Honesty: You ready to be openly/actively gay?

eskimo

I'm only 18, which to be honest makes me feel better about not feeling ready to be openly gay by going into gay clubs and bars just yet because I have PLENTY of time(although I was in them often enough last year when I had my first boyfriend). But how many of you still dont' feel ready or confident enough to go into gay clubs/bars on a night out? Coz I certainly don't....

newgrange

It sounds like it's going into a bar without a boyfriend that you having trouble with, not going into gay bars itself. Anyone who has been in a relationship and then finds themselves out there alone again has the same worries.

Do you have a group of friends you could go out with? Many of the boards on gay sites, including this one, have meetups where you can expand your circle of friends.

Stark

Yeah I'm not confident enough to walk into any bar/club gay or straight on my own.

Like newgrange said, you need a circle of friends to help you forget your surroundings.

eskimo

I've lots of friends who would happily go in with me. It's just the actual doing it that I never get round to!

azezil

It can be a bit daunting going in by yourself, all those eyes, leering at you

Did it last night actually, I was a bit uncomfortable at first but wasn't long before dunken old men were offering drinks lol

After a few drinks it was grand.

rsynnott

Wish people leered at me; they tend to more look away in disgust :rolleyes:

Rock Climber

azezil wrote:

After a few drinks it was grand.

What,the drunken old men or the pub?

bopper

I've been going out on the gay scene for about six months, I never go there on my own, and I'm nearly 19, but I still rarely feel even slightly confident in a gay club or bar, so don't worry, you're not the only one.

damien

No problem going into my regular bar alone since I'm comfortable in it and know a lot of the regulars. If it was my first few times in a bar though I'd feel a little strange going in on my own. It takes guts to go into a gay bar on your own. Fair play to those that do it.

Turning this around, how many have noticed new people in your regular and after a bit of observation realised they are on their own and not waiting for friends. Have you gone over and talked to them?

Hmm. Another thought struck me. How many are new to the scene that post here and would like to be introduced to it. Maybe the boards.ie LGB'ers should have some kind of ice-breakers thing on a regular basis?

shay_562

I'm kinda in between - only my close friends know I'm gay, so around them I'm totally open about it and I'm happy enough to go to gay bars (I'd never go alone, but that's true of any bar - drinking's only good craic if you're doin it with friends) but around the rest...well, clearly I'm not open about it.

fortysixand2

damien.m wrote:

Hmm. Another thought struck me. How many are new to the scene that post here and would like to be introduced to it. Maybe the boards.ie LGB'ers should have some kind of ice-breakers thing on a regular basis?

That sounds like a fantastic idea actually, I remember that the first few times I went into gay bars, even with friends it was intimidating.

azezil

Rock Climber wrote:

What,the drunken old men or the pub?

After a few drinks, i was the drunken old man ;P

ixoy

I wouldn't go to a gay bar on my own but, much like shay_562, I wouldn't go to any bar on my own. I'd get bored rather quickly and, not being a greater broker for initiating a conversation, I'd be left feeling probably quite self conscious and worried having to fend off awkward conversations.

As to a "newbie" night - that's actually a pretty decent suggestion. I certainly think it'd be an aspect to promote at any future LGB boards beers as it'd allow you to acclimatise to the pubs. I don't find the pubs themselves daunting anymore but I certainly remember when I used to, so it'd be good to have company - it certainly would've been for me when I wert younger, so should be encouraged for anyone else.

Rozie

I'm thinking of going full time TS when I go back to college in october... but I live in limerick... maybe not a good idea.

Then again, I'm only going to get attacked at night when nobody can tell... but somehow I don't think that helps...

Louisevb

Why not join the irishtrannie yahoo group.... there are a few tg people in Linerick who my be of some help to you even if it's only to have someone ... to chat to
Louise
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/irishtrannie

elekid

I think meet-ups of some kind would be a great idea. I've wanted to go out and meet more people recently but I don't really have any gay friends so I've had no way to do it properly. I went to to gay bars by myself once or twice but I just got too self-conscious and left because I'm not confident enough to start up conversations with random people.

Arcadian

I never had a problem going into a gay bar alone as a teenager and would often get talking to people and have a bit of craic, in fact thats how i met my partner over 8 years ago

ajmurphy62

Arcadian wrote:

I never had a problem going into a gay bar alone as a teenager and would often get talking to people and have a bit of craic, in fact thats how i met my partner over 8 years ago

I wouldnt go in on my own. However, i tend to stray from the group and latch onto guys. Hell dont even know what some of them look like!!

Andor

Originally Posted by Damien.m
It takes guts to go into a gay bar on your own. Fair play to those that do it.

Turning this around, how many have noticed new people in your regular and after a bit of observation realised they are on their own and not waiting for friends. Have you gone over and talked to them?

It's so true about the Guts thing. I sometimes wonder how many of the Lone Bar Guys are actually just there to talk to someone.


I've approached people sometimes when with my friends but I wouldn't do so with just myself and the boyfriend, not since the last guy we tried to chat to insisted on Threesomes as the main topic of conversation. :rolleyes: