Relationship problems

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I've been going out with my g/f since xmas. We met at home at xmas, (we're both from the West) at the time we were both working in the UK and agreed to meet up when we got back from holidays. We did and really hit it off, she's an amazing woman, caring, generous, loving, being honest I find it very hard to find fault in her. We spent every weekend together, times were good and we were very much in love.

Before we even met we both planned on moving back to ireland as we had both been away for 3/4 years, the fact we were going out....while it's impossible to say it wasn't a factor it wasn't the main reason we moved home but we did in April. I was offered a job here in Dublin and she was offered one at home and one in Dublin, she took the one here the main reason being to be near me, which I was happy about. She hasn't really had a long term relationship before and the situation of us being in the same city meant the relationship got v serious and we became very close, very fast.

She went to Uni in the UK and really has no friends in Dublin other than the ones she has made at work, unfortunately her two best ones are leaving for Oz in Oct, she goes home most weekends to visit her friends and family at home. The job has been a bit of a disaster, she's under so much stress she can't handle it and most of our conversations about her work ends up with her in tears....she tends to take any criticism at work to heart rather than just seeing it as a reflection of the unfair workload she's under. She has become very dependant on me for support because she doesn't want to share work problems with her work friends, her family are a no-go because they'll be over-worried about her and she doesn't want to tell her friends at home because she doesn't want them to see her move to Ireland as a failure.

The move for my part has been excellent, I've hooked up with alot of my old friends from Uni and to be able to go home at the weekends is definitely a blessing, the grass is definitely greener at home.

However in the past month things have become so routine with my g/f, i've become a bit bored. I discussed this with her and she thought I wanted to break up with her, which I didn't, she asked me did I want a break and I said no....she said she was glad as she was afraid as to how she'd go on if we weren't together. We agreed to see less of each to try and increase the appetite for the relationship. But that hasn't helped either really.

In the past fortnight I've kissed a couple of other women (that's as far as it's gone) when out with my male friends and while they all think it's great I'm back being one of the lads I've felt really guilty. We're supposed to be going to the UK on holidays at the start of Sep and we've planned that for months so I don't want to go on a break between now and then coz she's really looking forward to it.

I still really like her and the majority of the time we're together is great, it's just when I'm out with friends and she's not there I find it hard to be faithful as things aren't the way they were...in normal circumstances I would ask to take a break or even break up I'm just very wary to do so as I feel she will fall pretty hard from it, she's become very dependant on me and with her two best friends here in Dublin moving away soon I'm not sure where she'd turn. I care so much about her I really don't want to hurt her (I know that's impossible), thinking about the situation makes me sick in the stomach

Any advice would be more than welcome

Beruthiel

don't see how anyone can tell you what to do on this one, only you can decide, but it would appear to me that if you are with other women when out with the lads then it's time to make a decision either way.
It is not fair on your g/f and if you care for her at all you shouldn't be doing anything with other women till you finish with her. You cannot stay in a relationship because of guilt, sure she will be very upset, but she will live and at least find someone who cares about her, all you are doing right now is leaving her hanging.
Decide what you want and do it.

face kicker

Kick in the face solves most problems?

Beruthiel

banned
B

Kingp35

If you really do care about this girl you wouldn’t be kissing other women. I have to laugh when I hear a guy say its very hard to stay faithful. That’s utter rubbish mate. You choose to go off and kiss other women. Tbh if your off kissing other women your g/f is better off without you!!

the_syco

Eh, feck the Dublin job. See if the job at "home" is still available for her. And go from there. Stress sucks. If her job is that bad, see if she'll goto the other one, if its still an option.

jonny68

Playing away from home isn't gonna help matters mate you both need to sit down and have a long chat about things otherwise things will go pear shaped,good luck.

BizzyC

Kingp35 wrote:

If you really do care about this girl you wouldn’t be kissing other women. I have to laugh when I hear a guy say its very hard to stay faithful. That’s utter rubbish mate. You choose to go off and kiss other women. Tbh if your off kissing other women your g/f is better off without you!!

Agree 100%.

Seems you don't really care about her anymore, or else you wouldn't go kissing other women.

bragan

Kingp35 wrote:

If you really do care about this girl you wouldn’t be kissing other women. I have to laugh when I hear a guy say its very hard to stay faithful. That’s utter rubbish mate. You choose to go off and kiss other women. Tbh if your off kissing other women your g/f is better off without you!!

Yeah, i agree. if you are cheating on her, then your relationship is in trouble anyway. Personally, if someone cheats, i wouldn't be annoyed about the cheating, i would be more worried about the state of the relationship.
In my experience, when your going out with someone who you really care about, you don't even think about kissing other people, and when you start thinking about it, then you know your in trouble.
It seems to me that you feel trapped, and both of you seem unhappy. not a very good setting. If she hates her job that much she should leave, because there is nothing worse than working in a job you hate.
And, if she is only staying in it for you, then you need to have a conversation, because it isn't fair to her, that she is working somewhere like that too be close to you, and your cheating on her.

that's my opinion anyway.

Kingp35

bragan wrote:

And, if she is only staying in it for you, then you need to have a conversation, because it isn't fair to her, that she is working somewhere like that too be close to you, and your cheating on her.

Read this paragraph man then maybe you will realise why your having "relationship probelms".

Bragan has got it spot on in her post

SexyGoddess

Kingp35 wrote:

If you really do care about this girl you wouldn’t be kissing other women. I have to laugh when I hear a guy say its very hard to stay faithful. That’s utter rubbish mate. You choose to go off and kiss other women. Tbh if your off kissing other women your g/f is better off without you!!

I agree!
Your cheatng on this girl and just because you feel guilty and ye are going through a rough patch at the mo that still doesnt excuse it. She is working in a job she hates and a city she knows nobody in just to be with you and you cheat on her?? You need to sit down and have a good think about this get your head sorted if you want to be one of the lads and kiss (or do anything) with other girls then sit the girl down and have a chat with her she may be heartbroken but imagine how she would feel if she found out what your doing now behind her back?? :mad:

If your gonna stay with this girl and make things work you have to at least be faithful! If the relationship is routine and boring -spice it up!

You cant carry on like this at the very least you owe this girl some honesty so make your decision

be part of a couple and stay faithful

or

break up with her and be single

ADUB?

OP
Well done you are an Asshole!
Just because times are bad, you decide to run off kissing others and escaping.
Well done!, TBH this girl is probably better off without you, as you only half-ass attempts to help her work through her problems.
Some support you are. Once more Congratulations!