Climax Problems!! Girls Help

LegacyUser

Hi,
I have been with my girlfriend for 6 years now and she has
not climaxed once. This is really starting to affect me as i feel inadiquate.
She says that she still enjoy's it and as far as i know she does.
If i go down on her she just gets very sensitive and cant take anymore!
I dont think its really fair that the poor girl hasn't had an orgasm in 6 years!
This is horrible. I have even thought about ending allot of times over this.
Other than this we are a match made in heaven!! We are the best of mate and have such a laugh with each other. I would prefare to be out with her more so than any of my mates...after 6 years i think thats incredible. We just get on so well together. But this thing is gonna kill me one of these days! I dont think i can have another let down. We have loads of 'toys' but still nothing. AAAAGGGGHHHH what else can i do!
She said im very well endowed aswell. She was messing 1 night and mesured it at 8 1/4". Is this good? anyway... please help. I think i'll become a unik or something!

OfflerCrocGod

Has she ever climaxed with anyone else? If she has then ask her how it was done or the situation it was in etc... Else it's not really your fault as such and it's something more that she may want to look into. Don't start asking or talking about size because it may bring out trolls - apparently it doesn't matter.

TerrorFirmer

Don't start asking or talking about size because it may bring out trolls - apparently it doesn't matter.

In other words, if that is your real size, thats a pretty big stick you have, Mr. T.... :eek:

Anyway, yeah, its all about technique. Unless, she somehow measured 8mm. In which case it'd take a hell of alot more then technique.

But seriously. I suppose after 6 years, youve probably tried everything? I really dont know what to say.....perhaps, consult a professional? As stupid as it may sound, if you cant get it after 6 years, it'd be worth it if someone could provide you with the missing clues!

Turner

Can she make herself climax ?

the_syco

Eh, sometimes women need foreplay (cuddles, snuggles, etc) beforehand, to help them relax, etc, so that they can climax.

Silent Grape

Buy her a rampant rabbit vibrator, you could play with it together? its pretty amazing

good luck anyway, i hope you sort it out soon

Zapho

Check this out man. Its probably not your fault

BBC News

Bluebells

Dont panic!! ABOUT HALF of women DONT come with penetration ALONE. If I were you, I'd forget it and just work on the clit. Although everyones different.

Has she been like this for years, can she orgasim herself, has she with anyone else??

Some people find it hard to come with someone going down on them. If it hurts you could be too rough with her. Also the comments made about a womens parts being unpleasent and the pressure to come.

If it is effecting her that much a trip to the doc. might'nt be so bad, just to put her mind at rest. It sounds like it could be mental, if you have tried all these things. Mind you, you hear about women who have never come, I know some who havent. Don't blame her and its good your being supportive as im sure it is effecting her a lot.

Im sure youve tried, but, if she has a shower alone before hand, SMALL glass of wine, loads of time, loads of forepaly(boobies), plenty o' lube and a gentle clitoral vibrator. You might not like it but while your touching her get her to close her eyes and fantisise about something sexual that maybe she cannot tell you about.
Oh, and none of it is your fault, some women can come on demand, others spend years trying!

chump

Have you considered using certain drugs that promote a loss of inhibitions?

Its possible she is so inwardly concerned about this that it just can't happen unless she get's totally relaxed, and it probably just needs the first river of joy to flow for her to be happy that she isworking well there...

Beruthiel

chump wrote:

Have you considered using certain drugs that promote a loss of inhibitions?...

do not recommend drugs in this forum
B

joejoem

This is usually a mental thing, a sex therapist would help

nesf

Bluebells wrote:

Dont panic!! At least 50% of women cant come with penetration.

Really? Every lot of figures I've seen have put it far lower. Something like 43% of women have some form of sexual dysfunction, a smaller number have the specific dysfunction of being unable to achieve orgasm. So saying at least 50% is so far from the mark it's not funny.

(Source of above figures if bored)


Plus there is a hell of a lot more to sex than penetration. Or at least, there should be

Bluebells

It was a guess, ive read so many different articles and they all have different percentages, taking different things into account. Im just saying that it isnt the not coming during penetration that he should be worried about...

Plus thats just the physcial side of things, women are different from men where there mental side has a bigger effect on whether they can come or not

Maybe its not that they cant but they just dont for whatever reason.

vibrant

HUGE PROBLEM!! wrote:

Hi,

If i go down on her she just gets very sensitive and cant take anymore!

From this, it sounds to me like she's just not relaxing enough, as if she's on the verge, though! Buy her a Rampant Rabbit as a present - she might be shocked but I reckon she'll thank you eventually

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

Beruthiel wrote:

do not recommend drugs in this forum
B

someone else reccomended a glass of wine. All drugs have their uses, alcohol isn't neccesarily the best for this situation.

nesf

Bluebells wrote:

It was a guess, ive read so many different articles and they all have different percentages, taking different things into account. Im just saying that it isnt the not coming during penetration that he should be worried about...

Plus thats just the physcial side of things, women are different from men where there mental side has a bigger effect on whether they can come or not

Maybe its not that they cant but they just dont for whatever reason.

See. I have isues with people making stuff up like "over 50% of women can't reach orgasm". If you don't know what you are talking about don't make up statistics to make your opinion sound valid.


"Better to keep your mouth shut and look like a fool than to open it and confirm it for all to see" and such.

Ruhan

OP:

2 words:


GET
PORN

nesf

Ruhan wrote:

OP:

2 words:


GET
PORN

3 words:

Lose

Your

Virginity

Beruthiel

Ruhan wrote:

OP:

2 words:


GET
PORN

ruhan
have a read of the charter when you have a mo thanks


mordie - stfu

nesf - quit flaming

Bluebells

See. I have isues with people making stuff up like "over 50% of women can't reach orgasm". If you don't know what you are talking about don't make up statistics to make your opinion sound valid.


"Better to keep your mouth shut and look like a fool than to open it and confirm it for all to see" and such.[/QUOTE]



Relax. What I should have said was;

From things I have read I found out that AROUND half of the females who participated in some cervays said that they DID NOT(not CANNOT) orgasam through penetration alone. This was validated in my mind after talking to other females. My mistake.

I was just trying to help explain since some cannot come through this method to not worry about that for the moment but try other things and / go to the doctor.

And no I cannot tell you what magazines etc. I saw these results in but I have no reason to lie, I just remember it being around half. So instead of writting all this I said '50%'.

nesf, mabe I can suggest some anger management??

nesf

Beruthiel wrote:

nesf - quit flaming

I'll play nice.

Bluebells wrote:

nesf, mabe I can suggest some anger management??

Just to make it clear I've bolded the important part.

nesf wrote:

"Better to keep your mouth shut and look like a fool than to open it and confirm it for all to see" and such.

Belladonna

HUGE PROBLEM!! wrote:

Hi,
I have been with my girlfriend for 6 years now and she has
not climaxed once. This is really starting to affect me as i feel inadiquate.
She says that she still enjoy's it and as far as i know she does.
If i go down on her she just gets very sensitive and cant take anymore!
I dont think its really fair that the poor girl hasn't had an orgasm in 6 years!
This is horrible. I have even thought about ending allot of times over this.
Other than this we are a match made in heaven!! We are the best of mate and have such a laugh with each other. I would prefare to be out with her more so than any of my mates...after 6 years i think thats incredible. We just get on so well together. But this thing is gonna kill me one of these days! I dont think i can have another let down. We have loads of 'toys' but still nothing. AAAAGGGGHHHH what else can i do!

Please don't end an otherwise wonderful relationship over this! Some people wait their whole lives for a partner who gets on with them as well as it sounds that you two do.
The fact that she hasn't orgasmed isn't as important as the fact that she says she "still enjoys it". Perhaps what she is experiencing is as close as she will ever get, some women are like that. I enjoy sex very much, but rarely orgasm, not the way it's described in the movies etc... anyway, but it has nothing to do with my partner so don't take it personally. I've talked with my friends about this and the big "earth shattering" experience doesn't seem to happen as much as people act like it should. At least she's being honest and not faking it like happens more often than men know. The worst thing you can do is ask her if she orgasmed when you are finished. Things like that just put the pressure on both of you (and is why some girls fake it).
But as long as she's not unhappy and you have a loving, active sex life together, stop worrying over this.

up for anything

Two bits of advice from one who knows.

First of all put yourself in a position where you cannot see her facial expressions when you go down on her. Some of us don't like to be observed.

Secondly, don't move from one tongue action to another too quickly. She may not feel able to tell you at the time that what you are doing will send her over the edge if you keep at it rather then moving on to another area even if it's only 5mm in any direction. If what you are doing is becoming irritating rather then arousing ask her to tap you on the head rather then verbalise it.

You could ask her about the above. It took me quite a while to figure out that they were some of the reasons why nothing was happening for me.

Good lick, sorry luck.

Bluebells

Belladonna wrote:

Please don't end an otherwise wonderful relationship over this! Some people wait their whole lives for a partner who gets on with them as well as it sounds that you two do.
The fact that she hasn't orgasmed isn't as important as the fact that she says she "still enjoys it". Perhaps what she is experiencing is as close as she will ever get, some women are like that. I enjoy sex very much, but rarely orgasm, not the way it's described in the movies etc... anyway, but it has nothing to do with my partner so don't take it personally. I've talked with my friends about this and the big "earth shattering" experience doesn't seem to happen as much as people act like it should. At least she's being honest and not faking it like happens more often than men know. The worst thing you can do is ask her if she orgasmed when you are finished. Things like that just put the pressure on both of you (and is why some girls fake it).
But as long as she's not unhappy and you have a loving, active sex life together, stop worrying over this.

Definately agree ...

StandnDeliver

has she ever been on the verge of it?if so and stops herselfthen you shouldtie her uptease her a while etc,usesome toys,blindfold her etc and she is restrained enough where she cant wriggle out of it

jcoote

shes not comfortablewit herself simlple as that...its not u...try all the slow sexy build up thing..a lot of womens orgasms have very little to do with shaggin them sensless...i

embraer170

Troll?

Quantum

nesf wrote:

See. I have isues with people making stuff up like "over 50% of women can't reach orgasm". If you don't know what you are talking about don't make up statistics to make your opinion sound valid.


"Better to keep your mouth shut and look like a fool than to open it and confirm it for all to see" and such.

The very suggestion that the figure is in any way 'exact' or even close to it is comical. There have been surveys about this for years, even decades and the likely error factor is more than likely to be + or - 10% considering the tiny sizes of the surveys and the fact that it depends on people being completely honest.

So the truth is that the percentage is more than likely to be the range of 40% to 55%. No one really knows the exact figure.

Victor

embraer170 wrote:

Troll?

Not your call. Leave the moderating to the moderators and / or use the "Report Bad Post" button.

claire h

This smacks of trollness, but anyway...

If your girlfriend is dependent on you to make her have an orgasm, and can't reach one by herself - well, that's the problem. If she doesn't know what she enjoys herself, then how can you know? And if she has issues with, ah, self-pleasuring, then it's likely she has hang-ups about sex that are contributing to her lack of ability to let go.

Son_of_Belial

You should probably find out if she can have an orgasm at all. I'll leave the method to your own discretion. Alternatively you could introduce her to nesf. Looks like he has some "aggression" to release. If she's not overly worried about it and you're certain she doesn't blame you and if you find that she has hardly ever had an orgasm during sex, I wouldn't worry about it. It could be worse, she could have been faking orgasms for the last 6 years and you'd never know. I think purchasing the "Rampant Rabbit" is a good idea though.

Son_of_Belial

StandnDeliver wrote:

you shouldtie her up

Sweet Jesus!! Sorry, but I actually (no joke!) fell off my chair I was laughing so hard at this suggestion! "Sorry, honey - you can't climax, this is for your own good" **hauls out strait-jacket** Props Stand, that's pretty funny! You were having a giggle weren't you?! Call me a prude, but I would never attempt to tie any girl up during sex, and I certainly wouldn't allow it to happen to me! Lol, go to the hospital with infected rope-burns and try to explain those! Bravo Stand, that's pretty funny!

dSTAR

OMG - some of the responses here are a hilarious. So if the girl cannot come to an orgasm its obviously because she has some kind of sexual disfunction, isn't relaxing or "just can't have orgasms".

Don't listen to these armchair sex therapists. Chances are that they haven't a clue when it comes to sex. What your woman really needs is a little bit of intimacy, kissing and being touched in the right places.

Make her feel sexy. Don't just hop on her and focus on getting your rocks off.

Here are some tips given by my partner who incidentally NEVER had an orgasm until I discovered these things...

Asking her what really arouses her.

Playing games, fantasies and building anticipation

Lots of foreplay, warming KY Gel (it really works!)

Lots of stimulation as we were having sex.

Really passionate kissing

Stick with it man, don't just leave the poor girl because you cannot please her.

TattyTeddy

dSTAR wrote:

OMG - some of the responses here are a hilarious. So if the girl cannot come to an orgasm its obviously because she has some kind of sexual disfunction, isn't relaxing or "just can't have orgasms".

Don't listen to these armchair sex therapists. Chances are that they haven't a clue when it comes to sex. What your woman really needs is a little bit of intimacy, kissing and being touched in the right places.

Make her feel sexy. Don't just hop on her and focus on getting your rocks off.

Here are some tips given by my partner who incidentally NEVER had an orgasm until I discovered these things...

Asking her what really arouses her.

Playing games, fantasies and building anticipation

Lots of foreplay, warming KY Gel (it really works!)

Lots of stimulation as we were having sex.

Really passionate kissing

Stick with it man, don't just leave the poor girl because you cannot please her.

The truest, truest words ever spoken in this forum!!!!

nesf

dSTAR wrote:

OMG - some of the responses here are a hilarious. So if the girl cannot come to an orgasm its obviously because she has some kind of sexual disfunction, isn't relaxing or "just can't have orgasms".

Don't listen to these armchair sex therapists. Chances are that they haven't a clue when it comes to sex. What your woman really needs is a little bit of intimacy, kissing and being touched in the right places.

Make her feel sexy. Don't just hop on her and focus on getting your rocks off.

Here are some tips given by my partner who incidentally NEVER had an orgasm until I discovered these things...

Asking her what really arouses her.

Playing games, fantasies and building anticipation

Lots of foreplay, warming KY Gel (it really works!)

Lots of stimulation as we were having sex.

Really passionate kissing

Stick with it man, don't just leave the poor girl because you cannot please her.

I agree to an extent with you, but I think you are ignoring the whole issue. Sexual dysfunction is unfortunately real, and does exist. I do agree with you that some people, men in specific, seem to use sexual dysfunction as a handy label to keep their "prowess" unquestioned. And armchair therapists are annoying

But it is a very real problem for a quite a few people. Don't just dismiss it just because the armchair shrinks are shouting about it.

claire h

dSTAR wrote:

OMG - some of the responses here are a hilarious. So if the girl cannot come to an orgasm its obviously because she has some kind of sexual disfunction, isn't relaxing or "just can't have orgasms".

SIX YEARS! Do you not think that's perhaps a tad extreme? If it were a shorter space of time I'd agree that it'd be premature to suggest sexual dysfunction, but.... SIX YEARS.

chump

dSTAR wrote:

OMG - some of the responses here are a hilarious. So if the girl cannot come to an orgasm its obviously because she has some kind of sexual disfunction, isn't relaxing or "just can't have orgasms".

Don't listen to these armchair sex therapists. Chances are that they haven't a clue when it comes to sex. What your woman really needs is a little bit of intimacy, kissing and being touched in the right places.

Make her feel sexy. Don't just hop on her and focus on getting your rocks off.

Here are some tips given by my partner who incidentally NEVER had an orgasm until I discovered these things...

Asking her what really arouses her.

Playing games, fantasies and building anticipation

Lots of foreplay, warming KY Gel (it really works!)

Lots of stimulation as we were having sex.

Really passionate kissing

Stick with it man, don't just leave the poor girl because you cannot please her.

Did you eve read the OP dSTAR?

6 years, tried everything blah blah blah...

She has an issue that she needs to work on, I really do think she needs to confront this herself and discuss it. That's probably the healthiest way to work out the issues behind it, and solve them...

Quantum

Jeeez... It's not hard to see that most contributors here are men (like me..)

The 'problem' with men - is that we always want to FIX a problem. This is NOT the way to approcah issues with a woman, guys.

I notice that the original questioner doesn't seem to have returned since posing his dilemma...... but if he is reading this I would like to ask him "What the hell does your girlfriend think about this ?" "Does she care ?"

Because it is HER issue, not yours. She may be perfectly happy, in which case it is something that you have to get over and maybe deal with together in the fullness of time.

Also if this kind of thing is making you consider ditching her - I'd hate to see how you would react in a rerlationship when you face some REAL problems. You must be great to rely on in a crisis....

Victor

Quantum wrote:

Because it is HER issue, not yours.

Well maybe the OP feels it is their problem - many a man feels he should provide for his woman, orgasms included. It marks him as a "stud". Petty, but true.

Quantum

Victor wrote:

Well maybe the OP feels it is their problem - many a man feels he should provide for his woman, orgasms included. It marks him as a "stud". Petty, but true.

I may have mis explained... I agree with what you say in principle. It is a problem to be shared.... IF it is a problem....and IF she wants it tackled.

However, he is taking it on as HIS problem to solve ... exclusively ... he makes no comment on how she feels about it, on whether she is worried about it or not - and yet considers leaving her because of it :rolleyes: . This is the issue that I was addressing.

dSTAR

chump wrote:

She has an issue that she needs to work on, I really do think she needs to confront this herself and discuss it. That's probably the healthiest way to work out the issues behind it, and solve them...

I just think that coming to the conclusion that it must be the womans fault because she cannot have an orgasm is a little premature (no pun intended!)

A lots guys can't handle the fact that in most cases 50% of a womans failure to orgasm has to do with them.

Declan

LegacyUser

Thanx a mill for all your replies.
Sorry havent gotten back to ya'll been on holidays. Great time!!
anyways.... She has a rampant rabbit and loads of other toys.
We love each other very VERY much and seem to be perfect
together...except for this! I wouldn't leave her over this .. i couldnt it just annoy's me so much. She doesnt know im bothered so much by it as the pressure alone of trying to climax would probably turn her of sex all together!
We have talked about it though... and i dont know what to say really. she sais she is extreamly sensitive and cant stand much contact there at all.
I feel horrible about looking at this as a i dunno... a problem i suppose coz we love each other so much. We probably do need some professional help alright.
No she cannot climax herself (she said she hasn't tried...doesnt interest her)
She has not climaxed with anyone else as when we met we were young and virgins.

MojoMaker

You may have to face the fact she's just not a terribly sexual person. Some are, some aren't. I doubt this will change over time. If everything else is working fine and you have a strong relationship it may not be that big a problem for you both. Unlucky I'd say, but relationship ending? Probably not.

Bluebells

I know some females that say they wouldn't try masterbating because they would rather be with a guy. I think its more that they are uncomfortable with it and their bodies. I think a lot of girls feel this way until they have tried it. If your not even comfortable doing it yourself how will you feel with someone else doing it? I think that if you are able to come alone, you will learn what you enjoy and come more easily with someone else.
Although, you cant really push your girlfriend into doing it, obviously.

Unless its physical I think there's hope. Maybe she says she is sensitive because she is uncomfortable. It'll happen when she's ready.