1 year, three months and 14 days later

LegacyUser

I can't believe it's been over a year since I posted here!! My first post was on April Fool's day 2004 and actually got moved to the recycle bin because it was a kind of tongue in cheek "how to" on suicide because I felt pretty depressed at the time.

Anyway things haven't been going so well on the wanting to stay alive front and I've been thinking about suicide a lot. So much so that I've actually entered the preliminary stages of planning it.

Has anybody ever done that before? Have you actually sat down and thought about killing yourself? I've been almost preoccupied with it recently, I can't get it out of my head now and I've been doing little things here and there to prepare for it.

First of all, I used to smoke a bit of hash now and again, very rarely though because I don't even smoke cigarettes and my tonsils are always getting infected when I do. But I had some hash and skins and cigarettes lying around, in case of emergency, but I've thrown all these out and gotten rid of any traces because after I kill myself I don't want my parents or relatives going through my stuff (I live on my own in a small flat) and finding drugs, however soft.

I've also made a list of all the valuable stuff I own (microwave, nice stereo, some CDs, DVD player, TV etc) and figuring out who to leave them to. My parents don't need all this crap cluttering up their home.

I'm currently going through stuff like old photos, postcards, that fiddly crap that builds up during your lifetime and throwing it all out, to save my parents having to find more photos of me etc.

In the back of my mind I feel that what I'm doing is really morbid but all the rest of my mind is completely turned off by the idea of living for another 50 odd years (I'm a healthy 27 year old). My job's gotten a lot worse over the past year, I've no qualifications, I'm pretty slow when it comes to college/courses (I dropped out of a business course, business, the easiest subject!). I don't feel like I have a connection to anybody anymore, my friends have all gotten married or engaged, I'm single and I'm very emotionless and cold which doesn't make for good boyfriend material.

So how close have any of you come to the actual act of killing yourself? The final action itself is the most difficult obviously, and I've still to plan that bit properly.

Le Rack

I od'd once, parents never even knew, took it going to bed was paralysed for a while but slept it off the next day, another time, I was in my bed with a damp cloth and a knife ready to slash my wrists, but I couldn't. I still have plans of exactly what pills to take and how many and all that, I've written a few letters to people who mean a lot to me, I've practicaly planned my funeral. I have my ups and downs but I cope, its hard I know, but ya gotta fight it, you're young and thats rich coming from an 17 year old! It'l get better, it wont be easy or quick but it will.

Skip

As a teenager, I thought of it sometimes, but I guess it wasn't to the same extent, it was only something I guess all teenagers go through, and it wasn't ever serious. I think you should go seek a psychologist's help, I've no idea about you, but it'd be a pity if the world lost you, for all your nice spelling and grammar

LegacyUser

un26, any hope you could post an email address (even one you make up just for the occasion)? This is the one of two things I won't discuss here.

logic

seems like your mind has clouded out the reasons why life is good. You can't see them so maybe, like skip said, you should talk to someone professional first. What have you go to lose?

danniemcq

i put a firework (black cat banger to be exact) under my head a few years back and lit it but whateer the hell was up it turned out it was a dud and didn't go off. that kinda shook the **** outta me and i kinda thought it was a sign so i've never tried again. around that time i was cuttin myself 2, all the usual **** but i feel i'm past all the downers in my life now that led to it and the weird thing is all my self scars have completly gone and the ones i have from tree falls and stuff are still there.

but i agree with Le Rack, it isn't easy it isn't quick but you will get through this.

kmick

Here listen to me now. I know two people who have commited suicide. It is devastating for those who are left behind. Maybe dont be so inward looking. Join a group and help other people for a change. Visit old people in hospital, buy a dog, move job, start taking medication, see a doctor, take up a sport, do anything but dont do it. You may be depressed so its not you talking. Life is not a bed of roses for anybody so stop feeling sorry for yourself. Dont be so selfish think of all the other people who wont have the easy option of suicide after you are dead. If you want to talk to someone ring the samaritans on 1850 60 90 90. No one has all the answers remember that. Life is not about money either some of the people I know earning the most money are miserable same as the people who dont earn as much. Please please try at least 2 or three of these suggestions. If you want to PM me Ill give you my mobile and we can talk go for a drink maybe. I dont know **** but you sound like you could bang a few thoughts of another human. By the way on a final note soft drugs (hash esp) makes a lot of people very depressed. I was once a hashhead and it made me paranoid and freaked out. Stop smoking that crap your body is trying to tell you something. A friend of mine colin had to take meds for two years to keep himself from killing himself the doctor called it "Drug induced schizophrenia" the drug in question was hash. Anyway thats all I have to say.

nobodythere

I'm adamently opposed to suicide and the ****ed up effects you leave behind you. But when I'm really low I fantasise about having the **** kicked out of me for some reason...

seamus

Sounds to me like classic depression. Have you ever seeked help, or had someone recommend help to you?

I do find it curious that you consider your own self-worth to be very low, yet you acknowledge the pain and suffering (even if it is only "inconvenience") that your death may cause to your family. Does your family know how you feel? If you haven't even remotely discussed it with them, why not? A family will always listen, it's the one thing you can rely on.

It would seem to me that you just feel stuck in a large rut, with no footholds and nobody standing above willing to give you hand out. If you were a family member or a friend (and not discussing suicide), I'd just say you were bored and lazy

Seek help. Wouldn't you be pissed off if the next 50 years turned out to be great for you after you threw it all away? As said above, what have got to lose by talking to someone about it?

Nightwish

ive tried to hang myself 3 times, od'd once and slit my wrists twice over the space of 10 years...and Im still here, which means im crap at trying to kill myself. however Im glad I am. find something in your life to hold on to. I mean it. the only thing that stoped me plunging the knife in too far the the last time was the thought of my parents explaining my death to my young brother. i know its sounds kind of stupid but im still alive today and for that Im very grateful.
with regards your q's as to whether any of us have planned everything down to minute details-I've cleared out my stuff in my gaff, made lists of who was to get my things etc, quite like you.
the only thing i can say to you is to seek help-maybe prozac might help, it wont fix your problems but it will certainly help you maintain the right frame of mind to get you started on the road to recovery.
good luck and i hope you're still here in another year, 3months and 14 days

the_syco

un26 wrote:

I'm pretty slow when it comes to college/courses (I dropped out of a business course, business, the easiest subject!).

Sorry lad, but I laughed at this. Business, to me, is the hardest subject I ever looked at.

As for hating your job, life, etc, why not leave your life, and start a new one?

Look at www.fas.ie and you may find a course that you like. Then go for it.

Also, as one person has already said, stay off the drugs. Some people get mellow, but some become paranoid, etc.

Also, try counselling. It may help you with your suicidal thoughts, and also help with finding out how to express your emotions better, so you don't seem as "cold".

kasintahan

The thought of suicide is a great source of comfort: with it a calm passage is to be made across many a night.
~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil (1885-86).

derek27

OP if you would like to contact me via PM or msn, please do.
i'm a survivor of severe depression. had a terribly bad stretch of 2years where suicide was what i thought i was supposed to do. tried 5 times. i've ended up with permanent liver damage (fibrosis, but i have enough healthy tissue left to give me enough of a chance at a good stretch, so long as i watch what i eat and that) and one kinda wrecked kidney. one of my attempts actually stopped my heart and breathing. i came through it. its never gone away... could creep back up on me, but i'm not gonna let it take me by surprise if it does. you're saying that your parents wouldn't want you're valuables cluttering up the house when you're gone... think again man, they wont let them out of their hands for the rest of their lives, no matter how much they clutter up the house, because everything you leave behind wil be a memory of you. you will destroy your parents. you could even leave a suicide storm behind you by bereaveing people that think the world of you. stop thinking about doing yourself in and start thinking about changing your state of mind. your future is a blinding light at the moment because you are feeling so low. work on sorting out your depression, and as soon as you do, you wont believe that you ever felt like you do now when your life becomes as valuable to you as it is to your family and friends. be strong.

LegacyUser

It's very hard to explain, but what I feel is a lot more deep rooted that just clinical depression. This isn't just a chemical imbalance I'm going through. I did a course of Prozac a few years ago, it just made me nauseous.

As for the quitting the drugs suggestions, I haven't taken any for over a year, drugs never made me more depressed anyway, I barely smoked, I can't even drink that much, I just feel sick after a few drinks, which is a pity as I'd love to try out a bout of alcoholism. Just to get my mind of things.

I wouldn't even describe my state of mind as a depressed. It's more.........I just see things with a greater clarity than most other people. I can clearly see how futile and pointless my life has become. I can see where it started to go wrong and I can identify the symptoms of its decline. I've extrapolated the rest of my life given the current course I am taking and it's not worth living.

The funniest comment I've read so far is from the 17 year old Le Rack. "you're young and that's rich coming from a 17 year old". I really hope you don't feel as old as I do when you're my age.

So, various forms of suicide, I've always thought that slitting your wrists was actually just a cry for help. Not many people die from that nowadays, it takes a while to die, you usually end up calling an ambulance afterwards. Overdosing is another no go, like derek27 said, you'll **** up your liver.

I'd planned on either hanging myself or else walking out in front of a train. They're good methods because once you do them there's no turning back. Yes, at the end of the day, it is a very selfish thing to do. My parents will be heartbroken, but anybody out there that has really considered this will know that the dept of your own uselessness makes anybody else's feelings fade into insignificance. You reach a stage where your parents and family don't even figure that much in your mind anymore because you're so preoccupied with your own end. That's all you want in the end. Your own end.

Zillah

Well if you are going to do it, as grim as it might sound, get a donor card. And don't damage your organs.

I know its sounds grim, but lets not beat around the bush here. You shouldnt kill yourself, go to a counsellor, but if its gonna happen, then at least let some good come of it.

justincase

been there before.but you know...i've been dealing with depression for a long time and i can tell ya, things get better with the right medication.
i know people that tried to kill themselves and really regret it now...you can never be too sure.
don't give up without fighting for a better life.

Beruthiel

whadado? wrote:

un26, any hope you could post an email address (even one you make up just for the occasion)? This is the one of two things I won't discuss here.

you can both also PM me with your real nicknames if ye wish to get in contact with each other
be assured, it will be in total confidence.
anna

dudara

The one thing that strikes me from reading your post is how concerned you are for your family, that you don't want them finding the drugs, or you don't want all your clutter being given to them. That's good that you care about them. Now extend that to how they're going to feel when you leave their lives. I'm sure others have already said that to do, but please think long and hard about it.

bohsboy

Look, if you were serious about committing suicide you would just do it without taking the time to post here. Sorry to be so blunt. You obviously need to chat with someone. That numbness is classic depression. I suffered on and off for about 3 years with depression and understand the fascination with death, funerals, etc. But the truth of the matter is it would kill my parents if I did it. It will probably kill yours too. I urge you to ring (or email!) the Samaritans. Cut and paste what you wrote above and send it to them.

Keep the chin up.

Beruthiel

when you are this low, I am of the opinion that you have absolutely nothing to loose. learn to become a barman, when you have enough experience, sell everything you have and get a bit of money together, get on a plane and go, anywhere, travel the world, there is a bar in every city, if you don’t like that one move to the next – I’m betting that you will be a changed person in a years time.
Grab life by the balls man, what have you got to loose?? Do not let fear hold you back, what I suggest is no more frightening than what you are thinking right now.
I have a daughter, if she was to do what you are thinking, I would die inside.
Your parents love you more than they do themselves, unless you have kids of your own, I cannot explain to you what it will do to them, but they will die inside and will never be truly happy again.

garthv

Suicide....
Seriously? Is life really that bad that you just want to take the easy road out? Im going to sound like a right c*nt but i don't care, Ive had a few mates try it already and it's been the scariest times of my life. Are you so f*ckin selfish that all you think about is yourself and how you don't want to live?What about your family?What about your friends?If you are that pissed off with life just move away. Go travel and see the world,maybe you might appreciate the little things in life.
And you un26, "planning" for suicide, are you that lazy that you cannot go out and get a new job?So what if you cant get a degree/college certificate,its not the end of the world. Do something else instead of just deciding to end it all. People like you make me sick

Sleepy

Just a few things you might like to examine in your own postings:

un26 wrote:

It's very hard to explain, but what I feel is a lot more deep rooted that just clinical depression.

Many depressives feel this way.

I wouldn't even describe my state of mind as a depressed. It's more.........I just see things with a greater clarity than most other people. I can clearly see how futile and pointless my life has become. I can see where it started to go wrong and I can identify the symptoms of its decline. I've extrapolated the rest of my life given the current course I am taking and it's not worth living.

Come on, you're far too old to believe in destiny so you know that the picture you have of your future is changeable.

The funniest comment I've read so far is from the 17 year old Le Rack. "you're young and that's rich coming from a 17 year old". I really hope you don't feel as old as I do when you're my age.

Funny, maybe. True, certainly.

Overdosing is another no go, like derek27 said, you'll **** up your liver.

If you really wanted to kill yourself, would the condition of your liver matter to you?

I'd planned on either hanging myself or else walking out in front of a train. They're good methods because once you do them there's no turning back. Yes, at the end of the day, it is a very selfish thing to do. My parents will be heartbroken, but anybody out there that has really considered this will know that the dept of your own uselessness makes anybody else's feelings fade into insignificance. You reach a stage where your parents and family don't even figure that much in your mind anymore because you're so preoccupied with your own end. That's all you want in the end. Your own end.

Have you ever met a father or mother that have had to bury their child who died by his/her own hand? If not, it might do you some good to make an effort to do so. It's not a heartbreak that heals with time like we feel when we break up with a girlfriend, go through a divorce or whatever, it completely breaks them. I speak from experience on this. My cousin killed himself nearly 8 years ago and his parents are still mere shells of the people they once were.


Life can be ****ty at times. It's tough. Succeeding in it is even tougher. That's still no excuse to give up. Change jobs, go backpack around the world, get a job in another country/county/town. Find some new hobbies. The key imho to keeping upbeat about life is to live it. Attack it. When your mental state gets to the level that yours is in, the only way you can really go is up. If you're prepared to kill yourself, surely it'd be easier to try making a few changes to your life first to see if they make any difference to the way you feel? Even if only for your parents sake?

TCP/IP

Mate it is not poeple on boards that you need to be talking to you need to visit your doctor print off and show him your post if you feel that you would have a problem explaining it to him and in turn he should put you in touch with the correct people and get this sorted. You need to be in hospital mate and kick this depression. I am sorry for been blunt but if somebody of your age is considering depression you need a kick up the ass so to speak. And yes I have experience with both friends and family suffering from severe depression and indeed suicuide. Live is tough no doubt but suicuide is just an excuse to not deal with problems. - Dont put your family through this simply because you wont take the steps to deal with the problem.

dudara

My parents will be heartbroken, but anybody out there that has really considered this will know that the dept of your own uselessness makes anybody else's feelings fade into insignificance. You reach a stage where your parents and family don't even figure that much in your mind anymore because you're so preoccupied with your own end. That's all you want in the end. Your own end.

So to hell with your parents and their feelings for you. Is that the way you want to be remembered in this life?

I'll be honest and say that I don't get suicide. Life is never that bad, or at least hasn't been for me. I don't doubt that people get depressed but to eliminate yourself from the possibility of the future, that astounds me.

Garth is right, it is selfish and it is horribly cruel to the people left behind. Your parents will be plagues and tormented the rest of their lives wondering what they did wrong. Parents invest in their kids, and somehow see their actions and achievements as a reflection on how they raised their kids. So if you commit suicide, that's what your parents are going to have as their legacy.

Talliesin

un26 wrote:

I wouldn't even describe my state of mind as a depressed. It's more.........I just see things with a greater clarity than most other people. I can clearly see how futile and pointless my life has become. I can see where it started to go wrong and I can identify the symptoms of its decline. I've extrapolated the rest of my life given the current course I am taking and it's not worth living.

That sounds like depression to me. Like many of the people posting on this thread I've been there too.

If your life isn't worth living, then there's also no risk or effort that could improve you life that isn't worth taking. Getting yourself the mental energy to do so may need a short-term fix like anti-depressants (just because Prozac didn't work for you, doesn't mean another won't). Anti-Ds just put a sticky-plaster over things, but that sticky-plaster can give you the break from being too depressed to get things sorted that will let you get counselling, decide what you want to do with your life, and go on and do it.

What exactly have you got to lose in giving that a go?

Stephanos

Please go and talk to someone. I suffered from mild depression and did have some suicidal thoughts. The hardest part for me was convincing myself of a reason to get out of bed in the morning. It is so hard but at the end of the day it is just a state of mind that is changeable through talking to someone. I like loads of the others are proof.

Gordon

Talliesin wrote:

If your life isn't worth living, then there's also no risk or effort that could improve you life that isn't worth taking.

I strongly agree.

Surely there must be some things on this planet that you want to do? Are there any dreams that you have but you feel you cannot make them happen? If you could do absolutely anything, get any job you dreamed of, do any task you could imagine then there will always be a way to start yourself on that road.

Also, I don't believe that suicide is the wrong way to go due to its selfishness to loved ones. Surely loved ones would not want their loved one to go through a life of pain just to keep them happy. It's quite a selfish stance imo. However this thread is not the place for such debate, if you wish to debate this please take it to Humanities.

This world has so many possibilities and directions available to you, it just seems such a shame to give up when you can achieve anything if you truly desire it.

jman0

If you're leaning toward hanging as a method you should read up on it.
It is not that easy to do, and those who fail sometimes end up seriously messed up ie: in a wheel chair.

/snip

However your body will go thru convulsions which can become noisy depending upon your immediate surroundings, this can attract attention.
Also hanging leaves behind a rather gruesome corpse, so you may want to consider this as well.

mathie

un26 wrote:

I've extrapolated the rest of my life given the current course I am taking and it's not worth living.

I don't think thats entirely true.

No-one can predict the future. Do you think at 3-0 up Milan thought they'd lose the Champions League final? Or do you think the Danish guy who put 10,000 sterling on them winning at half-time at 100-1 on thought that either?

M

Beruthiel

Gordon wrote:

Also, I don't believe that suicide is the wrong way to go due to its selfishness to loved ones. Surely loved ones would not want their loved one to go through a life of pain just to keep them happy.

Gordie
you are correct, in so far as no parent want's their child to be unhappy, but, does the OP's parents know he's not happy, has he reached out and asked them for help, has he asked anyone for help?
surely all avenues should be explored before such a final step as this.
If a parent knew that everything was tried first, perhaps under such circumstances they could live with it, (I doubt that one btw) but at least that fact could be held onto.

b3t4

I think Beruthiel advice is a great idea. A link to information about the Failte Ireland Bar Skills course (and other courses) http://www.oasis.gov.ie/education/adult_and_vocational_education/failte_ireland.html#id3137213

Maybe the buisness course didn't suit you, maybe you are more of a hand's on kind of person. Maybe a career adivisor could help. (Dub example) http://www.dcu.ie/students/careers/careerplanning/register.shtml

Life can be sh!t. That's what life is about. If we didn't have the bad stuff we wouldn't understand the good stuff. Your feelings could not get any lower so trying something/anything can't make things any worse. Everybody has at least that one thing that they like to do. I love to get a cup of hot chocolate and go to a park and think/read. It's such a simple thing to do and it always cheers me up if I'm feeling a little down. Surely there is something that lifts the cloud just that little bit? The time you are going through right now is going to feel like the loneliest time. Reach out to people and they will reach back. Just look at all the responses you are getting from this thread alone and we don't even know you.

People do want to talk/listen and help you, you've just got to let them. If you don't want to talk then there are those people that will just be there. Yes, everything does feel hopeless and like there is no solution that's what depression is about. It ain't no bunch of roses ( if you don't like roses then change to suitable flower ). The worst thing about depression is a feeling of lack of control. It comes to a point where the only thing a person feels in control of is whether they live or die. Also, prozac isn't the only drug available to treat depression but you know that.

Do not end your life for yourself. Try to remember why you got the help before. Try to remember why you've stuck it out for the last 20 odd years. Try to tell yourself that it can get better.

It can work out, I know things did for me. I know that life can turn around. I know that I will have my bad days but I know that I have the friends there to support me because I let them in.

A.

scojones

First of all I have to say, don't walk out infront of a train. My friend is a train driver, and 3 people did this to him in a week, and he's messed up because of it. He is seeing a shrink now and is a shell of his former self. Do not do this if you are going to take your life.

Secondly, I think anyone who takes their own life is a coward. I know people who have done it, and it's their families who are suffering now. Think about it, you are depressed, big deal. Think of how your family would be if you did this. Do you want them to go through that? If you do then you are really selfish and have little/no morals. I'm not trying to stir the pot here, but people who do this really get to me. You are really selfish, everyone has troubles in life, there are millions of people alot worse off than you, quit being so self involved and get on with life. If your life is meaningless then do something about it, become somebody. People die everyday because of starvation / cancer/ whatever and you want to just take your life? You should be happy with what you have.

I'm sorry but someone had to say it.

el tel

If you are thinking about suicide read the story on the link to get a taste of the repercusions following suicide.
This story is an incident last week in Belfast in which a woman is suspected of taking her life and her dughters.
[HTML]http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/story.jsp?story=652481[/HTML]

The act itself is only the start of a lifetime of misery for many other people. I have every sympathy for anyone feeling they need to kill themselves for whatever resaon - I've been (un)lucky enough to have found two people minutes after their attempts, 1 o.d. case and one severed wrists case and both survived - but the repercusions for the ones they leave behind are long. Can you imagine if your child/brother/sister/parent/friend even just attempted suicide? You'd forever be a prisoner wondering when or if they'll do it again.

Eoin

First of all, I am not even sure I should even post on this thread here because I am totally unqualified to, however there are a couple of things that stood out. Also, probably not adding anything new here, but if it makes a difference I may as well...

I just see things with a greater clarity than most other people.

I really doubt that. I think you may be confusing your ability to see the worst of a situation with a greater sense of clarity.

I can clearly see how futile and pointless my life has become. I can see where it started to go wrong and I can identify the symptoms of its decline. I've extrapolated the rest of my life given the current course I am taking and it's not worth living.

I think, as do most the other posters from what I can tell, that you have answered your own problem here. You are sick of your current routine, so why not change it. Are you seriously telling me that there is NOTHING you would like to try in life?

DawnMc

Suicide is the most selfish thing anyone can do. It'd be fine for you because you'd be gone but what about those u leave behind? Get a grip, ur problems don't sound that bad, get some counsellling and have a positive outlook. STOP BEING SO DAMN SELFISH

ntlbell

un26 wrote:

I wouldn't even describe my state of mind as a depressed. It's more.........I just see things with a greater clarity than most other people. I can clearly see how futile and pointless my life has become. I can see where it started to go wrong and I can identify the symptoms of its decline. I've extrapolated the rest of my life given the current course I am taking and it's not worth living.

I wish people would stop throwing the word depression around every time someone feels like this.



It's possible you're depressed, it's also very possible that this is just how you feel, the keyword here is clarity, and I think if people in general actually looked at their own lives the way you do (Who don't suffer from a chemical imbalance or any kind of depression), they would do one of three things.



1. Go gung-ho and change their lives around completely.



2. Do nothing and struggle on with their sad little life till their own body gives up.



3. End it all.



To me you don't seem depressed at all, sometimes some people have very little to live for or want to live, This is not always down to depression it is very possible for an intelligent human being to work out for themselves that life isn't all that great and get bored with it, as easy as a kid gets bored playing on a swing.



People think that's wrong, there's something wrong with you, get help.

Maybe you don't need help? Maybe there's nothing wrong at all?



Maybe you realised that the majority of people walk through life blind, struggling all their lives, school to go to. College to get a job, a job to pay for the house a house to live in for your kids, so they can go to school to go to college to get a job to pay for house blah blah round and round and think why bother?



Again, sometimes this is down to depression and a dose of drugs can numb it away so you can then walk through life blind again, but screaming your sick or have a chemical imbalance to me is an insult to your intelligence.



This is not a message to tell you to kill yourself, this is not a message to try and get you to stop.



You’re a bright guy; you'll work it out.



What I would suggest is, if you can is get involved in a volunteer group, help a child, or try and make someone else’s life better before you end your own.



There are plenty of people out there that do enjoy life, or would love to have the opportunity to do so, give someone that chance.



Then think about what you want to do.

Beruthiel

join a missionary group
get yourself sent out to Africa for a year
a life changing experience

ntlbell

Beruthiel wrote:

join a missionary group
get yourself sent out to Africa for a year
a life changing experience

Exactly, I think Africa would be a fantastic idea.

nobodythere

un26, what you're doing is extremely selfish. I understand your mentality to a much smaller extent. Things in your life like your job etc are not set. It would be a massive tragedy if you killed yourself, because you fail to realise that life can be wonderful from taking repeated blows from life (presumably).

It's very easy when you're depressed to say that life is pointless underneath it all. This is very true, but does not bring the awful conclusions that you think it does. Life is pointless in the same way that a painters blank canvass is pointless. A blank canvass can be seen as something empty, or something that could be filled any way you want to. When it is empty and you are in a bad frame of mind, it does not seem that filling this will lead to anything worthwhile.

Right now, you only see the futility of life because you cannot imagine the finished painting on the canvas.

If there's anything I've learned in my few years it's that loneliness is the one thing that makes human life absolutely worthless. Some people replace the lack of love in their life with things like wealth and sex, but this is just like taking short injections to make you forget you're unhappy. The only thing that has ever saved me from depression is connecting with people and not being afraid to let yourself go around them.

Sorry if this is a bit presumptuous (sp?) and does not apply to your situation, but I can only speak from what I know.

tirl

Hi un26
would you PM me or email. I am a Counselling Psychologist.

ntlbell

tirl wrote:

Hi un26
would you PM me or email. I am a Counselling Psychologist.

Prove it.

tirl

ntlbell wrote:

Prove it.

prove what exactly?

ntlbell

tirl wrote:

prove what exactly?

You can't stroll into a public forum and claim to be a Counselling Psychologist.

You could be anyone.

Do you have a practice, contact number? can we verifiy it?

Beruthiel

tirl wrote:

prove what exactly?

that you are a Counselling Psychologist
perhaps you are tirl
but there are many people on the net who claim to be things that they are not, Boards does not want to be held responsible for that.

seamus

At best what you can do tirl, is give your name and contact nos via PM to one of the Mods who can check it out, and pass it onto our OP if they're happy with it being legit.

tirl

Hi Seamus,
Yes I didn't think before i posted, just wanted to pass on some support group info not touting for business. have pm'd those that were concerned

Thanks

Sifo

Hey mate, you need to seek some help, have you tried a little spiritual guidance!! the world can seem pretty cruel when you dont fight back.. A friend of mine found her father hanging from the banisters a few years back and this almost destroyed her and her three brothers especially as their mother had died 2 years previous... also my fathers best friend put a gun to his head and blew himself away(heroine addict).. basically what im saying is, i've seen close up the damage suicide can do, if you do this, you will forever change the lives of those you leave behind...

Here's a question my friend asked a million times that could never be answered, i would imagine your family will ask the same...
Why?
don't tell me tell them..

Squirrel

You think you're ****ed up, imagine how many people will be ****ed up if you go through with this. Think about everyone you know, and imagine they killed themselves, then you'll see what it puts people through. This mightn't mean much to you but all the people who have replied are reaching out to you and you're letting them down by not listening and taking their advice. There are other people out there, and they care about you and would be willing to help if they knew how you felt. Whatever you do don't do it.

PowerPuffGirl

I'd planned on either hanging myself or else walking out in front of a train. They're good methods because once you do them there's no turning back. Yes, at the end of the day, it is a very selfish thing to do.

Yes you're right it is very selfish to walk out in front of a train. Even if you don't want to live yourself, why would you want to mess with that train driver's mind and hence his life? :mad:

Skip

Some time ago I read the book of a woman in depression, and she wrote she had read somewhere doctors figured out everyone needs 17 touches a day on average to feel okay. Guess if you have a dog or any touchable pet/human being, you have the daily average or even more. So maybe before you go to Africa (however great an idea it is ) or kill yourself, try work on the magic 17.

Kell

un26 wrote:

I can't believe it's been over a year since I posted here!!

SO in other words, you are still trying to find reasons to live and not to kill yourself. Rather than accept your lot and try and justify to us that it is OK to do what you are considering doing, realise just how f*cking neurotic and warped your thinking is.

To ponder ending your life is the most f*cked up notion a person can have. Rather than go into the pro's of how wonderful and precious your life really is, I am just going to say get yourself some serious professional help. Grow a spine and tackle your problems head on. Lots of us have a world of unhappiness, but the ones who are still around grew a spine and sorted their problems out.

K-