UPDATE!!! I Love This Girl

VirtualNemesis

well here is just a little update on the original thread. the girl in question is off to south africa tomorrow. i still havent had a chance to say it to her. so what i have done is wrote her a letter and will give it to her tonight when i say goodbye to her. i have had a female friend proof read it for me and said it is perfect for the situation. just wondering before i do it tonight if anyone agrees or disagrees with this method.

jcoote

feck it it might not be good for her but she is away either way so it won't do much harm i don't think...just don't expect her to stay

Kevin_rc_ie

Fair play dude. Don't choke on your tears when she gets on the plane thou.

VirtualNemesis

i know she will still get on the plane. i just want her to think about it. while she is over there

Kevin_rc_ie

ah give her something to screw with her mind on the plane, good man yourself.

VirtualNemesis

was that a hint of sarcasim?

Kevin_rc_ie

nope.

jcoote

at this stage u don't know so just think of what u want and thats oviously to give her the lettr...**** what anyone says about messin wit her head or whatnot..if she comes back to u sayin u should lay off or whatnot then u have to deal wit gettin over her...but u never know she may feel somethin

Tobias Greeshman

Eh what ever happened with the cinema, obviously you didnt tell her but did you make any progress?

VirtualNemesis

jcoote wrote:

at this stage u don't know so just think of what u want and thats oviously to give her the lettr...**** what anyone says about messin wit her head or whatnot..if she comes back to u sayin u should lay off or whatnot then u have to deal wit gettin over her...but u never know she may feel somethin

true. dont like the sound of the laying off bit though lol

Mr.Nice Guy

Dear oh dear! Where to start?

Let me get this straight, you are about to hand your female friend a letter which when opened will inform her that you are in love with her? Are you deliberately trying to get yourself hurt? Are you deliberately trying to end your friendship with her?

Here's my take on this...

- Telling her in a letter is COWARDLY. What is this, the 19th century? Be a man.

- I've already outlined to you how I would have dealt with the situation but if she's leaving for South Africa and you feel you need to tell her, then tell her.

My advice is this...

- Don't mention 'love' at all as this will freak her out. Tell her your feelings have developed beyond friendship.

- I'd also like to know when she's returning? If it's in two weeks or something then don't tell her anything!

Honestly mate, I think you've been watching a few too many romantic comedies. Sadly, in real life, it doesn't quite work out like it does in the movies. I think you're setting yourself up for some real heartache here with this idea.

You had a female friend proof read the letter you say? I wager a male friend would have ripped up the letter and slapped some sense into you. This idea is madness in my view.

Just my two cents on the matter. I hope it works out for you I do but I feel this is a disastrous idea.

jcoote

nobdy in your situation does but if thats what she wants u can' harrass her and if u do feel like hassling her then there's an issue there but hey u seem normal to me

VirtualNemesis

silas wrote:

Eh what ever happened with the cinema, obviously you didnt tell her but did you make any progress?

yeah a small but of progress i did a little light flirting afterwards. nuthing major. we went to the pub and every time i tried to talk to her ppl where cumming up to me

Kevin_rc_ie

give her the lletter.

VirtualNemesis

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

Dear oh dear! Where to start?

Let me get this straight, you are about to hand your female friend a letter which when opened will inform her that you are in love with her? Are you deliberately trying to get yourself hurt? Are you deliberately trying to end your friendship with her?

Here's my take on this...

- Telling her in a letter is COWARDLY. What is this, the 19th century? Be a man.

- I've already outlined to you how I would have dealt with the situation but if she's leaving for South Africa and you feel you need to tell her, then tell her.

My advice is this...

- Don't mention 'love' at all as this will freak her out. Tell her your feelings have developed beyond friendship.

- I'd also like to know when she's returning? If it's in two weeks or something then don't tell her anything!

Honestly mate, I think you've been watching a few too many romantic comedies. Sadly, in real life, it doesn't quite work out like it does in the movies. I think you're setting yourself up for some real heartache here with this idea.

You had a female friend proof read the letter you say? I wager a male friend would have ripped up the letter and slapped some sense into you. This idea is madness in my view.

Just my two cents on the matter. I hope it works out for you I do but I feel this is a disastrous idea.

she is going off to south africa for 6 weeks. i think i need to get it out before she goes

Mr.Nice Guy

VirtualNemesis wrote:

she is going off to south africa for 6 weeks. i think i need to get it out before she goes

OK then tell her if it will give you peace of mind but two things I'd advise - don't use the 'love' word and don't do it by a letter. That is seriously weak. It's like getting one of your mates to tell her. Tell her face to face if you must.

A letter, aside from giving the impression that you hadn't the guts to tell her face to face, risks confusing her and potentially ruining her trip to South Africa. This will lead to resentment and possibly the end of your friendship.

Think about this rationally.

VirtualNemesis

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

OK then tell her if it will give you peace of mind but two things I'd advise - don't use the 'love' word and don't do it by a letter. That is seriously weak. It's like getting one of your mates to tell her. Tell her face to face if you must.

A letter, aside from giving the impression that you hadn't the guts to tell her face to face, risks confusing her and potentially ruining her trip to South Africa. This will lead to resentment and possibly the end of your friendship.

Think about this rationally.

you really know what your talking about. god id swear im talking to doctor phil.lol cheers MR Nice Guy

Mr.Nice Guy

VirtualNemesis wrote:

you really know what your talking about. god id swear im talking to doctor phil.lol cheers MR Nice Guy

It's just I've been in this position before (not the girl leaving for S.Africa part) but I've fallen for a female friend like many guys and like many guys I blew it by pouring my heart out. A bad move.

Since then I've found myself in a similar position and I learned from my previous mistake and I also got advice from guys who I'd regard as real players and it worked out so much better for me.

I just don't want to see someone else make what seems to be a common mistake with us guys.

Be sure to tell us what happens though whatever you decide to do...

chump

Yea a letter is a joke of a thing to do. But some girls no doubt, 14year olds, might find it endearing.

Be a man, not a love-letter-sending man.

VirtualNemesis

chump wrote:

Yea a letter is a joke of a thing to do. But some girls no doubt, 14year olds, might find it endearing.

Be a man, not a love-letter-sending man.

lmao. cheers man

Kevin_rc_ie

give her the letter. i implore you.

VirtualNemesis

Kevin_rc_ie wrote:

give her the letter. i implore you.

whats your defence for giving her the letter. Mr Nice Guy Made a good case for the talking thing

Mr.Nice Guy

I think he's just taking the p*ss as he earlier said:

"ah give her something to screw with her mind on the plane, good man yourself."

VirtualNemesis

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

I think he's just taking the p*ss as he earlier said:

"ah give her something to screw with her mind on the plane, good man yourself."

could be

Kevin_rc_ie

cos i don't think you're going to walk up to her and say

" i actually love you"

or whatever you have written in the letter.

i foresee her getting on the plane and going far away and you not talking to her again. i agree, if you could be suave about it, i'd recommend you tell her face to face. i'd ignore the "play it ice cool" advice. like not let her know how you feel. i think you should get her a going away card. you know one of those good luck on your travels and slip the letter in.

VirtualNemesis

Kevin_rc_ie wrote:

i think you should get her a going away card. you know one of those good luck on your travels and slip the letter in.

that could be another idea

airetam_storm

Face to face could be a good idea but thewres more chance of you screwing up. If she reads the letter, theres no chance of screw up, if its good

Tough call, but id talk to her tonight if possible

Kevin_rc_ie

as i advised someone else recently, carve her name into your arm.

but seriously, fukk it, be as direct as you can handle.

airetam_storm

Kevin_rc_ie wrote:

but seriously, fukk it, be as direct as you can handle.

Seconded, even if it means only giving the letter

chump

Please don't give her the letter. If she says no and holds onto that letter you'll be embarassed for a long time. It's laughable.

But a self destructing letter ... now thats an idea

VirtualNemesis

chump wrote:

But a self destructing letter ... now thats an idea

lol

airetam_storm

What are the chances she'll say no? Cause i know some girls who'd just say yes to be nice and then dunp you a couple a weeks later. Thats almost worse but it saves the awkwardness of rejection

But what'd be really cool is, while she was away, she sends you a letter saying yes, and she comes back and blah blah blah :):) Possible enough

Is telling her when she comes back out of the question?

Lex_Diamonds

If you give her that letter, you'll regret it for a long time to come.

Mr. Nice Guy speaks some wise words, listen to him.

I would personally wait till she comes back from SA and then have a little chat with her about it, keep it casual though.

airetam_storm

Nobodys thinking of the letter as a good idea, what if she likes, then it could be one of the best suggestions?

Mr.Nice Guy

airetam_storm wrote:

Nobodys thinking of the letter as a good idea, what if she likes, then it could be one of the best suggestions?

But they're friends. Imagine her about to open it expecting it to be something like:

"Have a great trip. I hope you have a brilliant time" and instead it says:

"Look i didn't know how to tell you this before but I'm in love with you".

PS Have a nice holiday!

Come on, any girl would be freaked out by that...

airetam_storm

Im just devils advocate, id be ****ed in a situation like that

Kevin_rc_ie

admitably i've never been in this situation. i've never not shagged someone i like this much. flook it, do as you please. no more pearls of wisdom from me.

Fast_Mover

i think just wait till she comes back from S.A..you have 6weeks then to ponder on what your gona do/say to her..dont do the letter..i being a girl would be a bit freaked out i think and like someone said earlier i think you'll regret it/be embarrsed later to come and it will be to late...lets just pray that she doesnt meet anyone while shes away!sorry!!

Squirrel

Only he and people who know her know roughly how she'd react to the letter, it would work for some girls but not others.

Kevin_rc_ie

Fast_Mover wrote:

i think just wait till she comes back from S.A..you have 6weeks then to ponder on what your gona do/say to her..dont do the letter..i being a girl would be a bit freaked out i think and like someone said earlier i think you'll regret it/be embarrsed later to come and it will be to late...lets just pray that she doesnt meet anyone while shes away!sorry!!

for give me but are you like 14? actually, what age is the chick in question?

Tar.Aldarion

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

But they're friends. Imagine her about to open it expecting it to be something like:

"Have a great trip. I hope you have a brilliant time" and instead it says:

"Look i didn't know how to tell you this before but I'm in love with you".

PS Have a nice holiday!

Come on, any girl would be freaked out by that...

hmm yes that is so true,a letter would freak her out to no end and pleas for your sake no use of the word love,none, none, none.
i have seen a guy give my friend a 72 page love letter and they had kissed once, ooo big mistake...
if you tell her, then ->to her face not as honest as you may feel because woah love is taken harshly especially amongst friends.
btw im in the same situation...and she is goin away at nearly the same time as your girl for a few months!...i chose the never tell her,just be friends even though it will hurt for so long option but good luck to you and your choice.

chump

chump wrote:

But a self destructing letter ... now thats an idea

yeah i can imagine, "your mission should you choose to accept is to come out with me where i will treat you to a slap up meal and a few drinks as soon as you get your ass back from S.A "

Beëlzebooze

Swallow your pride, tell her you are in love with her, then the ball is in her court, do not try to convince her that this is a good thing, she is either for or against, it is a gut feeling for her aswell..... and there is F.A you can do about it!

just do it, just hope it's mutual!

jrey1981

I've been in a very similar situation before and from experience, yes, a letter will give her something to mull over on the plane. If she's thinking about you then you're in positive territory already.

However, just telling her you love her isn't going to bring about any miracles.

What I would say is how you've expressed it matters. If there's one reasonably original, unique sentence in there that sums up how you feel about her and what she means to you, that's going to count in your favour.

As others have suggested, yes you could tell her in person. In my experience nerves and adrenalin can get the better of you...even rendering you near-speechless just when you don't want to be. But if you're up to it then, again, you've got to say it like you mean it...if you can bear in mind the above about something unique and original, again this will help...it won't matter too much if you're hesitating a bit, as long as she takes in what you're saying, and your body language says the same as your words - take her hands in yours gently, etc.

I don't have all the answers but I thought my take on things might help...only you can decide which is the best way forward. Whatever happens, good luck...keep us posted!

ziggy

This post has been deleted.

Coconut

Ok, its been a while since the original thread, but unless I've missed something, isnt she going to visit her boyfriend? I don't want to put a spanner in the works (and we're all rooting for you!) but...
Is she looking forward to the trip/seeing him?
Is she not looking forward to it, perhaps because she is planning to break up with him?
Has she spoken about him at all?
These could be your biggest clues to how shes feeling.
Or do you care, and are you happy for her to cheat on him with you?

As for the letter, fantastic idea if she is falling for you, disastrous if she's not. If your friend who read it was imagining some guy she actually liked writing it to her, then of course she'll say its good. Ask her just how awkward it would make her feel if it was a really close and valuable friend but not somebody she wanted a relationship with.

Leaving it until just before she leaves, whether its face to face or in a letter is a little on the romantic drama side. She might, as somebody mentioned, feel a bit confused and wish you'd told her sooner, or that ye'd had a chance to discuss things. Unless she is totally sure what you mean, and feels the same way, she may not make any decision about her boyfriend while shes there.

No clear answers there, sorry! But maybe something to think about. Best of luck!

BizzyC

Give her the letter, or better yet, tell her face to face.
If she goes off without knowing then she'll be happy with the bf, forget all about you.
Let her know before she goes, it may prompt her to take a long hard look at her long-distance situation. Otherwise she'll just come back thinking about the next chance she gets to see him again.

chump

She's going to visit a bf?

Ah come on now

airetam_storm

Where did mr. boyf come into this?

kaimera

he's been there from the start iirc but the OP didn't know initially.

Tobias Greeshman

She only told him about the boyfriend about a month or 2 ago, the original threads in after hours!