Something to pass the day in the office.

Kiera

Office Dares
Thing to keep you occupied at the office while you avoid work !

ONE-POINT DARES

1. Run one lap around the office at top speed
2. Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).
3. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
4. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
5. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your head.
6. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"
7. Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
8. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
9. While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINTS DARES

1. Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers. (If you get on with your boss you must do it to someone higher)
2. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".
3. Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES

1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem - (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".
4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
5. After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.
6. While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.
7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
8. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
9. In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".
10. Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"
11. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person:
Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".
12. Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it".
13. Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14. Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
15. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16. Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.
18. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19. Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

And if that wasn't enough for you - here are some examples of insane acts you can use anywhere...

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the subject field for all your e-mails, write " FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS".
7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, Run for your lives, they're loose!"

And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity... Send this to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this, I dare you!

Kiera

Lets see how many points everyone gets in a week

petes

We have done the 3 pointer about paging yourself over the intercom. Very hard to do without laughing. Especially in an office with about 30 people.

Oh and the diary one. 10:00 See how I look in tights. Was class

Gazza22

LOL this is old but funny...

I have done this:

4. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight)

Would absolutely love to do this!:

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

Lump

We're very serious here in work.....

John

Kiera

Lump wrote:

We're very serious here in work.....

John

Well maybe you should try a few of these and lighten up, John.

joejoem

I have 72 points so far






Of course Im on my own in the office today. T-1 day to holidays!

IceHawk

Damn. Everyone here thinks I'm crazy without doing any of these things, because I'm laughing so hard.

Baffled

I like the one about the zoo. Think that would be hillarious.

Norinoco

"At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem"

"During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door"

Going in to a meeting now - will give these a go

Kiera

Kiera wrote:

Lets see how many points everyone gets in a week

I am much too chicken to even attempt anything on that list

Kiera

ronoc wrote:

I am much too chicken to even attempt anything on that list

Well if its any help, they think I’m a nut in here anyway so don’t think I’d deserve the points.

JungleBunny

Had to send this on to everyone in my team.
Most replied that we should give this a go, so I will keep you posted on how all of us loonies do

Got a few points already for the incoherent babbling

*marie*

Did you get that from area51newmexico.com ? There's loads of stuff on there...this is my favourite:
Fun Things to do in a Crowded Lift
1)Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2) Shake the person's hand when he/she enter the lift.
3) Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
4) Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
5) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!".
6) Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
7) Sell Girl Scout cookies.
8) On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
9) Shave.
10) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
11) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
12) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off
13) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
14) Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
15) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
16) One word: Flatulence!
17) On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
18) Do Tai Chi exercises.
19) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
20) When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!"
21) Give religious tracts to each passenger.
22) Meow occasionally.
23) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
24) Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
25) Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
26) Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
27) Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
28) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
29) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
30) Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
31) Leave a box between the doors.
32) Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
33) Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
34) Start a sing-along.
35) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
36) Play the harmonica.
37) Say "Ding!" at each floor.
38) Lean against the button panel.
39) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
40) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
41) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
42) Bring a chair along.
43) Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
44) Blow spit bubbles.
45) Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
46) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
47) Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
48) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
49) Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
50) Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
51) Announce to the person stood next to you "I really need the toilet. Can I use your bag?"
52) Ask the other passengers "Wouldn't be great if this lift were to plumment to the floor, what do you think will happen?"
53) Petend to get your leg stuck in the door as it closes
53) Without letting anyone see, press the emergency stop button. Act surprised and start talking to yourself "its ok, it wasnt your fault you killed your family. It was SATAN, damm you SATAN! DAMN YOU!!!" Then press the stop button again and act as if nothing has happened.
54) Scratch yourself excessively saying "****ing headlice. They're all over me. I knew I shouldn't have played with that dog so much"
55) Set out a pinic set on the floor and suggest to the other passengers to join you in afternoon tea
56) Break wind and blame it on the person next to you
57) Pretend your are a repair man here to fix the lift. Wait untill its busy and tell everyone to get out of the lift. You get in, get your paper out and sit and relax
58) Start to talk about your sexlife. Tell them that all of your three children were concived in this very lift. And point and say "it was up against that wall"
59) Have sex with your imaginary friend
60) Say you have just won the lottery and you are on your way to collect your winnings. See how many people are listening to you
61) As the lift descends, shout "Bombs away!"
62) Offer to polish their shoes. When they say no, tell them you need the money to feed your ten starving children back home in Estonia
63) Hand out leaflets - "what to do when the lift cable breaks. The ten tips that will keep your body in one pice (although these tips will not save your life, it will make the rescue a bit cleaner, and we wont have to spend ages cleaning the blood of the walls) Hope you will live to do it again!"
64) Perform a striptease
65) Act surprised when it starts to move and say "THE GROUND IS FALLING!"
66) Fake an orgasam when the lift starts to move. Announce that it was your best ever
67) Let your mobile phone ring - don't anwser it.
68) Walk in to the lift with a clear bottle of apple juice. Start drinking and say "ah, theres nothing like your own urine to quench your first. Does anyone want some?"
69) Say "this new g-sring is really starting to hurt." Then attempt to adjust it.
70) Walk into the lift and say "this reminds me of being burried alive. Ah those were the days"
71) Suggest to the other passengers that you all should play a game of twister. Then get out the board and lie it on the floor
72)Paint the walls of the lift.
73) On entering, ask the passengers "Will you be my fwiend?". Burst into tears if they say no.
74) Stop the lift and say "twenty years in prison for murdering the whole family, and I get stuck in a lift after being out for two hours. Just my luck!"
75) Get back to nature - go in naked
76) Pretend to be the pilot of the lift, speach into a headset "this is lift number 1, ready for decent to 1st floor. Waiting for permission to depart, over"
77) Announce in a computer like voice "this lift will self destruct in 5 4 3 2 .....oh heres my floor"
78) Serve tea and coffee
79) Take shoes off before entering, Look shocked and disgusted when the others dont
80) Act like the sergent of the lift. Order people around. Tell them to get in line.
81) Suggest to the other people that your should play musical statues. Bring a tape recorder along too
82) Teach the people french. Dont let them leave till they get it right
83) As you are coming to the end of the journey, get enmotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
84) Insist, the lift ride costs £2.50
85) Describe in detail, how you're "hung like a horse"
86) Pretend to be a flight attendant (particularly affective if you are dressed like one), instruct the passengers on what to do in an emergency
87) Yodel
88) Bring out a magnifying glass, closey inspect the other passengers skin and say "ooh, look at your pores"
89) Sing "I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves" Over and over again.
90) Ask the others "Do you mind if I do my eminem impression?", then bring out a chainsaw and a mask.
91) Try breakdancing
92) Bring out a fake toy gun and shout to the person next to you "you lookin' at me?"
93) Challenge the guy stood next to you to a "thumb war".
94) Explain your ideas of world domination to the wall.
95) Force people to read to Kama Sutra while asking "do you wanna try this one?"
96) Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "it is time...
97) Pretend to see a spider, repeatedly and violently stamp on the floor while screaming "Die you bastard, die DIIEEE!"
98) While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
99) If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
100) Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.

petes

Thats just way too many to read.

Daelus

I read them all. Hilarious stuff. I must try them some time.

I especially loved this one:
46) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

Lump

Kiera wrote:

Well maybe you should try a few of these and lighten up, John.

I dont think the Oldies here in the BBC would be too impressed, and I don't actually work in an office.... so it's rather hard to do.

John

digitally-yours

i dont want my p45

nice sugessions my office is kewl but something will definately give me p45