I've done it again...

LegacyUser

Ok some of you may remember me on here from threads such as

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=78452

and

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=78745

Some background info...i'm a regular user on boards and have no problem showin my name here but her family uses boards so I don't want to step on toes...

Anyway i'm looking for advice the story is similar to the threads above somehow i've managed to neglect my g/f long enough for her to dump me. I can't even start to explain how i've managed to do this, AGAIN. Basically we been goin out for nearly 4 years now things normally very good we were in the same class at college and just done our finals together. I went home after the finals and only came up a few weekends since to see her.

I live about hour and a half away from her and at the moment I don't have a car of my own so have to borrow dads which can be a problem. Then my phone suddenly stopped having coverage at home so when i had the chance i used to ring her every evening.

Now theres a lot of excuses as to why i didn't get up to see her half as much as i wanted too and i'm not trying to make excuses but stuff happened that held me back.

Anyway she's had enough, she says she still loves me but we have broken up, I love her like no other. It all came to a head saturday week when i was suppose to goto a dinner with her on the sunday for the day, i rang and said i could only go for some of the day cuz i had to be home with the car for dad and she told me to not bother at all. So I took thick and didn't, I so wish i had to off.

I rang her then monday and we had a big chat and she told me how she was feeling and i told her all i could to let her know what she meant to me but she wasn't having any of it.

We have not had an arguement or fallen out, we can talk fine about all this, well theres tears but we don't argue we talk.

Anyway i only got up to see her this weekend, we went for a drive and a chat friday night and she says its over...we left on best possible terms...we talked about everything it was so good. But she didn't want back. She says that she's just too afraid of getting hurt again, she don't believe that i could change that i haven't changed from before and i'll not.

Now I know that before i changed for a while and then went bak to kinda how i was but not near as bad. I'm just such an asshole. Its the truest thing ever...you don't know what you have till it's gone. We been texting away the past few days anyway and i tryin to get her to meet up but she won't...says its too hard for her. This is the girl that i really want to spend my life with, i can see the future, kids, house...everything...i only live to be good enough for her. She says if i had to off told all this a month ago it would of been perfect. I can't see why she can't let that month go and give me a last ever chance...a trial...anything...i'm lost without her

just looking for opinions/help etc...

If i love her i'll let her go....thats so hard to do though, i can't picture her with anyone else without being almost physically sick. I don't want to be with anyone else....she's perfect. I haven't eaten or slept properly in a week now...this is killing me...help?

flucked...

sutty

Sooo.. let me get this right, she expects you to drive out to her all the time (1 hour and a half) But she doesn't put in the effort to do it her-self if she wants to see you and you cant get out to her. Yet you are the one neglecting her?

Farls

sutty wrote:

Sooo.. let me get this right, she expects you to drive out to her all the time (1 hour and a half) But she doesn't put in the effort to do it her-self if she wants to see you and you cant get out to her. Yet you are the one neglecting her?

Well i've always lived beside her at college and just went home at weekends, durin other summers i came up almost every weekend to see her. This summer i had some probs and only got up 3/4 times in 2 months...its not good enough i know.

See she just got her own car and is getting better at driving...she would be able to drive down to see me now...but she don't want to get hurt again she says and can't come back to me...still we make each other so happy when were together. And the "if i'd told her all this a month ago" a month!, a month is ruining the rest of my life!

...

Töpher

sutty wrote:

Sooo.. let me get this right, she expects you to drive out to her all the time (1 hour and a half) But she doesn't put in the effort to do it her-self if she wants to see you and you cant get out to her. Yet you are the one neglecting her?

My thoughts exactly. There has to be give and take in a relationship, one person cannot rely on the other to do all the hard work - in this case the work is travelling, but I'd bet on similar instances occuring with other things.

Webmonkey

Im a little confused here. Why is there a car in your sig for sale if you got no car :S, you kinda blew your cover as well.

Anyways, yeah I agree with the rest, it works both way. She should make an effort as well

WhiteWashMan

all i will say is that not everything is black and white, and im sure there are reasons for this to come to a head. its not always about one thing such as the lack of seeing each other.

i think you should take this opportunity to get out and mix it up. im sure you have very strong emotional feelings for each other, but sometimes that just isnt enough.
relationships are a two way thing, and while im sure some fo the posters so far only see effort from your side, i am quite sure there are things that both of you could have done.
you will miss her terribly, and no doubt she will miss you, but dont fall into the trap of getting back toegther unless you are actually going to change something. its far too easy to get back with someone out of sheer loneliness.
the biggest mistake people make is confusing lonliness with love. you will miss the little things, but soon enough, its not her you miss, its the things. you can replace her with someone else, and still do the things, and you will be quite happy. but you will think of her for a long time. its natural. youve spent a long time together, and it will take time to move on. just realise this, realise that its the little things you miss, realise that its having a 'person' (as opposed to a specifi girl. ie your ex) that you miss, and you are half way there.

personally, i would advise that you should take time away from her. if you cut off all ties, you are probably better off. out of sight and out of mind will heal everything much faster. for both of you.

but it will also leave the door open should the situation change where you can live near each other again, or see ach other regularly.

you have to be absolutely committed to each other to do the long distance relationship, and to be honest i feel bad for both of you, but i think your ex has done a coragous thing here. she is not happy. she has broken up. and thats tough to do. but she no longer wants to waste her time, or yours. what is the point in living apart from each other if there is no grand plan to get together again at some stage. im assuming there was none. you havent mentioned it. oyu were both just wasting time, with no plan at the end. i wouldnt do, and apprently, neither would she.
she has given both of you the chance to get on with your lives, but she cares enough about you not to be a cow about it, pick fights and then break up in an awful way.

get your closure on this, be it by visiting one more time, and getting everything off your chest, or one last break up shag or whatever it is, and realise that its time to move on. the longer you are apart, the more you change in different directions

Farls

As for car in sig...no insurance on it! if it was insured we wouldn't be broken up but the problems would still be there, in a way i'm glad this has happened its really opened my eyes up to my mistakes.

It looks like it was all work from me cuz i post this up...it wasn't work though...it was a joy. If you love someone you'll go round the world 3 times to see their happy face.

She put a hell of a lot of work into the relationship a lot of which i failed to notice...she ALWAYS put me first, put my feelings ahead of hers, and i done this for her also.

When we were together without outside hassle (college, work etc) we were the best, we went to NY for a week at christmas and had a blast like the best time ever.

WWM, cheers for the long post...I understand what your saying and i know were on the rebound etc. But our situation is this...

I love her, she loves me, i miss her, she misses me, she just can't be with me for now...she is positive that i cannot change, that i will always turn back to not paying her the attention she rightly deserves. She is too afraid to be hurt again and that is what is holding us back. I have tried so hard to explain it won't...i want commitment, hell i want to marry this girl...i've never made any concessions on that. I would move in with her at the drop of a hat...all this is well and good but in her eyes its a month too late

At the moment we have left things on the best terms ever in history i think. We can talk away on the phone and text about anything but she can't see me, says its too hard and i can understand that.

Its just so awkward at the moment, i'm more than likely going to be living 5 mins from her just like at college and everything points at us being together but she does not want this. She says i can't change and i say i can. All i can do is continue to try to prove this.

WWM the reason i'm not leaving this is because i don't want too, what you say makes perfect sense in a lot of situations, but this is slightly different. Me and her never actually fell out...just drifted but the rope has been tightened and i'm back in port. I've seen my ways, we've talked about everything, we both know what was wrong and what didn't happen and how it should of been. We both want each other but she can't...and i can't blame her...i've broken her heart for the past while now without even knowing...

I just know that this is meant to be, i've had other g/f's and i've been single and i've seen it all and everyone i tell my story too has same advice..."you obviously love her a lot, now get her back" or "you two looked so good together"

I just can't talk her round, i know actions are louder than words but if she can't see me then they don't work either! I want to give her her space on her own now and keep in contact and just show her i'm not joking, change has happened and i'm here for the long haul....

Farls

just noticed the unregged first post, boards being strange on me today, I was going to post unregged for her sake, her family uses boards as well but it wouldn't work so I went with it regged...so ya'll know who flucked from 2 years ago is now

Gordon

You posted 2 unregged posts and didn't realise they needed to be verified by a mod. I merged the Unregged into the Regged thread and deleted the regged first post to save your anonimity. Didn't realise you posted regged afterwards.

WhiteWashMan

Farls wrote:

WWM, cheers for the long post...I understand what your saying and i know were on the rebound etc. But our situation is this...

I love her, she loves me, i miss her, she misses me, she just can't be with me for now...she is positive that i cannot change, that i will always turn back to not paying her the attention she rightly deserves. She is too afraid to be hurt again and that is what is holding us back. I have tried so hard to explain it won't...i want commitment, hell i want to marry this girl...i've never made any concessions on that. I would move in with her at the drop of a hat...all this is well and good but in her eyes its a month too late

At the moment we have left things on the best terms ever in history i think. We can talk away on the phone and text about anything but she can't see me, says its too hard and i can understand that.

Its just so awkward at the moment, i'm more than likely going to be living 5 mins from her just like at college and everything points at us being together but she does not want this. She says i can't change and i say i can. All i can do is continue to try to prove this.

WWM the reason i'm not leaving this is because i don't want too, what you say makes perfect sense in a lot of situations, but this is slightly different. Me and her never actually fell out...just drifted but the rope has been tightened and i'm back in port. I've seen my ways, we've talked about everything, we both know what was wrong and what didn't happen and how it should of been. We both want each other but she can't...and i can't blame her...i've broken her heart for the past while now without even knowing...

I just know that this is meant to be, i've had other g/f's and i've been single and i've seen it all and everyone i tell my story too has same advice..."you obviously love her a lot, now get her back" or "you two looked so good together"

I just can't talk her round, i know actions are louder than words but if she can't see me then they don't work either! I want to give her her space on her own now and keep in contact and just show her i'm not joking, change has happened and i'm here for the long haul....

ok, i get two things from this.

1) i never said you had fallen out, so im unsure how yor situation is different. although i truely believe you feel that way. and thats ok. but you appear to have taken what i have said, and just not applied it to yourself. maybe im wrong.

2) i get the feeling you are turning from boyfriend to psycho stalker ex.
no offense, but some of the language you use is a little bit scarey.
the girl has broken up with you. she has dumped you.
but you still feel its worth hanging around.
in fact, you say youre inthere for the long haul. there is no long haul. you are an ex boyfriend.
you are going to continue to prove that you can change? really? and youre going to prove it? what ar eyou going to do?

if you have really talked about everything, and she still dumped you, then i think thats a pretty clear message dont you?

or do you feel that she is just confused, and doesnt know what shes doing, and underneath it all she still really wants you?

Beruthiel

Farls wrote:

I just can't talk her round

do you not believe at this stage that perhaps it's because she does not wish to be 'talked round'

from reading all of the above, it would seem to me that she has let you down as gently as she can.
People don't have to have big rows to end things you know.
You can still love someone and not be able to be with them for many reasons.
You should fill your time with whatever makes you happy, go out with mates, get on with your life, find a hobby. Eventually you will get past these strong feeling that you have.
There will be other women in the future who you will grow to love, learn from this experience, it will help next time around.

Farls

Ah its ok Gordon, cheers for trying anyway!

WWM, I see where your coming from with the stalker thing! Don't want to be going there now do we! :eek:

Also what you say about her dumping me, i'm an ex...i get that completley, what I meant was, I WAS in it for the long haul etc... AND i would still love to be...

And about the talking her round, I'm trying to get my point across to her...the problem is she is positive i can't change and i'm positive i can...change meaning more time together and to really show my affection. There is still so much love there...

WWM I think you hit the nail on the head with your last bit...I do think she's confused...she has convinced herself I can't change and is afraid to admit that she could be wrong.

I just don't see the point in putting it all behind just like that...4 years, and best friends before that, throwing it all away. Not to mention what could be a very happy future one both of us wanted.

I'll get on with life yes, i have hobbies and very good friends there for me at the drop of a button but what i do, i do for her...she makes me want to be a better person

LundiMardi

tbh, it just sounds like she doesn't want to be with you anymore and is using this as an excuse.

ADUB?

OP I Agree with LundiMardi
It sounds like she just doesnt want to be with you.
Things have changed you both arent in uni anymore etc, she sounds like she doesnt want you in her life and this is just a nice way of letting you down.

If real issue was that you didnt 'call up'/ spend enough time together over last month, why didnt she make effort to call to you then? That doesnt add up at all from where I'm sitting.

Think an open heart to heart is needed. To discuss the real issue, that you dont seem to be hearing correctly from her.

WhiteWashMan

Farls wrote:

WWM I think you hit the nail on the head with your last bit...I do think she's confused...she has convinced herself I can't change and is afraid to admit that she could be wrong.

you see, this is knida what i was talking about.

thats not what i said.

you seem to have it in your head that this is the case. you give the impression that you feel she has just made a mistake and that if you hang in there long enough, she will realise that you are the one, that she wants to be with you, that you are the love of your life,and that you really are going to get back together.

what i said was that i think you may be deluding youself that that is what will happen. she may not be confused. she may know exaclty what she is doing. she may have dumped you because she didnt want tobe with you any more.

AS LM said, the distance thing could be an excuse.

but all you heard was 'things must change' and so now you feel that if you change yourself (although why would she want you to change after 4 years, i have no idea. she is obviously lying, or is stupid enough to go out with someone she is not happy with for 4 years) you will be automatically reconnected.

i think you should satart looking closer to home for a fling. see how life is without mooning over your ex,and generally get on with life. time will heal all, but for the love of god, dont turn into the psycho stalker bloke.

if she says she doesnt want to go out with you, i think you should perhaps think that she actually does not want to go out with you.

mada999

she might have met someone else?

Farls

mada999 wrote:

she might have met someone else?

Nope nobody else, 100% sure of this we had trust.

WWM ... keeping stalker at bay <oo> . I can see that i'm only seeing what I want too see in your posts, thats because i'm picking out what i feel really applies to our situation.

And as for the why would she want me to change after 4 years, see I changed during the relationship i let things slip, didn't make the effort and tell her how I felt. Normally we would see loads of each other and we both knew our feelings were strong from this. I got slack on the visiting and didn't communicate my feelings during this which has caused the situation now.

Very very very hard letting her go....were back at the friends stage now, and very good friends at that...its so hard trying to hold back wanting more.

WhiteWashMan

Farls wrote:

WWM ... keeping stalker at bay <oo> . I can see that i'm only seeing what I want too see in your posts, thats because i'm picking out what i feel really applies to our situation..

dude,m when i say you are only readin what you want to read, i dont mean selective bits and pieces, i mean ignoring words...
eh

the girl is NOT interested in you

you read as:

the girl is interested in you.

know what i mean? youve done it with every post youve read so far.

Farls wrote:

And as for the why would she want me to change after 4 years, see I changed during the relationship i let things slip, didn't make the effort and tell her how I felt. Normally we would see loads of each other and we both knew our feelings were strong from this. I got slack on the visiting and didn't communicate my feelings during this which has caused the situation now.
.

yes you changed. and she is no longer interested in the newer you.
stop thinking that if you chnage back, she will want you. she has moved on. also, if you couldnt be arsed to make the effort to see her, why shouldnt she move on?

Farls wrote:

Very very very hard letting her go....were back at the friends stage now, and very good friends at that...its so hard trying to hold back wanting more.

get a grip on yourself will ya!

Farls

WWM, just wondering if you've ever gone through anything like this before?

And i'm not dropping words to suit myself, I know all of what you've said and i've taken it all on board, I'll still do what I feel is right though, this is just advice.

We broke up few days ago...i'd hardly call it "moved on". And never once was i not arsed to see her...

Your not very good at the old advice giving, you sound like an old man stuck in his ways that has never loved before...

chump

Can anyone digest whats going on in the thread?
The original post and a lot of the responses are quite long...

Third_Echelon

From having a quick scan through the linked posts from 2003/2004 in the first post on this thread, the girld seems to need a hell of a lot of attention, over and above the norm.

They are going out in college no probs etc when they are together everyday, but when the summer or long breaks come along the girl seems to feel she is neglected as the boyfriend cant make the trip all the time.

The trip is 1 hr 30 mins approx, and doing that every few days is tough going and she is expecting him to do it the whole time????

She seems to think that the world revolves around her and her needs. Relationships are about give and take. It seems to be all take from her. When she cant have it her way, she runs away and breaks up with you? Whats all that about.
She sounds like a bit of a drama-queen to be honest and in the long-run you are probably better off without her. It may be hard now, but what happens if you marry her in 5 or 6 years time and you have row over what colour to paint the nursery? She'll run away home....

She sounds like she needs a break, just to get her head sorted to be honest.

From your previous posts as well, perhaps you could have been a bit more considerate with the whole 'drinking with your mates' business, and to be honest there is always 2 sides to a story, but from a male perspective she sounds unreasonable to deal with.

Let her stew for a while and see how it progresses..

just my 2c on what ive read here...

Jivin Turkey

I think advise given in another thread applies best here.

If you love her that much let her go. If she comes back she's yours.

WhiteWashMan

Farls wrote:

WWM, just wondering if you've ever gone through anything like this before?

And i'm not dropping words to suit myself, I know all of what you've said and i've taken it all on board, I'll still do what I feel is right though, this is just advice.

We broke up few days ago...i'd hardly call it "moved on". And never once was i not arsed to see her...

Your not very good at the old advice giving, you sound like an old man stuck in his ways that has never loved before...

and now we get back to the 'i dont like what you say, so its obviously crap, youre crap, youre whole family is crap, and you obviously know nothing about anything im talking about, because if you did, youd see everything from my point of view...'

i have only replied to what you have said, and anyhting i have pointed out is something i see in your posts. if you dont like it, then you dont like, it doesnt bother me.

and yes, of course, ive never been in love before. although, i suspect my wife would probably say otherwise.

Kell

Farls wrote:

Your not very good at the old advice giving, you sound like an old man stuck in his ways that has never loved before...

Perchance because that is because you are reading only what you want to read from his replies?

I have a mate in exactly the same situation. He turned into an a*se with his ex and she dumped him. He is constantly wandering around wondering if she is confused and if when he changes himself into what she wants him to be that everything is OK.

I also am good mates with his ex. She is like "no fúcking way would I get back with him".

Stop calling her, stop texting her, get laid (lots) and stop pining for the bits that are missing. WWM is exactly right by saying that you only miss the "bits" and not the person. Hard to believe but people and their importance in your life can be replaced. Think of that best mate you had x years ago that you could never be without that has been replaced by x amount of new friends. Get the picture?

I repeat - Stop calling her, stop texting her, get laid (lots) and stop pining for the bits that are missing. Its the only way to get over her. Clean break. If you dont, she'll be complaining to her mates that you have turned into a stalker just like my mates ex is complaining to me about him.

And - have some self respect. What kinda person would poke themselves in the eye with a pin knowing it would cause them pain? You call her and text her knowing it will cause you pain, yet you persist in doing so. Sheez.

K-

tinkerbell

Well, it sounds to me like she is using it as an excuse.

Okay, so you live an hour and a half from each other? That's not that far. I'm not up in college for the summer (obviously coz term is over!) and so I'm a four hour drive from my boyfriend. We talk on the phone loads, text, email, visit each other as often as we can, etc. There are ways and means of getting around the obstacle of distance for the summer.

What I'm trying to say, is if both people want the long distance to work, it WILL work. Like I said before, an hour and a half isn't that far away. You don't need to own a car to visit each other. Whatever happened to good ol public transportation? And also, why couldn't she visit you more often as well?

It sounds to me like (I could be totally wrong now) that as soon as the summer came, so did a big cloud of doom and gloom of "oh no, we're so far away from each other now, we'll never see each other!" If you want it to work, it'll work. If you want to see each other, it'll happen.

So in a nutshell, it's like she just gave up, and is now using it as a stupid excuse to let you down gently, which was a bit mean in my opinion. I mean, if you break up with someone, you should at least give them the decency of a real reason (to put the breakupee at rest).

I think you're better off moving on to be honest, sorry it didn't work out for you, but at the end of the day, if she wanted it to work, there would've been no problems.

neadla

How much is your focus going for? :cool:

Beruthiel

neadla wrote:

How much is your focus going for? :cool:

neadla
read this forums charter
B

Farls

Sorry bout givin out WWM, just ya know feelins hangin in the balance and all that, didn't mean anything by it!

Anyway i've read yours and Kell's advice a few times and i'm really trying to take it on board. It's early days yet like and I still love the girl to no end. But wallowing about isn't going to do anyone any good. I'm going to try and move on its what she wants and its now what I want too, I still want to keep her as a friend though, we were best friends before going out and i can't see why we can't go back to that. Although I know it will not help the leaving each other behind side of things...see what happens sure.

Tinkerbell cheers for the reply, I think the summer did bring the doom and gloom could and we just seen an obstacle and lost all faith kinda. But only for this break up there's loads of stuff we wouldn't of known about each other or how we felt. It has really cleared the air between us and showed our true feelings for each other.

Before we broke up we didn't talk on the phone that much, we did text a good bit but not enough and email got left behind a long time ago. Relationships are a hard thing, we were going out for almost 4 years, the honeymoon period where neither of us could do no wrong was long gone, a year ago this wouldn't of happened. I just got sooo used to her being their that ignored her, I put down as one of my family subconciously, you know I just thought she'd always be there for me, and i would for her. There were 2 mistakes I made.

1) I never really showed my affection, I never told her how I really felt for her, I never done the little things she loved so much like holding hands or just telling her I loved her, or even just looking at her with a smile that showed my feelings.

2) We didn't spend enough quality time together, there was always something in the way, either I was working or had no means of getting to see her or she was working and had no means of getting to see me.

Mistakes I regret but...you live, you learn

cheers guys for the help i'm in a good frame of mind for the first time in ages...things must be on the up!

Farlz

tinkerbell

I know it's tough, but Farls don't beat yourself up over it. What you should do is just learn from the experience, and that you won't make the same mistakes again.

Hopefully, things will get better from here on, best of luck buddy

EDIT:
I'm actually just after reading your previous threads where the two of you replied - my god, what a thread! It was gripping reading, I have to say

From what I gathered, it seems like it's the same problem over and over again. Maybe ye should do a repeat of what ye did in Jan / Feb 2003 and talk it over boards again, who knows, it might sort itself out like before

Farls

tinkerbell wrote:

I know it's tough, but Farls don't beat yourself up over it. What you should do is just learn from the experience, and that you won't make the same mistakes again.

Hopefully, things will get better from here on, best of luck buddy

EDIT:
I'm actually just after reading your previous threads where the two of you replied - my god, what a thread! It was gripping reading, I have to say

From what I gathered, it seems like it's the same problem over and over again. Maybe ye should do a repeat of what ye did in Jan / Feb 2003 and talk it over boards again, who knows, it might sort itself out like before

I'm actually thinking a lot of people haven't read those threads who replied, they are a mile a minute! If you think it was gripping reading you should of tried living it, I have boards and boardsters to thank for helping to get us back together that time.

It is the same problem again, and I told her that I started a thread on boards again...I wasn't going too but I posted with my registered account and I had to tell her then. I'd really like if she replied with her side of things and her feelings but I don't think she wants too or has the time too at the moment.

I'm really trying to hold back on the texting/calling her now and I am feeling better myself, it just is so hard but if its what she wants I have to respect that. Love eh? who'd have it....

Farlz

//EDIT... I think we would do a repeat of the thread from before only this time she doesn't want to get back with me .

Dreamcatcher

Farls wrote:

I'd really like if she replied with her side of things and her feelings but I don't think she wants too or has the time too at the moment.

I am sorry about the break-up Farls, but why on earth do you expect her to come on these boards to speak to you?
I mean, surely you have each others emails and phone numbers if there's anything further that she has to say to you and v.v..... She probably doesn't want to go on a public board to have it out with you about this. (To be honest, I find it a bit freaky that you expect that she would or should). Why do you expect that she should - I don't understand this, and what you expect to achieve by that...?
What are you trying to prove or disprove?
You could try to arrange to get in touch with her for a final conversaton - meeting or phonecall(in private) - if you need that closure. And let her go, and bear this in mind during this conversation, if it takes place.
Time will tell. Go your separate ways. And maybe in a years time or so you two may bump into each other and perhaps become friends again, or at least say hello... or maybe not - time will tell as I said, but for now you just have to accept what is, learn from it and move on.

Good luck with it - it will take time, but get used to it, and enjoy being single for a while and learn to enjoy your own company - books, movies, hobbies, etc. Forget her.

rick_fantastic

mate i was in the same situation as you a couple of years back. we took a mutual decision to take a break after 3 years and at the time it felt really really bad. couldnt sleep etc etc etc

we stayed friends 4 a while until i met sum1 else and then one nite in the pub she got a hold of my fone and rang the girl i was seeing and started threatening her to stay away from me!!!

needless to say the girl i was seeing didnt see the funny side of it and hasnt spoken to me since....

the best piece of advise i can give u is :

cut all ties with this girl and go out and enjoy life. u have spent most of ur college years going out with the same girl. WTF!!!! get urself out there and have sum fun....
girlfriends are not all there cut out to be. its not healthy to be obsessing about sum1 like that.

Farls

Just to clear up why we came back here to sort out our last break up I think was because the net was where we first met...through a guestbook on a leaving cert website, she seen the link to my website, had a look at it and emailed me and we got chatting on msn/icq for months. Its kind of like our beginnings on here and I dunno I just like to see everyones views on things like the last time.

Rick...our break up wasn't really mutual it was mainly her. I'm just following orders! Anyway we'd never turn psycho on each other like that, we spoke the other night about having spent all of college together and neither of us regret it one bit...it was true love.

I know its not healthy obsessing and pining for her like this and i'm really trying not too she just won't get out of my head....I do as much as possible to keep busy but still when i goto bed or am driving the car she's there and my mind wanders, I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy. I've cried my heart out over her and its done no good first time I cried since the last break up. I'm still at the not sleeping/eating craic but i'm really trying to get over this. Its just not working for me...

Farlz

Beruthiel

Farls wrote:

Justi'm really trying to get over this. Its just not working for me

it can take anywhere from 6 months to a year to get over someone.
realise that and fill your time.

Farls

Beruthiel wrote:

it can take anywhere from 6 months to a year to get over someone.
realise that and fill your time.

I've my time filt...i'm practically living at work and going to the gym or the pool every evening and then spending the rest of my time with friends...still I can't bare to be in bed...I went at 1am last night and couldn't sleep for ages just thinking...woke up at 6 on the button this morning and lay thinking again. I can't stop thinking about her

Farlz

Farls

Has anybody any ideas on what would be the best gesture I could do here to show what she means to me?

I've quit calling her and barely text her...its a killer tho

Farlz

Alpha505

I think some of the replies here have been very harsh. The guy is going through an extremely tough time, I know how he must feel and its shítty. Keep your head up dude.

Farls

Alpha505 wrote:

I think some of the replies here have been very harsh. The guy is going through an extremely tough time, I know how he must feel and its shítty. Keep your head up dude.

cheers mate

Alpha505

Farls wrote:

Has anybody any ideas on what would be the best gesture I could do here to show what she means to me?

I've quit calling her and barely text her...its a killer tho

Farlz

That really depends on how much you think its worth getting her back. There are many, many ways you can get a woman back if she can be persuaded. But what if she's past that?

Farls

Hey man, i posted that last post a week ago, my head was still half ways up my ass at the time

Anyway, were having very little if any contact at all now. I'm giving her her own space. No more pining after her etc through texts/calls. Its tough like I really wanna contact her but i'm holding back. Like I miss her to no end still, I think about her all the time and what if this or that had been different. I know theres no point but its an impossible situation.

I still hold hope but as the fella says only a fools hope. I spend way too much time second guessing situations and what shes doing/thinking. I know i'm only beating myself up but its the way i'm coping with it at the moment. I've went out recently with friends to pick me up a bit and had a gud time talking to my mates like but I can't even look at another girl, it's like no girl can be as good as her, i know this will change with time but i cant see it changing for a long time.

Way i look on it also, its my fault we broke up so its only right i feel like this. I love her enough to want the best for her, and whilst i want that to be me, if she feels its not then i wont stand her way. Its a strange thing love...

cheers for the help

Farlz

Alpha505

That post really made me feel for ya Love is indeed a strange thing. Im glad you're more optimistic than you were a couple of weeks ago. I think sometime we just have to let them go and hope they come back to us at some stage, even as a friend years down the line.

Farls

Aye, she said to me that if i really loved her i'd let her go...and i guess i really love her then . I only hope she knows this.

Anyway, i agree maybe in the future we might meet up / get together...who knows but for now its not happening.

Everyone i've told about this which is basically nearly everyone i know now...its the only topic i have to talk about lately say that they really for me, that its clear as crystal how much i love this girl, but as i said...love is strange. I'm staying away from women now for a while, gonna stick to my friends (only for them i'd be lost) and looking out for numero uno.

Its a lonely road...

Farlz

Alpha505

Farls wrote:

Aye, she said to me that if i really loved her i'd let her go...and i guess i really love her then . I only hope she knows this.

If I was any more tired an emotional Id have cried after reading that. On the bright side you come across as a strong person. I hope you're doing better.

Dizzyblabla

Farls wrote:

Anyway, i agree maybe in the future we might meet up / get together...who knows but for now its not happening.

Stoppit!! what are you doing? you're not getting back together... how do you expect to really get on with yuor life if you're thinking like that?

Everyone i've told about this which is basically nearly everyone i know now...its the only topic i have to talk about lately say that they really for me, that its clear as crystal how much i love this girl, but as i said...love is strange. I'm staying away from women now for a while, gonna stick to my friends (only for them i'd be lost) and looking out for numero uno.

Its a lonely road...

Farlz

And another piece of advise, your friends will get sick of hearing about her, be careful, you say without them you'd be lost, and yet it's a lonely raod?? They are all there for you Farlz, but there's only so much of "I miss her sooo much" that they can take....

I understand the whole breakup thing, it's a long and hard road, but there is far more to life than this girl, and soon you will realise this, good luck with it...

Farls

Dizzyblabla wrote:

Stoppit!! what are you doing? you're not getting back together... how do you expect to really get on with yuor life if you're thinking like that?

That post was a while ago too! What i'm saying is in the future who knows. At the moment i know its not going to happen...i'm starting to get on with my life now and the next few weeks will see big happen for me

Dizzyblabla wrote:

And another piece of advise, your friends will get sick of hearing about her, be careful, you say without them you'd be lost, and yet it's a lonely raod?? They are all there for you Farlz, but there's only so much of "I miss her sooo much" that they can take....

I understand the whole breakup thing, it's a long and hard road, but there is far more to life than this girl, and soon you will realise this, good luck with it...

Don't worry i'm not annoying my friends so much now! I keep telling them to tell me to shut up etc, but they ring/txt me too see how i'm doing, anyway she's not my only topic of conversation anymore .

Its a very lonely road, good friends can't replace her. They can only half fill the void...I know theres more to life but it takes time to heal these sort of wounds to the point where you can look ahead and see the bigger picture.

cheers Farlz

Alpha505

Farls wrote:

Don't worry i'm not annoying my friends so much now! I keep telling them to tell me to shut up etc, but they ring/txt me too see how i'm doing, anyway she's not my only topic of conversation anymore .

Good. Im glad things are slightly better at least.