Stop me if you've heard this one: Ireland Declares War on France.

snow scorpion

The French Prime Minister was sitting in his office wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at Mikey Joe's Bar in County Kerry, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there's meself, me cousin Shane, me next door neighbour Timothy, and the entire darts team here at the pub. That makes eight!"

Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one hundred thousand men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"You do and your bollocks!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get ourselves some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Chirac asked.

"Well, we have two combines, an old thrasher, and Mick Tierney's tractor."

Chirac sighed, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one hundred fifty thousand since we last spoke."

"Yerra, go on!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on!" We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four lads from the Railway Bar have joined us as well!"

Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to two hundred thousand!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "How's Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and decided there's no fecking way the twelve of us can feed two hundred thousand prisoners.

Einstein

it's an old one but a cracker

Flukey

It is old alright, doing the rounds with different amounts of troops, different equipment and different leaders being rang. It's very recyclable. It's still a good one though.

Pauly26

Never heard that one before, very good

Naos

Very cool.

bozzie

very old but still a classic

Big Ears

good one .

MrJoeSoap

Got a smile from me!