Post Your Funny Limericks Here...

derek27

HERES MINE...

there once was a man from China,
who wasn't a very good climber,
he slipped on a rock,
and cut off his cock,
and now he has a vagina!

derek27

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
As he said with great glee,
As it hung past his knee,
"If my nose were a cvnt I could fcuk it"

stagolee

heh heh , theres some other good ones for your collection in this thread here
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=229947&highlight=limericks

smarten31

just made this one up...i need help!!!

There was a young man from Wales
who lived on sh*t,snot and snails
when he couldnt eat these
he lived on the cheese
that he scraped from his knob with his nails!!!

eyebrows

these are deadly.
also just made this up

Jack and jill got in a fight
Jack, to make up, turned off the light
He then went down
But she turned around
And Jack got a face full of shíte

Redhairedguy

There was a young man from Peru,
Who fell asleep in his canoe,
He dreamt about Venus,
And lashed out his penis,
And woke up with a handful of goo.



There once was a vampire called Mable,
Whose periods were quite unstable,
One night under the full moon,
She took a large spoon,
And drank herself under the table.

MooShop

Redhairedguy wrote:

There once was a vampire called Mable,
Whose periods were quite unstable,
One night under the full moon,
She took a large spoon,
And drank herself under the table.

Thats's a class one, just made this one up:

There once was a woman called Maud,
She was quite a f**kable broad,
Her boyfriend's a runt,
When he went down to lick her c*nt,
He got an awful surprise when she pee'd.

solice

MooShop wrote:

Thats's a class one, just made this one up:

There once was a woman called Maud,
She was quite a f**kable broad,
Her boyfriend's a runt,
When he went down to lick her c*nt,
He got an awful surprise when she pee'd.

Do u know what a limerick is?

eyebrows

shocking shocking shocking
a mouse ran up my stocking
when he got to me knee
o what did he see
it was shocking shocking shocking

BioHazRd

Keep em decent - this is a public forum, and can be accessed by minors

Bio

Buckels

there was a young lady from Orton
who had one long tit and a short'n
to compensate that, she had a lopsideded twat
and a fart like a five hundred Norton.

xxmarymoxx

There once was a man called Reg,
Who went with a girl in a hedge,
Along came his wife,
With a big carving knife,
And cut off his meat and two veg!

foxy06

She stood on a bridge at midnight,
Her lips were all a quiver,
she gave a cough,
her leg fell off,
and floated down the river!


Remember that from childhood. Don't know why it stuck in my head.

Wagon

There once was a man named Billy
Who was rather proud of his willy
...
...
...

Use your imagination. Lazy gits.

dilallio

Little Bo-Peep, lost more than her sheep,
The day she slept in the corn.
For when she awoke, there having a poke,
Was Little Boy Blue with his horn

xxmarymoxx

There was a young girl from Rabat,

who had triplets, Nat, Pat and Tat;

It was fun in the breeding,

But hell in the feeding,

When she found she had no tit for Tat.

Nikko

There once was a man from Dunboyne
Who got stung on the neck by a wasp
When asked if it hurt
He said "no, not a bit -
He can sting me again if he likes..."

SilverFox261

There once was a man who lived on craggy
He left his hair grow all shaggy
He said wat the heck
Ill keep on saying feck
And the whole of the country will love me

destroyer

There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks never went to plan
My problem says he
when writing verse you see
For some reason I always try to stick as many words into the last line as I possibly can.

chughes

There was a young man from Madras
Whose balls were made out of brass
In windy weather
They'd clang together
And the sparks would shoot up his ass

jerrehpips

There was once a young girl from kildare,
who took her pig to the fair,
the pig took a grunt
and bit at her c***
And left with a mouthful of hair

Oliverdog

There was a young man from Bombay
On a slow boat to China one day.
He was pinned to the tiller
By a sex-starved gorilla
And China's a very long way . . .

Bearhunter

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean -
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

admiralofthefleet

john kenny

GenghisCon

There once was a man from Peru,
Who dreamt he could swallow his shoe,
He woke up one night,
In a terrible fright,
To find it was perfectly true.

CiaranTheGreat

Redhairedguy wrote: »

There was a young man from Peru,
Who fell asleep in his canoe,
He dreamt about Venus,
And lashed out his penis,
And woke up with a handful of goo.

I remeber using that in english class when we had to write a short poem :cool:

Needless to say i saw the principal that day and a nice letter home to parents

Oliverdog

There was a young fellow called Carter
A Champion Musical Farter;
He could fart any thing
From God Save the King
To Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

GenghisCon

Robbed from after hours...

Don't speak of your Anglican Minister,
nor his church without reason of faith,
for the foundation stone of his temple,
is the bollocks of Henry the eighth

Porkpie

I've finally overcome my fear
And posted my own Limerick here
It took me two minutes to write it
And if you don't like it
I don't give a damn frankly my dear

RoundTower

Oliverdog wrote: »

There was a young man from Bombay
On a slow boat to China one day.
He was pinned to the tiller
By a sex-starved gorilla
And China's a very long way . . .

I heard that this was written by the Goon Show in an improv challenge, each member wrote one line and could only see the last word of the lines before him.

Podge2k7

There once was a woman from Bath
Who got fined a grand and a half
For throwing her fridge
Off of Pulteney Bridge
For a drunken Friday-night laugh.

---

[FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]There once was a woman named Jill
Who swallowed an exploding pill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her tits in a tree in Brazil [/FONT]

Oliverdog

RoundTower wrote: »

I heard that this was written by the Goon Show in an improv challenge, each member wrote one line and could only see the last word of the lines before him.

Nearly. I think it was 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue!' Willie Rushton was certainly involved.

Here's one -

There was an old lady from Slough
Who developed a terrible cough.
She drank half a pint
Of warm honey and mint,
But, sadly, she didn't pull through.

Rikand

There was an old man called Dave,
Who dug a prostitute out of her grave,
She was mouldy as s**t
and missing a tit
But look at the money he saved!

Podge2k7

Rickylovesuall wrote: »

There was an old man called Dave,
Who dug a prostitute out of her grave,
She was mouldy as s**t
and missing a tit
But look at the money he saved!

Lmfao!:D

fred funk }{

Surprised nobody has posted this one, it's as old as the hills


There was a man from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
In less than an hour
his dick was a flower
and his balls were covered in weeds

OneArt

I love poetry.

This is my favourite poem

There was a young man called Kelly
Who preferred his wife's ass to her belly
He shrieked with delight
As he ploughed through the sh*te,
And filled up her hole with his jelly

Persiancowboy

Here's a couple more:

There was a young whore from Leicester
Who said to the man who undressed her
"if you want a good grind
You'll have to come in from behind
Cos me front is beginning to fester..."


A Garda from Limerick Junction
Whose organ had long-ceased to function
fooled his wife
for the rest of her life
by using the thick end of his truncheon......