills, but for some reason your flippy hair makes me want to succumb to your crazy self-loathing charm. Hang on a tick while I ask random internet punters what to do."

WTFF?

Funny ****!

This is the first time I've EVER seen an unanimous verdict on the whole of Boards!!! (and I'm reading this thing two years!) EVER!!!

I'll steer well clear.......

Thanks guys!

WhiteWashMan

and for an amazing second miracle, and on the same day, the OP is actually taken that advice given.

i can just see it on skynews headlines this evening.

'in an unprecedented incident, an unnamed female poster decided she wasnt going to shag a seeeeexy junkie after a unanimous outcry from the public.

the female poster, who posted under the unregister nick of Girl101, about whom we know nothing about, was then heard to say 'i'll steer well clear', and then signed off with a cheery 'Thanks Guys!'

this reporter has yet to see what will become of the outcome, but the signs are positive that this unified voice of reason of boards will next turn its attention on Sinead O'Conner in an attempt to tempt the 30-something away from a life of Buddhism, and back into the bosom of the christian church, where she once held the role of priest and halftime service entertainer.

this is lucy lastic signing off from sunny dublin, and logging off from Boards.ie, with a great big 'Now Yer talking' smile.



Thanks Lucy, you big phucking phreak, in other news, theres been a flood in florida....'

fignon03

He obviously has huge mental issues if he is into self harm and needs drugs to get through his days, stay away, you can do better

fignon03

Girl101 wrote:

Funny ****!

This is the first time I've EVER seen an unanimous verdict on the whole of Boards!!! (and I'm reading this thing two years!) EVER!!!

I'll steer well clear.......

Thanks guys!

Why are you still a guest if your on this 2 years?

Talliesin

fignon03 wrote:

Why are you still a guest if your on this 2 years?

She's not "still a guest", she doesn't want to be identified. Let's keep discussion of how the unregistered posting works to the feedback forum though.

Praetorian

I reckon go for it, what could go wrong?

Only kidding, stay well clear. Tell him you have a boyfriend now, and he's a 6 foot 5 sumo wrestler that also does karate!

shellby

kaids wrote:

That's a pretty good summation pickarooney. From the description OP has given, the guy might aswell carry around a big "STAY AWAY FROM ME, I'M MESSED UP" sign. Who tells people at work that they do cocaine?

a girl i used to work one day and she was dying i told her that i had a hangover too so she had my sympothy she then went on to tell me that she had done coke, hash, anti-depresants, uppers, arsols and pretty much whatever pills she could get her hand on
later on in the staff i walked in and herself and another bloke were talking about the different drugs they had tried etc. so i does happen

to the OP if what you say is actually the truth then who is the bigger idot the self harming drug addict or the woman who gets involved because hes " so Sexxxy"

eyedrenalin

WhiteWashMan wrote:

i have yet to see society hold a shotgun to someones head and force them to take cocaine...

I know this is an old post but I had to... YES! Society is to blame for all the coke... they're the ones taking it all!

B

gabgab

pickarooney wrote:

Must be an interesting place to work.

"Howya, I'm Dermot, I work in accounts and have been glaring at you for months because I'm permanently off my tits on charlie and it's the only ting that distracts me from slitting my wrists. Want to get busy in the lift?"
"Oh cool, normally that would make me run shrieking to the hills, but for some reason your flippy hair makes me want to succumb to your crazy self-loathing charm. Hang on a tick while I ask random internet punters what to do."

WTFF?

Thats brilliant...... Absolutely brilliant,

I wonder does he have really really rich parents and he's misunderstood....??

dramaqueen wrote:

Isn't it funny the way you have gone from a girl who fancies a guy to a girl with a drug-addict boyfriend who cuts himself and drags you down into his hell-hole. Who knows next week you might be out on the pavement picking up customers to feed your crack problem.
ha

No way drama..... They'l live in the beach house of his 22 bedroom house and he'l just manage to be stable enough to hold down his position as a partner in Daddy's law firm... Handy to get him off his drink/coke fuelled rips up the wrong side of the m50 in his porsche,

WhiteWashMan wrote:

i have yet to see society hold a shotgun to someones head and force them to take cocaine...

I'v also never seen someone hold a gun to someone's head to have a few cans at 11 years of age but its socially acceptable in this country..... Then people see less harm in doing it,

gabgab

shellby wrote:

a girl i used to work one day and she was dying i told her that i had a hangover too so she had my sympothy she then went on to tell me that she had done coke, hash, anti-depresants, uppers, arsols and pretty much whatever pills she could get her hand on
later on in the staff i walked in and herself and another bloke were talking about the different drugs they had tried etc. so i does happen

to the OP if what you say is actually the truth then who is the bigger idot the self harming drug addict or the woman who gets involved because hes " so Sexxxy"

If I was as messed up as this lad, I'd definitely not be the fool.... Think about it, yeh lads this chick in work is hot, she knows that I'm a bit f*cked up and into charles and a bit of blow and she still up for it....

Fair play to him,

OLDYELLAR

You only spoke to him once to be fair , he could a done coke a few times just to try it , I wouldnt exactly say its a hanging offence now would you?
The only real thing you know about him is that hes sexy , like if you saw him in a nightclub ya wouldnt go into Columbo mode , ya`d just go up and talk to the guy.
You like him so why not get to know him ? Ya really dont have anything to loose , if it turns out he is some kind of junkie , just end it with him .
Good luck