Harder to leave the house

MF2HD

I suppose this is as good place as any to get some impartial advice, so here goes.
Over the last couple of weeks I've noticed it's getting more difficult to leave the house. I'll make excuses not to go somewhere and it's gotten to the point I will only leave the house on my own now to collect my daughter from school.

I have no problems going out with other people but when it comes to going out on my own, it's a non starter. I will agonise over it until I finally convince myself that I don't actually need to leave the house and so I won't leave.

I can't go out for a walk during the day ( I'm a stay at home mum) for fear of meeting a neighbour and having to make conversation with them. They're all really nice people and have never had a cross word with any of them. So I really don't know where all of this is steming from. The thoughts of running into someone I know while out at the shops also fills me with dread. I will consciously try to avoid someone if I see them in a shop and they haven't seen me.

None of my friends have any idea I am like this as I'm quite sociable when I'm out in a group.

Any suggestions???

Altheus

I'm sure how to advise you overall, but I would say, from personal experience, the longer you stay inside and not want to have a conversation, the harder it will ever be to leave.

Are you a single mum, or do you have a partner with you? It's probably not that important, but I guess there's always the question do you feel you belong to the household rather than yourself.

What do you want to know, or would like us to help make suggestions on ways to get out of the house?

the_syco

Watch daytime TV, such as watch Emmerdale, or Corination Street, or some other soap on TV. Next time you bump into them, you can talk about the soap.

You seem to avoid it, as your afraid of bumping into someone, but not knowing anything to say. Also, check with your local parish priest, or parish person, and see is there any "tea mornings". The people who go to these things will be mainly sta-at-home mom's, so you can talk.

MF2HD

I think maybe it's suggestions as to how to get over this. I don't want to be afraid to speak to people. How bleddy stupid does that sound???

CaptainPeacock

It's normal. I could die when I meet someone I'd be expected to talk to.

Esel

IANAD, but it sounds like you are developing/have developed an anxiety disorder. You should talk to your GP about this sooner rather than later. Therapy and/or medication may be useful. Don't just leave it - if you are aware about it, you should do something about it, for yourself, your daughter, your partner, and your family.

CaptainPeacock

Would it be that you have some aspects of your life that are, say, awkard or embarrassing, and you'd rather not have to discuss or explain them to those casual acquaintances? Conversations with casual acquaintances are awful, though. It never seems to make you feel any better.

koneko

the_syco wrote:

Watch daytime TV, such as watch Emmerdale, or Corination Street, or some other soap on TV. Next time you bump into them, you can talk about the soap.

Err... no offense, but that's crap advice. Watch soaps so you have something to talk about? Soap operas don't cure anxiety problems.

My advice would be the same as esel's. It sounds like (mild) agoraphobia or anxiety related problems. Your GP should be your first contact, he can refer you to someone else. This could have been brought on by something, or just developer over time, but there's no cut and dry easy answer or solution. You could try "baby steps" and doing a little more each time to get yourself into a pattern, but to be honest I think advice from specialists/a GP might be more useful to you. Only you will know how serious this is for you, if it's something you think you can overcome by slowly doing more and more, then more power to you and good luck. But otherwise talking to a GP might be helpful, they can be very understanding.

Altheus

Firstly, it doesnt sound stupid at all (the OP's problem). I went through a phase where I was absolutely sure if I had to have a conversation my entire insides would come flying out. It was a totally irrational fear.

You say you have friends, can you get in touch with them during the day, or are you living away from them? Also, just wondering, is there an age gap between you and the rest of the neighbourhood?

I'm thinking that perhaps get a pair of headphones, and put on your sweats and go for a jog or walk. This way if someone stops you, you can say your in bit of a rush, and they won't be offended. Likewise though it will give you the opportunity to have a conversation if you feel confident enough, with the added safety that you can leave whenever you want.

Another thing is your daughter, does she have any playmates around you, and do you ever get in touch with their parents?

As Koneko and others have suggested a GP should be a first stop if you think it's something serious.

kittenkiller

Perhaps start leaving the house to collect your daughter a few minutes earlier each day.
Spend the extra time outside.
If someone strikes up conversation, you'll have something in common as your children are in the same school, it won't be too difficult to talk to them.

Comin up to the summer holidays you'll have to do something soon or you might spend the whole summer indoors, which isn't good for you & won't be good for your daughter.

Look around for summer courses that your daughter can enroll in & ask if the people running it could do with your help a few days a week (start off with 2 & see if you'd like to increase it as you go along).

Sometimes when you don't *have* to get up & go out every morning it gets tempting to stay in & postpone activities 'until later' & then later never comes around.

Get into the habit of leaving the house to go to the shops once every day instead of doing a huge weekly shop.
Meet your friends at wherever you're going instead of meeting them at your house.
Leave to meet them in plenty of time so you won't be worrying about 'not being there on time so there's no point in going'.

Most importantly, TELL SOMEONE.
I'm sure you have a friend or relative who'll be understanding & help nudge you into going places on your own.

Best of luck, don't let it get any worse for yourself.
Do something TODAY.
There's nothing to be worried about & you need to help yourself to be there for your daughter this summer.

MF2HD

I want to thank you all, (well most of you...watch soaps, that would give me anxiety lol), for your advice.

Altheus I think you may have apoint there. I am away from my friends and there is a bit of an age difference with the neighbours. I will take your advice about the headphones on board as it would be a get out clause to start off with. Thanks a mill. Plenty to think over for the weekend.

kittenkiller I have told my partner but I don't think he really wants to acknowledge whats happening as he doesn't want to see me upset or weakened by this?. So by coming here to ask i'm getting extremely impartial advice. Thanks for your suggestions though.

the_syco

koneko wrote:

Err... no offense, but that's crap advice. Watch soaps so you have something to talk about? Soap operas don't cure anxiety problems.

Errr... works for me. Most of my mates aren't nerds, so I have to watch something to talk about something.

Souperfreak

You are going about it the right way by asking for advice here. None of us know you and we can only give advice on what you tell us about how you think and feel.

I think the headphones is a great way to start getting out of the house and killing that phobia. Would you consider going to a cafe/coffee house on your own with a book? Maybe too far to begin with? Have it be a goal maybe. Start with going to the library by yourself and spending some time sitting and reading a book.