Why do/don't people get married?

Dreamcatcher

It's perfectly acceptable(isn't it?) for people to cohabit and be committed in long-term relationships. A few couples I know are living together for years, some have kids, yet no sign of getting married.
On the other hand, there are folks who date for X amount of time, then live together for a relatively short while and then end of going to "next phase" of getting hitched.

The only reason I can think of(for now) for couples who are living together long-term already commmited to each other getting married is to somehow prove to the outside world that they are serious about each other and together for life.

Any thoughts?

LadyJ

It's the fact that once you're married it's harder for the other person to walk away from you scott free. Some people need that sense of security. Others are more secure people I suppose. They don't need a legal lasso to keep hold of their partners!

Tar.Aldarion

because you want to show each other you love each other a hellova lot and to show you choose them as the 'one'

is_that_so

Dreamcatcher wrote:

The only reason I can think of(for now) for couples who are living together long-term already commmited to each other getting married is to somehow prove to the outside world that they are serious about each other and together for life.

Any thoughts?

There is also the question of inheritance. If one partner of an unmarried couple dies intestate, the remaining partner is entitled to absolutely nothing under Irish law.

Tar.Aldarion

but who gets married for that reason!?

Dreamcatcher

LadyJ wrote:

It's the fact that once you're married it's harder for the other person to walk away from you scott free. Some people need that sense of security. Others are more secure people I suppose. They don't need a legal lasso to keep hold of their partners!

Yes I see what your saying and yes another reason is that should the relationship fail after getting married, there's divorce and there's (in most cases) no going back from that. Having said that, I suppose it's the same with people who have been co-habiting for years and split? Is there a fundamental difference ?

I am not espousing any particular point of view on this - just some thoughts floating around and would like to hear others' thoughts on the subject - especially if your in your late 20's and beyond, or even if you're younger and have a firm point of view on the subject.

Nightwish

can't wait to get married!!!

melancholymaidn

i dont mean to get all sappy on the subject but i dont see why people get married at all, other than legal and inheritance reasons with children etc. love is unpredictable and i dont think people should be tied down to it by legal obligation! i understand many couples want to get married to show eachother that they honestly do want to spend the rest of their lives together. if they want that , then stay together-dont feel you need to prove it to the rest of the world! just prove it to eachother. there are many types of commitment ceremonys people can participate in to celebrate their love if they feel the need i dont see the reasons for signing a piece of paper that could ultimately make life very difficult for you. even if the partnership works out, and divorce was never an issue-i feel it can dull many relationships causing them to become stale and stereotyped. why not live in love and forget all the legal business!

Dreamcatcher

Nightwish wrote:

can't wait to get married!!!

Why?

Hydroquinone

I don't know why people get married. I've been with my other half now for ten years and I'm in my late thirties and he's in his early forties.

If you are unmarried and and one of you dies with no will, as was said, the other person has no leg to stand on and the family of the deceased party could make things very sticky for the remaining partner, if they wanted. But once you know that and you each make a will in each other's favour, then that means you have the same inheritance rights as a married couple.

If we had kids and I didn't work, he couldn't use my tax free allowance, which applies to married couples. But we have no kids, so that doesn't apply to us.

I don't buy into the notion that anyone gets married to prove to other people how committed you are to your other half. Why should you care? If you know and he knows, then who else's opinion matters?

Tar.Aldarion

Dreamcatcher wrote:

Why?

i suppose it's more that she would have found the right person more than the marraige itself

angeldelight

I've had this discussion loads of times and I still can't explain why but I really hope to get married when I'm older (I'm 18 now). Yes obviously if a couple is together for years, they're committed to each other and the relationship but the thought of a man I love standing up and saying he loves me so much he wants to stay with me forever (whether it turned out that way or not) in front of everyone who's important to the 2 of us is overwhelming tbh. I'm a bit soppy about weddings etc and I just can't wait. Also I would prefer to wait to get married before I had kids. Again I don't know why, it's not as if my parents would object if I wasn't married, it's just something I want for myself.

Zukustious

I myself don't get all this marriage stuff. With all the divorce you see around, you gotta wonder what it means anymore. Frankly, I think there should be a thirty year ceremony or something like that. I'll stay with you for 30 years, but I'm not promising anything after that. It just looks like people get bored of each other. Maybe lifespan is increasing or something like that, but these days, I reckon it'd be grand for everyone to get married a couple of times in their lives. Til death do us part at age 30 really is a kind of prison sentance y'know?

BlitzKrieg

there is the element of legacy and family to marraige. When you marry you form a starting point of a family legacy which continues on for generations, People choose marriage for many reasons but this is defitnally one, the ideal of continueing your family name for further generations or becoming part of your partner's family legacy.

I dont know how the law looks to the surname of a out of marriage child? Does it have to be the mothers surname or can the fathers surname be taken?

Tar.Aldarion

of the people i know,they have their fathers sirname but i have no idea legally

Capt'n Midnight

in hunter gatherer tribes marrige isn't a big thing ,
but in farming and propertied societies it is, usually property based, the woman being the property of the man etc. Inheritance of church land was a reason to ban marrige amongst catholic priests.

AFAIK there is a section in Greece? where priests marry, but still accept the pope as head of the church.

Bamboozled

I've been married, and now i'm going through a divorce. That legal bit of paper doesnt make a difference as to how easy/hard it is to walk away. Its not real security for those that are unsecure. I was with him for 3 years before getting married.

I've been in a relationship for the last 4 and a half years (started AFTER the marriage was over) and there's no sign of marriage, no talk, no need, its not a big thing.

Different stokes for different folks. Some people are the marrying type or have been brought up with traditional morals and views. Some people arent the marrying type.

There's positive and negative aspects to both.

The positive for marriage is more financial. Like dying without a will - if one spouse dies and there's kids, the ther is entitled to only a portion of the house with the other portion being the kids entitlement. Theres also the tax free allowance thing mentioned above, cheaper car insurance, bank are more willing to give loans, you're treated with more respect by companies dealing with you.

boo4842

In Ireland, unlike the rest of the western world, Married people are given preferential treatment in the tax system and do NOT share the same rights as cohabitating couples (unless of course it works in the gov'ts best interest)

That being said, I no longer live in Ireland, and am engaged and live with my fiancee. I get no real benefits financially from getting married, but its something I want to do. To those that are trying to put a logical spin on an obviously illogical condition ie. love - that might be your first problem right there.

What logical reason is there to have ties to your immediate family and bond with them the way you do? How are they different to the average person you meet on the street? Cause you know them for longer?

You get married because its about as far as you can possibly go to show the person how much you are committed to them, and as a ceremony and celebration to share with your friends and family. Also its a lifetime commitment, which is necessary to some degree to starting and raising a family in a stable environment.

Nuttzz

weddings are a waste of money, spending 30k on a one day party because i'm in love makes no sense to me.

Sharza-

im gonna get the mysoginist card played on me for this one but I dont care because ive had it confirmed by a few females.

A reason some women really look forward to getting married, is not because of marriage itself but because of the wedding day, its the ultimate "look at me day" in my beautiful dress and everyone else dress played down to emphasize the bride.

Would all those women replying "I cant wait till my wedding day", would you be happy with a registry office wedding & no white dress / reception wedding?

tman

Nuttzz wrote:

weddings are a waste of money, spending 30k on a one day party because i'm in love makes no sense to me.

aye. it's ****ing moronic tbh.
just put the money towards your mortgage/start a college fund for your future kids/go to vegas and blow it all on 24 red.

WhiteWashMan

Hydroquinone wrote:

I don't know why people get married. I've been with my other half now for ten years and I'm in my late thirties and he's in his early forties.

If you are unmarried and and one of you dies with no will, as was said, the other person has no leg to stand on and the family of the deceased party could make things very sticky for the remaining partner, if they wanted. But once you know that and you each make a will in each other's favour, then that means you have the same inheritance rights as a married couple.

If we had kids and I didn't work, he couldn't use my tax free allowance, which applies to married couples. But we have no kids, so that doesn't apply to us.

I don't buy into the notion that anyone gets married to prove to other people how committed you are to your other half. Why should you care? If you know and he knows, then who else's opinion matters?

because everyone is different.

some people love the thought of being married to someone, and some people hate the thought.

at the end of the day, all that matters is that both parties in a relationship are happy and contented.
if it takes marriage to make those people happy and contented, then so be it...

WhiteWashMan

tman wrote:

aye. it's ****ing moronic tbh.
just put the money towards your mortgage/start a college fund for your future kids/go to vegas and blow it all on 24 red.

and while i agree with you, i got married on a lot lot lot less, and it was still the best damn party i have ever been too

however, if people want to blow that amount of money on a party, then thats up to them. i also think its a waste of money, becuase ive never had much, and i can see so many other places where the money wold make more sense.
but thats me. i was best man at a wedding that cost over 50k. that was their decision. i have to respect that. its not up to me to piss on someones parade just because i think its stupid idea.

joejoem

Its so scary, its like saying - ok, Ive made up my mind and im going to stick with this decision for the rest of my life. Ugghhh you would want to be sure.

rsynnott

Well, for the moment, if they happen to be gay, they can't. Sad but true.

RainyDay

Hydroquinone wrote:

But once you know that and you each make a will in each other's favour, then that means you have the same inheritance rights as a married couple.

Yes, you have the same inheritance rights, but you don't have same tax status regretably. If the house/estate is of substantial value, the surviving partner could face a substantial tax liability. You also may not have the same pension rights, depending on the rules of the pension fund.

skye

Well as someone who is about to be married I'd like to add to this....I have been living with my fella for almost 7 years now and whilst we know we don't "need" to get married it's something that we both want to do - it's a personal commitment between us which we see as furthering our relationship and bond with each other. Personally I look forward to becoming his wife...and we are not spending huge amounts of money on it - only immediate family and a few friends are being invited - those who are important to us and our lives. I see it as something that will bring me security - I don't see anything wrong in wanting that. Marriage will only work if both parties want it and are willing to work at keeping it alive. In many respects we are living like we are married already - the piece of paper is not the important thing - it's sharing the commitment and having the love for each other to be able to do it. Once you find the right person for you it is a natural progression and not so scary - I am marrying my best friend and cannot wait!

iguana

As far as the law is concerned there are still a number of differences between married and unmarried couples. In my opinion the main issue is inheritance tax. If a couple have been living together for a year or two and have bought a house together valued at €300k, and each owns 50% and has willed their portion of the house to the other in the event of their death to the surviving partner. If one dies, the other partner now owns their part of the house, but they must pay the government a tax on the monetary gain, €150k, they have an allowance of €23,336 so must pay 20% on the remaining amount. That means their partner has just died and now they owe the government €25332.80 within 4 months of a state valuation. Otherwise they must sell the house to raise the cash.

If they had been married the surviving partner would owe nothing. In fact if the man dies, his widowed wife would recieve a widows pension. It isn't the best reason in the world to marry but I wouldn't buy a house without insuring it, so if nothing else marraige gives you a protection in the event of the death of your partner. There are changes to be made to the law, (or may be in place already) and in them if a couple has been co-habiting for over 3 years they can be exempt from from inheritance tax, but I'm not sure when and if it becomes law.

Other legal reasons to marry are for immigration/emmigration purposes, next-of-kin rights in the case of death or illness and tax and social welfare benifits.

Emotionally people get married for lots of reasons, to commit, for a sense of security, to make their families happy, to gain synergy!!! But usually I think it is an indefinable something; as someone else on the thread pointed out you don't get a logical reason for love - so how can you ask for a defining logic to marraige?

It is something I think of quite a bit - perhaps everyone does. But I look forward to getting married. I can't exactly say why. I've lived with my partner for nearly 3 years and logically I think buying a home together is a bigger commitment. I live in London - I could be divorced within a year, dividing a joint house and mortgage could easily be a lenghtier process. Yet I know I want to get married (after we have a house) I can't quite say why.

It has nothing to do with the wedding. I'd be happier to pop into the local registery office - which shares a building with the local parking permits office - than to have the traditional wedding. The only reason I would have any sort of ceremony at all would be for the sake of certain family members.

I don't think you can define it, or that you will find any one answer. It is probably different for different people. Whether to do it or not is up to each couple. I guess the real problem is what happens in a couple where one partner wants to marry and the other doesn't.