Fear of flying

galwaydude

Hi,

Im not sure if this is the correct section to put it in but here goes.My gf is terrified of flying.I dont know why but she wont even watch programs on television that have plane crashes. Even the new program Lost she refuses to watch it as there was a plane crash in it.The reason why i ask is because we are flying home to the states on thursday and shes dreading the flight. I had to change my flight so i can sit beside her on the plane.Is there anything that can be done to ease her nerves and make her feel relaxed about the whole situation. Is there any cure?

I don't think it would be easy.
what exactly is she afraid of? Is it crashing?

I did a quick google and found a typical year in the U.S had 40,000 deaths due to car crashes.
You could go years without a passenger airline crash and at worst in a year that has one theres a couple of hundred dead.

I know theres been 2 or 3 crashes in the news lately, but from dodgy airlines...even I wouldnt go up in them.
I think the last aer lingus crash was the tuskar rock one 37 yrs ago

Good Planes/airlines are very safe and aer lingus is uber safe imho as are any airlines that go from the UK and Ireland to the states.

It's probably an irrational fear which short of hypnosis(which I've heard about being done) couldnt be cured in a hurry.
I'd suggest that you ask her to take a good look around the plane during the journey and see how relaxed and excited most of the other passengers are and try to get her on a few more flights to confront the fear.
That should show her how safe they actually are.

Oh and tell the air steward(esses) about her fear as some of them can be very good at calming frightened flyers.

galwaydude

chears earthman for that.

Victor

Before Thursday, have a word with a doctor to see if she can get something to calm her nerves. But its something that should be looked at in more detail longterm.

cuckoo

Bach's Rescue Remedy is a herbal mixture that can be bought over the counter - i've found it calming. Doesn't matter if it's an 'all in the head placebo effect', every little can help. It's also non sedating, if she's anxious about flying she may be wary of taking something that would make her sleepy in case something did happen, if you know what i mean.

Hold her hand (literally and methaphorically!) and do, as other posters have suggested, mention it to the flight attendants. I've seen them work wonders with anxious flyers.

Don't be tempted to have a long stop over at the airport bar, i once flew with a friend who had a fear of flying and had 'dealt' with it by downing a few too many vodkas. It was not fun - especially when we had to get more airsick bags from all the people sitting around us.

One of the things i hate about flying is the effect the pressure changes have on my ears, i find it's like a reminder that i'm in a plane. Until my ears start popping i'm usually happily reading a book or watching the film. I find chewing gum helps.

Victor

cuckoo wrote:

Bach's Rescue Remedy is a herbal mixture that can be bought over the counter - i've found it calming. Doesn't matter if it's an 'all in the head placebo effect', every little can help. It's also non sedating,

Ah, a non-sedating sedative, what will they think of next?

newgrange

Once she arrives at the airport, that is by far the most dangerous bit of her journmey over, especially if she has travelled by car.

pdunno

hey get her to visit the doctor, I have a similar fear of flying, as soon as the plane begins to take I get absolutely petrified. Anyway I put up with this over about 12 flights then the last time I had to fly I visited the doctor who prescribed some very mild tablets which completely took the edge off. I can't remember the name of the tablets prescribed but it wasn't valium. Anyway took one tablet about an hour before flying and another half of one halfway through the flight and I was absolutely grand, no side effects like drowsiness or anything, didn't notice anything different apart from not being scared to death on the plane.

Beruthiel

my sisters bloke never got on a plane till he met her.
he is just like your girlfriend, scared to fly but for no obvious reason.
He had his second flight a couple of weeks back, it went easier than the first, which was last year, where I think to only thing that got him on the plane was the fact my sister would have been very upset to miss the holiday.
He went to the doctor, got some sedatives which see to help a lot, he's still very nervous but at least he gets on the plane

LundiMardi

i have to fly to the U.S next May, not looking forward to it at all, i shall be going to the doctor to request any form of drug possible!!

Santa Claus

I'm not keen on flying either, but I figure that the chances of crashing are so minimal and if the plane does crash i'm pretty sure I won't know anything about it.

Above all, don't let her drink before the flight as I tried that once and found that contrary to the popular myth drinking does not relax you !

Otherwise, do as dustin hoffman did and just fly Quantas

pclancy

I spent most of my life wanting to be a pilot but cos of crappy eyesight i'll never live that dream. I can tell you tho that its one of the safest form of transport possible and you risk far more each day by doing common things such as driving, walking, eating, smoking etc then you do by getting on a plane.

Plane's themselves are among the highest and most stringently maintained vehicles on this planet apart from maybe a space shuttle! Literally hundreds of checks are carried out before each flight, cross checked and double checked by several people. Each aircraft has numerous back-up and redundant systems in case something fails and ONE of the two engines on a twin engine aircraft has MORE then enough power to fly the plane. Airlines spend millions on maintenance and safety checks as there could be nothing worse to an airline's reputation then to lost an aircraft and hundreds of people. Decent airlines have impeccable safety records for just that reason.

Pilots spend hundreds of hours in simulators having emergencies hurled at them and are extremely well trained and professional, they routinely handle emergencies without fuss and you can be safe in the knowledge they have been poring over books and manuals for most of their life.

Statistically you have a far better chance of winning the lotto, choking on a chicken bone or being hit by lightning. Thousands of people die worldwide each day from car crashes but we don’t hear about it as they die in small groups. When planes do go down it hits the news because obviously there are more people involved. Also, believe it or not, the odds are if you do crash that you will survive!!!

The recent few crashes that were in the news don’t help peoples fear but there were simple reasons for each:

Helios 737 Cyprus crash: Bad maintenance/Pilot error (very unlikely to happen again)
Italy ATR ditching: Fuel problem/Pilot Error (lots of people survived)
Air France Airbus in Canada: Weather/Lightning strike (everyone survived)
South America 737: Weather

Many of the worst recent crashes were from poor airlines with old aircraft/bad maintenance/training and mostly from South American or African airlines. US and European carriers are far safer.

Heres a few quick links, just google flight safety for more. If shes really bad, you can do an online or one day course, take a sedative or speak to the cabin crew. They are trained to help assure people and answer questions about noises etc.

http://www.fearless-flight.com/
http://www.nsc.org/lrs/statinfo/odds.htm
http://www.airsafe.com/issues/fear.htm
http://www.travelhealth.co.uk/advice/fearofflying.htm
http://www.pprune.org (Pilots forum, not over friendly but worth a look for how they discuss safety/maintenance etc)

Also if you want to PM me your email addy, i'll answer any specific fears she has no problem. I have actually thought before about giving small classes on overcoming fear of flying and might do it in future using a few PCs, Flight Simualtor, Videos etc. Might be a good idea judging by how many people responded with similar fears.

cotillion

Earthman wrote:

I don't think it would be easy.
what exactly is she afraid of? Is it crashing?

I did a quick google and found a typical year in the U.S had 40,000 deaths due to car crashes.
You could go years without a passenger airline crash and at worst in a year that has one theres a couple of hundred dead.

I know theres been 2 or 3 crashes in the news lately, but from dodgy airlines...even I wouldnt go up in them.
I think the last aer lingus crash was the tuskar rock one 37 yrs ago

Good Planes/airlines are very safe and aer lingus is uber safe imho as are any airlines that go from the UK and Ireland to the states.

That should show her how safe they actually are.

I doubt that's gonna make any difference. I don't mind flying but come on, it's not exactly the same as getting in a car, you can't exactly ask the pilot to pull over for minute. Plus if your plane crashes, you're going to die, if your car crashes the chances of it being a major crash where everyone in the car dies is extremely remote.

Anyway all the stats and safety features in the world probably ain't gonna make any difference, she'll just have to get on the plane and face her fear.

Are you allowed to get a plane drunk?

pclancy

cotillion wrote:

if your car crashes the chances of it being a major crash where everyone in the car dies is extremely remote.

erm how many times a week do we see in the news of people dying in cars? are u seriously saying cars are safer and you've less chance of dying?

cotillion wrote:

Are you allowed to get a plane drunk?

Its up to the crew to judge whether your a danger or not.

cotillion

pclancy wrote:

erm how many times a week do we see in the news of people dying in cars? are u seriously saying cars are safer and you've less chance of dying?

No, where did you get that from?

Surely you can understand why someone would find it more nerve racking to get on a plane for a few hours than get in a car for a few hours. I'd imagine if some sort of a study was done with people going on journey in a plane and a car that people on the plane would have higher blood pressure/heartbeat etc.

newgrange

I suppose it's essentially because people understand at some basic level how something in the car engine turns the wheels and makes it move, but most people do not understand how an airplane can stay up in the air.

The fact that it's in the air frightens people and the whole turbulence/hitting clouds thing is pretty frightening too if you don't understand what's going on, or are not prepared for it.

My general rule on flights if there's a lot of bumping around is to watch the air hostesses - you can tell by their reaction if it's anything worth worrying about, and it rarely is. The punishment planes can take (precisely because if something goes wrong it is usually serious) is amazing. They are built to withstand far greater things than they generally encounter.

pclancy

Yeah i understand the psycology behind the fear but not that the chances of dying in a car crash are remote? People die all the time from car crashes, Ive flipped a car and nearly killed myself and passanger and i know plenty of people that die. All im saying is its a far far safer means of transport and all people need is a bit of education to get over their fear.

pdunno

But the thing about being afraid of flying is it's an irrational fear - no matter how much info you give someone about how safe it is, once they are in the air they tend to forget eveything and the fear takes over - that's how it is for me anyway. I've heard about courses and stuff that you can do to help but for me anyway it's easier to get a few pills of the doctor, I know I'm not cured but at least I'm not crapping myself the entire flight.

daymobrew

This suggestion is no help to the OP but might be useful to others with future flights.
I bought the Flying Without Fear book by Captain Keith Godfrey.
Captain Godfrey has a website where he answers questions on the forum. He is doing a webcast on Friday 3rd at 8pm.

In a Q&A format it explains how planes work, how well trained everyone is, how extensive the testing of the aircraft during their development and how many checks planes undergo before every flight. He said that planes are flown well within their operating limits - the industry is heavily regulated, for the safety of everyone.
It also suggested sitting ahead of the wing for a quieter and smoother flight. I've done that in my last two flights and the noise is certainly a lot less.

cotillion wrote:

she'll just have to get on the plane and face her fear.

How very sensitive of you. :rolleyes:
I know that my fear of flying is not rational.

My dad always reminds me that the pilot doesn't want to die - s/he'll be doing everything in their power to get to the destination safely.

I found an interesting article describing how a journalist with a fear of flying undertook a course with Captain Godfrey in a flight simulator.

BIG DAWG

pclancy wrote:

Yeah i understand the psycology behind the fear but not that the chances of dying in a car crash are remote?

Chances of dying in a car crash in Ireland is about 5,000,000 - 1 (slightly higher), that remote enough for you?

edit: plus if you drive rarely between (i think) 12 and 3 or something like, the odds would go down.

BIG DAWG

daymobrew wrote:

How very sensitive of you. :rolleyes:
I know that my fear of flying is not rational.

What so unsensitive about that, you never heard anyone say that before? Maybe cotillion should go on the plane with her!!!

daymobrew wrote:

My dad always reminds me that the pilot doesn't want to die - s/he'll be doing everything in their power to get to the destination safely.

I like that, never thought of that, gonna say that next time some tells me they're scared of flying.

galwaydude

thanx lads, not sure if i will show this thread to my gf as the reference to death appears alot unintentionally and with us flying tomorrow i dont want to make things worse. Hopefully she will be fine, afterall she has 2 tablets with her to ease her nervers and me beside her to reassure her.

She also bought that book about fear of flying and i will get her to read it again tonight. Its odd that flying doesnt bother me at all and im scared of heights, i know big wuss me lol

pclancy

1.2 Million people killed in Road crashs globally. Thats not remote.

http://www.irishhealth.com/?level=4&id=5769

Stats-American site
Airliner 52.6 million to 1
Automobile 7.6 million to 1

Galwaydude if you want any help privately i've no probs answering any specific fears she has. Hope the pills take the edge off anyway and be sure to let the cabin crew know shes a bit nervous. The wing seat idea is a very good one and you might be amazed at how supportive cabin crew can be.

iguana

The first few times I flew I was fine, but then I had a bad experience on a flight and it caused me to develop a pretty bad fear. The bad experience wasn't to do with a danger on the flight but was because I had broken my arm the night before and the combination of no sleep, opiat pain killers and my arm swelling from cabin pressure caused me to think the plane was side-ways and have a panic attack.

After that I would lie in bed unable to sleep at the thought of flying even if I didn't have any flights planned. I couldn't watch people in a plane on tv, not a plane crash - just people sitting on a plane, without starting to panic.

I started to address this by doing some research, I already knew the whole driving is more dangerous and you are 36 times more likely to win a Lotto jackpot stuff. But there are a lot of websites dedicated to fear of flying. And actually doing the research myself helped, knowing that there has never once in the history of aviation been a plane crash caused by in-flight turbulance and that the fact is quite a number of your fellow passengers are terrified too is pretty helpful.

I also practise an NLP disassociation technique when flying. Whenever I'm flying or about to fly I imagine that I'm actually at home watching myself on tv, then I imagine that I am at the door watching myself watching myself on tv. The idea is that you are aware of what you are doing, but distancing yourself from the emotions. I also use rescue remedy. I always try to sit in the middle seat as I prefer to not have to look out the window or to be in the aisle where it is obvious whenever the plane is at an angle. And I make sure I have something to keep my occupied on a flight.

Now I have no probllem flying, I wouldn't say I enjoy it exactly but it just doesn't really bother me at all.

The thing I found about being afraid of flying is the loss of control. Once you get on that plane and it takes off there is no going back. Until you land your fate is completely in someone elses hands. Also the fear of the fear can be worse than the actual fear itself. Having a ritual or technique to deal with the fear is the best thing to do, you are telling yourself not to be afraid and as the fear comes from you only you can control it.

AARRRGH

I'm terrified flying. I don't know why. Especially considering I'm not risk-adverse like the average person.

Statistics about it being safe etc. mean nothing to me.

I just don't want to be in the air travelling at a few hundred miles an hour. Nothing anyone says about it being safe or "sure you can just get drunk etc." can change that.

daymobrew

iguana wrote:

The thing I found about being afraid of flying is the loss of control. Once you get on that plane and it takes off there is no going back. Until you land your fate is completely in someone elses hands.

I'd love to visit the cockpit and get reassurance from the pilots. Unfortunately the 9/11 b'stards have stopped all that.

Jaggers

I also have a fear of flying. It is a mixture of a loss of control and a fear of being up so high/fear of heights. i get anxious for weeks in advance worrying about.

to date i have managed to limit myself to only short flights, Dublin-Paris is the furthest i ever went. I've tried those self help books but they didn't help. I would not like to take any medication.

Has any body ever tried Hypnosis to overcome this fear or any other fear.

I'd dearly love to get over it as there is a whole world out there.

Ruu_Old

bring a few games on the plane, scrabble or whatever you want to play. Planes are much more entertaining than they used to be, keep chatting to your girl and keep her mind off things best of luck galwaydude and have fun in the US

galwaydude

Only a few hours to go, i want to thank everyone who has submitted a reply, i showed this thread to her and itt helped a bit so a big thank you to everybody again.

dramaqueen

I read an interesting book recently that said phobia's are actually not so much about the thing but about the fear of how you will react to the thing.
It suggested that while the fear may be rooted in flying, it becomes more about what will happen if you freak out and faint or something like that. So you can tell her as much as you like that she has nothing to fear and that she has more of a chance of crashing a car etc and it will make no difference. Anyway, she probably knows all that.
You need to reassure her that no matter what happens you will be there. You will hold her hand and if she faints you will catch her. If she trusts you, she should be calmer.

galwaydude

Hi,

Just an update. We were suposed to leave dublin at 3 pm on thursday but due to a problem with the air conditioning on the plane which took two hours to fix whilst us stuck on the plane, they finally told us to back into the terminal, 5 hours later we finally flew to boston so in total a 7 hour delay and all we got was an 8 euro food voucher. So that wasnt a good start for a nervous flyer. On board the plane journey went fine, no comossion or no tears, just lots of reassurance that she would be fine. So in all we had hoped to leave dublin at 3 pm in the end it left at 10 pm and we arrived in boston at 11:30 pm as we skipped shannon. Are we entitled to anything after a 7 hour delay as it kinda messed up the start of the holiday for us as we were supposed to meet her sister and drive down to conn , instead we drove back to new hampshire as it was so late.
Oh and did i mention i was stopped and asked to go to the control room by the immigration cop at the immigration area when we arrived at logen. They wanted to know why i was going to the states so often and who was at this address i put down on the green card. Luckily my gf is american or else i would proberly be spending more time with the cop after she showed her passport.

In all it wasnt that bad as we got engaged on saturday

Beruthiel

galwaydude wrote:

In all it wasnt that bad as we got engaged on saturday

congrats!

galwaydude

hopefully now she can get over her fear of flying as we will be doing alot more flying with her family here in the states and my family over in ireland.

Thanx everyone for their advice, i showed her this thread and it helped her alot.

flyhappy

Hi,
I am an Ireland-based provider of courses for people who are afraid of flying. I believe I can help. Why not visit my website - www.flyhappy.ie
Charlie

scojones

So, there was a problem with the air conditioning and then the plane went on fire? Bloody hell! :eek:

Congrats with the engagement.

SimonMaher

dublindude wrote:

I'm terrified flying. I don't know why. Especially considering I'm not risk-adverse like the average person.

Statistics about it being safe etc. mean nothing to me.

I just don't want to be in the air travelling at a few hundred miles an hour. Nothing anyone says about it being safe or "sure you can just get drunk etc." can change that.

That sums me up exactly too dublindude...No amount of statistics or whatever logic makes any difference.

Pete

Black Swan

cuckoo wrote:

Hold her hand (literally and methaphorically!) and do, as other posters have suggested, mention it to the flight attendants. I've seen them work wonders with anxious flyers.

Good suggestions.:cool: And don't forget your sense of humour.