Slightly embarrassing sex question

Dazed and Confu

Sorry if this question is in the wrong section and I hope I don't offend anyone, but I can't get in to that sex forum for some reason.

I'm a 25year old guy and have had a good number of sexual partners (whats a good number these days? lets say more than 10 but less than 20..... well I think good enough anyway)

I've recently begun going out with a girl (also 25) who is a virgin and am pleased to announce that she would like me to be her first.

The embarrasing thing is that I can't seem to do it (physically like). I'm incredably arroused by her, and I know that she wants me, but it just won't fit in there. She is extremely tight down there. Even when she takes control and trys to put it in we have no luck.


I would imagine that most advise will be to take my time and that it will come together, but after 4 nights of squashing my manhood against a brick wall it may be time to look further afield.

Now I don't image I'm a particularly big guy. My girl however is quite petit. Anyone got any ideas?

koneko

You didn't mention foreplay at all. I suspect that's the problem. Either that or use lube.

Mr_G^_^

exercises and lube

LegacyUser

more foreplay.

lube.

fade2black

Tell her to start masturbating. Im in the process of trying to get every female to masterbate more so I might meet your girlfiend along the way and you won't have to say anything.

Praetorian

Lubrication and foreplay?

What am I doing on pi?

tinkerbell

Jees, she's a virgin and you have just giving up already ("looking further afield") after only four attempts!

I reckon you should cop on a bit now boy You're not gonna get in there easily if it's her first time! She's probably awfully nervous, and it's probably not helping if either of you are getting annoyed over it.

Best thing is to invest in some KY-Jelly or something, that will make it easier.

Just don't give up already! You obviously like her a lot, so don't let something like this put you off. Use lube and ye should be fine. Foreplay would help too

Have fun

Esel

Google vaginismus

Steveire

Incidentally, this is the correct forum for your post. The sex and sexuality forum is not for personal issues. I can't offer any advice that hasn't already been posted, so i'm gonna drop back out now.

ntlbell

Eat some opal fruits (they make your mouth water mmm)

Hock up an almighty spit (you know a dirty greener) and plant it on her box.

Rinse and repeat as needed.

Works a treat and she'll love it....

You have the added bonus of her being a virgin and thinking this perfectly normal.

LegacyUser

That is normal. It may take many times for you to be able to get in.
If your "pushing a a brick wall" 4 nights in a row - go slow! You could end up tearing her - and that is sore.

My advice to you is not to worry about it - just give it time

r3boot

take your time, lube and make sure you're both comfortable (what that means varies from person to person).Comfort and relaxation make all the difference. Also if you still have problems (i.e. severe mind numbing pain) then obgyn might be the right place to go. (unusually thick hymen)

Nevyn

NTLBELL

unhelpfull comments are against the charter here is this not after hours.
Do read the charter and amend your ways or you will be banned.
Have a nice day.
Thaed

Nevyn

OP, fingers first and take your time.
Lube if needed, a bath to get her to relax and remember to play safe.

ntlbell

Thaed wrote:

NTLBELL

unhelpfull comments are against the charter here is this not after hours.
Do read the charter and amend your ways or you will be banned.
Have a nice day.
Thaed

I'll have a look at the charter but I'm not sure what part of my post was unhelpfull?

Saved me a fortune over time and has gained me many man points.

Victor

Lube, fingers, small toys and tender, loving care.

azezil

Start with one finger and work your way up, that'll loosen her up nicely.

Esel

Thaed wrote:

NTLBELL

unhelpfull comments are against the charter here is this not after hours.
Do read the charter and amend your ways or you will be banned.
Have a nice day.
Thaed

Deserves a straight ban IMO.

OP, like I said, vaginismus. It is a medical condition (psychosomatic?), and your gf may well have it.

Nevyn

This is not a medical forum esel.
if that was the case she would have or should have gone to the dr by now.

Talliesin

ntlbell wrote:

I'm not sure what part of my post was unhelpfull?

Using foodstuffs with a high sugar content in or around the vagina massively increases the risk of thrush.

jayo99

NTLBELL.. Thx for cracking me up here.. LOL

nedoo

If you are nervous that will pass on to her. Take your time and enjoy it, if it all works out you will both look back and laugh. Lots o KY, love and care.

Lenny

I used to be with someone who was really tight and sex was very uncomfortable for me, what we did was after a while when you cock gets a bit soft throw it into her while thinking of something minging, then when its in let it get hard as ice when inside her and your flying then, though if she is very tight you should wear a condom to stop her pussy making bits of your foreskin.

fred funk }{

Let her sit on you so she take her time and she be in control and like others said plenty of lub, it might help having a few drinks first to ease the nerves.

Hugh_C

Talliesin wrote:

Using foodstuffs with a high sugar content in or around the vagina massively increases the risk of thrush.

Marianne Faithfull has a lot to answer for then, always thought she was a gamey old bird...

Talliesin

hughchal wrote:

Marianne Faithfull has a lot to answer for then, always thought she was a gamey old bird...

Not really, given that the story isn't true.

JMArr

Not sure if anyone has mentioned this yet ..but
Try goin down south and drinking from the furry cup during foreplay :-D
i.e. no muff too tuff -we dive at five ..you know the old cunningilus..yum yum

lick her up and down like an ice cream bar she should go wet and wild you'll have no probs shlippin the old fella in then ! ;-) plus if she's virgin territory u could end up giving her an orgasm (or two) and she will be mad to repay the favor. they love it !!!

Tip : Try the spelling the alphabet around her love button thats my advice to u sir.

LegacyUser

Talliesin wrote:

Not really, given that the story isn't true.

Yeah but no but, it's not the truth of the story that matters, it's the fact that the myth inspired others to try....

Bluebells

Shes probably nervous and frustrated. Going down on her at the moment might make her more uncomfortable.
The best way to go about it, is to say that for the time being your not going to have sex.
With the pressure taken off she will losen up and feel relaxed.
Just have lots of forplay, but where a condom so you can get that little bit closer.
Apply loads a lube and and tell her you are not going to push, that your not bothered.
But also tell her that if she wants, she can push herself onto you, or pull you into her.
This will make her feel in control of the situation.

Slyly give her a few glasses of wine befor hand.
During the 'sessions' the fingering thing is a good idea, just to losen her though, the clit is the must go area for arousal and climaxing.

Lex_Diamonds

JMArr wrote:

Tip : Try the spelling the alphabet around her love button thats my advice to u sir.

Christ, not that one again.

Anyway, errr, good luck with your endeavours op.

DawnMc

This is called vagismus. Look it up

JMArr

Lex_Diamonds wrote:

Christ, not that one again.
.

Dont knock it till you've tried it Lex

Esel

DawnMc wrote:

This is called vagismus. Look it up

Dawn, you spelled it wrongly - vaginismus is the word. I mentioned it above as a possibility, but was reminded that this is not a medical forum (which I knew). I thought my advice was more informative than the foreplay/KY/oral/opal fruit posts. Maybe those posters could learn something from googling it.

I think it a bit odd that the OP has not replied to this thread.

Megatron

JMArr wrote:

Dont knock it till you've tried it Lex

I've always found humming a little song works much better

koneko

esel wrote:

I thought my advice was more informative than the foreplay/KY/oral/opal fruit posts. Maybe those posters could learn something from googling it.

Just because people advised lube/foreplay does not mean they're not aware of vaginismus or other possibilities, that's a pretty arrogant (and incorrect IMHO) opinion you have there. Until the OP posts back and says what they have/haven't tried, I wouldn't go jumping to conclusions. Lube/foreplay is a good starter suggestion, to find out more from the OP. For all we know they're stripping down naked, his girlfriend is nervous, and he just tries to jam it in.

case_sensitive

I dated a girl who clamed up during sex, though it wasn't her first time and it was months before we 'managed', and the problem never went away completely.
Be supportive and loving; don't be frustrated or you'll make it worse.
Bluebells is on the money, wine/champagne will relax her, and lots of kissing pink bits. I eventually cracked my ex after an hour long massage (aloe vera oil is your friend) which gradually became more sexual. Take your time, and allow her to dictate progress.
Bad news is that the problem can continue beyond that first time, we had it for the whole relationship, eventually giving me concerns about her trust issues, bad past experiences, or maybe vaginismus.
We used to joke that she needed to go out and find a needle-dlcked guy instead; made her laugh, gave me unearned penis-pride. :-)
Stick with it, she'll love you all the more for understanding.

Esel

koneko wrote:

Just because people advised lube/foreplay does not mean they're not aware of vaginismus or other possibilities, that's a pretty arrogant (and incorrect IMHO) opinion you have there. Until the OP posts back and says what they have/haven't tried, I wouldn't go jumping to conclusions. Lube/foreplay is a good starter suggestion, to find out more from the OP. For all we know they're stripping down naked, his girlfriend is nervous, and he just tries to jam it in.

For all we know? Sorry you thought my comments were arrogant; maybe I was a bit tee'd off about being being told 'not a medical forum', when a poster who suggested hocking up a dirty greener and planting it gets 'read the charter. . .have a nice day'.

I read the OP carefully. Note the following extracts which led me to think that lubrication/lack of foreplay might not be the issue.

Dazed and Confu wrote:

...I'm a 25year old guy and have had a good number of sexual partners ...more than 10 but less than 20...

I've recently begun going out with a girl (also 25) who is a virgin...

.....I know that she wants me, but it just won't fit in there. She is extremely tight down there. Even when she takes control and trys to put it in we have no luck.


I would imagine that most advise will be to take my time and that it will come together, but after 4 nights of squashing my manhood against a brick wall it may be time to look further afield.

...Anyone got any ideas?

koneko

He didn't provide detail. Read into his post as you want to, but I don't see anything that actually gives an indication whether they engage in enough foreplay beforehand or have tried anything like lube. The opal fruits suggestion imho wasn't good, but the mods were right on yours. This isn't a medical board. Giving people a diagnosis based on very little information can be dangerous, so it's understandable they don't want people doing that. It's a possibility, but it's better to advise someone to speak to a doctor about what could be the issue, rather than diagnose them online.

(And yes, your post *was* arrogant. The first part I had quoted was fine, but the second was arrogant, not needed at all)

Aaaanyways this isn't helping the OP, so that'll be the last I add on this

DawnMc

esel wrote:

Dawn, you spelled it wrongly - vaginismus is the word. I mentioned it above as a possibility, but was reminded that this is not a medical forum (which I knew). I thought my advice was more informative than the foreplay/KY/oral/opal fruit posts. Maybe those posters could learn something from googling it.

I think it a bit odd that the OP has not replied to this thread.

Now, now, hate to be the blower of trumpets but my PSYCHOLOGY DEGREE begs to differ. Correct spelling is 'vagismus' - it is the involuntary spasm of muscles.

Please don't hate me for saying PSYCHOLOY DEGREE - I have nowhere else to blow my trumpet!!!

dragona

DawnMc wrote:

Please don't hate me for saying PSYCHOLOY DEGREE - I have nowhere else to blow my trumpet!!!

Won't pick you up on THAT one

dahamsta

The OP just needs a bigger sheep.

Cake Fiend

DawnMc wrote:

Now, now, hate to be the blower of trumpets but my PSYCHOLOGY DEGREE begs to differ

What exactly has a psychology degree got to do with spelling and/or sexual problems?

Victor

dahamsta wrote:

The OP just needs a bigger sheep.

Baaaad boy. Behave.

Esel

Both terms are apparently used. My mistake - I genuinely thought you misspelled it.

Googling 'vagismus' gives 59 pages, 'vaginismus' 48,500 pages.

Anyway, I know this is not a medical forum, and I was *not* trying to diagnose (wouldn't dream of it), merely to inform. I wish the best to the OP and his partner, and hope they consider all the advice given.

PatPete

Proceed as in Reply #24 but- get her to sit with her back to you. Then she's in total control and in power! It means she doesn't have to worry about you so much- your groans should be good enough to communicate to her what's best. She can hold you and control entry totally this way.

Victor

esel wrote:

Googling 'vagismus' gives 59 pages, 'vaginismus' 48,500 pages.

Stop.

This is not a medical board. This is not a board for arguing with each other. The OP has been made aware of the possibilities let him decide if there is enough possibility to discuss it with his girlfriend and if needs be someone that is medically qualified.

Next time I so much as have to so much as look sideways at someone like this, its ban time.

chuci

tinkerbell wrote:

Jees, she's a virgin and you have just giving up already ("looking further afield") after only four attempts!

I reckon you should cop on a bit now boy You're not gonna get in there easily if it's her first time! She's probably awfully nervous, and it's probably not helping if either of you are getting annoyed over it.

Best thing is to invest in some KY-Jelly or something, that will make it easier.

Just don't give up already! You obviously like her a lot, so don't let something like this put you off. Use lube and ye should be fine. Foreplay would help too

Have fun

agreed grow up wont go into spiel of feelings etc but in fairness if she wants you to be her first she must care bout you a bit. or maybe she is having second thoughts and her vagina is going into spasm to not let you in. its a defense mechanisim. jokes aside.

neadla

Don't have sex, she's a virgin and should do it with someone who doesn't have other sexual partners. Otherwise, drop the other girls and stick with her. You obviously mean something to her. The guilty conscience you have is definetly not helping the situation.

Of course it's your choice

Either her or them,
:cool:

macgyver578

my girlfriend had the same type of prob, she was extremely tight and this caused her pain during sex, this of course caused problems as she didnt want sex then as she associated it with pain. edventualy after a long time we went to the doc about it, the end result was she got "stretched" a bit.this app is a common solution and it was relatively painless for her.we did have problems after but we got through and had a fantastic sex life after.i mean this is more of a last resort but sometimes it is just comforting to get a docs opinion.i don't know if any women posters have had a similar solution?

Talliesin

neadla wrote:

Don't have sex, she's a virgin and should do it with someone who doesn't have other sexual partners.

So the rule is it has to be monogamous the first time, but not after that?

lucid

neadla wrote:

Don't have sex, she's a virgin and should do it with someone who doesn't have other sexual partners.

The OP said that he'd had a number of partners in the past, not that he has a number of partners, currently.