Money.

*Page*

To start off I don’t want to seem like I’m pointing my finger, it’s just that I’m getting worried.

My partner has recently moved in with his father and his stepbrothers. Aged 11 and 10.

This is about the 11 year old.

In November I babysat the boys, brought them down to the shop and was getting them treats. The 11 was standing beside me at the ATM and seen me take out money. I put half of it in the arm pocket of my jacket and the other half in my normal pocket. The arm pocket is a hidden pocket and it not noticeable. We went back to their house. The next day when I was going home I went to get out the 40 euro I had set aside money for my partner. It was gone! I asked the boys if they seen it they said no. I asked the dad, he said no. I asked my partner he said no.

In December my partner and I were going on a holiday weekend away. 4 weeks before we were to go 50 went from my partners stash in his drawers. The next week the same and the next the same. Each time money went missing my partner changed the hiding spot.

In January 20 euro went from my bag.
In February I was minding them for valentines weekend. I had about 200euro in my wallet (to buy food and just in case money) 50 went missing and a hand full of chance in the end of my bag.

In march my partner placed a lock on his bedroom door (he has the sitting room as his bedroom which has a glass door divide to the kitchen.)

Another 20 went and some more loose change. My partner then stated it couldn’t have been his brother because my bag was in his room at all times. Locket away! He then said I must have lost it.

Then little bits of things in my partner’s room started to confuse me. Before we went to bed my bag was on the floor. When we got up it was on the chair.
My drawer in my partner’s room was messed at. (Make up lids on the wrong things.) When I asked who was messing at it I was told no one.

3 weeks ago my partner was in his mothers for the weekend and when he was away his dad caught his 11-year-old brother breaking into his room via the glass divide. There was money and smokes missing.

I've thought for a good while that he had a key or something. But this I didn’t even think of. The glass doors opened into the kitchen. He could get in and out of the room while we where sleeping!!!

A week on Friday I was in my partner’s house for the day. We went to the shop. I went to the atm and got some vodka. When we came back to the house I put my bag on a chair in the kitchen. I was chatting to the girl who does homework with the boys. The 11 year old came in and sat on my bag. When I was getting up to go he handed me my bag. (He is never helpful.)

We (my partner and I) got ready to go out. Got in a taxi and when I reached the shop I went to get my wallet!! No wallet... I thought I had left it in the shop where I got the vodka. The taxi driver brought us back to the shop then back to my partners house just in case... nothing at all!!

ATM card gone €70+ GONE!! My partner thought it was a guy that bumped into me, but my gut doesn’t believe it. So far my gut has always been right.

Now what really bothers me is this...

What does an 11 year old need with €350+ this is what I remember going missing. His dad knows he takes his money. But how much has he taken from his dad! Or the other people that come to the house.

The €350 is what I know is gone more could have gone that I wasn’t aware of!!


What am i to do. We know he smokes (i was the one who caught him being a non smoker i could smell it of him and just noticed it. His dad has a bit of a problem with me now over my discovery)
his dad gives him 20 euro a week, so that should do. He isnt buying clothes or toys.

And i dont want to accuse him in case i'm wrong!


Thank you for any imput!

LundiMardi

oh man, that kid is a dumbass! he has no idea how to steal effectively:D

Have a word with your partner, get that sorted, if they don't then call the gards.

Either that or break up with your partner and get away from the whole family, what kind of Da lets his 11 year old smoke. Do you think drink and drugs are involved?

koneko

Seems pretty obvious he's doing it, but that's based on your story. Sounds ****ty anyway.

Is there any way you can set up a webcam or camera to record, and leave your bag in plain sight of the camera? Catch it on video that way. If you have a PC in the house that shouldn't be too hard, just get a cheap webcam in LIDL or borrow one from a friend and leave it recording.

We know he smokes but his dad gives him 20 euro a week

The 11 year old smokes?? Jesus

*Page*

he doesnt let him smoke we know he smokes. he runs away from school ect. his dad only gives him pocket money because for a while he seemed to stop stealing from his dad(this was while our money was disapearing left right and centre..

plus the smoking thing is only a recent descovery

Beruthiel

sounds to me like the father has no clue how to sort his child out, if that was my kid, he wouldn't see the light of day for some time and there would be manual labour to pay it off, grounding for months, and whatever else is necessary in order to get it into his head that he cannot behave in that manner.
sorry
but if he's allowed to continue like this, then he's a knacker, joy riding brat in the making, just give him a few more years....

*Page*

he got grounded there 2 months ago for the rest of the school year but the dads not there to make him stay in. as i said he runs away. he pretends to go to school and mitches off(we all may have tried it but not daily )

his mother had to get there dad to take them off her because she couldnt handel them anymore.

i'm the only one who can do anything. they seem to listen o me when i babysit. they go to bed they wash! but i'm really evil!(take tv plug of so they cant turn the tv on ect!)

*Page*

I am thinking about the web cam thing!!!

KlodaX

He needs to know what its like to be robbed.

Take his stuff. Don't let him know it was you, clear out his room completely.

its a harsh lesson ... when he isn't there, find his hiding spot *he obviously has one ... 11 year old smokers always do* ... you may find clues to what he is spending the money on also ....

you will need to talk to your man about this and make sure its his idea not yours. If he doesn't think its his brother doing the stealing there isn't much else you can do but booby trap your handbag. not sure how... maybe like an alarm when the bag is opened ... you need to catch him before anything can be done really.

koneko

*Page* wrote:

I am thinking about the web cam thing!!!

Personally, I'd do it. Scumbag kids' parents always say "my little angel wouldn't do that" but can't say that when faced with cold hard evidence. Something needs to be done, or he'll just get worse.

*Page*

the money isnt really the problem. I'm worried about what his spending it on!

skywalker

koneko wrote:

Personally, I'd do it. Scumbag kids' parents always say "my little angel wouldn't do that" but can't say that when faced with cold hard evidence. Something needs to be done, or he'll just get worse.

Isnt that a little mission impossible? especially considering page is only a girlfriend. The dad may not take too kindly to her setting a trap like that. Tbh you need to talk to your partner about it. Its going to cause tension in your relationship either way. It may as well be out in the open. It seems pretty obvious its the kid. If your partner doesnt see/isnt willing to accept that, then maybe the relationship might not survive it realistically.

sutty

Right, well the webcam is the best idea for finding this out. There are plenty of free programs on the net that will let you setup "recording zones" so if there is any movement within that area. The cam will start recording. Things to remember are that web cams are not the best in low light (when ye are alseep) and often have a "active" light on them. If you can hide the webcam in a box or under something that would be best. I will try find a few programs for you when I get back to my desk in work. I know I was looking up about them a while ago. When I wanted to do the same in an other place where I lived.

Remember there is no point in saying anything to the dad till you have the images of them doing it.

koneko

And it's quite possible that approaching the father about this will cause tension, and he will be angry at page for even suggesting this.

I presumed Page had already mentioned this to her boyfriend though. If she hasn't, that would be a good first step.

*Page*

My relationship isnt going to suffer over this! My partners has a good idea that his brother is taking the money but as i've said its not the money that worries me!

could he be doing drugs, i'm the one who caught him smoking, i told my partner his dad then got told(not my place to go to the dad and say it).

this kid has problems and i'm worried. he's a nice kid but lately he has changed. it could be hormones but i'm not to sure.

][cEMAN**

OK this sounds like a longshot, but your last post just made me think of something.

He doesn't buy himself stuff, but he does spend the cash. After hearing a recent radio broadcast (yesterday) I heard that in Ireland E's only cost €1 now. So he wouldn't need a HUGE amount of cash for that.

Would it be possible that he's actually spending it on someone else? I know a kid I went to school with who would get all of his cash, or steal cash so that he could 'flash it around' at school. He would give it out to people so that they would be friends with him until the headmaster found out and made everyone give it back (b*stard).

Do you know any of his friends? Just to be curious if they have noticed any change in his behaviour. As they are young boys, there's a chance you could easily chat to them and get some info as they'll probably be infatuated that "huhuhu a gurl" is talking to them. Babysitter syndrome

*Page*

Ok from talking around already all i've found out is that he hangs out with an older group. the guy i was talking to was 18! and he hung out with the 11 year old. this guy does coke. there is a 16 year old drug dealer two doors down from my guys house.

his other friends scam the school. by photocoping their sponcorship walk cards and keeping the money they made!

I've also caught him inhaling body spray.(the stuff from a can! and it was mine the little sh!t)

He always seems in trouble. He got really upset because people were sayng he was smoking (going into the toilet opening the window leaving foot prinks on the top of the toilet,matches and chewing gum papper in the toilet.)

he keeps fighting with his brother. mood swings are crazy going from happy and grand to picking up a horse riding whip and lashing his brother across the face!

][cEMAN**

*takes off rose tinted glasses*

ok

Citizen Jake

Page, do yourself a favour, stop carrying so much cash into that house!!! I know its your right and all that and its a shame that the little sh**t helps himself to things that aren't his but what on earth are you doing with E350 in your bag. And knowing what he had done before allowing him anywhere near your bag. Try to ensure you carry little or no cash for a while, see if the temptation is removed how he behaves. With everyone knowing he helps himself to their money, none of you seem to learn and he continues to benefit. Experiment, don't carry much cash for a while, or nothing less than E20, use laser cards and such. See what happens.

Citizen Jake

Put a mouse trap in an expensive looking bag, make it look like you've hidden it. Most important - do not forget that you've booby trapped the bag.

WhiteWashMan

easy solution:

boarding school.

*Page*

ok the 350 is the amount he has taken to date! not all at once. 50 was the most ever until my wallet went missing.

I carry money around because to get to my guys house i need to get a taxi and to get home i need to get a taxi.

i spend most of my weekends in there home, myself and my guy dont use the food that is in the house we buy our own!

i cant not have money on me.

i have also had no money since my wallet was stolen bar 4 euro and that also seemed to disapear along with money out of the dads car!

he isnt just taking money from me. he's taking it from his dad and his brothers his mother and his sister. the girl that does homework with them mentioned loosing 20€ the other day too!

IANOC

your partner needs to get his finger out page!!!

surely by now he could have come up with something
cant expect you to interfere. even though your being robbed!!!!

tell you what go down to atlantic homecare or the like and you can get these battery operated wireless door alarms
and put them on the sliding doors and the bedroom doors

put em everywhere and once the contact is broken they will go mental

but make sure you put one on the sliding doors first at nite

catch the little turd at nite when the alarm squeals

either way someone will hear something
hope you catch em.
best of luck

*Page*

Thats a good idea

Dub_Ster

i no is a long shot but have you onsidered he may be getting bullied and hes paying of the bullies to leave him alone i meen that could be the reson and its no excuse to steal but like its very strange a web cam would be a good idea mount it some were where it cant be seen tho like scrap a small amount of film of the bck of a mirrer

IANOC

Dub_Ster wrote:

i no is a long shot but have you onsidered he may be getting bullied and hes paying of the bullies to leave him alone i meen that could be the reson and its no excuse to steal but like its very strange a web cam would be a good idea mount it some were where it cant be seen tho like scrap a small amount of film of the bck of a mirrer

sounds as if hes most likely the bullier if hes stealing at 11 mate :rolleyes:

Naos

Those alarms which go off when the sensor is broke:
You can also get them at maplins for very cheap, 15e type cheap.

IANOC

there you go cheap security

Sleepy

Boarding School if your partner's family can afford it would definitely seem to be the best option. The kid's off the rails and doesn't seem to have a strong enough father figure in his life to stop it.

I'd be doubtful that he's using the cash to finance a drug habit (or at least not his own). More than likely he's spending the money on his 'friends'. At the end of the day, he's still eleven (and not a very bright eleven from the sounds of things), he probably doesn't realise that these people will only 'like' him as long as he has money to spend on them. A course of counselling would almost certainly be beneficial (quite likely you'll discover most of his behaviour stems from his parents seperation and handling of the same)

Lastly, does he ever get disciplined properly? A grounding isn't a grounding if there's no-one there to enforce it. Sounds to me like a good old-fashioned thrashing could well be in order. (I know many people don't agree with that opinion but let's not turn this into a 'right to slap kids' tangent). If your boyfriend's family don't believe in slapping, perhaps grounding combined with no TV or Playstation is the way to go?

*Page*

well his dad cant afford that sort of payment. for bording school. sure he owes me €300 for the past 3 months. cannot afford to pay me(i wont ask either)

bulling is something i thought of but i'm not too sure i've seen him around his mates and his brother he seems like the bully.

paying his mates ye maybe but surely his brother being in the same school would have noticed?(i've asked him and he knows nothing)

*Page*

as for punishment. he's had a kick in the ar$e once or twice. his tv gets taken off him ect but it doesnt seem to work esp. when he's(the dad) not around! he works from 11 till 8+ he goes in so late to make sure the 11 doesnt come home from school..

shakaman

Have you thought of the possibility that he may be swipin the money and givin it to his dad? If the 11yr old ain't walkin around with €350 of new gear it's unlikely he's holding on to it (if he's smoked €350 of fags......he'll drop dead by the time he's 12 anyway!!), on the other hand Daddy can spend the moolah without you noticin.

Otherwise you and your fella could just sell yourself to tourists again?!

the_syco

*Page* wrote:

ATM card gone €70+ GONE!! My partner thought it was a guy that bumped into me, but my gut doesn’t believe it. So far my gut has always been right.

Oh, this is lovely. ATM card, eh? I take it you've reported it stolen? If not, do so, or all the money will go very quickly.

Also, find out what bank the ATM card was used at. Most of them have some type of CCTV. If the little bugger is caught taking money out of the machine, he has no come back!

=-=

Talk to the Garda Community officer about your problem. There mey be some type of program for him. Remember, if you don't stop him now, he'll be joyriding next! You don't give a location, so I can't find out a contact number for your area.

][cEMAN**

*Page* wrote:

The 11 was standing beside me at the ATM and seen me take out money.

*Page* wrote:

ATM card gone

Good point syco.

Best to get it listed as stolen.

*Page*

its been canceled since the day it went missing!!!

*Page*

ha ha on the tourests.. no he's not giving it to daddy because daddy didnt know i was in the house when he lost it at the 11 year old for stealing money from him!!

plus his dad isnt like that..

derek27

http://www.snapfiles.com/php/download.php?id=103710&a=1000&tag=776246&loc=1

there's a link for a free (US$25 for registered version, but trial work wwell anyway) webcam program... records direct to hard disk. just in case you decide to go that route. maybe when u catch them u can say it to the people concerned, and only show them your video evidence if they call you a liar! that way you need not necessarily disclose the fact that you secretely used surveillance.

the_syco

Web Camera's for as low as €19

Con9903

Still what do you plan to do with the evidence you get of from swiping your stuff. Report it to the gardai? Tell the father? The latter will amount to nothing as he can't control him. This young lad is clearly a little scumbag that will never amount to anything. I don't even think a good kicking would set him straight, and I mean a GOOD kicking. All you can really do is keep all your stuff under lock and key and get the boot in when daddys not looking

the_syco

With evidence... tell your partner that your sick of being unsecure in your own house, living in fear of getting robbed everyday, and that the bro "needs help". He may not want to kick him out, so saying the "needs help" is one way of trying to get your partner to (or at least help to) sort it out.

Wez

I'd say the alarm on the sliding door would be a brilliant idea, although if he ran off and you caught him, he'd just come up with an excuse for going in there, such as he had a bad dream or something stupid.. You wanna catch him in the room, in the middle of it. You could try stick the magnet to the bottom of your bag, and leave it on top of the sensor. So he lifts the bag up to go through, and the alarm goes off. You're up like a light and he's still in the room. Or, let him know you're onto him.. Leave a note in your bag saying something like 'I know you're doig this you little sh!te' or something to that effect.. If he sees that, it should give him a good scare, and if he doesn't see it, only you know it was there.. You could also try staying awake, and when he comes into your room and picks up your bag grab him. It'd be much easier for you to stay awake late than for him, he's just a kid. Make sure to let your partner know you're gonna do something before you do it, atleast you have one family member on your side then..

Amazotheamazing

Even when you catch him, what do you intend to do?
I don't think disciplining him will work until you've rooted out the reason he's stealing, without that he'll only resent you, for example, he may find it easier to start breaking into cars to get cash than put up with some pointless punishment.
If I were you I'd try to get him into a sport that might give him confidence, remove him from his bad friends and occupy his time. Preferably not a sport any of his bad friends play, like rowing (cheap to start) or martial arts.
Remember, how you act now may affect him for the rest of his life, it may be the difference between 2 very different lifestyles.

BizzyC

Easy, tell your boyfriend to deal with the brother, or he wont get any sex.

He'll start to take it a bit more seriously then.

LundiMardi

BizzyC wrote:

Easy, tell your boyfriend to deal with the brother, or he wont get any sex.

He'll start to take it a bit more seriously then.

touché

KlodaX

€1 a yolk if your sellin them maybe ... but I wouldn't worry about him with E ... the amount of money he is taking is most likely for alcohol ...especially if he is only 11 ... probably hash though.

Why not ask him. "hey kid, if I gave you €50 for being good, what would you spend it on?" ... it could be something innocent.

Altheus

E at €1? Try around the €5 - €10 mark each. Plus, being 11, he's going to get overcharged and probably given caffeine tablets instead.

I'd say most likely culprit is hash. €25 - €30 a quarter, and is reasonably common, then the other €20 his dad's giving him is going toward 6 Dutch Gold, 20 Blue, green rizla, lighter, curry chips and a battered sausage...

When I was that age I needed money, for crap in general. I used to shoplift games from Virgin and then trade them in for money, or just take them home copy them etc.

Check his games collection and DVDs, he'll probably tell you, "I got them from a mate." Other major expenditures for 11 year olds would be when he bunks off school, his daytrip. That's food, booze if he can get it, Dr. Quirkey's etc. All adds up in the end.

gom

Sounds to me like your a gem *Page*. Continuously people are coming on thinking of ways to punish him and you are more worried about WHY he is doing what he is doing?

Just looking at the way he seems to be behaving (hot and cold mood). Intense anger. Thiefing. Dishonesty beyond the normal pre-teen boy level.
I wouldn't say he is distributing the money around the play ground as 11 year-olds are far more selfish these days. Not as foolish either. I think you can say he is possibly giving it to his older peers(the 18yr olds), Who will give him real praise for the money. He might be drinking. He might be doing drugs. I don't believe that he is a drug user or under-age drink YET as you would definitly notice the change.

The reasons why he is in this uncontrolled state I would firstly guess are related to his parents(or lack of). I'm taking a wild guess that you 'guy's' parents seperated when the kid was old enough to talk. If so, then he is resentful and full of anger for the seperation. The kid is too young to benefit from psychotherapy and isn't able to understand his feelings. This is a problem and a child psychologist is probably your best bet.
(DON'T GO TO A STATE RUN ONE - THEY ARE RELIGIOUS FANATICS)
Talk to the ISPCC and Childline about getting the kid help.

I could of course be completely wrong about the situation but I've seen it happen in my own family and it manafests as a lack of disipline but its root cause is the inability to express what the kid is feeling deep down. Practically all children can't express or understand their own intense feels... (insert: loss, depression or any really bad feeling that we only associate with adult hood). Kids can get these feelings too, they just don't understand them and it manifests itself in destructive or withdraw behaviour.

Con9903

Imo he's probably beyond help now. There's no point dancing round the maypole wasting money on trying to "cure" him. My father was a social worker for a long time and he had encountered plenty of these troubled kids. Of course lots of money was shelled out on psychiatric help and foster/care homes but to no avail. The only probable solution is further prevention (with regard to him robbing you)

*Page*

hey, I set a trap and he took it.

set bag up in partners bedroom floor. spilled it all out on the floor, left €10 on top of all the stuff.

i put black eye shadow on the under side of the money(its a bitch to get of and always leaves a sparkle effect)

so i left the bag and the money alone with the room door open. i was in the kitchen.(by the way my guy was the one who said we needed to catch him)

i heard him come down stair and go back up with out entering the kitchen.

i'm a neat freak hands and nails need to be clean (even if your not my own child i will clean your hands). i tend to harp on about clean hands to these boys a lot.

me and my guy went up stairs and started chatting to the younger brother about the ps2 game he was playing.

i then said (to the 10 year old) your hands are flithy go lean them! i then to to the 11 year old and said " show me your hands" black and glitery!!!!

we got the tenner back and my guy is going to talk to his dad tonight. i will let you know what happens.



thank you all for your input!

we still dont know what he's been using the money for, please lets hope he has games stashed some where!!

Gordon

Great news Page, hope there's no shady stuff going on with him.

tirl

Hi Page,

Just got reading this post this morning. I was most surprised that noone commented on you catching the child sniffing your body spray! and that is what he is A CHILD with very obvious problems and they need to be addressed asap. You are in an awkward situation not being related but still witnessing all this. This child needs to be made aware of the very serious dangers of sniffing solvents and the fatal complications. I would ask your BF to go immediatly and speak to the Headmaster/mistress at the school and take it from there, This child would appear to be ripe for the picking with drug dealers etc.

There are some that will say as they have already that this is not your problem, but it is as you are the responsible adult and this seems to be a lost child who needs love and support and doesn't seem to be getting it from his family. There are options out there but your Bf needs to go check them as a matter of urgency

T

Altheus

Good work and catching him. Hopefully now he knows you all know, he'll be able to tell you what he needs the money for, or just do without.